Rko28 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Ive had my fair share of dates this year with only 1 of them giving me that "spark" on the 1st date. I had another date last night, lovely girl that I got on well with and really pretty but, I dunno, there just wasnt that spark or connection. Ive had this feeling a few times on dates, when after youve left the 1st date you have butterflies and wanting/hoping they see you again. I havent had that the past few dates and its getting to me. Am i thinking too much in to this spark thing or is it genuine? should I go on another date with them? even though im not feeling it at all. I just look back on my past ex girlfriends or people I dated for a while and everyone of them I had excitement for.
Redhead14 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Ive had my fair share of dates this year with only 1 of them giving me that "spark" on the 1st date. I had another date last night, lovely girl that I got on well with and really pretty but, I dunno, there just wasnt that spark or connection. Ive had this feeling a few times on dates, when after youve left the 1st date you have butterflies and wanting/hoping they see you again. I havent had that the past few dates and its getting to me. Am i thinking too much in to this spark thing or is it genuine? should I go on another date with them? even though im not feeling it at all. I just look back on my past ex girlfriends or people I dated for a while and everyone of them I had excitement for. I think people put too much emphasis on "first date sparks". If you liked them enough and basically had a nice time but things were just a little off, why not chalk it up to jitters or maybe a bad day for that person or even for you. There isn't anything to lose by going on a second date to see if things feel better. Why limit your dating pool/opportunities based on something that maybe just a little bit elusive for a bunch of possible reasons. Haven't you ever been on a first date and later said "ooh, I wish I hadn't said thus and such, I just wasn't thinking. If I could have another chance, I know I'd do better?" 1
Redhead14 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Looking for and/or anticipating sparks is actually putting pressure on the situation. A couple of the men I've dated over the years were men who I simply sat next to, (had no intention of or looking to date anyone, I was just hungry:), because that's the chair that was available. We had a little light back and forth conversation and didn't see them again for a while until the next time I visited that place and we just decided to go out on a date. We dated for a few months. The excitement grew. There was no spark at the beginning because we weren't even looking for it or even paying attention to it if it was there. My point is, I wasn't even thinking about whether he was handsome or charming, what have you. We were just two people having something to eat and a nice conversation. No pressure, no "games", no anticipation, etc. 1
smackie9 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 It's always better to meet someone at a social event, party, wedding, dinner party, etc. It gives you a chance to chat, with a few different people in a relaxed atmosphere without expectations. Find the spark there.
carhill Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 My question for the OP is why do you ask women on dates whom you don't find initially sexually attractive, presuming this is a criteria for you to ask women out on dates? We each have our own individual style of attraction and interaction and, if you're an immediate 'go or no go' type person, own that. You should have those sparks before you even ask the person on a date, from your first interaction or 'your eyes meeting across the crowded room'. Lastly, while for some people 'sparks' can happen seemingly every day, for others it's not nearly as often and for some exceedingly rare. With life there are no guarantees until the end. I'd guard against 'thinking' to reach some sort of arbitrary goal. While thinking is a good thing in life, at the romantic interpersonal level, respecting one's feelings is equally, if not more, important, as it is the emotional bonds which will carry you and a partner through the challenges of life. Respect your own style of bond. Good luck! 1
casey.lives Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 so stop! she doesn't owe you more than she can give. Find someone who can make you excited. don't drag people along... and then blame them for being a "drag"
Author Rko28 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 Thats why I posted this, to ask about the spark thing, not to have abuse of leading someone down the garden path. I shouldve added that these dates were all OLD, so I was only going off pictures and some light conversation.
carhill Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 If agreeing to meet or asking to meet someone first contacted through OLD, then consider the first meeting a neutral (neither positive nor negative) encounter and, if sparks occur, they do; if not, not, and without prejudice to the process. What OLD did was put you and the person in contact so your eyes could meet across the room. What happens after that is interpersonal synergy. Hence, your first 'date' will be after that meeting, if you find the woman attractive and she the same. If your style is sparks at first meeting, or not, then respect your style. If no sparks, no date. Next. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 As far as OLD goes.... OP, I think you're trying a bit too hard. I haven't had sparks on ANY first date yet to be perfectly honest, usually that doesn't happen until #2. Date #1 you should just go with the flow - basically the goal is to be comfortable with the other person enough to go on a 2nd date where you can open up a bit more. If you try force chemistry/touch on date 1, it will be over pretty quick. 1
katiegrl Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 so stop! she doesn't owe you more than she can give. Find someone who can make you excited. don't drag people along... and then blame them for being a "drag" ^^Where did *that* come from? Did you post it on the wrong thread perhaps? 1
Author Rko28 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 As far as OLD goes.... OP, I think you're trying a bit too hard. I haven't had sparks on ANY first date yet to be perfectly honest, usually that doesn't happen until #2. Date #1 you should just go with the flow - basically the goal is to be comfortable with the other person enough to go on a 2nd date where you can open up a bit more. If you try force chemistry/touch on date 1, it will be over pretty quick. Well you see I have, and its a great feeling which is why i proceed to 2nd, 3rd, 4th date etc. Ive never once seen someone again if I havent felt that which is why im wondering if im being a tad too much
GravityMan Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 The spark's either gonna be there, or it's not. It's often evident almost immediately, but it may also gradually build up over time (even then, at the start there's usually at least a bit of attraction or at least intrigue from one or both persons, otherwise why go on the date in the first place). It can also start strong and then fade away later on. Don't waste your time thinking too hard about these things. I agree with Redhead...just relax and have fun, especially for the first few dates. Trying too hard is self-defeating. It's just meant to be, or not to be...and you'll just know when that electric energy is there. Some people discover that spark with the first guy or girl they meet and date in high school or college. Others may have to date 40-50 people before discovering someone that they feel a really strong romantic connection with. Most people fall somewhere in-between, and usually encounter several people where they feel that chemistry. This is one area where luck plays a factor. Spark isn't logical; there's no predictable formula for it or its ebb and flow. You can be the most awesome dude ever, with a great career, friends, interests and a fun lifestyle. She can be one of the prettiest, smartest and wittiest women out there. On paper, you seem to be a great match for each other. But both of you still need to be in the right place at the right time, and in the right mindset, and even then there's a good chance that you two just won't be into each other...for no obvious reason aside from "just not feeling it". Unless you're the type of extroverted person who's just comfortable socializing and being around random people in general (including strangers), I would agree with smackie that you may fare much better meeting people at social events, parties (esp. those where you already know some people) or through mutual friends. Both you and the woman are more likely to be relaxed with your guards down. The pace is also slower. Life tends to be most fun when it's approached as a journey, or an adventure...that includes dating. Arbitrary pressure tends to hurt the fun-factor, and make things more awkward, and ultimately kill the attraction. So just relax, have low expectations (but still have standards...there's a difference) and keep getting out there and dating. 1
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