Davidcee Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 My ex gf of 4 years broke up with me about 10 months ago. it was the worst experience because we love each other and we still do she recently told my friend that she still loves me. we weren't perfect we had ups and downs but i know i made her happy. I heard from a friend that she got in to a relationship about 2 months ago and let week he cheated on her and she broke up with him. i think she thought the grass on the other side would be greener. I couldn't believe that she moved on because of everything she would tell me when we were together. I still love her and want to make things right because I was an immature person towards the end of our relationship while she was more mature once we started college. I've learned a lot about my self and worked on myself. i feel like if we were to get back together it would work out even better than what it was before our bumpy road. But i feel like she's afraid to take a chance by the way her friend described it because she doesn't want to go through what we went through the last months but she does love me she said. I'm confused and don't know what to do or how i can prove to her and we haven't talked like conversation wise on 4 months. can someone give me some advise i would appreciate it. thank you.
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 My mantra has always been never go back, as the problems that were there before, tend to resurface eventually. I think reading between the lines, your ex most likely doesn't want to get back with you and even if she did, would you now be the "rebound"? She will be hurting and vulnerable just now, so she may be open to be persuaded to get back with you for some comfort and safety, but is that what you really want? My guess although, I could be wrong, she may just dump you again once she started feeling better and then where would you be? 3
LooperDooper Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Man stop thinking so much and continue moving on. You don't think RIGHT NOW she's at her most vulnerable and at her weakest because she just got cheated on? Don't be her plan B and respect your life. If she chases you again it better be because she's improved and because she sees you as somebody important, not because she just broke up and needs somebody as she is lonely. Don't do anything, don't look into anything and just continue moving on. Period. You can't let her off easy (and I don't know your story but be strong or else she's going to see you as a weak person she can always come back to). But honestly, she may start sniffing around because she's lonely and hurt, so be careful as that's her manipulative side working. 3
Author Davidcee Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 Man stop thinking so much and continue moving on. You don't think RIGHT NOW she's at her most vulnerable and at her weakest because she just got cheated on? Don't be her plan B and respect your life. If she chases you again it better be because she's improved and because she sees you as somebody important, not because she just broke up and needs somebody as she is lonely. Don't do anything, don't look into anything and just continue moving on. Period. You can't let her off easy (and I don't know your story but be strong or else she's going to see you as a weak person she can always come back to). But honestly, she may start sniffing around because she's lonely and hurt, so be careful as that's her manipulative side working. you're right but what do i do if she does talk to me? what should i say?
NoLeafClover Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) you're right but what do i do if she does talk to me? what should i say? Do u not have a backbone? She leaves you, gets with a other dude and leaves him just because she got cheated on...and you are still thinking to go back to her. I am sorry but you are a sad case. Tell me, which part of you will attract her more...that she can walk all over you whenever she feels like it or that you will be her number 2 all the time. I think your problem is that you are putting words in her mouth. You are assuming she still loves you because she told your mutual friend and you are buying it and getting all kinds of ideas. Yet you were blindsided when she left you after all the nice lovey dovey things she told you while together. You know she has done this before where she claims to love you but then leaves you... but each time you decide to believe her. That's not love, that's manipulation and you need to wake up and not allow her in your life again or you will be miserable for a very long time. Edited April 24, 2015 by NoLeafClover 7
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) you're right but what do i do if she does talk to me? what should i say? She has been out of your life for 10 months now, so she had ample opportunity to try and sort this. I very much doubt she will contact you apart from wanting some sympathy, so I suggest you keep her at arms length, polite, friendly but be very aware she could use you as a crutch to get her over this blip and the blow to her self esteem. Of course, she may not want to admit to you she has been cheated on, she may see that is somewhat embarrassing and her ego may keep her from contacting you at all. Be very aware also that even if you do get back with her, can you deal with her having been with other men during your "break"? Some men just can't and they can cause great upset to themselves and their partner even years later. Sometimes the euphoria over the reconciliation masks all other potential issues and it is only once that has died down that other problems then come to the fore Edited April 24, 2015 by elaine567
Author Davidcee Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 Do u not have a backbone? She leaves you, gets with a other dude and leaves him just because she got cheated on...and you are still thinking to go back to her. I am sorry but you are a sad case. Tell me, which part of you will attract her more...that she can walk all over you whenever she feels like it or that you will be her number 2 all the time. I think your problem is that you are putting words in her mouth. You are assuming she still loves you because she told your mutual friend and you are buying it and getting all kinds of ideas. Yet you were blindsided when she left you after all the nice lovey dovey things she told you while together. You know she has done this before where she claims to love you but then leaves you... but each time you decide to believe her. That's not love, that's manipulation and you need to wake up and not allow her in your life again or you will be miserable for a very long time. i know but just the love i have for her because to be honest she was never like this i just want the girl i fell in love with.
stillafool Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 I doubt if she will want to come back to you. If she broke up with you for someone else and he has cheated on her she is devastated and he is the only thing on her mind. When she does move on it will be with someone new. Save yourself the heartache and keep moving forward. Tell your friend to not tell you anything else about her. 1
FortunateSon Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 i know but just the love i have for her because to be honest she was never like this i just want the girl i fell in love with. The girl you fell in love with is long gone, you are in love with the idea of who she might have been. She has already been with someone else, as much as you want it to be, it will never be the same. Move on, don't look back.
quattrob Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 David there's a lot of girls out there that will treat you better and would be a better match for you. Why would you want to go back to someone who didn't appreciate you and till this moment she only cares about herself... so she's sad and needs comfort.. that's when she realizes she loves you? give me a break. You need to face it, she's not that girl who you first met anymore. This girl doesn't seem like she is willing to give up her ego to make first contact with you.. I think until then you shouldn't even think about getting back with her, and even then you should really walk away.. especially it seems like she's still immature.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Why you even know what is currently going on with her is your 1st problem. Stop paying attention to her. She is no longer the girl you fell in love with. College changed her. That girl is gone. She is a new person & that new person outgrew your relationship. Even assuming she loved you then, it's over. She doesn't love you now. If she talks to you now, you be polite to her. That's it. There is no going back in life. She is not going to come crawling back to you because she had a bad experience with another guy. She was already apart from you for several months before she met him. Stop pining for her & move forward in your life. 2
jphcbpa Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 what she is doing is none of your business. get lost in your life.
sandylee1 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 you're right but what do i do if she does talk to me? what should i say? If she reaches out, see what she has to say. Don't jump back into a relationship with her. Take it slowly, but as she dumped you before, she needs to make it very clear about what she wants.
SycamoreCircle Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 If you need to ask us what to say to her should she contact you, you're not mature enough.
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