Sport17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Little background - Been dating someone a little over four years. We've been living together for about three. She's very supportive and maintains the house well (she works from home). When she first moved in she paid about a 1/3 of the living expenses and maybe 2/3 of the groceries. I've always picked up the vast majority of the tabs going out. I've had a change in careers, we re-located (much closer to her family) and I've purchased a very nice house (my living expenses more than doubled). I've also paid off all my extra debts, minus a small student loan I have remaining. She presently contributes 150-175.00 towards the utilities/internet and with groceries, dog food, etc. probably 400-500 a month. My household contributions are probably 1700-1800.00 a month, not including any improvements. Now that all that is somewhat clear, here's the problem. I really don't mind paying the much greater difference that I do as my finances are in better shape than hers. What bothers me is, she thinks it's my responsibility to pay all the time if we go out. Household up-keep and improvements (don't have a problem with that either, as technically it's my house). She'd like me to foot 90% if not more of any vacation and in general she honestly thinks she pays more than enough in our relationship. It just feels extremely lop sidded and UN-appreciated as she wants more. She has large gaps in between work and I've mentioned she should find an enjoyable part time job, for no other matter than to get ahead and put something away. She lives pay check to pay check and it's bothering me more and more that she feels everything should be my responsibility and that I'm a poor boyfriend for not being a bigger provider. If she as willing to help herself more I wouldn't mind being more of a provider, but I feel she's un-willing to help herself and it's essentially ruining our relationship. I had a lot of debt after college in CC bills and what not, but I worked my a$$ off to pay off everything and I have a lot to show for my hard work and don't feel it's appreciated, but rather expected. Her attitude is she's always had debt (credit is still good) and that it's a hopeless cause to ever get it paid off.
El Pallasso Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Little background - Been dating someone a little over four years. We've been living together for about three. She's very supportive and maintains the house well (she works from home). When she first moved in she paid about a 1/3 of the living expenses and maybe 2/3 of the groceries. I've always picked up the vast majority of the tabs going out. I've had a change in careers, we re-located (much closer to her family) and I've purchased a very nice house (my living expenses more than doubled). I've also paid off all my extra debts, minus a small student loan I have remaining. She presently contributes 150-175.00 towards the utilities/internet and with groceries, dog food, etc. probably 400-500 a month. My household contributions are probably 1700-1800.00 a month, not including any improvements. Now that all that is somewhat clear, here's the problem. I really don't mind paying the much greater difference that I do as my finances are in better shape than hers. What bothers me is, she thinks it's my responsibility to pay all the time if we go out. Household up-keep and improvements (don't have a problem with that either, as technically it's my house). She'd like me to foot 90% if not more of any vacation and in general she honestly thinks she pays more than enough in our relationship. It just feels extremely lop sidded and UN-appreciated as she wants more. She has large gaps in between work and I've mentioned she should find an enjoyable part time job, for no other matter than to get ahead and put something away. She lives pay check to pay check and it's bothering me more and more that she feels everything should be my responsibility and that I'm a poor boyfriend for not being a bigger provider. If she as willing to help herself more I wouldn't mind being more of a provider, but I feel she's un-willing to help herself and it's essentially ruining our relationship. I had a lot of debt after college in CC bills and what not, but I worked my a$$ off to pay off everything and I have a lot to show for my hard work and don't feel it's appreciated, but rather expected. Her attitude is she's always had debt (credit is still good) and that it's a hopeless cause to ever get it paid off. She knows she has found someone to mooch off of. She knows that out of some misguided sense, you feel compelled to be a "provider" to her. The next phase in her plan is to press you into marriage which she will rationalize as "love" so that she can provide for her at her every whim. Down the line, when she gets tired of you, she will swindle half your money, your house and whatever else you know through a scam known as divorce court.
Poppyolive Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Yikes, you need to pull back and have a conversation about moving forward with finances. There will need to be a clear line drawn, or else, resentment will build up and break you up. Looking at your lowdown, perhaps she should pay for her own vacations? Using her own credit or working out a repayment plan with you. Meals/outings/activities should be taken In turns. Tell her you'd like to be treated and not foot the bills all of the time. Paycheck to paycheck living sucks, how old is she? What are her plans? Honestly, I think you need to draw the line, gentle yet firm. She needs to take responsibility for her own earnings and not be dependent on you. 1
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