bigsrve1aj Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I met a girl through a family friend and have been dating her for less than a month. We've gone out for a couple dates and the relationship has been going well. She initiates the exclusivity talk via text, relatively informally, I say yes, but we don't talk about really what exclusive means, face to face, all via text. She indicates she will take down an online dating profile. Should I broach the subject just to be clear? She has used the term exclusive and dating, as if they are interchangeable.
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I met a girl through a family friend and have been dating her for less than a month. We've gone out for a couple dates and the relationship has been going well. She initiates the exclusivity talk via text, relatively informally, I say yes, but we don't talk about really what exclusive means, face to face, all via text. She indicates she will take down an online dating profile. Should I broach the subject just to be clear? She has used the term exclusive and dating, as if they are interchangeable. You need to call her or see her in person. Having this kind of discussion via text is treating the subject without the due respect it deserves. You need to find out what exclusivity means to her. Some people view exclusivity simply as sexual exclusivity. By that I mean, they will continue to date others without being sexual with them while dating and being sexual only with you. That's a gray area and sometimes cause for difficulty in the "relationship". If you date in stages -- stage one is dating without intimacy, stage 2 is dating with intimacy and exclusivity (and not dating anyone else either), stage 3 is boyfriend/girlfriend, stage 4 is living together, stage 5 is marriage. Some people think that exclusivity by itself also means boyfriend and girlfriend. So, you need to make sure you two are on the same page to start with. Have you two already been intimate? It's only been a couple of dates and her bringing up exclusivity is kinda fast but if you've been intimate, I get why she's putting that out there. Are you two on the same page in terms of dating goals? Are you looking for a serious relationship at some point? Does she want the same thing? That's something else that needs to be clarified as well.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 This is one thing that's wrong with dating today. People wanting to have serious conversations, share feelings, and even say "I love you" for the first time all by text message. If a woman I was seeing brought up being exclusive by text, I'd respond with : "Let's talk in person. When are you free to get together?" She responds, we lock down plans, and then I get off the phone. When it comes to bigger conversations, etc I absolutely refuse to discuss it over text. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 She initiates the exclusivity talk via text, relatively informally, I say yes, but we don't talk about really what exclusive means, face to face, all via text. She indicates she will take down an online dating profile. Should I broach the subject just to be clear? She has used the term exclusive and dating, as if they are interchangeable. The fact you have to ask is the scary part. Yes, call her on the phone and talk to her. Ideally meet in person, but at minimum a phone conversation discussing it will clear things up. Get her to define what her definition of exclusivity means, and makes sure to have a definition of your own. Compare notes, see if you guys are on the same page. Also, in case it needs to be said, make sure you know what you want (ie: hookup, fling, or relationship) before you talk to her. And be honest too. If you date in stages -- stage one is dating without intimacy, stage 2 is dating with intimacy and exclusivity (and not dating anyone else either), stage 3 is boyfriend/girlfriend, stage 4 is living together, stage 5 is marriage. You forgot stage 6, death (aka: freedom).
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 The fact you have to ask is the scary part. Yes, call her on the phone and talk to her. Ideally meet in person, but at minimum a phone conversation discussing it will clear things up. Get her to define what her definition of exclusivity means, and makes sure to have a definition of your own. Compare notes, see if you guys are on the same page. Also, in case it needs to be said, make sure you know what you want (ie: hookup, fling, or relationship) before you talk to her. And be honest too. You forgot stage 6, death (aka: freedom). Well, stage 6 could be separation (purgatory) and then stage 7 divorce (period of hell before moving on and starting over with stage 1 again 1
compulsivedancer Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I asked that we not sleep with anyone else. It has only been a little over a month for us, so I'm less concerned with defining the relationship than with making sure I'm not going to catch something because he's out sleeping around. I figured that was an important conversation to have, but I'm okay taking other things one step at a time.
compulsivedancer Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Well, stage 6 could be separation (purgatory) and then stage 7 divorce (period of hell before moving on and starting over with stage 1 again But if breaking up is a stage, it could be stage 2, 3, 4, 5, etc....hell, seems like some people break up before they get started!
BlueIris Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 ...but we don't talk about really what exclusive means... Man, you better tell her you don't know what it means.
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 But if breaking up is a stage, it could be stage 2, 3, 4, 5, etc....hell, seems like some people break up before they get started! This is the reason for dating in stages . . . it's about managing emotions and expectations at each stage, while keeping it in the back of your head that through each stage more things about the person will come to light that may not work for you and allowing you to be able to recognize it, see if it can be resolved or worked on mutually or not and, if necessary, move on sooner. There are never any guarantees. I don't want to fall deeply in love with someone say by stage 2 only to find that during stage 1 he was not being himself and then seeing the real him and be hurt so deeply over someone I really only barely knew.
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Text is one of the worst ways to have a deep conversation. When you see her, ask her. Just talk about your expectations. 1
road Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I met a girl through a family friend and have been dating her for less than a month. We've gone out for a couple dates and the relationship has been going well. She initiates the exclusivity talk via text, relatively informally, I say yes, but we don't talk about really what exclusive means, face to face, all via text. She indicates she will take down an online dating profile. Should I broach the subject just to be clear? She has used the term exclusive and dating, as if they are interchangeable. They are not interchangeable. Exclusive sets the ground rules for you two are only going to date each other.
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