Lonely hearts Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) He was obviously infatuated /attracted to me. We had a lot in common and shared the same sense of humour etc. I was the first one he messages in the morning and last at night and anything that came up in the day. I was on his mind all the time even his friends told me. He cut it off out of his fear of commitment. It was too much too fast for him (even though he pushed that). I think he did it because he thought it's what I wanted. I know it made him feel good and then he totally backed off cause he couldn't handle it. I wish he had given me the chance to talk about it and slow it down take our time. Anyway, If only 2 or less weeks ago he was thinking about me all the time, do you think there is a chance that I'm still on his mind? Do you think that after he steps back and takes some time he will message me? This post makes me feel pathetic but I just want the chance to talk to him again. But I will not make the move, I know if I were to message him at this point it will just push him away further. If you haven't read my other posts we are both mid 30's, he has 2 kids with ex 7 months separated (I think he was very hurt in that relationship) he has a high stress job and lots on the go right now now. MISS HIM Edited April 23, 2015 by Lonely hearts
Ruby65 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Oh sweetie, just looked at your other thread and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. This is a life lesson for you, not what you want to hear but that's how it looks to me. He was only separated 7 months from a very committed relationship (with kids).... he moved things along with you super-fast.... both huge huge huge flashing red flags that this was a rebound relationship. Why do people race so fast into a rebound? Because if they can transfer the relationship they had with their ex onto someone new, they stop hurting about their ex. Why do people bail so fast from a rebound? Because at some point they realize you're really falling for them, while they're only transferring their feelings for their ex onto you.... and they know on some level this is wrong. So no, he hasn't recovered from his last breakup. At only 7 months separated he shouldn't even be dating, and it's troubling he doesn't know that. Will he contact you again? It's certainly possible. Here's the deal: you better hope and pray he doesn't!! Because you're still smitten, and he's still smitten with his ex -- and what you shared was his second-hand feelings that were leftovers from her. Right now you might think you want that... but trust me, you don't want that! It felt amazing to you in just five weeks.... ask yourself, why? After being single for a while, didn't it feel nice and cozy to step right into a full-fledged crazy-into-you relationship in mere weeks? Yeah..... because that relationship you had with him wasn't real. It was a hologram of the long-term committed relationship he had with his ex, projected onto you, to help him work through his feelings of loss. You'll be okay.... I can see how much you cared, but ultimately this breakup had to happen at some point, and it's better that it happened sooner than later. Stick to your NC. Heal from this -- while he gets over his ex. If you're really meant to be, who's to say your paths won't cross again somewhere down the line? Stay strong -- keep moving forward! Every day it gets a little better. 3
casey.lives Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He has two children and a fresh separation... why would you want that??!!! ...and then women cry heart ache and wonder why!! 1
Author Lonely hearts Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 He has two children and a fresh separation... why would you want that??!!! ...and then women cry heart ache and wonder why!! Hey Casey, I get what you're saying. But it's because I've been in a marriage before and, like he said, the relationship was dead long before they separated. I believed him because the same happened with me. And I'm looking for someone with kids because it's looking more and more like I'll never have my own so I'm ok with that. I guess my fault was that I put too much trust in what this man was telling me, I looked him in te eyes and he seemed sincere. Oh well.
Author Lonely hearts Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Oh sweetie, just looked at your other thread and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. This is a life lesson for you, not what you want to hear but that's how it looks to me. He was only separated 7 months from a very committed relationship (with kids).... he moved things along with you super-fast.... both huge huge huge flashing red flags that this was a rebound relationship. Why do people race so fast into a rebound? Because if they can transfer the relationship they had with their ex onto someone new, they stop hurting about their ex. Why do people bail so fast from a rebound? Because at some point they realize you're really falling for them, while they're only transferring their feelings for their ex onto you.... and they know on some level this is wrong. So no, he hasn't recovered from his last breakup. At only 7 months separated he shouldn't even be dating, and it's troubling he doesn't know that. Will he contact you again? It's certainly possible. Here's the deal: you better hope and pray he doesn't!! Because you're still smitten, and he's still smitten with his ex -- and what you shared was his second-hand feelings that were leftovers from her. Right now you might think you want that... but trust me, you don't want that! It felt amazing to you in just five weeks.... ask yourself, why? After being single for a while, didn't it feel nice and cozy to step right into a full-fledged crazy-into-you relationship in mere weeks? Yeah..... because that relationship you had with him wasn't real. It was a hologram of the long-term committed relationship he had with his ex, projected onto you, to help him work through his feelings of loss. You'll be okay.... I can see how much you cared, but ultimately this breakup had to happen at some point, and it's better that it happened sooner than later. Stick to your NC. Heal from this -- while he gets over his ex. If you're really meant to be, who's to say your paths won't cross again somewhere down the line? Stay strong -- keep moving forward! Every day it gets a little better. Ruby65.... Thank you so much for that. You are absolutely right!!!! Everything you said rang true for me. I WISH I hadn't fallen for his good looks, his soft and funny nature. It was all so romantic!!!! Even though in the back if my mind I knew it was too good to be true. I stupidly didn't think of myself as the rebound girl. But of course. I wish I could meet him again and do it all differently, slowly and smartly It does give me comfort to hear these things, this forum helps. For now I can't stop wishing he will contact me and realize he really doesn't want to lose me forever, but in the meantime I'm gonna pull up my socks, hit the gym, do everything so I feel hot and strong and try to get over him. .....but doesn't mean I still won't post things here in moments of weakness...lol Edited April 23, 2015 by Lonely hearts 2
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 No you will not hear from him again. You were a rebound. He's learning to stand without the emotional crutch you supplied. He doesn't need you any more & is on his way to finding somebody he can fall for when he's healthy. Sorry.
Cinnamonstix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I think the honest answer is that no one knows the answer. But it's best to stop looking for hope, move on and find someone who can offer you his whole heart.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I've read through your other threads, OP. Your pain is palpable and I'm sorry you're so hurt. It's never easy. But, I think you should a step back and look at the positive: it only lasted a few weeks, and you now know you can heed your instincts. You mentioned you had some doubts and it all seemed a bit too good to be true. Clearly, you have a well-honed sense for this. Of course we want to give love a chance, but your gut was telling you something early on, I believe. Did you see other signs that he was pulling away?
Author Lonely hearts Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 I've read through your other threads, OP. Your pain is palpable and I'm sorry you're so hurt. It's never easy. But, I think you should a step back and look at the positive: it only lasted a few weeks, and you now know you can heed your instincts. You mentioned you had some doubts and it all seemed a bit too good to be true. Clearly, you have a well-honed sense for this. Of course we want to give love a chance, but your gut was telling you something early on, I believe. Did you see other signs that he was pulling away? Hi expat, No there were absolutely no signs of pulling away. Quit the opposite. Every day I spent the more confidant I felt that things were great. Literally spent the day with him and got the shocking text next morning. I'm sure there was something such as texts with his ex or whatever. And I am thankful that it was a few weeks, but I fell hard for him within probably 2. Just one if those things. And I am NOT like that. It took at least 6 months to fall for my other 2 bf's who were friends first. This one had everything. So 5 weeks may as well been 5 months in my mind.
spiderowl Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Did he initiate the breakup with his wife? If not, he's probably still stuck on her and 7 months is nothing. I don't think he backed off because he had too much on, it was probably because he was enjoying your company but didn't want more. I would advise any woman to be wary of a guy who did not initiate a marriage break-up, especially in the two years afterwards.
Author Lonely hearts Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Did he initiate the breakup with his wife? If not, he's probably still stuck on her and 7 months is nothing. I don't think he backed off because he had too much on, it was probably because he was enjoying your company but didn't want more. I would advise any woman to be wary of a guy who did not initiate a marriage break-up, especially in the two years afterwards. It sounded mutual and not good for a couple years. And I would have been fine taking it slow and just haveing fun but it was him who wanted to date exclusively and wanted me to call him my bf and took me to see his new house and meet his friends and talk about A trip next month and blah blah.
JunzQ Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Damn you too. I had a similar situation, but different roles I'm a guy and she was the one that just got out of a relationship. We hung out a week after they broke up and we're inseparable for about 3 months. All of a sudden she started drawing baCk. We ended up breaking up and she went baCk with her ex... I've gone no contact with her for about 24 days now counting today. She messaged me on day 22. I didn't respond back. I know I wanted to, but what's the point... i know it sucks but stay strong. No one should be used as a rebound it's wrong in many ways specially if it turns out the other person has genuine feelings for u. Let it go I'd say. I know Ive let it go. Just not worth it if he's ready he will message you if not just let it go some times there's nothing you can do don't persue him, he used you. Get rid of people like That I'd say.
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