Reysa09 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Ok quick run down: Me and my boyfriend are finally back together after 6 months of trust issues, other women, other men and other obstacles that led to our previous break up. We have had a long distance relationship for a year. Hes in NC, im in SC, but we manage to see eachother once every week or every two weeks. He's getting out of the military (after 12 long years) in a few weeks (hopefully) and hes coming back to SC until August, then he'll be relocating to Florida to attend school for 90 weeks. I must admit the love that we have for eachother is growing every day. He finally came out and told me that he may have a possible child (3 years old) in st louis. Some chick he use to mess with back when he lived in Georgia, told him last year that he had a child. She also admitted that she was seeing other men but i cant lie the little girl kind of looks like him. The timing is about right, he said he got drunk one night and had sex with her in FEB, the child was born in NOV. He said he's going to get a DNA test this summer. (By the way he has no kids). I know i sound selfish, but i wanted to have his first child. (I have a 7 year old daughter). I feel like things are going to change and I wont be able to have a child by him or get anything that i want because he is going to devote so much time into this new child of his. Im scared and stressed and in order to have a successful long distance relationship for two years, i cant feel this way. How should i handle the situation ?
Toodaloo Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 First off quit being so dramatic. A 3 yrs old child sort of looks like him says the woman who was sleeping around and hasn't been in contact in all that time... First things first get that paternity test. Then if the child is his you can both work out where to go from there. Sorry real life isn't like Disney films but thats the way it is and I don't see why this should affect your relationship with him now. Its just something that needs to be sorted out and dealt with.
Jessie1231 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 It seems odd that you have a child which I assume you're devoted to, but you have a problem with him having a child and being devoted to it. I would see more of a problem if I dated a guy who had a child and didn't want to be involved. There's nothing you can do. He will have a paternity test and hopefully become a dad if he is the father. If you can't handle him having a kid, end the relationship. There's no other way to handle that. 1
Gaeta Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 You learn to stop being selfish and see children for what they are, blessings. I find it especially troubling that you feel that way when you have a child already from another man. How would you feel if your boyfriend told you having a child with him cannot be special for you because you already have a child from another man? No sense. 1
Author Reysa09 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 You learn to stop being selfish and see children for what they are, blessings. I find it especially troubling that you feel that way when you have a child already from another man. How would you feel if your boyfriend told you having a child with him cannot be special for you because you already have a child from another man? No sense. Im not worried about the child, im just worried that he wont want any more children because he'll find out how expensive they are and how much time they need. He's 31, and im 23. I want another child but i know he's not going to want anymore any time soon.
Gaeta Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Im not worried about the child, im just worried that he wont want any more children because he'll find out how expensive they are and how much time they need. He's 31, and im 23. I want another child but i know he's not going to want anymore any time soon. If I were you I would put on the back burner having children till you spend an entire year living together. So far your relationship has been long distance and filled with drama. Not a good sigh. Also, watch very carefully how he handles it if the results are coming back positive. The way he dismisses it, or the way he steps up to the place will tell you a lot about his character. 2
CarrieT Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 im 23. I want another child but i know he's not going to want anymore any time soon. That you got pregnant and brought a child into this world at 15 years of age is very telling. I don't think you should consider having any more children for a long time and definitely don't worry about his potential children until you have answer from the tests.
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Me and my boyfriend are finally back together after 6 months of trust issues, other women, other men and other obstacles that led to our previous break up. We have had a long distance relationship for a year. Im scared and stressed and in order to have a successful long distance relationship for two years, i cant feel this way. How should i handle the situation ? The possibility that he has another child is not the problem. The problems in your relationship are the distance the lack of trust the prior break up (A HUGE Indicator that this is no good) the other people -- kids included whatever these unspecified other obstacles are What you should do is end this & date a man more local to you who you trust with whom you don't have so many problems. Love is not enough.
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