Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Two weeks ago my family (grown children) and I decided it would be fun to go out to a karaoke bar and sing. There was another group there as a family doing the same. A guy from their group approached my table and asked me to dance to which I agreed. We shared a brief conversation during the dance and shortly after my family was ready to go home for the night. I told him I was leaving and asked him if I could leave him my number, he said this is funny, and handed me his number which he had written on a napkin the same as I had done. My family and I left and on my way home I get a call from him. I said well that was quick to which he said "sorry, I just wanted to see if you'd given me a fake number" I laughed and said wow, does that happen to you a lot and he said no, girls don't usually give me there numbers. He text the next morning saying how nice it was to meet me, how beautiful he thought I was, how he was amazed I had given him my number and how great he thought my family was .........Yada yada yada He has continued to call and text me everyday. He asked me out on a date for the following Saturday night at a local mexican restaurant , I met him there as I was going to be at a prior commitment up until the time of my date so I told him I would just meet him. When I arrived, he was there with his family in the lounge singing karaoke! Not a dinner date as I had thought !! He greeted me, introduced me to everyone and then sat on the opposite side of the table from me and conversed with his family, who I conversed with as well BUT he and I were not really talking. Later that night , I was thinking okay well this is obviously not a "thing" so I decided to go out to another place to dance. I told him I was taking off and he asked if he could join me. I was puzzled but said of course. We wet to the other place and danced together the rest of the night. At the end of the night we hugged and went our own ways. The folllowing week, he continued to call and text, he asked to see me a few times by coming to my house which I agreed. Here is my problem: 1. He has yet to kiss me, touch me, nothing.......no arm brushes, no physical contact at all. 2. He now acts as if he is doing me a favor sometimes, for instance , the night we went dancing, the DJ who is a friend of mine said over the PA system, Cinnimon this song is for you......My guy says "hey go for it , I can get my own DJ if I want. I was thinking WTH. 3. His compliments have stopped, I almost feel as though I irritate him at times, he likes to banter back and forth with me about everything. So anyway, 2 nights ago I finally told him how I felt, ask him if he had any interest in me as a potential relationship because I was feeling more like one of his buddies. He said he was sorry for making me feel that way that he definitely was attracted to me and really really likes me but he was trying to be respectful toward me and not push. Our conversation was sweet and honest and a nice change from all the witty, sarcastic banter. I felt better afterwards. The next day, it was the same ole thing, banter banter banter, he mentioned me having a sancho WTH ...... Said he was going out tonight if I want to meet him there cool, if not cool.......What happened to the guy that really really liked me the night before....... I do like him, well the guy from the first week anyway........But I'm starting to feel like I need to cut him loose because I'm getting frustrated trying to figure him out........... Is it me???? Opinions???
gaius Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Nah, it's not you. This guy has been sabotaging from the beginning, talking about how women don't usually give him their numbers. Seeing if it's a fake number. Painting himself as a loser basically. Some part of him wasn't into it. And with guys like that, I doubt it would have been any different no matter what woman he went after. =/ It's more issues in their own heads. 3
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Even though he tries to come off as confidant to the point of arrogance , he screams insecurity at this point. 2
smackie9 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 It's pretty obvious he is a bit shell shocked from all the rejection he has had in his past....he's damaged. His behavior is of someone who puts up walls to protect himself. That's why he is keeping you at arms length.....he doesn't trust women. Now you have two choices. You can "encourage" him gently to be more comfortable with you, and trust you more with good communication or you can wash your hands in all of this and stop seeing him. Note***you are just too good to be true. 2
Lokin4AReason Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 sounds like that you to get him a kido bucket and shovel w/ telling him that the sand box is out bank ... because it doesn't know at what he wants and he is pulling you along ... better off discontinuing contact w/ him IMO 1
gaius Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 It's pretty obvious he is a bit shell shocked from all the rejection he has had in his past....he's damaged. His behavior is of someone who puts up walls to protect himself. That's why he is keeping you at arms length.....he doesn't trust women. Now you have two choices. You can "encourage" him gently to be more comfortable with you, and trust you more with good communication or you can wash your hands in all of this and stop seeing him. Note***you are just too good to be true. I'm betting the more effort she puts into him, the less he's gonna put into her. =/ Like how she was gonna leave without him after he wasn't paying attention and that's when he got it together. If you want to treat him how he wants to be treated, like a loser you're not that interested in, then it might work out. But I'm guessing if you try to mother or fix him he's just gonna want to throw up. 1
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 It sounds like just what he said in the beginning... he does not get many numbers form women. I think he does not know what to do with a woman. He's not playing games. He has no game. You can give him up to three dates to kiss you though. Maybe he will man up and settle down on the next date. 4
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Okay, so these responses are at least making me feel a little better. I was hoping that is wasn't me trying to push him into something to soon. I have tried to just go with the flow but I am beginning to feel like I am swimming against a current. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Two weeks ago my family (grown children) and I decided it would be fun to go out to a karaoke bar and sing. There was another group there as a family doing the same. A guy from their group approached my table and asked me to dance to which I agreed. We shared a brief conversation during the dance and shortly after my family was ready to go home for the night. I told him I was leaving and asked him if I could leave him my number, he said this is funny, and handed me his number which he had written on a napkin the same as I had done. My family and I left and on my way home I get a call from him. I said well that was quick to which he said "sorry, I just wanted to see if you'd given me a fake number" I laughed and said wow, does that happen to you a lot and he said no, girls don't usually give me there numbers. He text the next morning saying how nice it was to meet me, how beautiful he thought I was, how he was amazed I had given him my number and how great he thought my family was .........Yada yada yada He has continued to call and text me everyday. He asked me out on a date for the following Saturday night at a local mexican restaurant , I met him there as I was going to be at a prior commitment up until the time of my date so I told him I would just meet him. When I arrived, he was there with his family in the lounge singing karaoke! Not a dinner date as I had thought !! He greeted me, introduced me to everyone and then sat on the opposite side of the table from me and conversed with his family, who I conversed with as well BUT he and I were not really talking. Later that night , I was thinking okay well this is obviously not a "thing" so I decided to go out to another place to dance. I told him I was taking off and he asked if he could join me. I was puzzled but said of course. We wet to the other place and danced together the rest of the night. At the end of the night we hugged and went our own ways. The folllowing week, he continued to call and text, he asked to see me a few times by coming to my house which I agreed. Here is my problem: 1. He has yet to kiss me, touch me, nothing.......no arm brushes, no physical contact at all. 2. He now acts as if he is doing me a favor sometimes, for instance , the night we went dancing, the DJ who is a friend of mine said over the PA system, Cinnimon this song is for you......My guy says "hey go for it , I can get my own DJ if I want. I was thinking WTH. 3. His compliments have stopped, I almost feel as though I irritate him at times, he likes to banter back and forth with me about everything. So anyway, 2 nights ago I finally told him how I felt, ask him if he had any interest in me as a potential relationship because I was feeling more like one of his buddies. He said he was sorry for making me feel that way that he definitely was attracted to me and really really likes me but he was trying to be respectful toward me and not push. Our conversation was sweet and honest and a nice change from all the witty, sarcastic banter. I felt better afterwards. The next day, it was the same ole thing, banter banter banter, he mentioned me having a sancho WTH ...... Said he was going out tonight if I want to meet him there cool, if not cool.......What happened to the guy that really really liked me the night before....... I do like him, well the guy from the first week anyway........But I'm starting to feel like I need to cut him loose because I'm getting frustrated trying to figure him out........... Is it me???? Opinions??? Don't try to "figure" guys out. Communicate. You did try to communicate -- you told asked him if he wasn't interested in a relationship with you. That is pressuring. He likely doesn't know if he wants a relationship with you yet and pressuring will cause him to default to a non-commital, unclear response. It's only been a week and not one on one dates yet either. What you should do is say what it is you want for yourself out of your dating experiences in the long run (and don't be specific that you want that with him) and let him tell you what he wants for himself. Then you will know if you two are on the same page to start with even. If he doesn't want a relationship for himself, you can decide to just be friends or move on. "He said he was sorry for making me feel that way that he definitely was attracted to me and really really likes me but he was trying to be respectful toward me and not push." He did explain why he's been behaving the way he has. Now that he knows your concerns, he'll maybe start being more attentive, etc. Just give it a little time. You be flirty, touch him now and again and show him what it is you like. He's not going to change this overnight either. That being said, you've pushed that button about wanting a relationship and already alluded to it being with him. He may simply be trying to manage your emotions and keeping a little distance now so as to not have you "rushing" into anything. Guys get spooked when they think a girl is already too into him and, even though he likes her, he'll put a little distance for a bit. Hit the reset button. Pull back a little. Wait for him to start dating you consistently and as a couple, not in groups, etc. 1
gaius Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 It sounds like just what he said in the beginning... he does not get many numbers form women. I think he does not know what to do with a woman. He's not playing games. He has no game. You can give him up to three dates to kiss you though. Maybe he will man up and settle down on the next date. He walked up to her, a complete stranger, in the middle of a crowded place, while she was with a group and got her to dance with him. He has plenty of game when he wants to. The fact he hasn't touched you at all is a really bad sign to be honest. =/ 1
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Okay, so these responses are at least making me feel a little better. I was hoping that is wasn't me trying to push him into something to soon. I have tried to just go with the flow but I am beginning to feel like I am swimming against a current. Read my post below yours (this one) . . . 1
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Him not touching does not mean anything. Guys are more into sex than affection, generally. He does have to go for the first big kiss by date 3 though, if this is going to go much farther. By the way, the first kiss takes the relationship to the next stage, which includes affection. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Here is the problem for me. We met, have talked exstensivly, I am not young and neither is he. He came on strong in the beginning and I received it well. I in turn let him know that I to am interested in him. If that was a mistake to let him know that I like him, well I guess it just isn't going to work, because I am open and honest and I do say what I think and feel and I'm not into playing the " I'm going to keep you guessing " game. I just got off the phone with him and immediately the banter started, it was annoying. I went into "I don't give a crap mode" because he told me that he will be leaving town for a few days for work purposes and I said " well I hope you have a safe trip " to which he responded " I guess Sancho won't have to sneak". I said whatever , have a great trip, I will talk to you later. He said whats wrong, I said I just don't like the way you make me feel. Now he's blowing up my phone but I am not answering because he's really starting to piss me off with his stupid comments!!! VENT, sorry.
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Now that he realizes he did something to turn you off, he wants to talk about it! Here is your big chance... have a conversation with him and tell him what you want from him!!!! Suck it up girl, answer him now! Have the relationship you want! Don't pout now. 2
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Here is the problem for me. We met, have talked exstensivly, I am not young and neither is he. He came on strong in the beginning and I received it well. I in turn let him know that I to am interested in him. If that was a mistake to let him know that I like him, well I guess it just isn't going to work, because I am open and honest and I do say what I think and feel and I'm not into playing the " I'm going to keep you guessing " game. I just got off the phone with him and immediately the banter started, it was annoying. I went into "I don't give a crap mode" because he told me that he will be leaving town for a few days for work purposes and I said " well I hope you have a safe trip " to which he responded " I guess Sancho won't have to sneak". I said whatever , have a great trip, I will talk to you later. He said whats wrong, I said I just don't like the way you make me feel. Now he's blowing up my phone but I am not answering because he's really starting to piss me off with his stupid comments!!! VENT, sorry. I'd say now it's simply that you just don't like his ways and not feeling it for him. Just wish him well and tell him you don't think you two are a good match. You attitude has deteriorated and he's not making it any better. It'll be difficult to recover anyway. 1
gaius Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Him not touching does not mean anything. Guys are more into sex than affection, generally. He does have to go for the first big kiss by date 3 though, if this is going to go much farther. By the way, the first kiss takes the relationship to the next stage, which includes affection. Actually it means everything in this case. =/ See, you treated him like the loser you're not interested in and now you can't get rid of him with a crowbar. If you weren't interested in being touched abd enjoyed stupid banter you could probably have a very satisfying relationship with this guy. I might know the perfect girl for him actually. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 I'm not into the games. I have let him know how I feel and he still chooses to proceed in the manner in which he obviously feels comfortable with. I am not comfortable with it. Now instead of paying me any kind of compliments as he did a few weeks ago he chooses to say things to me that are not so flattering and then follow quickly by "just kidding". If he does like me , he NOW sure has a funny way of showing it.
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Okay, so you already talked to about this? That's all you can do. I know you said he likes to banter. That can be fun. But it sounds like what he is really doing is teasing you, making fun of you. That is not okay. Huge turnoff. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Now that he realizes he did something to turn you off, he wants to talk about it! Here is your big chance... have a conversation with him and tell him what you want from him!!!! Suck it up girl, answer him now! Have the relationship you want! Don't pout now. Gary, I don't feel like I am pouting, I feel pissed off. He says he's trying to be respectful and then turns around and acts like I've got men waiting in the wings to service me. I am attentive to him, I do not have a roving eye, Ive given him no reason to act like he has anything to worry about. I find it disrespectful that he keeps acting like I am sleeping around.
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Gary, I don't feel like I am pouting, I feel pissed off. He says he's trying to be respectful and then turns around and acts like I've got men waiting in the wings to service me. I am attentive to him, I do not have a roving eye, Ive given him no reason to act like he has anything to worry about. I find it disrespectful that he keeps acting like I am sleeping around. Try not to be pissed off about it and simply view it as having come across someone who just isn't your cup of tea. Being pissed at someone you just met and who has a different style of communicating and making you feel disrespected is a waste of energy And, by the way, so what if he thinks you've got men waiting in the wings I hope you do! It means you are a catch and he's an idiot for not knowing how to treat a woman. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Okay, so you already talked to about this? That's all you can do. I know you said he likes to banter. That can be fun. But it sounds like what he is really doing is teasing you, making fun of you. That is not okay. Huge turnoff. I don't mind the banter, I am very quick witted and it can be fun BUT I don't want to do it constantly. It feels like a competition at times. I feel like instead of kissing me he will more likely punch me in the arm or something lol.
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 he's an idiot for not knowing how to treat a woman. - That's what I said earlier in this thread, about him not having game... he's just not very skilled with women, he does not know what to do, at least not enough. 1
Author Cinnimon Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 He is acting like the little boy in school who is mean to the little girls he likes.
gaius Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He's probably gay and just approached you at the place to show the group he was with how not gay he is. =/ All this talk about communicating, telling him what you want is just a big waste of time. When his body can't even bring itself to touch you after you've danced together for a while.
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I got ya, same difference. Can you say annoying?! Ya think?! I just wish we could train him, but it sounds like your patience would grow thin before we made a ladykiller out of him. Shame. You could always go for broke and email him a transcript of this thread. Shocker 1
Recommended Posts