frankiesaysrelax Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) I went out with my ex for about 6-8 months. I broke it off with her for something stupid and we each started seeing other people. When we were together, I loved her and gave her beautiful things like a diamond tennis necklace and bracelet. I think we quickly both realized we want to be together (or at least that's what she said and I want). She told me she thinks I am her soulmate that she was wanted to be with me with intent to marry. We have a very special religious connection as well and both want the exact same life. We spoke about me allowing her to design the house am planning on building once married. The conversation lasted for hours and I really thought her mind was made up. I broke it off with the other women I was seeing whom happened to be smoking hot (one was a model and another a doctor). She broke it off with the guy she was seeing BUT immediately after began ignoring my texts shortly after. I asked her why she is ignoring me. She replied me "I need you to give me time. If you really care about me as much as you say you do, then you will give me the one thing I need. I told you what I'm going through and I just need you to give me the space and time to gain clarity from the Lord. I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart. Don't be upset and don't take this the wrong way, and don't think it's a rejection. Just believe me, okay?" I replied with "okay" and haven't said anything since. It's been about 2 weeks and I've heard nothing. I haven't said a peep and my gut instinct is to keep it that way until she contacts me but it's really hard to deal with especially knowing this other guy is probably crazy over her and if he's there for her and I'm not, he may get closer to her. I also don't know if simply replying "OK" and not saying something. I think when breaking up with another guy, she may have felt forced and manipulated. I didn't feel that way breaking it off with any other woman as I genuinely love this woman and feel I was put on this earth to provide a beautiful home and a secure life for her. Should I text or call her and invite her out to something fun maybe saying we can go to a parade and let's not talk about anything from the past? Or should I keep up no contact and make it look like I'm out and about having fun and seeing other people? This has been a difficult challenge and test of faith for me and I could use some opinions! thanks. Edited April 23, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Carson Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 If you truly love her then just do as she asked give her time, if the other guy wins her over then maybe it's not meant to be. Do not go out with other women this just shows your playing the field and your not serious about your commitment to her, maybe this is what she is looking at? If she loves you she will come to you when she is ready. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 love is patient... is number 1 for a goooooood reason. What she wrote was reassuring and couldn't be better. i would be savoring my happiness and maybe working on having something new to bring, a couple of stories to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I don't see why you couldn't invite her to a parade. Don't expect relationship quality time. And if she says no, then be ok with it. She might be trying to sever ties that she doesn't want to know about your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 I don't think this can end in a happy marriage. All I see is her taking from you -- the expensive bracelet, the nice house, your ability to potentially be happy with the model or the doctor and now your time. She doesn't know her own mind. How can you expect to build a future with someone who can't make a decision? Saying I need time to me is code for I want to see if somebody better comes along. Go back to the model & the doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Thanks for sharing "frankiesaysrelax" - It isn't necessarily a bad thing that she needs some time to mourn the loss of one relationship before starting another. It would be more concerning to me if she quickly and easily broke it off with the other guy and immediately came running to you. As a man of faith myself, I want to remind you that God's timing is always perfect. Giving her space, however, doesn't necessarily mean that you stay no-contact until she reaches out to you. It doesn't have to be high pressure or anything. Have you considered a simple text? Something like "How are you? Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you." No pressure, no expectations, just reaching out and letting her know you are there. Have you consulted your Pastor or another trusted friend and asked their opinion? Seeking the mind of the Lord is always a great way to approach any situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Thanks for sharing "frankiesaysrelax" - It isn't necessarily a bad thing that she needs some time to mourn the loss of one relationship before starting another. It would be more concerning to me if she quickly and easily broke it off with the other guy and immediately came running to you. As a man of faith myself, I want to remind you that God's timing is always perfect. Giving her space, however, doesn't necessarily mean that you stay no-contact until she reaches out to you. It doesn't have to be high pressure or anything. Have you considered a simple text? Something like "How are you? Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you." No pressure, no expectations, just reaching out and letting her know you are there. Have you consulted your Pastor or another trusted friend and asked their opinion? Seeking the mind of the Lord is always a great way to approach any situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings! Thank you for the advice. G-d has put me in a awkward place. Yesterday, my sister who has 4 children took a leap down a flight of stairs and broke 3 vertebrae in the spine. I really want to reach out to her before she attends services this weekend to ask for her prayers for my sister who is not in good shape right now but I have no idea if this will drive her further away. I just want her prayers. Knowing who she is on the inside, I value them dearly and I truly believe her heart is blessed. I'm just not sure what the etiquette is and it seems that term "space" is extremely vague. Some tell me not to contact at all and wait till she contacts you. Some say reach out and show your support. Some say have faith and get closer to god. Some say begin dating others immediately. I'm not sure who's advice to take. Edited April 24, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Carson Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 It doesn't have to be high pressure or anything. Have you considered a simple text? Something like "How are you? Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you." No pressure, no expectations, just reaching out and letting her know you are there. Agreed nothing is set in stone. She just pleaded with you to give her time just don't pressure her. Send her a text and ask her to pray for your sister that's not about you or her. If she cares about you she may want to know anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Thank you for the advice. G-d has put me in a awkward place. Yesterday, my sister who has 4 children took a leap down a flight of stairs and broke 3 vertebrae in the spine. I really want to reach out to her before she attends services this weekend to ask for her prayers for my sister who is not in good shape right now but I have no idea if this will drive her further away. I just want her prayers. Knowing who she is on the inside, I value them dearly and I truly believe her heart is blessed. I'm just not sure what the etiquette is and it seems that term "space" is extremely vague. Some tell me not to contact at all and wait till she contacts you. Some say reach out and show your support. Some say have faith and get closer to god. Some say begin dating others immediately. I'm not sure who's advice to take. Does she know your sister? If so, then you can contact her to ask for her prayers. If she has never met your sister, you need to leave her be & concentrate on being their for your sister. FWIW, I will pray for your sister. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Does she know your sister? If so, then you can contact her to ask for her prayers. If she has never met your sister, you need to leave her be & concentrate on being their for your sister. FWIW, I will pray for your sister. She's never met my sister "officially" as my spouse, but she knows that my sister and I are twins and very close. She also knows her from the neighborhood and from school when they were younger (my sister and myself are 2 years older than her). Maybe I should just leave her alone until she gets back to me, if ever? Is that really the healthiest way to go about it to maximize the chances of her becoming receptive to me again? Edited April 24, 2015 by frankiesaysrelax Link to post Share on other sites
Author frankiesaysrelax Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Well, I texted her about my sister asking for prayers over the weekend and got no response. I guess she took it as me making an excuse to contact her after 2 weeks. I guess it's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Carson Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I think your being a little impatient, you say you love her but the minute she doesn't text back your ready to move on. I think the Bible says that love it patient, love is kind you need to be both right now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 She's never met my sister "officially" as my spouse, but she knows that my sister and I are twins and very close. She also knows her from the neighborhood and from school when they were younger (my sister and myself are 2 years older than her). Maybe I should just leave her alone until she gets back to me, if ever? Is that really the healthiest way to go about it to maximize the chances of her becoming receptive to me again? What the heck does that mean? Your EX has never been married to you. Of course she can't meet your sister as your spouse. If she knows your twin sister from the neighborhood fine, it's OK to tell her that her childhood friend has a serious accident. As for the timing, you don't know if / when she got the text or where she was when she received it. Not everybody can react immediately. The fact that you are willing to drop her because she didn't text you back fast enough -- after she told you to give her space -- tells me neither one of you should be married to the other & you certainly are not mature enough to handle being married. Calling somebody you are not even currently dating your spouse also calls into question your maturity level. Leave this woman alone for now & concentrate on your sister's health. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I don't know her and her pattern of behaviour, but I think that if she's serious about a life with you, then she would want to be in touch with you. She would miss you, for instance, and want to be in your company. She might not want to be romantic right away, or get all intense and heavy, but she would want to see you. And know you're not too far away and not going anywhere without her. In other words, she would be open to being in touch and having contact of some degree. Certainly if she cared aobut you, she'd ask about your sister - that's just basic humanity and good manners, let alone caring about someone. So I'm afraid I suspect that she's buying time because sh's not convinced about her future with you. She might be genuinely confused, and she's put you on the shelf hoping that it'll get clearer. But of course, it's painful to you to be on the shelf and if she doesn't want you, then you should be free to go your own way. If I were you - especially if she didn't say anything about your sister in the end - I would consider it perfectly reasonable for you to say that you want/need to see and talk to her. To check in. To see how she's doing. To see how it's going to go. You're absolutely entitled to that, after a few weeks. If she won't give that to you, if she blows you off some more, then I would steel myself if I were you - because she's not acting in a loving way. Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 What did this woman do for you? All I am reading is how you did stuff for her. I agree with Poppygoodwill. She does not act in a loving way and is very selfish. The least one can do when asking for so much space with no contact is to explain what exactly is going on and not leave you in the darkness to agonise over her reasons, try and guess what is going on, etc. That seems almost evil and revengeful, selfish at the very least. "I will talk to you sometime after the undetermined time has passed, maybe a day, a week, or year - just trust me on this one" is a BS story. She is playing on your belief in God and all that stuff about keeping the faith in something you have no proof of...testing faith, testing a person to their limit... this is not love. A woman that loves a man cannot wait to see him, especially after such ordeal. That is how it works on earth. She made you break up with other women to just put you through this torture...seems revengeful. Or she is still dealing with her own relationship and trying to make up her mind. And she does not seem to be a friend to you either as you are no close with her AT ALL. What kind of relationship do you have with her on the level of friendship if after the tragedy strikes your twin sister, you don't feel comfortable turning to her for comfort. Not as a woman but as a friend. You guys are not what you think you are. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 She sounds like a flake. Are you even sure she broke it off with the guy she was seeing??? Link to post Share on other sites
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