90s kid Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Has anyone here ever accepted a date with someone that you’re not attracted to just to get a little more practice dating? Recently, I was asked out on a date by a guy that I’m not particularly interested in. He’s a nice guy and has a lot of great qualities but I’m not physically attracted to him at all. In the past, I have avoided dating guys when I don’t feel that initial spark. It’s hard to describe but I feel repelled by guys that I don’t find attractive—like if I can’t picture holding hands or kissing you, I don’t even feel comfortable being around you. (I hope that doesn’t sound rude. There’s nothing wrong with these guys. I’m just not attracted). Because of this, my dating history is very short. My friends have been telling me that I need to give more guys a chance. I’m usually so picky about looks that I reject 9 out of 10 guys that approach me. As a result, I've developed so many different fears and anxieties about dating because I'm so inexperienced. At this point, I only agreed to go out with this guy to try to expand my dating history and get a little more practice dating. Just to be clear, I’m not expecting a perfect guy. For whatever reason, I’m just not attracted to a lot of people. It’s very rare for me to find a man that I really like. Trust me, i wish I were different! Dating would be so much easier for me! Something feels deceptive about accepting a date with someone that I’m not excited about. Do any of you guys date for practice? Or just to get out of the house?
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Lot's of people go out on practice dates, and more should. Then things go smoother when you do meet Mr. right. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Well, I think you should be genuine with yourself rather than try to convince yourself that something is right that you feel is wrong. I can date someone with an open-mind that I'm not necessarily terribly physically attracted, they might be cute or have a thing about them, but they wouldn't be my "ideal" out of a line-up of women if were just talking about objectively being attracted to someone. But for me they don't need to be, because I can develop a, deep attraction in other ways and that changes my perception and emotional bond/connection with them. I can appreciate a person without just seeing them for what they are and look like on the outside superficially as there's more than one thing that can pull me in romantically speaking. Hypothetically for example... I might be really attracted to someone physically, face and body but the connection otherwise is lacking...I find her behavior or attitude annoying which means i don't really like spending time around her and just kind of tune her out like you see a lot of guys do with women that are just pretty. The sexual chemistry can be way off and it could just feel a bit robotic or casual sex like, which is a big fail for me..she might not be affectionate enough or a sexual person, and then on top of that just boring and uninteresting. But yeah physically, she's hot, it would be perfect as long as she didn't open her mouth. Now for example, someone I thought was cute but not exactly anything jaw-dropping looks wise. But she's fun and interesting to talk to so there's a good connection, she's got a good sense of humor and I enjoy being around her. She's affectionate, expressive, comfortable in her own skin, it's easy to feel comfortable and close to her, it doesn't feel like I'm forcing anything. There's good sexual chemistry, it's passionate and fulfilling. Now try not to get into the details of those two examples, those are more contrasting examples, and it's usually not that simple or one-sided. The point is, if I only dated people women i thought were like the whole package at face value, I'd have missed out on a lot. But that works for me, I don't suggest you pushing yourself to do that. If you're interested in one person and this person has to meet this high standard or maybe just a particular standard as you are very choosy..then continue to do that, I would just suggest trying to get to know people and not making your romantic decisions so early on and completely, just try and give people a chance..but you don't necessarily have to date them, and you can tell them that you'd just like to hang out casually without pressure and without a romantic expectation and see what can develop from there...not everything has to be a "date". But if you feel the same way after a few times hanging out with them, and it's not changing then be clear about not being interested so that you don't mislead anyone. But I would suggest socializing more than just going out just to date, I usually meet women by accident or chance, and that's how it's been for most of my life, rather than going out with specific intention. But since these guys are asking you out directly, you don't have to agree to a date but you can just go out and hang out, and pay your own way and be friendly/social. Just don't use anyone in the process and don't be elusive about how you feel towards them..it's a slippery slope though, but when you think about why a lot of men are friends with women in the first place, it's usually because there's a romantic interest or the guy would be interested in sleeping with her...so it's actually a much more normal dynamic than people are willing to admit. But it's nice you're not one of those women (hoping) who just want to be friends with a guy you know is interested in you but you don't care because you're not so you think it's cool, and that's not what I'm telling you to do...be clear and upfront about your feelings, if they don't like it, they can make the choice. 1
Author 90s kid Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Did he ask you out in real life or online? In real life. He approached me and asked for my number. We talked on the phone and he wants to go out some time this weekend.
neowulf Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Unless there's glaring red flags, I'll usually agree to a first date. I just go in with zero expectations. I expect to meet the person, have a chat, then leave. That's basically it. As such, every "first date" that doesn't lead to more *is* a practice date. First dates are just about breaking the ice. Anyone who's gets over invested in them is destined to burn out on dating pretty fast. 3
joseb Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Personally I thinks its deceptive . Would you like it if someone you were interested in was using you as a practise date? There are lots of ways to get out of the house - people seem to be obsessed with constant dating, practising it, like it's a task to get good enough at so you fool people somehow. 3
neowulf Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Personally I thinks its deceptive . Would you like it if someone you were interested in was using you as a practise date? There are lots of ways to get out of the house - people seem to be obsessed with constant dating, practising it, like it's a task to get good enough at so you fool people somehow. Well, I guess that would depend on how much weight you give a "Meet and greet". They might well be attracted, but they don't know me. I don't know them. We're strangers. We might be attracted, but that doesn't mean you lose your head and dive in on the first date. A date means nothing. A first date is just two people, meeting up to have a chat and get a feel for each other. True, if I was completely *sure* that I would never, EVER develop feelings for a woman, I wouldn't go out on a date with her. That's just about not wanting to waste her time, or mine. But feeling neutral? Or thinking "Yeah, she seems pretty cool, I'd like to get to know her a bit better", sure. One of the things you learn as you get older is to stop being responsible for other peoples feelings. If they're super excited and reading more into the situation than they should, then that's really their concern. I'm going to try and manage their expectations sure, but I'm not going to held accountable if they get upset that the first date goes no where. Edited April 23, 2015 by neowulf 1
h0000 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Of course you can. No one will kill you. But karma is a bi***
Author 90s kid Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 The point is, if I only dated people women i thought were like the whole package at face value, I'd have missed out on a lot. I agree. I’m definitely not looking for the whole package right off the bat. I would be more excited about the date if I had any attraction at all-albeit a small one. A small spark can grow over time. However, it's hard to generate an attraction out of nothing. I would just suggest trying to get to know people and not making your romantic decisions so early on and completely, just try and give people a chance..but you don't necessarily have to date them, and you can tell them that you'd just like to hang out casually without pressure and without a romantic expectation and see what can develop from there...not everything has to be a "date". But if you feel the same way after a few times hanging out with them, and it's not changing then be clear about not being interested so that you don't mislead anyone. Thanks for the advice! 2
SycamoreCircle Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I think practice dating is perfectly fine. But you are responsible for not letting things go too far. You don't want to lead the person on. One date is fine. Also, I've found myself becoming attracted to women whose looks and body type don't initially appeal to me. Two examples: a woman I worked with really started to excite me sexually by her personality. She was so exuberant and witty. My ex, whom I fell deeply for, was most definitely not the body type that catches my eye. She was petite and almost child-like in size. Sexual attraction is a very malleable thing and it can surprise you. Get out there and experience things. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 In real life. He approached me and asked for my number. We talked on the phone and he wants to go out some time this weekend. It would be one thing if you met online. Women have written me and I wasn't sold on the pics. But after engaging them in conversation and digging their personality, I'll still meet. Why? Some people don't photograph well, I've met more than a few women who were smoking hot in person that had bad pics. But you've seen him in person, and know 100% that you're not attracted to him. That means you're leading the guy on. He isn't asking you out to practice his dating skills. He is genuinely interested. So that's why you shouldn't have returned his voice mail. **** Hopefully you'll at least do the right thing and insist on paying your share. If you let him pay for you knowing you weren't interested going in, that shows low integrity. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I dunno.. I'd rather be single than " practice " with guys who I don't have strong initial chemistry with. If I'm not excited about seeing them again, if I'm not anxiously hoping they do text me; I'm not into them. And I'd rather stay single for years. I've had craploads of dating practice and I felt chemistry with all who I chose to date more than once. Some people struggle to find people who give them that " excited " post first date sensation... It doesn't happen all the time for me, but I tend to find the spark often enough for me not to have to resort to men I'm not sexually attracted to. 1
elaine567 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Something feels deceptive about accepting a date with someone that I’m not excited about. Do any of you guys date for practice? Or just to get out of the house? I think if you are open to dating different types of men then fair enough, but if you are doing this merely to practice dating, I think it is a bit mean. It takes a bit of courage to ask a person out and if they accept, then there is a often a lot of expectation involved and hopes raised. How would you like to accept a date and then find the person who asked you out wasn't attracted to you at all, in fact found you repulsive, and merely asked you out to practise his dating skills? Yes dating is all practice, but I think apart from obvious hook up situations there should be some attraction involved, some hope of taking things further.. Else, for those looking for love, it is all just a complete waste of their time. If this guy has secretly wanted to go out with you for a long time, then accepting the date may be seen by him as absolutely wonderful, but when you don't want a 2nd date he may spend months wondering what he did wrong, because you were so keen to go on the first date. I know no-one should get emotionally involved over early dates, but people do, that is the reality. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 i feel if you can honestly say to the person before you date..hey ....im not really into you i just want to practice on you do you mind if i work on my skills so i can date others? and that person says yeah ok....then thats fair and honest and gives them a chance to feel what they want to feel before committing to a date with a person who has no real desire to date them...but i could never say that to a guys face so i wont be practice dating on a guy...i wont date a guy unless i am thinking and feeling a relationship and further dates are definitely possible..deb 1
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Has anyone here ever accepted a date with someone that you’re not attracted to just to get a little more practice dating? Recently, I was asked out on a date by a guy that I’m not particularly interested in. He’s a nice guy and has a lot of great qualities but I’m not physically attracted to him at all. In the past, I have avoided dating guys when I don’t feel that initial spark. It’s hard to describe but I feel repelled by guys that I don’t find attractive—like if I can’t picture holding hands or kissing you, I don’t even feel comfortable being around you. (I hope that doesn’t sound rude. There’s nothing wrong with these guys. I’m just not attracted). Because of this, my dating history is very short. My friends have been telling me that I need to give more guys a chance. I’m usually so picky about looks that I reject 9 out of 10 guys that approach me. As a result, I've developed so many different fears and anxieties about dating because I'm so inexperienced. At this point, I only agreed to go out with this guy to try to expand my dating history and get a little more practice dating. Just to be clear, I’m not expecting a perfect guy. For whatever reason, I’m just not attracted to a lot of people. It’s very rare for me to find a man that I really like. Trust me, i wish I were different! Dating would be so much easier for me! Something feels deceptive about accepting a date with someone that I’m not excited about. Do any of you guys date for practice? Or just to get out of the house? Attraction sometimes grows as you get to see more of the whole person. (Of course, if you're completed turn off by their looks or something, that's another story). It's just a date. Go into them with an open mind and simply to enjoy spending time with someone new. You have nothing to lose really. If after you meet them, you still don't feel like you're interested, you simply say thank you for a nice time but I don't think we are a good match and offer to pay for the date, especially, if you weren't too eager to go in the first place. And, ok, if you want to view it as practice, you can. But, really, it's just about opening doors and widening your dating opportunities. It may actually play into your favor if you're not overly excited about it because, you aren't projecting or imagining a future with them and distracted by all that before you even get to the date. You'll be in the moment. If you are looking for a relationship and dating for a purpose, it's not deceptive. If you're just going out to get a free meal, that's deceptive 1
Gary S Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 From her perspective, it's fine. From the guys perspective, it might not be... if he's attracted to her, not so good - for him. Too bad so sad. Let the buyer beware. He should know better. Welcome to the cat-and-mouse game. 1
carhill Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Has anyone here ever accepted a date with someone that you’re not attracted to just to get a little more practice dating? IME, getting a date was too much work to waste that time and effort on someone I didn't have sincere interest in. I can't speak from a woman's perspective and, as a man, I've never had the opportunity to 'accept' dates so don't know what that's like.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 From her perspective, it's fine. From the guys perspective, it might not be... if he's attracted to her, not so good - for him. Too bad so sad. Let the buyer beware. He should know better. Welcome to the cat-and-mouse game. Well as I said before, I hope she does the right thing and insists on paying for herself. Going out with a guy you know that you're not attracted to, and then using him for a free meal isn't a good thing. 1
Author 90s kid Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) It may actually play into your favor if you're not overly excited about it because, you aren't projecting or imagining a future with them and distracted by all that before you even get to the date. You'll be in the moment. If you are looking for a relationship and dating for a purpose, it's not deceptive. If you're just going out to get a free meal, that's deceptive Thanks for the advice. I'll definitely offer to pay for my share. Edited April 23, 2015 by 90s kid
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