My girlfriend just broke up with me because she feels like she's a bad influence??

[alphared]

So my girlfriend of one month just broke up with me because she feels like she's a bad influence because she smokes and drinks. She says she doesn't want to drag me down and cares too much about me to do so. She says she's not going to change because she can't. (Although she's admitted she wants to.) I don't smoke or drink. And I don't have anything against people who do, but she knows I'd highly prefer dating a girl who doesn't. She had been trying to stop the smoking and the drinking and doing a real good job with it for a while until she had a real stressful day. I could tell she was feeling really guilty about it and she never told me although I found out because her breath, car, clothes, hair, and the taste of her mouth let me know. The thing is, she's only been smoking and drinking for a few months and turns to either when things aren't going too well for her. I'm turning 19 here soon (and her 18), and I don't know what to do. I've always been there for in helping her overcome the drinking and smoking, she just lives with people who encourage her to do both and she can't bring herself to say no.. I want to get her back, she's an amazing girl, but I feel like she needs time to work on herself.. Would something like a letter describing my feelings and support work? Should I wait a few days to give it to her? Or give it to her now while the feelings are still strong? Should I tell her I want to be with her once she works on herself? Thank you everyone!

[fitnessfan365]

She's not into you and trying to let you down easy. It's basically the same thing as her saying "It's not you, it's me".

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

She's not into you and trying to let you down easy. It's basically the same thing as her saying "It's not you, it's me".

 

Yup.. I dated a girl who pulled the same **** on me lol.

 

Forget this one OP. She's young, wants to party and partake in drugs/alcohol. Hey - nothing wrong with that. You just seem like a guy on the straight and narrow.

 

I guess I can't relate, I've always liked having a few drinks (responsibly), and a little bit of weed never hurt anyone But stick to your guns.

[cessna]

Couldn't agree more with the others, she's letting you down gently, it's just an excuse, albeit a pretty rubbish one. I smoked and drank with my ex and I never felt like a bad influence. I'm from England, this country runs on booze and I've given up smoking but it means nothing.

[alphared]

She's not into you and trying to let you down easy. It's basically the same thing as her saying "It's not you, it's me".

 

Yup.. I dated a girl who pulled the same **** on me lol.

 

Forget this one OP. She's young, wants to party and partake in drugs/alcohol. Hey - nothing wrong with that. You just seem like a guy on the straight and narrow.

 

I guess I can't relate, I've always liked having a few drinks (responsibly), and a little bit of weed never hurt anyone But stick to your guns.

 

Couldn't agree more with the others, she's letting you down gently, it's just an excuse, albeit a pretty rubbish one. I smoked and drank with my ex and I never felt like a bad influence. I'm from England, this country runs on booze and I've given up smoking but it means nothing.

 

Thank you for the advice everyone. It does sound like she's letting me down gently but I can't bring myself to think that. She a real pretty girl, not to mention highly social, but yet she has literally 0 friends. Just acquaintances. I also forgot to mention that she suffers from pretty bad depression and always is caring what others think about her. Before we broke up she was always asking whether my parents liked her or not and regardless of what I said, she believed that they "hated" her. When we broke up she said that my parents had such high expectations for me and that she didn't want to drag me down. I should have added all this in the original post. Do you guys still think she's just letting me down gently? Or is there a bigger issue at hand? Thanks!

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Dude if she wanted to be with you, she'd respect that you don't want to drink/smoke.

 

The fact that this is an issue for her means she's not that into you. Period.

 

Your judgment is clouded in this matter since you are young, and close to this girl. Take it from someone who's been around that block, this kind of thing doesn't just work itself out and go away.

 

Move on.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

So my girlfriend of one month just broke up with me because she feels like she's a bad influence because she smokes and drinks. She says she doesn't want to drag me down and cares too much about me to do so. She says she's not going to change because she can't. (Although she's admitted she wants to.) I don't smoke or drink. And I don't have anything against people who do, but she knows I'd highly prefer dating a girl who doesn't. She had been trying to stop the smoking and the drinking and doing a real good job with it for a while until she had a real stressful day. I could tell she was feeling really guilty about it and she never told me although I found out because her breath, car, clothes, hair, and the taste of her mouth let me know. The thing is, she's only been smoking and drinking for a few months and turns to either when things aren't going too well for her. I'm turning 19 here soon (and her 18), and I don't know what to do. I've always been there for in helping her overcome the drinking and smoking, she just lives with people who encourage her to do both and she can't bring herself to say no.. I want to get her back, she's an amazing girl, but I feel like she needs time to work on herself.. Would something like a letter describing my feelings and support work? Should I wait a few days to give it to her? Or give it to her now while the feelings are still strong? Should I tell her I want to be with her once she works on herself? Thank you everyone!

 

She very well could be feeling guilty of being your girlfriend because she DOES smoke and drink and she knows that you'd prefer to be with someone who doesn't do either one of those things. She may want to change, but at her age (you both are quite young), she may not be ready to quit doing it yet and may be in the 'experimental phase' of this part of her life.

 

You feeling that she needs time to work on herself is a mature way to think and yes, it's something that I think you could tell her - either in a letter or better yet, face-to-face. Once you tell her (from your heart) that you think she's an amazing person and would consider re-entering into a relationship with her once she gets her life straightened out, she will know that you really are into her, that you care about her and that you want the best for her. That could be the incentive and encouragement that will inspire her to stop hanging around with (or caving into peer pressure from) her roomies or her friends that entice her into drinking and doing drugs (um, by 'smoking', do you mean she smokes weed or cigarettes?)

 

 

 

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[Buddhist]

She can bring herself to say no but she chooses not to. She isn't breaking up with you because she's a bad influence. She's breaking up with you because she feels pressure to do something they doesn't want to do. Whether or not you are actively applying the pressure doesn't matter. She knows what your preferences are and she knows that she wants to do the thing you don't like. Hence the break up. Let it go and move on.

[Gary S]

Well it's kinda beside the point... you never had a relationship anyway, one month is not enough time for her to fall in love. She was just dating you and decided she did not want to anymore.

[Mjm1014]

Dude I would laugh in her face and tell her to get lost. That is the lamest excuse I've ever heard for breaking up with someone. I had a girl pull something similar once telling me she is a bad person and that she doesn't want to drag me down-I told her she's right and slammed the door!

 

Let this one go..trust me

[WonderKid]

One thing is for certain, if you don't let her go now, you'll be paying for her habits later. She is young and wants to do what she wants to with no feeling of restrictions and feeling trapped. You are trapping her--you just don't know it. And if she is saying this after one month, there is nothing there for you, realistically.

 

Go find yourself a girl who doesn't get wasted or high everytime things go bad. Plus, I find out for myself, people who get: high, drunk, and party excessively are usually the ones that end up ****ing other people when under the influence.

[elaine567]

She smokes and drinks, I guess she likes smoking and drinking.

Along comes bf who looks down on her smoking and drinking, prefers her not to smoke and drink; she tries to oblige by trying to stop but doesn't really want to.

At 18, she weighed up the possibilities, decided she didn't really like being told what to do and she realised that some other guy will smoke and drink with her and not care about her ways, so she made the decision to dump you.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

She smokes and drinks, I guess she likes smoking and drinking.

Along comes bf who looks down on her smoking and drinking, prefers her not to smoke and drink; she tries to oblige by trying to stop but doesn't really want to.

At 18, she weighed up the possibilities, decided she didn't really like being told what to do and she realised that some other guy will smoke and drink with her and not care about her ways, so she made the decision to dump you.

 

Pretty much this. You can't expect a person to quit doing something they like for you... They might try but ultimately they will resent you for it.