Eighty_nine Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I ran into an ex the other day. He smiled at me and the next day, texted me after 7 months of zero contact. He also texted again today. It was an unhealthy relairionship... I was in love with him but he was unavailable, although I do believe he had strong feelings for me too. still he would never commit and would never let me go, either. He has all kinds of emotional problems and treated me very badly at times. I ended it, he tried messaging me a couple times after and gave up when I ignored him. His texting me has given me this major ego boost that I feel is almost unhealthy. Why does hearing from him make me feel SO good? There's no way I'd get back into our old habits, totally not interested in that. But feeling good about myself because he's reaching out to me makes me realize how dependent I seem to be on others for validation.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I think it's a perfectly normal ego boost, not necessarily an unhealthy one. It's human nature to want to be found attractive and desirable to others, and this was confirmation of that. I think it's good too, that you realize that the relationship wasn't good for you. I'd see more room for concern if you were plotting ways to get back with him based on a smile and a few messages.
Jessie1231 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I think what Ziggy said is right. Healthy or not, it's natural. It's the best feeling ever when you look great and feel great and then run into that aashat who broke your heart. Love it! What sucks is when you roll out of bed on a Sunday, run to the store for a second, and run into that ex who broke your heart. That's embarrassing.
casey.lives Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 i think former lovers always touch us, especially when you loved them so much . If you have positive associations to a person, you'll get a positive reaction. Sometimes, it's shyness or nervousness, and little to nothing to do with the person. Its a stretch to call it an ego boost, unless you have a low ego at the time ..i guess..
Author Eighty_nine Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 I think what Ziggy said is right. Healthy or not, it's natural. It's the best feeling ever when you look great and feel great and then run into that aashat who broke your heart. Love it! What sucks is when you roll out of bed on a Sunday, run to the store for a second, and run into that ex who broke your heart. That's embarrassing. That's exactly what happened too, we were at an event and I was all dressed up. The best time to run into him. He only lives a few blocks away from me so the chance that we'll run into each other when I'm fresh out of bed is high, too, lol. thanks for the replies. I feel like I have been worried that good feeling came from feelings I still had for him. I do still have feelings for him in some way, but NOT in romantic start-things-up-again way. I need to know I can feel good about him contacting me and that doesn't mean I miss him.
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I ran into an ex the other day. He smiled at me and the next day, texted me after 7 months of zero contact. He also texted again today. It was an unhealthy relairionship... I was in love with him but he was unavailable, although I do believe he had strong feelings for me too. still he would never commit and would never let me go, either. He has all kinds of emotional problems and treated me very badly at times. I ended it, he tried messaging me a couple times after and gave up when I ignored him. His texting me has given me this major ego boost that I feel is almost unhealthy. Why does hearing from him make me feel SO good? There's no way I'd get back into our old habits, totally not interested in that. But feeling good about myself because he's reaching out to me makes me realize how dependent I seem to be on others for validation. But feeling good about myself because he's reaching out to me makes me realize how dependent I seem to be on others for validation -- getting validation/ego boost from this is a sign of of a little bit of an esteem issue carried over from the fact that this relationship ended. It is unhealthy. It is ok to appreciate validation from an external source as long as it is from a healthy source, not from someone with whom you shared a dysfunctional relationship. You are probably feeling like maybe he's changed and appreciating you now and sorry for treating you badly. What you should remember here is that he is likely attempting to boost his own ego by wanting to see or talk to you to find out if you're still pining away for him. He likely hasn't found anyone else or if he did, he's not happy. He comes back to something that's comfortable. It may not have been a good relationship, but there is comfort in familiarity. You are right not to communicate with him. Seek internal validation for yourself. Focus on the things you like about yourself and work on the things that you aren't as happy with. This will help you move on and, in fact, help you find someone who is right for you
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