stopping Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 This is while no contact is going on. Day four will be soon. We had been broken up for a while. I have a thread about this on the forum. Cliff She apologizes for my lack of confidence.. I say I get the message Receive text a little later saying please do not give up on me. So I go NC...get bread crumbs for a few days...last one was to please call me...no definite reversal or saying we get back together..enough of a carrot to dangle me NOW....I get email from my parents (a rarity) asking how I am and that the ex asks me to give her a call.... WTF... 1. Do I have to go no contact with my parents ( I dont talk to them even on a weekly basis)? Reason is that even if I tell them about this and they tell her this then she gets some info she wants and gets this behavior rewarded.. 2. She is trying for an emotional response which she will not get... 3. I am leaning towards no response still because this is just another ploy to get what she wants...involving my parents after she ended this... This galvanizes me...I am very much leaning that I close the last email account she knows about as every other contact method including new address she does not have. Please talk to me in the forum fellow NC'ers..has this happened to you?
NC-Thomas Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 This is while no contact is going on. Day four will be soon. We had been broken up for a while. I have a thread about this on the forum. Cliff She apologizes for my lack of confidence.. I say I get the message Receive text a little later saying please do not give up on me. So I go NC...get bread crumbs for a few days...last one was to please call me...no definite reversal or saying we get back together..enough of a carrot to dangle me NOW....I get email from my parents (a rarity) asking how I am and that the ex asks me to give her a call.... WTF... 1. Do I have to go no contact with my parents ( I dont talk to them even on a weekly basis)? Reason is that even if I tell them about this and they tell her this then she gets some info she wants and gets this behavior rewarded.. 2. She is trying for an emotional response which she will not get... 3. I am leaning towards no response still because this is just another ploy to get what she wants...involving my parents after she ended this... This galvanizes me...I am very much leaning that I close the last email account she knows about as every other contact method including new address she does not have. Please talk to me in the forum fellow NC'ers..has this happened to you? I think you already know what to do. She is manipulating you into contacting her, through your parents. It very saddening to see your parents getting involved in this. Use this moment to build that strengh to keep NC and stay in power. You cannot bend on this. I've had exes do similair manipulative attempts out of desperation and checking-up, also through friends and even parents. I told them not to ever talk about my ex again, no matter what. Ignorance is a bliss, block her everywhere. What reason do you have to keep that last life line open? You are already broken up. Good luck! 2
Author stopping Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 I think you already know what to do. She is manipulating you into contacting her, through your parents. It very saddening to see your parents getting involved in this. Use this moment to build that strengh to keep NC and stay in power. You cannot bend on this. I've had exes do similair manipulative attempts out of desperation and checking-up, also through friends and even parents. I told them not to ever talk about my ex again, no matter what. Ignorance is a bliss, block her everywhere. What reason do you have to keep that last life line open? You are already broken up. Good luck! I agree...so here is the question My parents should not be put in the middle nor do they have good poker faces...even if they tell her that they cant say anything then she knows that I have talked to them about her and she wins... I do not have a close relationship with my parents but still...I do like to email and see them on occasion...do I have to just ignore this email for a while from the parents? 1
NC-Thomas Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I agree...so here is the question My parents should not be put in the middle nor do they have good poker faces...even if they tell her that they cant say anything then she knows that I have talked to them about her and she wins... I do not have a close relationship with my parents but still...I do like to email and see them on occasion...do I have to just ignore this email for a while from the parents? Depends on whether your parents had email / phone contact or real life contact with her. The latter is harder to fake. I agree, your parents should not be involved. However ignoring your parents is somewhat different that ignoring your ex. I would just ask them to keep matters concerning your ex to themselves, because you dont want to be involved in anything that concerns her. About the whole winning thing. She might get to you, but she still doesn't get what she wants. Infact it is quite sad that she has to communicate through your parents, so I wouldn't call that "winning" in a long shot. 1
Satu Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Just let your parents know that you don't want anything to do with her. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I agree...so here is the question My parents should not be put in the middle nor do they have good poker faces...even if they tell her that they cant say anything then she knows that I have talked to them about her and she wins... I do not have a close relationship with my parents but still...I do like to email and see them on occasion...do I have to just ignore this email for a while from the parents? Damn, that's crossing some lines, contacting your parents. I'd say just thank your parents for passing the message along, and tell them that you two broke up. Then not contact her at all. Once she gets the message that your parents talked to you and you still didn't bite, she should give up that avenue of contact. 1
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 So let's get this straight, you were together (engaged?) She broke up with you for some reason. You basically shrugged and said okay. She said don't give up on you. Then, four days later she may realize she's made a mistake and even goes so far as to contact your parents. Hmm So basically, its sounds like a few things. 1. Her breaking up sounds like a protest behavior and she was hoping you'd have more of a reaction to it and perhaps fight for something she needed you to fight for hence why she rolled the dice in leaving. Hmm. While its not good she broke up with you, she sounds possibly contrite. 2. She's contacting your parents. We always say here that if someone wants you back they will fight for you. Here she is burying yer embarassment to talk to your parents which is probaby pretty tough to do. I'm going to buck the horse here and say talk to her. Its only been four days. She might have realized she messed up.
Author stopping Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Just let your parents know that you don't want anything to do with her. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. I never dreamed that she would do this ...
Author stopping Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 So let's get this straight, you were together (engaged?) She broke up with you for some reason. You basically shrugged and said okay. She said don't give up on you. Then, four days later she may realize she's made a mistake and even goes so far as to contact your parents. Hmm So basically, its sounds like a few things. 1. Her breaking up sounds like a protest behavior and she was hoping you'd have more of a reaction to it and perhaps fight for something she needed you to fight for hence why she rolled the dice in leaving. Hmm. While its not good she broke up with you, she sounds possibly contrite. 2. She's contacting your parents. We always say here that if someone wants you back they will fight for you. Here she is burying yer embarassment to talk to your parents which is probaby pretty tough to do. I'm going to buck the horse here and say talk to her. Its only been four days. She might have realized she messed up. engaged...long relationship...she is dumper...been broken up for longer than a few weeks...I played the sap, tried to be her friend, and looked weak to keep hope alive. Final straw was Sunday when she apologized to me for my lack of confidence... I show backbone and then the breadcrumbs come because I am not responding when the leash is yanked... all else you say is accurate about situation
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Id hear her out. Not everything here on LS is a one size fits all. Hear her out and if its more of the same, then at least YOU won't have any regrets.
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 One other thing.. I don't know what she said to your parents but obviously they don't see her as a monster and they are recommending contact. I'm sure that if she was going to give you more closure b.s. they'd probaby say "No thanks. You hurt our boy." However, it sounds like she probably told them something else, and your parentsl who never reach out, felt COMPELLED to which sounds like they see something positive and redemptive there. I'm betting its reconciliation. See what happens.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 One other thing.. I don't know what she said to your parents but obviously they don't see her as a monster and they are recommending contact. I'm sure that if she was going to give you more closure b.s. they'd probaby say "No thanks. You hurt our boy." However, it sounds like she probably told them something else, and your parentsl who never reach out, felt COMPELLED to which sounds like they see something positive and redemptive there. I'm betting its reconciliation. See what happens. He didn't say anything about her parents recommending he talk to her. He just said that they told him that her ex wants him to give her a call. Maybe they did, but if they have, he didn't write it up as such. 1
Author stopping Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 He didn't say anything about her parents recommending he talk to her. He just said that they told him that her ex wants him to give her a call. Maybe they did, but if they have, he didn't write it up as such. Close to verbatim Have not heard from u? What's up? Xxx asks that you call her.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Close to verbatim Have not heard from u? What's up? Xxx asks that you call her. Yeah, my parents would tell me if one of my ex's called and wouldn't comment on it unless they really hated her. Honestly, I think it's a cheap move for her to get your parents involved and it comes off as extremely manipulative. If it's important for her to talk to you, she needs to talk to you and, if it's reconciliation, she needs to come correct. I'd be pissed personally if an ex got my parents involved. My parents are my confidant -- not tools for my ex to use to get me to do what she wants. I'd be livid in fact. However, if you want, maybe ask your parents if your ex shared what she wanted to discuss and what their thoughts are. If your ex didn't tell them anything, I'd just let them know what's going on and that you don't want to hear anything from her unless it's her talking about reconciliation. 1
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He didn't say anything about her parents recommending he talk to her. He just said that they told him that her ex wants him to give her a call. Maybe they did, but if they have, he didn't write it up as such. Gotcha. My mistake. I'd still see what she wants. If things go south, then hang up. Lol
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Gotcha. My mistake. I'd still see what she wants. If things go south, then hang up. Lol I have to fully disagree with you. Getting the parents involved is a chump move IMO. If she wants to have a conversation, it's up to her to be an adult and have the conversation with him. Contacting the parents seems really manipulative to me.
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Yeah, my parents would tell me if one of my ex's called and wouldn't comment on it unless they really hated her. Honestly, I think it's a cheap move for her to get your parents involved and it comes off as extremely manipulative. If it's important for her to talk to you, she needs to talk to you and, if it's reconciliation, she needs to come correct. I'd be pissed personally if an ex got my parents involved. My parents are my confidant -- not tools for my ex to use to get me to do what she wants. I'd be livid in fact. However, if you want, maybe ask your parents if your ex shared what she wanted to discuss and what their thoughts are. If your ex didn't tell them anything, I'd just let them know what's going on and that you don't want to hear anything from her unless it's her talking about reconciliation. This is true too. If she's been callling though, and hes been ignoring to maintain NC, perhaps she's afraid to call. Maybe she wants to do reconciliation other then via text.
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I have to fully disagree with you. Getting the parents involved is a chump move IMO. If she wants to have a conversation, it's up to her to be an adult and have the conversation with him. Contacting the parents seems really manipulative to me. Just agreed with you. I was typing. I do all this on a tablet. Lol fat fingers. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 This is true too. If she's been callling though, and hes been ignoring to maintain NC, perhaps she's afraid to call. Maybe she wants to do reconciliation other then via text. Who cares if she's afraid? She caused this. It's not the dumpee's job to hold the hand of the dumper. She needs to be an adult and speak up. This isn't kindergarten.
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Well, sometimes its something to consider to create effective communication. He dumped her, he needs to see if there are any lingering areas of resentment, have her think about how she may be reacting to those impulses and if they are still valid for her hesitancy, and then get her answer.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Well, sometimes its something to consider to create effective communication. He dumped her, he needs to see if there are any lingering areas of resentment, have her think about how she may be reacting to those impulses and if they are still valid for her hesitancy, and then get her answer. You have your threads confused. She dumped him.
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He dumped her. After 5 years he broke up with her admitting he took her for granted. I'm sure that was a land mine to her. I'm sure it hurt like hell. Now they are back to hanging out, doing things again, and HE says they are better then before. I'm sure she's still shell shocked though and has people in her corner saying either take it slow or get the f away from him he dumped you. I'm sure that creates fear in her mind. "Can I trust him? Will this last? Ive got some pent up anger. If I go back to him completely, am I weak? Will everyone be angry at me and see me as weak?" I COMMEND him for his 180. He's doing what a dumper should do. However, like we all say here, he dumpedn her, he needs to put in good effort. That effort, from my opinion anyway (stress opinion because none of us here are gods lol) may need to make her think about her own hesitancies. When that's done, she'll have a clearer picture of yes or no and so will he.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He dumped her. After 5 years he broke up with her admitting he took her for granted. I'm sure that was a land mine to her. I'm sure it hurt like hell. Now they are back to hanging out, doing things again, and HE says they are better then before. I'm sure she's still shell shocked though and has people in her corner saying either take it slow or get the f away from him he dumped you. I'm sure that creates fear in her mind. "Can I trust him? Will this last? Ive got some pent up anger. If I go back to him completely, am I weak? Will everyone be angry at me and see me as weak?" I COMMEND him for his 180. He's doing what a dumper should do. However, like we all say here, he dumpedn her, he needs to put in good effort. That effort, from my opinion anyway (stress opinion because none of us here are gods lol) may need to make her think about her own hesitancies. When that's done, she'll have a clearer picture of yes or no and so will he. Dude, wrong thread. That's Anthony's thread.
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) Dude, wrong thread. That's Anthony's thread. Oh damn. My bad! I'm on a nook. These threads are right next to each other. Sorry all! Edited April 23, 2015 by fireflywy 1
quattrob Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 TC I know it's hard for you, my ex would try to get info about my well being by contacting my sister and when I found out, I told my sister and my family to dont tell her anything regarding me and that I dont care if they want to be friends with her but I dont want them to share anything regarding me and I dont want to hear anything about her. They all agreed and that's the last I heard about her. It's as simple as that, you do not need to make things more complicated than it really is. I have a feeling all this is stroking your ego and making you feel better about yourself but I feel like you're allowing it to be this way... and to be honest with you I don't find that to be a good thing. If you're going to move on and get over her, please just make everything simple and stop trying exaggerate the situation and her actions.
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