lumberjac Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Hi guys, I'm back. So me and her broke up nearly three months now, been NC since day one but broke it slightly in mid-february. breadcrumbs now and then but I ignored them all. No message, no text, no contact. Until today when she phoned me three times in the afternoon, then she emailed me saying "Look will you please just talk to me I'm freaking out and I don't know what I'm doing and I'm worried about myself and I'm just all over the palce please I feel sick. I've been on sleeping pills cause I can't sleep. Please please talk to me." With three more calls afterwards. I know what the drill is: ignore. BUT, she has depression, anxiety. It may not be very severe but its serious enough that she needs to take meds daily. Her doctor once reduced her dose but she felt it and immediately asked to go back to stronger dose. I'm not sure what to do right now. I know she's not my responsibility anymore, but I still care about her. I'm not sure what to do.
OneBigIdgit Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 That whole message is all about her. She has nerve to send a message that will only serve her needs. Since you are worried about her mental anxiety leading to possibly a physical problem, Id say send her a very bland reply, letting her know that you are breathing and doing ok. If you feel that your feelings are still raw, I wouldn't reply at all. She should be messaging her therapist and doctors. 3
Author lumberjac Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 She phoned me 6 more times straight once I posted this thread... Half of me just want to phone back and see whats up, but then, do I want to call her back just to make her feel better?
JS84 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 If you guys broke up, she needs to find a way to deal with her issues that don't involve you. You're her ex-boyfriend, not her security blanket. 2
Satu Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 She's an adult and responsible for herself. Leave her to on with it. (Block her.) 2
darkbloom Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) You are only responsible for your feelings and emotions. She is manipulating you to get what she wants. Edited April 22, 2015 by darkbloom 2
TunaCat Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 That email just screams "Me, Me, Me." She is trying to manipulate you. Block her number & email address. You are not responsible for her emotional state. 4
Satu Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 She's an adult and responsible for herself. Leave her to *get*on with it, that was... (Block her.) *************************************
quattrob Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 As hard as it is to do, you should not reply her in any form. As far as I can tell from her emails etc, it's really all about herself and she's pulling the "I'm in trouble/gonna die if you don't do what I want" card. She's trying to manipulate you to get what she wants from you and if you fall for it, you're the one to be hurt in the end. She is an adult and needs to deal with things on her own, it's like you said not your responsibility anymore. Only thing I'd do in your position is MAYBE try to contact someone that's close to her like a friend and let her know that your ex is suffering. And for the sake of your own sanity and for your own protection, block her. 1
No Limit Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 She's just increasing the emotional blackmail. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't ruin all the progress you've made just to be her emotional tampon for a day. 2
NC-Thomas Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) Remember this: The moment you pick up that phone, you lose everything you worked very hard for. You worked hard for NC and you did it solely for your own mental wellbeing. The moment you pick up that phone, all of that is lost. The moment you pick up that phone, you exchange your wellbeing for hers. You exchange your hard work for her crap. You give away your progress. The moment you pick up that phone, you are basically giving the message: I am willing to sacrifice my self-love and dignity for your wellbeing, you dumped me but hey I want to be there for you as a friend. I don't mind you throwing me to the curb like on trash-tuesday, because I am still here for you. To compensate for your crappy feelings like the soft needy douchbag I am. Next time that phone rings, you won't hear a thing, because you blocked her. Now go and block that phone number. This is precious energy being wasted here! Edited April 22, 2015 by NC-Thomas 6
Satu Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Remember this: The moment you pick up that phone, you lose everything you worked very hard for. You worked hard for NC and you did it solely for your own mental wellbeing. The moment you pick up that phone, all of that is lost. The moment you pick up that phone, you exchange your wellbeing for hers. You exchange your hard work for her crap. You give away your progress. The moment you pick up that phone, you are basically giving the message: I am willing to sacrifice my self-love and dignity for your wellbeing, you dumped me but hey I want to be there for you as a friend. I don't mind you throwing me to the curb like on trash-tuesday, because I am still here for you. To compensate for your crappy feelings like the soft needy douchbag I am. Next time that phone rings, you won't hear a thing, because you blocked her. Now go and block that phone number. This is precious energy being wasted here! ^Print this out and read it every time you think of contacting her. 1
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 If you're THAT concerned, then call her folks or brother or sister or one of her girlfriends. Explain that she's freaking out and having an anxiety attack and if they could please talk her down. That way you've made moves to get someone else to take care of her without losing your NC. 6
fireflywy Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 (edited) If you're THAT concerned, then call her folks or brother or sister or one of her girlfriends. Explain that she's freaking out and having an anxiety attack and if they could please talk her down. That way you've made moves to get someone else to take care of her without losing your NC. This above is the correct answer. If she has depression, you NEED to tell someone. My brother has it and just this weekend, we all had a self harm scare. He is now seeing a counselor (he's already on meds). Edited April 23, 2015 by fireflywy 1
NC-Thomas Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 If you're THAT concerned, then call her folks or brother or sister or one of her girlfriends. Explain that she's freaking out and having an anxiety attack and if they could please talk her down. That way you've made moves to get someone else to take care of her without losing your NC. That way she will still get to know (via via) that she can reach OP indirectly and that he is reading her messages. Once she figures that works, she will probably try again. It's like feeding a dog at the table... Im sure she has other girlfriends she can talk to when she has a panic-attack or feels down. Fact of the matter is, her problems are and should no longer your concern. They will likely hold you back and give you reason to break NC indirectly. If I would be paralyzed towmorrow and never be able to walk again, I wouldn't except my ex to come visit and feel sad for me. 1
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 That way she will still get to know (via via) that she can reach OP indirectly and that he is reading her messages. Once she figures that works, she will probably try again. It's like feeding a dog at the table... Im sure she has other girlfriends she can talk to when she has a panic-attack or feels down. Fact of the matter is, her problems are and should no longer your concern. They will likely hold you back and give you reason to break NC indirectly. If I would be paralyzed towmorrow and never be able to walk again, I wouldn't except my ex to come visit and feel sad for me. Not if he changes his number after this episode.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Yep, she doesn't get you as a shoulder to cry on. What she's doing is complete BS. Do not indulge it.
sutsie Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I'd screenshot everything she's said and send it to her parents to deal with. you're better than being a "safety net" screw her and let her parents deal with her problems. Not your problem. You're better than having to deal with someone like that.
gaius Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Just sit back and enjoy the attention. It's good for your ego.
beach Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 She phoned me 6 more times straight once I posted this thread... Half of me just want to phone back and see whats up, but then, do I want to call her back just to make her feel better? It's not your job to make her feel better. If she needs help - she should see a professional. Do not talk to her. Block her.
totenkopf Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Bollocks to it! Tell her that you're calling 999 for an Ambulance for her and actually do it if you know her current address.
PegNosePete Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Well, in these circumstances I would reply to her email (not phone!). Tell her that you will not be answering the phone because you have nothing to say to her, that she should not bother calling any more, and that if she is feeling bad then she should call someone who gives a sh#t. Then BLOCK her email so she can't reply.
Author lumberjac Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Thanks for everyone's reply. Sorry to disappoint but I did contact her last night, I replied to her email. "Hey hope you're feeling better now, there's nothing that I can do to help really. Just calm down and don't stress out." And since I was writing her an email anyway I took this oppurtunity and at the end I added "Please don't contact me anymore as this is hard for me. If you ever think about us again just let me know, but otherwise we should just go on out way seperately." She replied few minutes later, "I understand why it's hard for you, and I'll respect that of course. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I hope you realise that there's a special place in my twisted old heart for you." It's been 3 months and I'm feeling much better really, from the day when I was devasted, so bad in wanting her back, to feeling 50/50 a month ago, to now after I sent her the email. I feel so relieve honestly. It's all over and done-done, no hopes, no going back. I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but I just went with my guts. Like I said I do feel for her that she suffers from these mental disorders. But we ended things peacefully. Instead of dragging me one for years she ended things the moment she didn't feel right, so in my heart I do "thank" her in some way. Hence I still care for her as a person that I've known for years. She's the first person I personally know who suffers from depression and anxiety. If I'm honest I knew nothing about those disorders at all when I started going out with her, or even during the relationship. I actually thought if I kept her happy she would "get better" and not need the meds anymore. It's until after we broke up that I started looking up them and realised what they can do to a person. And the fact that she's on long term antidepressants also mean she suffers from severe depression. The more I look into them the more I'm detach from my ex. And I just realised what I was into the whole time. The rose-tinted glasses did a good job in covering all her faults from me. In a way I think I'm lucky this time, I now know what to look out for in my future relationships, and what qualities I'm looking for in a girl: confident, intelligent, and a good set of teeth lol. I do miss her, but I think I'm missing her companion, not her as a person. I'm a deep thinker and there's something I can't figure out in my head: why am I feeling so peaceful and relieve right now? I got dumped, but instead of hating the ex, I actually want to thank her? I don't know, something's probably wrong with me, or only the soft side of me is working today.
PegNosePete Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 All's well that ends well. As long as you feel better then you did good. Sounds like you've got some good closure. Now block, block, block before she sends you some crazy shiznit that messes your head right up again!!!
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