quantic Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Hi all. Met a girl online, went on 2.5 dates so far. I'd say we hit it off well so far. I like her quite a bit. Anyways, I've been keeping physical contact to a minimum thus far. This is for a couple reasons. For one, I need a bit of time to warm up to a person. Secondly, she's leaving the country in a few months time (for a year), so I don't want development too many feelings for her too quickly. Ok, so she texts me today asking "did you want to meet up for coffee today or tomorrow". Right, so seems innocent enough, but I'm not quite sure how to interpret this. The phrasing seems off. I'd like to be somewhat mentally prepared when we do meet. A coffee date seems a bit strange for a third meet-up. So, would you say this is just an excuse to see each other, or is this a segue into suggesting that we stay friends?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Question - If you know she is leaving the country in a few months for an entire year, why would you even waste your time on her? I will say though, that it's cool she was at least up front about it and didn't hide that detail until she was getting ready to leave. Some people do that and then blind side you with it out of nowhere. Still though, if a woman told me she was leaving the country for a year relatively soon, I'd wish her luck and that would be that. Just saying.. 1
Vintage79 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Yeah, coffee for a third date sounds strange, but it sounds like you're acting like her friend, so what's the harm in it. That said, I get not wanting to create feelings for someone leaving the country, but you had mentioned effectively slow playing it with her, which seems very curious given that she's leaving in a few months - meaning just when you want to ramp things up, she'll be MIA. Basically, either go for it now, or plan on it being a platonic friendship (at best). Regardless - I don't know why it's hard to interpret the message that she sent - she asked if you wanted to get coffee today or tomorrow - why is that hard to interpret? It's not like she dropped in some flirty subtext that was secretly insinuating something sexual...it was as vanilla as it can get. The gist, do you want to get coffee today or tomorrow - end message.
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Funny how you say you need time to warm up to someone but when she acts like she needs time to warm up to you you find it weird. First question: What do you want? Because from where I sit it sounds like you don't know what you want. After you figured out why you were on a dating site, like to find a serious relationship, or only casually dating, then you act accordingly toward her.
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Question - If you know she is leaving the country in a few months for an entire year, why would you even waste your time on her? - Bingo. You should realize that even if you two get serious, your heart is going to get busted when she leaves. Only 1 in 1,000 LDR's work out.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Hi all. Met a girl online, went on 2.5 dates so far. I'd say we hit it off well so far. I like her quite a bit. Anyways, I've been keeping physical contact to a minimum thus far. This is for a couple reasons. For one, I need a bit of time to warm up to a person. Secondly, she's leaving the country in a few months time (for a year), so I don't want development too many feelings for her too quickly. Ok, so she texts me today asking "did you want to meet up for coffee today or tomorrow". Right, so seems innocent enough, but I'm not quite sure how to interpret this. The phrasing seems off. I'd like to be somewhat mentally prepared when we do meet. A coffee date seems a bit strange for a third meet-up. So, would you say this is just an excuse to see each other, or is this a segue into suggesting that we stay friends? First bolded.... 2.5 dates? What does the .5 stand for? You went out on half a date? Second bolded .... you say you don't want to develop feelings "too quickly." When do you want to develop them? Two weeks before she leaves? In any event, I agree with the others. If your goal is a long term relationship, with her leaving for an entire year, what's the point?
Author quantic Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks for the replies. Yes, I agree the long distance thing is almost a deal breaker, and I kind know this in the back of my mind, hence why I have been keeping my distance. I'm looking for something long term. The (online) dating pool where I live isn't great, so when someone decent comes alone, well, you start thinking how not to screw it up (e.g. moving too fast). I'm guess I'm not totally sure what to do with her quite yet. I haven't been in this sort of position before, so it's a bit confusing for me to say the least. I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes! Edit: The 0.5 date was a night soccer league game she invited me out to. We played on separate teams, so yeah, don't think it qualifies for a full-date status.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks for the replies. Yes, I agree the long distance thing is almost a deal breaker, and I kind know this in the back of my mind, hence why I have been keeping my distance. I'm looking for something long term. The (online) dating pool where I live isn't great, so when someone decent comes alone, well, you start thinking how not to screw it up (e.g. moving too fast). I'm guess I'm not totally sure what to do with her quite yet. I haven't been in this sort of position before, so it's a bit confusing for me to say the least. I guess we'll see how tomorrow goes! Edit: The 0.5 date was a night soccer league game she invited me out to. We played on separate teams, so yeah, don't think it qualifies for a full-date status. Fair enough. You know you can't control your feelings don't you? It would be nice if we could, but if we're gonna fall... we're gonna fall. We don't have any control over that...at least I don't. But have fun tomorrow! Keep us posted......
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