havocser Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I met this guy on Tinder about a week and a half ago, we went for lunch last Thursday and got along well, then went for drinks Friday and hooked up. He texts me every day and it's usually sweet, he asks about my day and answers questions about his. Anyways, last night our texts got a little flirty and then this morning he texts me a joke about it being hump day, whatever, I tried to change the subject a few times and then brought up salsa dancing next week and he just replied with a hahaha, like what? I actually started to like this dude and then at the drop of a hat all he wants is sex when we were getting along so well before that. Do you think it could just be in flirty nature from last nights conversation or did I take it too far and now he just sees me as a piece of meat and I should just walk away? I wouldn't know what to say to him to confront this situation/I feel it's kind of too soon. Not that I don't mind being flirty but I thought this guy was cool.
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I met this guy on Tinder about a week and a half ago, we went for lunch last Thursday and got along well, then went for drinks Friday and hooked up. He texts me every day and it's usually sweet, he asks about my day and answers questions about his. Anyways, last night our texts got a little flirty and then this morning he texts me a joke about it being hump day, whatever, I tried to change the subject a few times and then brought up salsa dancing next week and he just replied with a hahaha, like what? I actually started to like this dude and then at the drop of a hat all he wants is sex when we were getting along so well before that. Do you think it could just be in flirty nature from last nights conversation or did I take it too far and now he just sees me as a piece of meat and I should just walk away? I wouldn't know what to say to him to confront this situation/I feel it's kind of too soon. Not that I don't mind being flirty but I thought this guy was cool. Hard to say! It probably wasn't the best move, if you're looking for more than a hook up, to sleep with him within two days of meeting. A lot of cool, likable dudes will only want to bone you. The best way to know if they want more is to wait a bit (I'm not suggesting you don't know that). If I were you, I'd try and see if he's open to going out on real dates. Try and hold off on jumping into bed again and see what happens. Time is your friend in this situation, 'cause any guy who's just in it to get laid is gonna scram sooner or later.
Author havocser Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks! We're going for lunch tomorrow.. But we're both single parents so lunch work breaks was just a way to see each other, and when I texted confirming it he just said "yes if you do" so I mean he didn't sound overly enthusiastic. I guess I'll just wait it out.
normal person Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I don't use it but from what I hear, if you meet someone on Tinder you shouldn't be too surprised if they just want to hook up. That's the nature of the ap. 1
fluidian Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Also, I know plenty of people that joke around about Hump Day - there's even a song and skits about it. One of the guys that I work with, his kids are really into the song, so they'll joke about hump day. Only point, just because he's making comments about hump day (i.e. Wednesday), doesn't necessarily mean he's looking just for a hook-up...we'd need to know more about what he actually said. Regardless, just try to move him toward regular dates, and see if he's amenable to it.
jen1447 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I think you're sending him mixed signals if you got physical and then expect him not to be giddy about that. What's he supposed to do, give you the 360 treatment and then go back to shaking hands next date? You made it sexual, so he's gonna treat it that way. It doesn't mean you're "meat" in his eyes, it means the relationship is sexual and he's excited about that. If you're uncomfortable with that, you need to tell him and ask if you can take it a step back again, not expect that he'll magically read your mind and do exactly what you're hoping he'll do without saying anything. 4
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I've had women text me saying "happy hump day". I don't make sexual innuendos about it, but I'm a gentleman. Who cares what other guys do? It's tough to find a gentleman today.
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I met this guy on Tinder about a week and a half ago, we went for lunch last Thursday and got along well, then went for drinks Friday and hooked up. He texts me every day and it's usually sweet, he asks about my day and answers questions about his. Anyways, last night our texts got a little flirty and then this morning he texts me a joke about it being hump day, whatever, I tried to change the subject a few times and then brought up salsa dancing next week and he just replied with a hahaha, like what? I actually started to like this dude and then at the drop of a hat all he wants is sex when we were getting along so well before that. Do you think it could just be in flirty nature from last nights conversation or did I take it too far and now he just sees me as a piece of meat and I should just walk away? I wouldn't know what to say to him to confront this situation/I feel it's kind of too soon. Not that I don't mind being flirty but I thought this guy was cool. It's hard to say. It seems that he interpreted the salsa dancing question not as a serious question, but another reference of a sexual nature, so he followed suit. I'd simply wait and see if he asks you for another date, don' have sex with him until you are comfortable and know enough about what he's looking for out of his dating experiences. Casual? Long-term? Since you like him otherwise and you did get flirty with him, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until he shows his hand. If he wants to get intimate with you, you simply say that you are attracted to him, but are not comfortable enough to do that with him yet. If he respects that, great. If he never contacts you again after, you'll know what was really on his mind.
Author havocser Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I just messaged him and he said he's not looking for casual sex but he's not looking for a relatkonship... I guess I'm over it because what's really left inbetween?
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 There is nothing worthwhile besides a relationship. Sorry.
Mrin Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 The OP's Story in Food: So the other day I was walking down the street and saw this taco cart. I decided to stop and try their tacos. They were amazing. I went back the next day and gorged myself on tacos. The carnitas are to die for. Yesterday I went back and when I was ordering I made the comment about when they were going to have Beef Burgundy. The guy just kinda laughed and asked if I wanted guac on my carnitas. Which is odd. It is like all he wants to do is sell me more tacos. I don't get it. Why wouldn't he want to serve me what I want? 2
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 What is this, Rachael Ray's forum now?! Can I order a pizza with onions and garlic?! 2
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I just messaged him and he said he's not looking for casual sex but he's not looking for a relatkonship... I guess I'm over it because what's really left inbetween? If you want a relationship, it doesn't matter what's in between. Now you've eliminated a whole bunch of wondering and worrying. You've addressed it upfront and head on. Kudos to you! Communication early on is the key to managing emotions and expectations and minimizing the potential for hurting someone or being hurt. People are afraid to ask the hard questions for fear of the answer. But once you have the answer, it sets you free. And, it's not about asking the questions, it's how and when you ask them that eliminates guess work and mental gymnastics. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Part of having a healthy sex life, is creating sexual tension. The anticipation that develops from flirting, bantering, dropping innuendos, etc.. This is a big part of romantic chemistry between two people. Yet so many women have lost the ability to be playful. On one hand, a woman likes a guy that is confident and sexually assertive. But then on the other hand, they want him to act completely asexual and neutered outside the bedroom. This is why I broke up with my GF recently. In person, the physical was amazing. But absolutely zero chemistry or sexual tension outside the bedroom. Why? She'd never want to flirt with me, and could not let her guard down. I agreed to be exclusive before we had sex. After we started having it, I continued to take her on public dates that ended in me dropping her off. When we agreed to go bareback. I willingly decided to wait for birth control to finalize instead of using a condom in the mean time. To me, waiting would make the sex more special when it picked up again. But even though I demonstrated with my actions I cared about her, she would constantly take my playful personality as only wanting sex.
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 My post above by the way is the definition of successful dating. Successful dating is not about finding and having a relationship, it's about managing and communicating through the entire process so that you aren't having disappointing dating experiences and being able to leave a scenario leaving both parties feeling respected, at least, and fewer hard feelings about those experiences, thereby, reducing fears about going into another dating scenario.
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Dear never go by what they say to you, words are too easy. Always go by their actions and your gut feeling. Him saying he isn't looking for casual could just be a load of bs to get you to take your guard down.
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Dear never go by what they say to you, words are too easy. Always go by their actions and your gut feeling. Him saying he isn't looking for casual could just be a load of bs to get you to take your guard down. I doubt it because he actually cancelled that out by saying he doesn't want a relationship either. A guy might say he doesn't want casual as a way to lead her down the garden path but would just stop there and create the illusion that he could be looking for a relationship. If a man simply said he didn't want casual sex and didn't say what he did want, I'd ask him what he actually does want . . .
fitnessfan365 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 In general though, this topic just gets under my skin. My ex GF is just a recent example of many women I've dated that are just way too guarded and uptight. The funny thing is that I take pride in never talking about sex for the most part. Aside from the occasional dirty text, I save specifics and dirty talk for the bedroom. My thing is I just like to be playful. Example - My GF meant to say "under wraps" but auto correct said "underwear". So I take the opening to say "Speaking of, I've been fantasizing about tearing yours off all day. ;-)" But instead of engaging and being playful she says "I meant to say under wraps!" I say "Doesn't change my reaction." She says "Doesn't surprise me". I mean the girl would just never want to be playful or engage in flirting ever. So even though anything physical with her was amazing in person, I felt absolutely zero attraction to her in the end. 1
pleasedtomeetyou Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Tinder is designed to hook-up, so i'm not sure what the issue is. If you want something other then quick hook-ups you need to either. a) communicate this or b) use another dating app.
lucy_in_disguise Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 What? Why would you use a hookup app to meet someone, hook up with him on the first date, and then be annoyed when he appears to continue to want sex from you? I hope I am missing something. Did u intend to pump and dump him but are now unsure? Cause if this is your tactic in seeking a deeper connection, I think youll be banging a lot of frogs till u find ur prince...
WonderKid Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Sex early in dating is only a big deal if you make it a big deal. We are adults. It happens. But you cannot give it up early and expect it to be all good.
Vercetti Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Seems clear you are not on the same page. When I would ask someone out, made intentions of romantic and not friend Crystal from the start. Fact his flirting is coming across clunky and making you uncomfortable.....the connection just isn't there.
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