JapaneseKnotweed Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I just got out of a year-long poly relationship. Before that, my last relarionship turned into a spouse, and I was Christian, so I did the "no sex before marriage" thing. (I'm so over that now!) So, I have a question for the normal dating world. As part of the open poly relationship, I developed what I thought would be a sex buddy, but turned out to be someone I fell in love with, and vice versa. He isn't full-time relationship material for several reasons - he's long- distance, has limited time , and married (and yes, his wife knows, is fully informed, knew before it started, and consented. That's the poly way.) But quality wise we the sort of deep, compatible, sexy, well-matched relationship that brings me great joy and happiness, even only one day a week. (We will also email some during the week) If I'm going on a date with a poly person, this is easy. I talk about my relationship with him. maybe label it a secondary relationship, right up front while they tell me about theirs, No expectation of dropping him even comes up. And that is good, because I don't want to. But what about in the monogamous world? When and how do you reveal other partners? Certainly before sex, right? (Only way to be safe). Assuming online dating, do I need to reveal before I meet? Reveal something in my profile? What about the reluctance to give him up? This is the big difference I see between the poly and mono worlds- a value of mine has been to let each relationship stand or fall on it's own merit , and so while if I started a promising relationship, I wouldn't add any more, i wouldn't ditch a part-time partner just because I was starting something new. I'm not sure I'm willing to change just to date someone, but I might consider it for the right person long-term. Is this situation (a LDR FWB whom I also happen to love) unusual, and if so, how do I deal with it?
jen1447 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I don't do OLD, but in general you have to be up front about poly practices. Meaning yeah, if you're beyond just the let's-have-a-coffee-and-see-how-we-like-each-other phase and onto the this-could-go-somewhere phase, you have to tell them about your sexuality and your current partners and let them decide how they want to deal with that.
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