d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Texting daily or more often is not required. Neither is daily contact. Some find it smothering. Remember your parents managed to fall in love & have you, without benefit of a single text. It's possible. 2
GorillaTheater Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Is there any form of communication that's less clear and more open to misinterpretation than texting, besides maybe smoke signals? I am not a texter, and thank goodness my wife doesn't expect me to be, because otherwise she'd be sorely disappointed. It's probably a matter of compatibility; I'm sure there are guys who'd happily text you all day long. But this guy isn't one of them, and you have to either accept that or dump him. But for what it's worth, my sympathies lie with him.
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 He sounds wonderful honestly. As long as he still does contact you to make and confirm plans, there's nothing wrong with little contact in between. Just let it keep going if it's working for you. There is this guy I've been out with a few times who is way too into texting about nothing. I'm not. So he finally texted a few days ago since I hadn't in a while and just said, "Did I say something wrong?" That irked me to no end. Just because we now have the ability to be in contact with each other 24/7, doesn't mean we should. Just because we now have the ability to be in contact with each other 24/7, doesn't mean we should. -- I agree 100% with this statement. There was a time when people dated and only had a home phone and only talked to their SO, dating contacts, etc. at the end of the day. Or we had beepers and so a return call was made when we could get to a phone. We didn't fall apart because we couldn't talk all the time. It made for quality communication when we did meet in person. Not only that, the ability to text/call at will now doesn't give space sometimes. We are talking non-stop and then there's not a whole lot to talk about when we meet and people abuse it to the point where it becomes annoying and it's overkill. In addition, texting has become a replacement for phone calls and often the root of misunderstanding and disagreements due to messages being taken out of context or the lack of ability to see body language etc. The ability to communicate at will is also one of the contributing factors to the needy/clingy behaviors. This kind of thing wasn't a very big deal in days gone by. And the number 1 thing in my book that kills a new dating scenario, is making assumptions based on texting patterns before you even get to know the person and not taking that leap to find out if they could be a match for you. Deciding not to date someone because of their texting habits, etc. limits your dating pool exponentially. People are looking for ways to eliminate a potential dating partner because of dating jitters and worrying about wasting their time. The way to eliminate issues regarding phone calling/texting habits, is to have a casual conversation about what you like or don't like about calling and texting. Not a criticism of what they've been doing so far, just a general statement. You say what you like and let them say what they like and hopefully meet in the middle somewhere. 6
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 OR decide if you can live with it My GF is a notoriously bad texter...notoriously. I don't like it, communicated about how I'd like more communications but...she doesn't. Yet, I can tell how much she likes me. She just doesn't text, or call that often for that matter. It bugs me, but not that much. I think back to when I was in my 20's ( which was quite some time ago) and I realize that, we didn't text..because there were no cell phones. I didn't usually talk to my GF every day, even serious ones. Why? Well, you couldn't be constantly connected. Phones were in the house, and nowhere else. IF you were lucky, there was an answering machine. Many times, the phone just rang. I can only imagine the angst of people today if that happened! Back then, I didn't feel the need to be constantly connected as seems to be common today. I need to remember that I don't need to be joined at the phone to know someone cares for me. I am talking about 1988 when this happened. It's a matter of how much effort a person was willing to put into a relationship.
Diezel Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I didn't find the 3 month reference. (Its fast, I know, but that's a different story, mainly about how we only have 3 months and our great connection). It was in the original post. Just. There. Maybe one of them is terminal.
blackcat777 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I have never owned a cell phone and my love life is rockin'. Just saying. If everything else is good and he doesn't flake out on your dates... honestly, it's probably a good thing. Something like 93% of communication is body language, so yes, save it for in person.
Syberia Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 He's probably here on Loveshack and everyone is telling him not to communicate in between dates except to arrange the next date 1
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 He's probably here on Loveshack and everyone is telling him not to communicate in between dates except to arrange the next date I doubt anyone would tell him that. It's the way of the world now, really. It's about managing and not abusing it. A call in between would be a nice thing as long as it's in a balanced way and not over kill.
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Where did folk get three months from? It says three weeks in the opening post really clearly. If you don't want him I'll have him OP. No or lack of texting sounds perfect to me!!! : I would love that! Men I meet in their forties are all way too full on texting constantly. It drives me up the wall!
wizer Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 3 people completely missed the 3 month reference in the first post. That's interesting. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 3 people completely missed the 3 month reference in the first post. That's interesting. Three month connection, not three months dating. Dating has been three weeks. They are different things entirely.
Gottabestrong Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Hi Single_Beauty, I know how you feel. Going a few days without contact in the first few weeks is understandable, but 10 days!!! Wow, does he feel no need to see you and talk to you at all? Usually that need is even heightened in the first few months. I've done that limited time dating thing before. Where I knew that we only had a few weeks or months together (usually because one of us was moving away) but decided to go for it anyway so that I could enjoy the present and have great memories later. But whenever I was dating someone I had a limited amount of time with, the frequency of contact and meetings increased instead of vice versa. If I was dating someone who I only had a limited amount of time with, but who did not feel the need to talk to me or see me as much as possible, I would probably wonder if it is worth the pain that is surely to follow. My advice would be to talk to him about it honestly and straightforwardly. You basically have nothing to lose, since you know your 'relationship' has an expiry date anyway. Good luck!
preraph Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 There are so many instances when texting destroys a relationship on this board and people misinterpret things and grade frequency that as long as you don't insist on him texting, this could turn out to be a very good thing because you'll have real meaningful phone calls and something left to say in person if you're not bombarding someone with daily drivel all the time via test.
Author single_beauty95 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 Do you reach out to him at all during this time? Do you communicate at all? I messaged him about 5 hours after we saw each other last time to ask if he was home okay as he was riding a bike for about an hour to get back home. Everything was great, we both stated our exhaustion, then I said good night. Its been 5 days since that, and the next time we meet is another 6 days away...
Author single_beauty95 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 - but she claims they only have 3 months, that's what my post was in reference to. Also, you have other problems.... if you don't have a time and day, you may think you have a date, but it's not concrete. Furthermore, 11 days is a little long... I like to see at least one date a week minimum. I don't like the sound of this. When we usually have a day in mind for a date, he's usually very good at communicating the day before and so on with logistics and such. I was the one to actually request we see each other after 11 days. I'm a student and busy with exams and meetings going on... I wouldn't have been able to see him anytime between now and next Wednesday. So I did that. Usually we should be seeing each other about twice a week.
Author single_beauty95 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 I would chalk it up to he is probably busy. He is spending his time with you and by not talking all the time between dates it gives you two something to talk about during your dates When we usually have a day in mind for a date, he's usually very good at communicating the day before and so on with logistics and such. I was the one to actually request we see each other after 11 days. I'm a student and busy with exams and meetings going on... I wouldn't have been able to see him anytime between now and next Wednesday. So I did that. Usually we should be seeing each other about twice a week. Your suggestion sounds quite obviously plausible. Haha. I don't know why I'm stressing over this.
Author single_beauty95 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 OP's story in food: OMG I found the greatest dim sum joint. It is super cozy. Warm, delightfully decorated. It is the perfect combination of casual and formal. The food is amazing. Each selection from their lengthy menu has been heavenly. The pork stickybuns... they melt in my mouth and make my toes curl. The waitstaff is great too. Very friendly. They even recognize when I walk in and always seat me at my favorite table - the one overlooking the park. The other day I took my girlfriend there and they made a big to-do about it. The owner even came out and greeted me with a hearty hug. They had this riesling once that I really liked called KungFu Girl. I told the waitress that I loved it and the owner bragged about how it is now it is part of the menu permanently - just for me. I don't even have to ask for it, they just bring out a glass for me and it is usually on the house. But the one thing that drive me bonkers is that they're a little slow refilling my water and when they do, they use too much ice. Drives me nuts. I haven't told them that I don't like my water with that much ice. Maybe it isn't such a great place. I'm thinking I should look somewhere else. HAHA, I love this analogue! You got me. I may be a little unreasonable...
kendahke Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Should I be complaining? I know he likes me, I just wish he wanted to talk more during the periods we don't see each other.... Not at the 3 date/36 hours mark. You're just getting to know each other.
Author single_beauty95 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 To clear things up for people: This is WEEK 3 of our time together. Of dating. We only have about 3 months left to carry on dating and having fun. He has to leave the country. I'm will not try the LDR thing. Plus, I don't know how HE feels about it. Anway, thanks for the overwhelming responses!
kendahke Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks. Each of the 3 dates had us spend more than 12 hours together. enjoy it for what it is since he's on his way out of the country and you don't do LDR's.
BluEyeL Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 In this case, it really doesn't matter what you do, how often you meet and whether he texts or not. It's a dead end relationship.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Got a woman's number online recently after a few emails. Had her on the phone the same day. Great call. Then we made tentative plans for Thurs - she suggested afternoon, I could only do evening. Said she would let me know either way the next day. But instead of texting me, she actually called me the next day to let me know. That is what made an impression. Since so many women are texting obsessed these days, a girl that actually calls is like a unicorn. She couldn't make Thurs night work, but stressed she still wants to meet and brought up next week. I told her that I'd call her on Mon after she gets back in town (she leaves tomorrow). She could still be a weirdo in person, but at least she isn't looking for a texting buddy..LOL
katiegrl Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I doubt anyone would tell him that. It's the way of the world now, really. It's about managing and not abusing it. A call in between would be a nice thing as long as it's in a balanced way and not over kill. Lol, I am pretty sure he meant that as a joke Red.... 2
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Lol, I am pretty sure he meant that as a joke Red.... Yes, I realize that I just wanted to put it out there that while we shouldn't put so much emphasis on texting/calling etc., and while above I said I we could actually do without it as we did in the past, it is still the way of the world now and it can be used to our advantage as long as we are smart about it and don't over use it.
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