single_beauty95 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks. Each of the 3 dates had us spend more than 12 hours together. (Its fast, I know, but that's a different story, mainly about how we only have 3 months and our great connection). In our time together I've had time to gauge him a little and definitely get the impression that along with being a tidbit shy, he's very into me. Here's why: 1. The way he smiles at me 2. His reaction to my lame jokes 3. How he kisses, touches me etc. (very attentive) 4. His small sweet gestures (like buttering my toast for me etc.) 5. His telling his FRIENDS about meeting me 6. He asking if I've told my mother about us yet (in reaction to my claiming to be very close and open with my mom) Nothing seems to indicate he doesn't really like me....except for his lack of communication prior to the days before we meet up. It feels the only reason he reaches out even is to simply say hi in order to confirm our dates etc. Should I be complaining? I know he likes me, I just wish he wanted to talk more during the periods we don't see each other.... What is holding him back? Can I chalk it up to shyness? Really?
wizer Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You only have 3 months.. for what? Until one or both of you move far away? If so maybe he knows this and he's looking at this situation as a temporary hookup sort of deal. He's keeping his distance, except for when you're actually doing something together. Makes sense if that's what you meant about the 3 months. In fact, if things are over in 3 months then why are you even bothering with this guy? 1
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks. Each of the 3 dates had us spend more than 12 hours together. (Its fast, I know, but that's a different story, mainly about how we only have 3 months and our great connection). In our time together I've had time to gauge him a little and definitely get the impression that along with being a tidbit shy, he's very into me. Here's why: 1. The way he smiles at me 2. His reaction to my lame jokes 3. How he kisses, touches me etc. (very attentive) 4. His small sweet gestures (like buttering my toast for me etc.) 5. His telling his FRIENDS about meeting me 6. He asking if I've told my mother about us yet (in reaction to my claiming to be very close and open with my mom) Nothing seems to indicate he doesn't really like me....except for his lack of communication prior to the days before we meet up. It feels the only reason he reaches out even is to simply say hi in order to confirm our dates etc. Should I be complaining? I know he likes me, I just wish he wanted to talk more during the periods we don't see each other.... What is holding him back? Can I chalk it up to shyness? Really? No I wouldn't complain. It just may be that he isn't into texting. You can open a casual conversation about your likes and dislikes in communication in general and let him tell you his preferences. Don't ask him directly, just make a general statement. Or, it's been long enough now, that you can reach out to him a little bit and gauge his response. If he keeps it going for a little bit during the phone or text session, it likely means he's ok with it. If he's kinda short or not too wordy, just leave it be. A woman should initiate once in a while after the man has done most of the initiating. Show him what you want a couple of times and hopefully he'll follow suit. 1
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Guys who don't text are guys who don't want to, or feel a need to. If you wish that he did, you MUST communicate this to him. If he doesn't want to comply, you dump. I dated someone who was like this. He didn't make me feel I was a part of his life but an accessory when he felt like it. 3 weeks in I dumped him. No regrets, he just didn't fulfill my expectations. 2
BikerAccnt Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Guys who don't text are guys who don't want to, or feel a need to. If you wish that he did, you MUST communicate this to him. If he doesn't want to comply, you dump. . OR decide if you can live with it My GF is a notoriously bad texter...notoriously. I don't like it, communicated about how I'd like more communications but...she doesn't. Yet, I can tell how much she likes me. She just doesn't text, or call that often for that matter. It bugs me, but not that much. I think back to when I was in my 20's ( which was quite some time ago) and I realize that, we didn't text..because there were no cell phones. I didn't usually talk to my GF every day, even serious ones. Why? Well, you couldn't be constantly connected. Phones were in the house, and nowhere else. IF you were lucky, there was an answering machine. Many times, the phone just rang. I can only imagine the angst of people today if that happened! Back then, I didn't feel the need to be constantly connected as seems to be common today. I need to remember that I don't need to be joined at the phone to know someone cares for me. 1
Chr15 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 It feels the only reason he reaches out even is to simply say hi in order to confirm our dates etc. Maybe he's been reading the advice on forums Everywhere online seems to say that guys shouldn't text girls between dates except to confirm a date. Have you tried talking to him first? If not, why not? If it is something that annoys you already talk to him about it. Tell him you would like to talk more between dates. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You only have 3 months.. for what? Until one or both of you move far away? If so maybe he knows this and he's looking at this situation as a temporary hookup sort of deal. He's keeping his distance, except for when you're actually doing something together. Makes sense if that's what you meant about the 3 months. In fact, if things are over in 3 months then why are you even bothering with this guy? Oh, I missed that part . . . 3 months? You are basically dating with an expiration date, in which case, you should be having no expectations whatsoever. This is a temporary FWB thing. If you're content with that, you'll have to be content with the lack of connection as well. In fact, you would be better off with less communication so as to be able to manage your emotions and be ready to accept things when the 3 months is up. Some people can date with an expiration date because if the person is nice enough, it feels a little better to date one really nice person for a period of time than to date a few or a bunch of people in that same period who aren't your cup of tea. It's a hard thing to do, but it can be done.
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You may have a winner there. text is poor comunication. You should save the talk for the dates. Relationships are built in the real world on dates, not with text. 4
Author single_beauty95 Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I undersatnd what you mean. I do not like any obsessive communicationg either. About once every couple of days (3-4) is perfect for me. However, this time, it is not just 1-5 days between seeing each other, it is 11 days! Due to our schedules and such... But I just have a hard time comprehending how he will only reach me on the 10th night in order to discuss our date. I still enjoy his company and like him regardless, anyway.
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You have only three months? Don't mess with drifters, they are only passin' through. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 My boyfriend was/is the same way and we are close to 1 year in and we are very very happy. He is everything I wanted and more. Now, nobody will be perfect and sometimes people will do things differently than you'd do them. You have to look at the basic values rather than details that are not important. My BF communication ramped up after a while but he's definitely not a texter. He started to text me daily only after 3 months of dating and even now it's not like we have conversations via text, we just communicate information or send a good night or thinking of you, or pictures, when one of us is away. IMO, texting doesn't mean anything, look at his character and the dates. Throwing a good guy away because of texting habits would be a mistake. On the long term, hopefully you'll live together or get married and it will not matter that he doesn't text as much as you want. 3
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You have only three months? Don't mess with drifters, they are only passin' through. They've been dating 3 weeks.
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 From my experience, the men I dated have not been good texters. My BF now, when we were first dating, would send responses to my texts like "oh" or "ah ok." I mean, really? For instance, he'd ask what I was having for lunch and I'd tell him, and he'd reply with, "ah." He still does this, usually, but I'm used to it now. At first it made me feel so insecure. Listen OP, I would concentrate on the list you wrote about all the ways you know he likes you. Texting has added a whole other level of pressure to dating. If someone's bad at it, it conveys a lack of interest and women especially are too quick to judge men who are not great at texting or who don't do it all the time. I personally like texting, and will carry on lengthy conversations with my female friends and gay guy friends over text. My BF, not so much. Ask yourself where the desire to talk to him is coming from. If it's truly a desire to want to communicate more and more often, then say something to him. If it's to get a greater sense of security that he likes you, sit on it. We can only expect our partners, no matter how long we've been with them, to reassure us of their feelings. Again, in my own experience, especially at the beginnings of relationships, I would reach out to guys just to get a response from them, because to me, a response was confirmation that he liked me. But being a good texter does not equal being a good boyfriend. I always get a kick out of this article: Good Texters are Bad Boyfriends - Bad Text Messagers Are Good Boyfriends 1
loveweary11 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 From the male perspective... It's possible he's trying not to say something stupid to turn you off 2 days before the date and wants to be sure you still have plenty to talk about when you are in person. I've been seeing a guy for about 3 weeks. Each of the 3 dates had us spend more than 12 hours together. (Its fast, I know, but that's a different story, mainly about how we only have 3 months and our great connection). In our time together I've had time to gauge him a little and definitely get the impression that along with being a tidbit shy, he's very into me. Here's why: 1. The way he smiles at me 2. His reaction to my lame jokes 3. How he kisses, touches me etc. (very attentive) 4. His small sweet gestures (like buttering my toast for me etc.) 5. His telling his FRIENDS about meeting me 6. He asking if I've told my mother about us yet (in reaction to my claiming to be very close and open with my mom) Nothing seems to indicate he doesn't really like me....except for his lack of communication prior to the days before we meet up. It feels the only reason he reaches out even is to simply say hi in order to confirm our dates etc. Should I be complaining? I know he likes me, I just wish he wanted to talk more during the periods we don't see each other.... What is holding him back? Can I chalk it up to shyness? Really?
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I undersatnd what you mean. I do not like any obsessive communicationg either. About once every couple of days (3-4) is perfect for me. However, this time, it is not just 1-5 days between seeing each other, it is 11 days! Due to our schedules and such... But I just have a hard time comprehending how he will only reach me on the 10th night in order to discuss our date. I still enjoy his company and like him regardless, anyway. Do you reach out to him at all during this time? Do you communicate at all?
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 My boyfriend was/is the same way and we are close to 1 year in and we are very very happy. He is everything I wanted and more. Now, nobody will be perfect and sometimes people will do things differently than you'd do them. You have to look at the basic values rather than details that are not important. My BF communication ramped up after a while but he's definitely not a texter. He started to text me daily only after 3 months of dating and even now it's not like we have conversations via text, we just communicate information or send a good night or thinking of you, or pictures, when one of us is away. IMO, texting doesn't mean anything, look at his character and the dates. Throwing a good guy away because of texting habits would be a mistake. On the long term, hopefully you'll live together or get married and it will not matter that he doesn't text as much as you want. Yes, I agree with focusing on the positive and deeper parts of the relationship. Little things like this are just things you either accept or try to work out mutually. I always recommend communicating first and if it's something little like this and they just are different in this regard, then you just accept it. If you aren't communicating your likes and dislikes early on, you're just creating areas of unresolved little things that grow into arguments. If your communication while you are in person with them is good and has quality, I wouldn't dwell on texting and phone calls at least too early on anyway as long as everything else is good.
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 They've been dating 3 weeks. - but she claims they only have 3 months, that's what my post was in reference to. Also, you have other problems.... if you don't have a time and day, you may think you have a date, but it's not concrete. Furthermore, 11 days is a little long... I like to see at least one date a week minimum. I don't like the sound of this.
Bohonia Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I would chalk it up to he is probably busy. He is spending his time with you and by not talking all the time between dates it gives you two something to talk about during your dates
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 - but she claims they only have 3 months, that's what my post was in reference to. Also, you have other problems.... if you don't have a time and day, you may think you have a date, but it's not concrete. Furthermore, 11 days is a little long... I like to see at least one date a week minimum. I don't like the sound of this. I didn't find the 3 month reference. Yes, 1x/week is a minimum. Maybe someone is going away. We need more details.
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 The first couple of months my boyfriend would just send me one email on Monday (after a Saturday night date) and one Wed (about the next date, that was actually scheduled on the previous one). But he wasn't having conversations. And at that point, there was no texting at all.
Mrin Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 OP's story in food: OMG I found the greatest dim sum joint. It is super cozy. Warm, delightfully decorated. It is the perfect combination of casual and formal. The food is amazing. Each selection from their lengthy menu has been heavenly. The pork stickybuns... they melt in my mouth and make my toes curl. The waitstaff is great too. Very friendly. They even recognize when I walk in and always seat me at my favorite table - the one overlooking the park. The other day I took my girlfriend there and they made a big to-do about it. The owner even came out and greeted me with a hearty hug. They had this riesling once that I really liked called KungFu Girl. I told the waitress that I loved it and the owner bragged about how it is now it is part of the menu permanently - just for me. I don't even have to ask for it, they just bring out a glass for me and it is usually on the house. But the one thing that drive me bonkers is that they're a little slow refilling my water and when they do, they use too much ice. Drives me nuts. I haven't told them that I don't like my water with that much ice. Maybe it isn't such a great place. I'm thinking I should look somewhere else. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Some guys just hate to text. I'm one of them. A woman once told me that I am "very matter of fact and directive/cold in text". Why? I use it as it was intended. For brief interaction and cutting to the chase with logistics. If I want to talk to a woman I either do it on the phone or in person when we see each other. But some people rely on text to have actual long drawn out conversations, share emotions and feelings, and some people even wind up in "text-ships" when they text more than they see each other. To be honest OP, what matters are his actions in person plain and simple. If he treats you well and acts consistent, don't stress over text. 1
Jessie1231 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 He sounds wonderful honestly. As long as he still does contact you to make and confirm plans, there's nothing wrong with little contact in between. Just let it keep going if it's working for you. There is this guy I've been out with a few times who is way too into texting about nothing. I'm not. So he finally texted a few days ago since I hadn't in a while and just said, "Did I say something wrong?" That irked me to no end. Just because we now have the ability to be in contact with each other 24/7, doesn't mean we should.
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