Lynnsay Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 So I've been with my bf for a year and a half and he always had trust issues in general when it comes to women . He set up rules where I can't have any guys friends or any guys classmate or have any guys follow me on any social media but for him it's all the opposite . He could do whatever he wants and if I say something he says he has known the girl way before me . I accept it and he started to put his trust on me . I've been a really good gf to him I haven't done anything behind his back or go out . I'm just too busy with school work and the free time I have , I spend it with him . But I just couldn't accept the fact that he talks to all his female friends but I can't do it and one time he asked me to help him edit a picture on his phone and I said I'd have to go to his photo album and he snatched the phone away from me . I then asked him if he's hiding something from me and he kept saying no then he said he screenshot this girls picture on snapchat because he thinks her make up looks cool which I thought was bs because the point of snapchat is to have a picture up for 10s , unless he's gonna want to stare at her face other wise why would he screen shot it . I let it go but every time we argue , he always break up with me and he expects me to be perfect . He judges me as a person for the mistake I make but he doesn't look at the things I've done for him. And I've known my guy class mate for while before I even met my bf and we haven't talked since our last class but recently we happen to take the same class again so my class mate would text me and ask me about homework and just recently someone in his family just passed away so he vent to me about it . My bf doesn't like me having any guy classmate and he would ask me typically if I talk to any guys . I said no , he found out my classmate was texting me and I didn't want to argue and I was scared to tell him that my classmate is a guy so I lied and I said its my friend , which is also a guy but my bf met my friend already . My bf got mad at me and told me he's done with me and that I'm a liar , he can never trust me again and he's implying that I'm cheating on him . I asked him what he wants and he said he doesn't know . He said he loves me but he won't look at me the same . I know I was wrong to lie to him but my intention wasn't to cheat on him or anything. I apologized to him but when I talked to my friend about it , she said I was wrong but it's not worth tr break up and she thinks he's taking this too harsh and he has insecurity problem . Please help me
ExpatInItaly Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Your boyfriend is a Grade-A asshat wrapped up in jerk-ery. Sorry, but you should be the one breaking up with him. Why are you tolerating such controlling and manipulative behaviour? You can't fix it, because they are his problems. Not yours. Are you happy? Sure doesn't sound like it! Is he a good boyfriend? Hell no!! Look, he's not going to change. Guys like him just don't. Nothing you say or do will ever be quite right, because it's about power and control. I sincerely hope you don't believe he behaves this way out of love, because he doesn't. What he's doing to you is wrong, plain and simple. And I can almost promise you he isn't being totally faithful to you. He likes the girl's makeup so he took a screeshot? That's a new one! He took a screen shot for exactly the reason you think he did - he thinks she's hot and wants to look at her whenever he wants. Get your life back and never let a douchelord like that back in. He isn't worth it. 3
drallafi Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 So basically... He's cheating on you (or at least he's engaged in electronic communications / flirting with someone) and he thinks you're doing the same to him. Confront him if you want to stay. Leave if you want to leave. 2
Author Lynnsay Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I don't think he is cheating on me but what I want to know is , was I so wrong to lie to him ? I feel horrible, I even screenshot the convo between me and my friend to show him that I'm not cheating
Jessie1231 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 He's obviously hiding some sort of inappropriate relationship or conversation from you, made a set of "rules" for you to follow, and has now broken up with you because he thinks you broke one of these "rules." I'm guessing you're fairly young, but is this the way you want your life to be? When you get a job, will you be allowed to have male coworkers? What if you have a male boss who has to text or call sometimes? Is your boyfriend going to allow that? Stop worrying whether you did anything wrong (you didn't), and look at this as a chance to live a normal life without ridiculous rules that some guy expects you to follow. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Yes you were wrong for lying to him but you did the bigger wrong to yourself by staying with him. Look at how awful controlling & sneaky he was to you. The best thing that could happen to you is for him to be completely out of his life. The people who are the most suspicious are usually the ones doing something wrong
frigginlost Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 So I've been with my bf for a year and a half and he always had trust issues in general when it comes to women . He set up rules where I can't have any guys friends or any guys classmate or have any guys follow me on any social media but for him it's all the opposite . He could do whatever he wants and if I say something he says he has known the girl way before me . I accept it and he started to put his trust on me . I've been a really good gf to him I haven't done anything behind his back or go out . I'm just too busy with school work and the free time I have , I spend it with him . But I just couldn't accept the fact that he talks to all his female friends but I can't do it and one time he asked me to help him edit a picture on his phone and I said I'd have to go to his photo album and he snatched the phone away from me . I then asked him if he's hiding something from me and he kept saying no then he said he screenshot this girls picture on snapchat because he thinks her make up looks cool which I thought was bs because the point of snapchat is to have a picture up for 10s , unless he's gonna want to stare at her face other wise why would he screen shot it . I let it go but every time we argue , he always break up with me and he expects me to be perfect . He judges me as a person for the mistake I make but he doesn't look at the things I've done for him. And I've known my guy class mate for while before I even met my bf and we haven't talked since our last class but recently we happen to take the same class again so my class mate would text me and ask me about homework and just recently someone in his family just passed away so he vent to me about it . My bf doesn't like me having any guy classmate and he would ask me typically if I talk to any guys . I said no , he found out my classmate was texting me and I didn't want to argue and I was scared to tell him that my classmate is a guy so I lied and I said its my friend , which is also a guy but my bf met my friend already . My bf got mad at me and told me he's done with me and that I'm a liar , he can never trust me again and he's implying that I'm cheating on him . I asked him what he wants and he said he doesn't know . He said he loves me but he won't look at me the same . I know I was wrong to lie to him but my intention wasn't to cheat on him or anything. I apologized to him but when I talked to my friend about it , she said I was wrong but it's not worth tr break up and she thinks he's taking this too harsh and he has insecurity problem . Please help me As a guy... The above bolded line absolutely reeks of an asswipe of a guy. He sounds like a child. It would be wise not to care how he looks at you, but how you now look at him. He's a jackass. You did absolutely nothing wrong (outside of lying, but it is understandable why you did) as you were boxed in by his ridiculous insecurities. Let him go and be an ass to someone else. You will find way better. 2
drallafi Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I don't think he is cheating on me but what I want to know is , was I so wrong to lie to him ? I feel horrible, I even screenshot the convo between me and my friend to show him that I'm not cheating No no... he's hiding something. What he's hiding, who knows. Odds are it's not that he's a super hero vigilante, though. I'd bet 100% of everything I own that he has at least engaged in inappropriate conversations / sexting with someone. Otherwise why snatch his phone away from you? This is cheating 101. 1
Author Lynnsay Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I remember now after reading all of you guys replies . I remember he got a text message from someone late at night and I told him I think he got a text and he got really upset thinking I've gone through his phone which I didn't . I just heard the phone vibrated and he said it was his friend , a girl obviously and he got mad at me and ignored me a whole day . I guess I chose to only look at the best of people in general and let them fool me .
quattrob Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 The relationship is one-sided and he was treating you like a slave.. I know you like this guy but he doesn't respect you or like you much.. he just enjoys the fact that he has someone in his control and does what he asks. Look at it this way, he did you a favor by breaking up with you, since you're probably not going to do it yourself that easily, he did it for you... this is a blessing in disguise. Don't ever go back to this kind of guy because he'll do it to you again. You WILL find someone that will treat you the way that you deserve. Not this garbage.
Author Lynnsay Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Sad to admit but I feel you're right . He enjoys the good company that I give him and to have someone to do what he wants , probably that's why he sticks around for that long
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Sad to admit but I feel you're right . He enjoys the good company that I give him and to have someone to do what he wants , probably that's why he sticks around for that long By jove, I think she's got it!
Mrin Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Bullet dodged. As Expat says perfectly, the guy is a grade A asshat. Move along and be sure to compare future men to this dude. If they are similar - run! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I remember now after reading all of you guys replies . I remember he got a text message from someone late at night and I told him I think he got a text and he got really upset thinking I've gone through his phone which I didn't . I just heard the phone vibrated and he said it was his friend , a girl obviously and he got mad at me and ignored me a whole day . I guess I chose to only look at the best of people in general and let them fool me . And this is where you are doing yourself a grave injustice. This guy has shown you plenty of warning signs and you have seen examples of suspicious behaviour. You seem like a kind person, so of course you'd want to give him the benefit of the doubt. In this case, you shouldn't. He's up to no good, clearly. There's definitely a few things he doesn't want you to see. You chose to overlook that rather than confront a painful reality, which many of us have done. I promise you can do a lot better than this. You love him. but he doesn't love you. What's he getting from you is validation and an ego boost, because he knows he can play you like a fiddle and you'll just go along with it. It's so convenient and easy for him. It's hurtful and unfair to you. See why this isn't working? Let him go find someone else to play puppet-master with. 1
Author Lynnsay Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Quote: Originally Posted by Lynnsay View Post I remember now after reading all of you guys replies . I remember he got a text message from someone late at night and I told him I think he got a text and he got really upset thinking I've gone through his phone which I didn't . I just heard the phone vibrated and he said it was his friend , a girl obviously and he got mad at me and ignored me a whole day . I guess I chose to only look at the best of people in general and let them fool me . And this is where you are doing yourself a grave injustice. This guy has shown you plenty of warning signs and you have seen examples of suspicious behaviour. You seem like a kind person, so of course you'd want to give him the benefit of the doubt. In this case, you shouldn't. He's up to no good, clearly. There's definitely a few things he doesn't want you to see. You chose to overlook that rather than confront a painful reality, which many of us have done. I promise you can do a lot better than this. You love him. but he doesn't love you. What's he getting from you is validation and an ego boost, because he knows he can play you like a fiddle and you'll just go along with it. It's so convenient and easy for him. It's hurtful and unfair to you. See why this isn't working? Let him go find someone else to play puppet-master with. I've realized it now , thank you for telling me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear . What am I doing to myself ? I've got everything going well for me , I'm going to be a nurse in a year , I've got friends that would do anything for me and a loving family . Why am I so blind when it comes down to relationship ? It just hurts me how all I give out to everyone is love and what I get in return is ****.
No Limit Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Cheaters tend to be controlling, their egos can't handle betrayal all that well. Be glad you're rid of him, he's beneath you.
j_mysterio Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Technology tends to be the death of too many relationships. Do yourself a favor... if you're not hiding anything, hand your phone to him. Ask him to do the same... if hes hiding something he wont give you the phone. If you want to be with him figure it out now before it goes too far. As for him not letting you have guy friends.... if you truly let him have as many friends as he wants then theres no reason you cant. Just make sure you are 100% sure you let him do the same things that you do, if thats what you want. Trust, love and commitment are what you need. If that cant be provided, then neither can a healthy relationship.
Author Lynnsay Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 He texted me and blame me how I go behind his back and to break his rules rather than listening to him . After thinking about the situation , reading your comments , I took a step back and look at my relationship from a different view and I realized , I was nothing but his puppet . I told him what I needed to say , and he said I ****ed up and now I want equality and **** like he owes me something ? This is pretty much a deal breaker. He's full of himself and he cAnt even see he's wrong . 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He texted me and blame me how I go behind his back and to break his rules rather than listening to him . After thinking about the situation , reading your comments , I took a step back and look at my relationship from a different view and I realized , I was nothing but his puppet . I told him what I needed to say , and he said I ****ed up and now I want equality and **** like he owes me something ? This is pretty much a deal breaker. He's full of himself and he cAnt even see he's wrong . Good for you! The next step is to block him so he can't get ahold of you and bug you anymore. What a douche.
Author Lynnsay Posted April 23, 2015 Author Posted April 23, 2015 He said if I want to be with him , he will set more rules and if I don't like it then go find someone else . I cannot believe there is such things
ExpatInItaly Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He said if I want to be with him , he will set more rules and if I don't like it then go find someone else . I cannot believe there is such things He's an immature ass. I hope you didn't respond to that. Take Option B and go find someone else.
drallafi Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Technology tends to be the death of too many relationships. Do yourself a favor... if you're not hiding anything, hand your phone to him. Ask him to do the same... if hes hiding something he wont give you the phone. If you want to be with him figure it out now before it goes too far. As for him not letting you have guy friends.... if you truly let him have as many friends as he wants then theres no reason you cant. Just make sure you are 100% sure you let him do the same things that you do, if thats what you want. Trust, love and commitment are what you need. If that cant be provided, then neither can a healthy relationship. I really REALLY like this. OP, do this. Then tell him that if he doesn't give you his phone, that you're leaving him. Don't be angry, be matter-of-fact. He's obviously cheating on you and projecting that guilt onto you. You're losing twice because of this. Hopefully you can start to see that and stop wasting your time on this bum.
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 He said if I want to be with him , he will set more rules and if I don't like it then go find someone else . I cannot believe there is such things Well, you want something that is going to help you heal faster and look at this douche rocket in a different light and maybe even get pissed at him? Here it is.......wait for it.........drumroll please........... BAM! He was cheating on you. Take a look at the signs. He guarded his phone like it was Fort Knox. Probably never left it laying around. Took it everywhere he went. Wanted to know your every movement. Who you're with and who you talk to. This is two part. 1. due to insecurities. and 2. He didn't want you to run into anyone that could dime him out about another girl. He was probably ALWAYS quick to accuse you of cheating. Not only this incident, but several times in the past. This was done to ease his own guilt and justify his cheating on you. He convinced himself that if you are cheating him, then he has every right to cheat on you. So, he used that excuse to hook up with other girls whether it was true or not. Now, he setting the conditions on how he'll take you back. REALLY?!?! What a douche rocket! And his solution is to set even MORE rules to the relationship?!?!?! Call him back and tell him that you though his proposal over and after a long and hard internal debate with yourself you've come to a conclusion. "You can take your rules and shove them straight up your ass." Then, hang up! That easy! Look, even though this guy was an incredible douche rocket, asshat, screwball, nut job, twatface, assclown, cheesedick, numbnuts, sleezebag and a loser. You still had feelings for him (for some reason). It's okay to feel a little sad and take the time to mourn the loss of the relationship (it shouldn't take too long AT ALL) and just know that you are only one more heartbreak away from the guy you're truly meant to be with. And when you meet that guy, you'll wonder what you EVER saw in your Ex in the first place.
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