lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Lolablue17 I do not mean to go against anything you say. I take all advice and opinion you have given me into full account. May I give you a more in depth account of my relationship with this woman? I would very much appreciate your perspective. Thank you . Hi. Of course you can. I may have sounded a little bit scolding and i'm sorry for that. I wrote as if it's a natural con between friends. I respect you very much and i know how easy it seems when you look at it from the side, and how difficult it must be to experience all that. 1
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 Hi. Of course you can. I may have sounded a little bit scolding and i'm sorry for that. I wrote as if it's a natural con between friends. I respect you very much and i know how easy it seems when you look at it from the side, and how difficult it must be to experience all that. Lolablue17 No its fine I am most grateful for your time and opinion and any points you have are taken positively whatever they may be. If you do not mind I will write in segments as I just lost everything I wrote and it will probably make any easier read too. The Beginning Of The Relationship I knew the woman in question for many years we went to the same school and I would often notice her staring at me, she was several years younger so there was too much age difference at the time for a relationship. Several years later she began a relationship with a friend and they had a child together it was at the same time I married my now ex wife. After I split up with her I would often see the pair of them but after a while I lost contact with them and saw other friends. They ended up breaking up and she added me on Facebook and we would talk every so often. About five years after they broke up she messaged me after a mutual friend died before christmas. She messaged me again at christmas and new year and we began talking regularly and we ended up meeting up after new years and went for a drink together. We ended up having intercourse that night and she said that I was the only person to make her climax first time and that it had always taken her a long time to feel comfortable with someone but I was different. She told me that she had always wanted to be together and when I used to go to see her and her boyfriend the father of her son that it drove her crazy and that she told him she did not want me to go around to see them anymore as she did not like me. This explains why I stopped seeing them. I told her that I had always had feelings for her also which was from the heart and completely true. We ended up beginning a relationship from there.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 I was introduced to her son very quickly and we would often go out the three of us and walk the dogs or have days out to parks and such. The father no longer saw the child as she claimed he was not interested. They split up after she had him arrested for pushing her he was released without charge but to find that she had taken her things and gone. After six months they reconciled but it did not work and they went their separate ways. After a few months the father contacted me and we spoke it was very amicable and was left in a pleasant way. I felt no guilt being with her as I had not spoken to him in years and felt that he was not a true friend because of this. We would always be out doing things the three of us and went on several holidays within our own country. My sister also has a son of similar age and we would take them both out. My ex girlfriends son had behavioural issues and did not always get along with my nephew and he had an issue with sharing which often caused drama. Nonetheless I saw a good side to him. She would often leave him in my sole care if she was at work and I really got along with him and he even called me dad several times which I made no comment on but my ex girlfriend said it was amazing. She would often leave her son with one of her parents who are separated in the evenings and he would call his grandfather " Dad " I would take him to school with her everyday and went to his school play with her and her father. I met his teacher who told me how much he always spoke about me and she even said to us both " do not go breaking up you two"
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 My Work Situation I was working as a Swimming Pool Engineer when in May I was signed off work due to a slipped disc in my back. I was on £500 a month sick pay. I voiced concerns about income to my girlfriend and suggested I would go back to work anyway but she insisted for me not to and that we would work as a unit together and that we would be fine financially which we were. I was undergoing treatment and was booked to have an injection in my back in September as well as awaiting a compensation settlement. Due to this I had a lot of free time and she only worked three days a week. We would often spend the time together going out walking and I even began teaching her to drive. I would take her to work and pick her up every day and would cook her breakfast and prepare her dinner for when she finished work. I would do all of her laundry and some of her sons as he would stay over some nights.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 As I mentioned I was still married to my now ex wife who I was separated from for five years. I had previously made attempts to divorce her but she would not comply and would not tell me her address. My girlfriend with the help of a close friend of hers and government records managed to track her down and the divorce went ahead. It would be final in November and my girlfriend said that she had a bottle of Champagne that we would celebrate with. She had her finger measured in town one day and was looking at rings. She was enquiring with venues we both liked and making plans and looking at cakes and catering companies as well as already having the dress. My plan was to propose once the divorce was final and also I would have a lot of funds by that time to make my proposal special. As well as marriage we had agreed that we would get our own flat and she also came off of contraceptive injection as we planned on having a child together in time and we even agreed on names for children.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 During the relationship there were arguments which would often result in her walking away and going into town and getting drunk. She would always call and text later that night saying sorry and that she loved me but I would often be asleep and when I would call or text the next day she would deny calling me and texting and would continue to be hostile and drag it out longer. She once went into town and went out drinking with several men who drank at the bar she worked which I thought nothing of at the time but people have since told me this is poor behaviour and disrespectful to me. She once found a picture of my ex wife which I had amongst other photos which I did not realise was there and she went ballistic, I later threw the picture away.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 I got along very well with her parents and brother and would often go out with her mother for meals and even took her to her mothers grave. I would often take her brother to work if I could and we got along very well. I was also introduced to her extended family and attended a family funeral with her and often met her cousin who had terminal cancer. She had a very extensive past of sexual partners. She had been with over forty men. She had very few relationships longer than 3 months. She would always refer to her ex partners not by name but description for example " Busker" "Liverpool Guy" " Douche Bag" she referred to the guy before me as " Some Fat Guy" One thing that bothered me was when she told me that she had an abortion after several one night stands and did not know who got her pregnant and this is while she had left her son at home with one of her family. She also went on a bender after our mutual friend died and went missing for three days around christmas.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 The Last Week Of The Relationship A week before she viewed a flat for us which was perfect. The next day we went to a museum with her son, it was a great day that will always stick in my mind. We had several songs which is how she said she felt about me and one of them came on the radio driving back home, I remember feeling such love that day and we were holding hands while I was driving there and back and calling each other such lovely things. The following day was a monday and her birthday I had given her a Seahorse necklace as she liked Seahorses. We went to town and had a drink and made a list of what we needed for our flat together while we were there. We went back to mine and she fell asleep. We often played pranks on each other and I drew a penis on her back and a heart. Her reaction was to post it on Facebook saying " its my birthday I fall asleep and my loving caring boyfriend does this to me" she later showed her dad and brother. Later that day we went for a meal with her mum, son and brother. Her son started crying at the table and I managed to calm him down. After the meal she bought him sweets and both me and her brother commented that it was a stupid thing to do. The next day we went to my solicitor to accept a settlement of £10,000 for my injury while driving back a lorry came at us head on and a scuffle between me and the driver broke out when I confronted him on his driving, I was shocked to see her standing filming it. Later that day she showed my father the video. The next few days her son stayed over the night. Friday night came I picked her up from work as usual when I mentioned that I was unhappy with certain pictures of her in underwear and corset laying on a bed on Facebook, they were old pictures but it did bother me. Saturday came and she deleted the pictures, we went to get some shopping for her sons birthday party the next saturday and she asked if we should get it all then when I said I would get it the day before while she was at work. Her son stayed at home with her brother that day and I did not see him as I stayed in the car when she went in to her dads house. we went back to mine and my family was on holiday we had the place to ourselves. We had a drink and watched television and all was well. She asked me to order a takeaway delivery which I did and we had intercourse which was interrupted by it arriving. I took it to the kitchen and sat back in the living room she had gone to the toilet when she returned she complained that she had been injured during the type of intercourse we had been having. I did not say anything and walked out to the kitchen and she followed as I was taking the food out of the bag she said she was going to bed, I did not say or do anything to stop her. I served my food and sat in the living room when she came downstairs and stood looking at me but said nothing. She went back upstairs after a while I heard drawers opening and closing when I went up she was bagging up her sons presents I had wrapped previously. I tried to calm her down but she was angry I took the bag off her and said I would take it to her dads the next day. She sat on my wall in my driveway shouting, she then claimed that I pushed her I did pick her up off of the wall and directed her away from my house when she fell to the floor but I did not push her. When I went inside I realised my phone was missing and the next few days that she had deleted certain images of herself from our laptop. The next day via Facebook she said it was over, I tried to see her but she would not see me. A week later I got a new phone and noticed she had not blocked me on Whatsapp and still had up the picture of me and her son. When I messaged her she changed it. She said that she no longer wanted me and that was I surprised after I had pushed her and that all we did was argue. I called her a user and she said I was the user as she had paid for everything for five months which is not true at all as I was having my £500 a month paid into her account without fail. Things got very nasty and that was it. I tried to see her after that but she would not have it. So that the relationship beginning to end I will go into detail about her new boyfriend next.
lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Hi. It was very interesting to read your story. When people are in love they want to visit the moon with their love ones, and talk about eternity. It doesn't say much about the day after and many great love stories end eventually. I think you should distinguish between things that relevant from the irrelevant regarding to your situation. 1. I don't understand the reason for her leaving you. From what you said i understand that it's not just the regular and legitimate "she lost feelings" thing. Why would she break up with you after talking about rings, dress and wedding and having children together? 2. After breaking up with you, why didn't she want to even talk to you? What did she say to her son about "why his "present dad substitute can't see him anymore"? 3. Why was it so important for her to send you her new ring photo? It is an extreme obsession and a very evil thing to do, which you doit only to someone who had hurt you so much. Why does she feel you hurt her? What have you done? How did you hurt her so much, for her wanting to hurt you back? What is the secret hidden here? 4. Same as 3, why would she notify you that she's never loved you even once? What benefit does she gain from that action? It is an extreme twisted logic. it's a huge insane obsession. Maybe it's all done for a reason. If i were you I would go to a jewelry shop, take a photo of a great looking ring and send her with the words "That's the ring you lost when you chose not marrying me". That is an example of getting some information without giving up your dignity and without being needy. 1
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 Hi. It was very interesting to read your story. When people are in love they want to visit the moon with their love ones, and talk about eternity. It doesn't say much about the day after and many great love stories end eventually. I think you should distinguish between things that relevant from the irrelevant regarding to your situation. 1. I don't understand the reason for her leaving you. From what you said i understand that it's not just the regular and legitimate "she lost feelings" thing. Why would she break up with you after talking about rings, dress and wedding and having children together? 2. After breaking up with you, why didn't she want to even talk to you? What did she say to her son about "why his "present dad substitute can't see him anymore"? 3. Why was it so important for her to send you her new ring photo? It is an extreme obsession and a very evil thing to do, which you doit only to someone who had hurt you so much. Why does she feel you hurt her? What have you done? How did you hurt her so much, for her wanting to hurt you back? What is the secret hidden here? 4. Same as 3, why would she notify you that she's never loved you even once? What benefit does she gain from that action? It is an extreme twisted logic. it's a huge insane obsession. Maybe it's all done for a reason. If i were you I would go to a jewelry shop, take a photo of a great looking ring and send her with the words "That's the ring you lost when you chose not marrying me". That is an example of getting some information without giving up your dignity and without being needy. Lolablue17 Thank you so much for taking the time to read all of that. After breaking up I have spoken with the father of her son who has confirmed that she told several lies to me about certain things she told me. All I can think is that when I ignored her that night that is why. I tried so much after to break up to talk to her and reconcile. Her new guy has told me that she was planning leaving me for months which makes no sense to me as I did not get any of the classic signs of her withdrawing at all if anything the relationship was ramping up. When I brought up about her leaving her son with me and signing a card to " son" he told me " big deal you looked after him a few times while she was at work" and that he could not believe that the card was a big deal to me. To me it is a big deal that a woman asks you to sign a card with her to her son. When I asked him why she wanted to marry me and made so much effort with my divorce etc he said that he did not know why and perhaps it was just " something to do" He called me a broke scrounger and said about me being signed off of work which I do not see how she can say anything as she encouraged me not to return with my injury. This guy is 22 he has pictures of animals he has killed on his Instagram and he also is into Graffiti and vandalises property. She is a vegetarian and always hated people who shot animals and a month before leaving me was shouting abuse at someone shooting birds and also used to say how pathetic graffiti was and he is also a gangster type with a gold tooth and gold rings and speaks like he thinks he is West Indian which she also used to express her dislike of. It all just makes no sense in the fact he is the image of everything she dislikes. Their engagement came six weeks after beginning their relationship after he proposed after being drunk and because it was snowing. I stated that the ring looked very cheap and that could he refrain from sending me further pictures. Haha I like the idea of sending a picture of a decent ring I might just do that. The whole thing has been awful I miss her and her son and its like my whole world has been turned upside down.
lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Again - You don't know any of her reasons and allow me to doubt any of his explanations. He has a clear interest to lie to you, and to insult you, and it is very odd that he even speaks to you. By sending the photo of a good looking (and expensive) ring you're not only drawing the ring she has missed. You are symbolizing her situation. She could have had it all... The great life with you is symbolized by the quality ring and the life without you is symbolized by the cheap ring she's chosen to have. (Of course, the ring it self is really not important). Edited April 24, 2015 by lolablue17 2
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 Again - You don't know any of her reasons and allow me to doubt any of his explanations. He has a clear interest to lie to you, and to insult you, and it is very odd that he even speaks to you. By sending the photo of a good looking (and expensive) ring you're not only drawing the ring she has missed. You are symbolizing her situation. She could have had it all... The great life with you is symbolized by the quality ring and the life without you is symbolized by the cheap ring she's chosen to have. (Of course, the ring it self is really not important). I have a feeling that he is telling me everything she is saying to him so in turn he is being lied to. If I was him I would be very concerned but I do not think he has any mental capacity to question things to be honest. Do you not feel that she just used me and told me things she knew I wanted to hear to any degree? For her to move on so quickly does it not prove that she had no love for me? Also can you make any sense of her going for this guy? I will definitely be sending a picture of a ring thanks for the suggestion it is awesome
lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 I have a feeling that he is telling me everything she is saying to him so in turn he is being lied to. If I was him I would be very concerned but I do not think he has any mental capacity to question things to be honest. Do you not feel that she just used me and told me things she knew I wanted to hear to any degree? For her to move on so quickly does it not prove that she had no love for me? Also can you make any sense of her going for this guy? I will definitely be sending a picture of a ring thanks for the suggestion it is awesome I don't think the fact that she moved on quickly says anything. People can feel a strong passionate love and when they change their mind it can happen rapidly. Every one has his own tempo and you cannot judge that. I still have a gut feeling that this engagment is not as it seems to be. You never said why did she break up with you. 1
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 I don't think the fact that she moved on quickly says anything. People can feel a strong passionate love and when they change their mind it can happen rapidly. Every one has his own tempo and you cannot judge that. I still have a gut feeling that this engagment is not as it seems to be. You never said why did she break up with you. That night she just went crazy I do not know why it must have been that I ignored her. Afterwards she said that " was I surprised she did not want to be with me after I pushed her" she also said we did not get along and all we did was argue. I really feel that we did get along and her words and what she always said say a different story.
lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 That night she just went crazy I do not know why it must have been that I ignored her. Afterwards she said that " was I surprised she did not want to be with me after I pushed her" she also said we did not get along and all we did was argue. I really feel that we did get along and her words and what she always said say a different story. I really can't tell... But i don't find in my mind any credible explanation but three options: 1. She was so hurt and felt humiliated because you didn't propose. 2. She has a mental illness. 3. She is 16 years old + a minor mental illness If i had to choose it will be reason one. 1
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 I really can't tell... But i don't find in my mind any credible explanation but three options: 1. She was so hurt and felt humiliated because you didn't propose. 2. She has a mental illness. 3. She is 16 years old + a minor mental illness If i had to choose it will be reason one. Her mother does have Schizoprenia and she had Anxiety Disorder which she was supposed to take medication for. Haha she is a long way from 16 haha. I must admit I feel that she was expecting me to propose on her birthday by the way she was examining what I had got her she figured it was some kind of jewelry. In a way I wish I did propose to her but looking at how she has treated me I think I am glad I did not as these are not the actions of a woman who truly loves a man in my opinion.
lolablue17 Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 In a way I wish I did propose to her but looking at how she has treated me I think I am glad I did not as these are not the actions of a woman who truly loves a man in my opinion. You've said it all! 1
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 You've said it all! Thanks Lolablue17 I suppose all I can do is put it all behind me now and accept that she has moved on and that someone who can give herself to someone in so many ways so soon after is not the person I thought her to be. I will not lie I still miss her a lot but I think I miss the person she was with me and she is no longer that person.
mightycpa Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 Thanks Lolablue17 I suppose all I can do is put it all behind me now and accept that she has moved on and that someone who can give herself to someone in so many ways so soon after is not the person I thought her to be. I will not lie I still miss her a lot but I think I miss the person she was with me and she is no longer that person.You'll miss her for a while, but eventually you will leave your laments behind. Find something that captures your interest the same way that trying to understand this does. It will be a great distraction.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 You'll miss her for a while, but eventually you will leave your laments behind. Find something that captures your interest the same way that trying to understand this does. It will be a great distraction. Thanks mate. That is great advice it is just hard when you not only have your girlfriend go from your life but a child who you have grown to love and bonded with.
mightycpa Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 It's always difficult, child or not, cheating or not, betrayal or not, friendly or not. Always. You're no different than anybody else around here. You have a different story, but in reality, these are distinctions that make no difference at the end of the day. You want reality to be different than it is. You want what you can't have, and you want it really badly, and you'll never get it. The details don't really matter, that is the heart of the issue. So yes, the advice is good, but don't use the difficulty of the situation to excuse not taking it.
Author totenkopf Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 It's always difficult, child or not, cheating or not, betrayal or not, friendly or not. Always. You're no different than anybody else around here. You have a different story, but in reality, these are distinctions that make no difference at the end of the day. You want reality to be different than it is. You want what you can't have, and you want it really badly, and you'll never get it. The details don't really matter, that is the heart of the issue. So yes, the advice is good, but don't use the difficulty of the situation to excuse not taking it. I see what you are saying cheers man. Just suppose I had higher expectations and stuff and felt secure due to circumstances
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