The things they said

[totenkopf]

Hi all interested in getting some feedback and stories about all the pledges, promises and basically sweet nothings your exes told you.

 

I was with my ex gf for ten months I knew her for many years prior to our relationship.

From the start she told me that she had always wanted to be together which is true on my behalf as I had always had feelings for her.

 

She told me one day I remember so clearly that I was not just her lover but her best friend and that she felt we were one and the same person. This obviously really touched me.

 

She was on anti depression medication as she had Anxiety but she said I made her so happy that she did not need to take it any longer.

 

She would often tell me that she wished that I was her first and only even though she had a child with someone else and had sexual relations with over forty people.

 

There were several songs which she said were how she felt about me such as the classic 90s " Deserts miss the rain" she would often play this and embrace and kiss me.

 

Many a time she would refer to us as a family and weeks before she left me she asked me to sign a card with her to her son for his birthday this meant a great deal to me and during the relationship she would trust me with looking after her son and I even went to his school play and met his teacher who told me he was always talking about me and said to me and my ex not to go breaking up. She would always compliment me on how good I was with her and that when we had kids what a great dad I would be.

 

She told me she had never wanted to marry anyone until me and we made plans to marry and she told me she dreamt the date of the wedding.

 

All of these things and two months after she left me she got into a relationship with a guy who was all she said she disliked and after six weeks they got engaged since then I have been told through her new guy that she never loved me. Why would someone who never loved you say all of this I would never lie to someone about my feelings and play some sick game if its true she never loved me then how could you be proud of being śuch a lying creature.

 

Would love to hear others experiences like this and any thoughts. Thanks.

[Chi townD]

 

 

 

All of these things and two months after she left me she got into a relationship with a guy who was all she said she disliked and after six weeks they got engaged since then I have been told through her new guy that she never loved me. Why would someone who never loved you say all of this I would never lie to someone about my feelings and play some sick game if its true she never loved me then how could you be proud of being śuch a lying creature.

 

Would love to hear others experiences like this and any thoughts. Thanks.

 

 

 

Simple! One of two things. Either he was lying to you to keep you hurt, pissed and away from them or because that's exactly what she needed to tell him because he was probably feeling insecure about their relationship!

 

 

Moral of the story? She likes to play games with peoples emotions and you got caught up in it.

 

 

No more contact with them and do a hard NC and move on!

[AIJ]

Let me pick a few from my exes little book of bull****.

 

'I'd never even think about breaking up with you' - two weeks before she broke up with me.

 

'I'm not going to be getting close to any other guys for a while' - immediately after the break up. Guess who jumped in to a relationship a few weeks later?

 

'I still love you' - 3 days after the break up. A week later, she's in the arms of another guy. Who she'd known for a week, supposedly.

 

Along with all the 'I love you's' that just feel incredibly fake to me now.

 

Awful person. She seems to have turned in to a bit of a self-obsessed slut. Probably due to her new friendship group. That's fine I guess, if that's who she wants to be then whatever. Looking at it from a neutral perspective, she isn't the type of girl I'd go for. She changed so drastically. It's a shame but that's life.

[totenkopf]

Simple! One of two things. Either he was lying to you to keep you hurt, pissed and away from them or because that's exactly what she needed to tell him because he was probably feeling insecure about their relationship!

 

 

Moral of the story? She likes to play games with peoples emotions and you got caught up in it.

 

 

No more contact with them and do a hard NC and move on!

 

Thanks for the reply

People have said the same thing to me about she is telling him this as he may be insecure. I really do not see how someone who does not love you would ask you to sign a card with her to her child. The worst part is that I would see this guy standing on the door of the pub she worked every friday night that I would pick her up and walked right past him together when we would go in for a drink. I have no contact with them now it was only because he sent me a picture of their engagement ring after their six week relationship got serious lol.

[totenkopf]

Let me pick a few from my exes little book of bull****.

 

'I'd never even think about breaking up with you' - two weeks before she broke up with me.

 

'I'm not going to be getting close to any other guys for a while' - immediately after the break up. Guess who jumped in to a relationship a few weeks later?

 

'I still love you' - 3 days after the break up. A week later, she's in the arms of another guy. Who she'd known for a week, supposedly.

 

Along with all the 'I love you's' that just feel incredibly fake to me now.

 

Awful person. She seems to have turned in to a bit of a self-obsessed slut. Probably due to her new friendship group. That's fine I guess, if that's who she wants to be then whatever. Looking at it from a neutral perspective, she isn't the type of girl I'd go for. She changed so drastically. It's a shame but that's life.

 

I had those too. I must admit looking back now it all makes me cringe especially seeing as she got with another guy soon after and then engaged after six weeks clearly something is seriously wrong. Also to drag her kid into it just further disgusts me. My ex did just the same thing with her new friend group after the split and is like a totally different person too.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for the reply

People have said the same thing to me about she is telling him this as he may be insecure. I really do not see how someone who does not love you would ask you to sign a card with her to her child. The worst part is that I would see this guy standing on the door of the pub she worked every friday night that I would pick her up and walked right past him together when we would go in for a drink. I have no contact with them now it was only because he sent me a picture of their engagement ring after their six week relationship got serious lol.

 

 

LOL!! Literally laughable! Hello Mr. Insecurity! You're looking dapper day! Wow, the balls on that guy! Take solace in the fact that their marriage isn't going to last and this asshat is going to end up paying her alimony.

[totenkopf]

LOL!! Literally laughable! Hello Mr. Insecurity! You're looking dapper day! Wow, the balls on that guy! Take solace in the fact that their marriage isn't going to last and this asshat is going to end up paying her alimony.

 

I know he does think he is a tough guy he is a bouncer but he does not intimidate me in the least. Well I gave some home truths about my relationship after he sent that and everything was turned around and twisted things which were good in our relationship suddenly were turned bad. Oh and the beauty of it is that she always said she did not wear jewelry. When I brought this up he stated she did not until she met him and he could afford to get her something nice, surely you either wear jewelry or not haha.

[Chi townD]

WOW! A Bouncer! She aimed her goals really high on that guy! What's he career expectancy on a bouncer, a couple of years? Do they have a good dental and medical plan? A 401K plan?

 

 

Dude, start making positive changes in your life. Upgrade everything in your life. Make her see the mistake she made.

[totenkopf]

WOW! A Bouncer! She aimed her goals really high on that guy! What's he career expectancy on a bouncer, a couple of years? Do they have a good dental and medical plan? A 401K plan?

 

 

Dude, start making positive changes in your life. Upgrade everything in your life. Make her see the mistake she made.

 

I know she has really shocked me to be honest not with just the fact he is a bouncer but the whole shooting animals and he does graffiti and calls himself " Pens" she would take the complete piss out of people like that and he is 22 looks 32 though. Talking of dentistry he also has a gold tooth lol.

Thanks for the support man I am thinking of joining a gym and possibly getting into bodybuilding. I know I am better in every way than my ex and as you said I want her to see the mistake she made. Thanks mate.

[Chi townD]

Thanks for the support man I am thinking of joining a gym and possibly getting into bodybuilding. I know I am better in every way than my ex and as you said I want her to see the mistake she made. Thanks mate.

 

 

But, do it for yourself! If she finds out that she made a mistake, well that's a mistake she'll have to live with because you don't have to.

 

 

Make positive changes for you and you alone. Someone else will get to appreciate the efforts you make.

[totenkopf]

But, do it for yourself! If she finds out that she made a mistake, well that's a mistake she'll have to live with because you don't have to.

 

 

Make positive changes for you and you alone. Someone else will get to appreciate the efforts you make.

 

Yeah I certainly will be doing it for myself

I really have no idea how this woman thinks which is pretty scary after spending so much time togethe. I really like the fact that like you say someone else will get to have and appreciate what I have to offer and lets be honest I don't think I could ever do worse than her haha.

[AIJ]

I had those too. I must admit looking back now it all makes me cringe especially seeing as she got with another guy soon after and then engaged after six weeks clearly something is seriously wrong. Also to drag her kid into it just further disgusts me. My ex did just the same thing with her new friend group after the split and is like a totally different person too.

 

I'm beginning to think I'm seeing relationships in the wrong way at my age. I'm only 18, so should I really be searching for someone with a good future ahead of them? Or should I be searching for someone that I can just have a good time with for the present, then search for someone with a good future in a few years time? I don't know. I feel like I'm incredibly mature for my age and I share a different viewpoint to a lot of the sex obsessed 18 year old males of this generation.

[Chi townD]

At your age, it's okay not to know what you want in a partner. So, it's okay just to go out and have fun! That's part of being young! To go out and do stupid things with your friends and have a good time.

 

 

But, sooner or later, you're going to want to crave something more and meaningful. This is also part of growing up. And even though you still maybe young and so will your love interest, it might be important to see that your future interest has set up goals and have an idea of what direction they want to go in life and to take steps to achieve those goals. It important that your future love interest is at the same maturity level as you are or at least is making an effort to get there. Because if this doesn't happen, then you'll find yourself going down to different paths in life. And that will kill the relationship. If your working towards a bachelor degree and you partner is working towards the next sale at the stores, it's safe to assume that you two have different priorities in life.

 

 

I take it that your a male. What I discovered is that there are two types of women out there that are searching for a relationship. One that wants a man and one that needs a man. Very BIG difference between them. The girl that needs a man will want that man to support her financially, emotionally and physically. She'll be entirely dependent on you. A girl that wants a man is usually a girl that has it together and/or has a clear understanding of where she wants to go in the future. They're usually strong and independent women that can say to you, "Look, I don't NEED to be with you. I was doing fine on my own. I WANT to be with you because I enjoy being around you and there's no other place I'd rater be."

Edited April 22, 2015 by Chi townD

[lolablue17]

If I understand correctly, the only source of information about what she says, is from her current fiance, who bothers himself to tell you that, and sending you a pic of the ring.

 

Is that so?

[SLee]

My ex dumped me after 3.5 years. Told me his heart wasn't in it anymore even after EVERYTHING we had together. He bailed.

 

Things he told me:

 

"I'll never leave you."

"I want to marry you and have a life with you."

"I'll help you through everything." (I have severe anxiety/depression and PTSD problems)

"I look at other people and they're attractive, but they aren't you."

"I'll do anything for you."

 

And many more. Your ex sounds manipulative and likes to play games. Even though it hurts, you're probably better off.

[totenkopf]

If I understand correctly, the only source of information about what she says, is from her current fiance, who bothers himself to tell you that, and sending you a pic of the ring.

 

Is that so?

 

Lolablue17

Thanks for your reply. Yes that is correct her current bf or fiance sent me a picture of the ring after being together for six weeks. She must have egged him on to do it and she was obviously with him as he was bringing up our relationship but twisting everything to become negative. Such as for five months due to a slipped disc I was signed off work receiving £500 a month I was also waiting for a settlement due to this injury which was agreed weeks before she left. I was considering returning to work due to finances but she was adimant that I should not. Now I am being called a scrounger and a bum which I am far from either and I feel the description is more suited to my ex gf if anyone. When I asked him about me signing a card to her son weeks before leaving he said that it was not a big deal. I suppose every single mother has guys shes planning on leaving do this

[totenkopf]

My ex dumped me after 3.5 years. Told me his heart wasn't in it anymore even after EVERYTHING we had together. He bailed.

 

Things he told me:

 

"I'll never leave you."

"I want to marry you and have a life with you."

"I'll help you through everything." (I have severe anxiety/depression and PTSD problems)

"I look at other people and they're attractive, but they aren't you."

"I'll do anything for you."

 

And many more. Your ex sounds manipulative and likes to play games. Even though it hurts, you're probably better off.

 

I'm sorry you went through that. How are you now? I just do not get how a week before she viewed a flat for us and her son and days before sat writing lists of stuff for our flat we needed and sat with me all night and we even had sex if she was planning to leave. I should have known better really she has an extensive past of leaving people in such a way. I guess I just trusted in her and saying she wanted me for years etc it seemed like it was meant to be. Well I have seen her true colours and that everything she said must have been bull because I soon got replaced and engaged to someone else before the date she said she wanted ys to get married its all so romantic lol.

[lolablue17]

Lolablue17

Thanks for your reply. Yes that is correct her current bf or fiance sent me a picture of the ring after being together for six weeks.

 

Have you ever thought of the possibility that she never told him that she has never loved you, but the opposite?

 

That it is all his made up stories, he sees you as a threat because you are her mythological Ex which she will always have a warm place in her heart? That he is afraid of you, so he is trying to keep you away by lying to you? Have you ever thought about that?

[AdamantyumKrystal]

She said:

 

-We don't have a relation-ship we have love,relationships end,love doesn't.

-MY life would mean nothing without you,You came and made me who I am."

-WIth you i discovered the true love.

-The connexion between us is unreal,magical.

 

Pretty big words for an emotional-manipulator i say.

 

But what amazes me is when she told me this:

 

- I'm...I'm so scared i'm gonna dissapoint you or let you down.

 

Obviously she did dissapointed me when she left me for my best-friend and now they have a hidden relationship.

 

Life is...unfair and unreal sometimes...

[totenkopf]

She said:

 

-We don't have a relation-ship we have love,relationships end,love doesn't.

-MY life would mean nothing without you,You came and made me who I am."

-WIth you i discovered the true love.

-The connexion between us is unreal,magical.

 

Pretty big words for an emotional-manipulator i say.

 

But what amazes me is when she told me this:

 

- I'm...I'm so scared i'm gonna dissapoint you or let you down.

 

Obviously she did dissapointed me when she left me for my best-friend and now they have a hidden relationship.

 

Life is...unfair and unreal sometimes...

 

Sorry to hear that you have also been through this absolute nightmare too.

I find solace in the fact that I never lied nor would I lie to someone about my feelings and that it shows how pathetic some people are to play with peoples emotions to manipulate the situation and as is the case with my ex gf to drag your five year old child along with you disgusts me to the core.

[totenkopf]

Have you ever thought of the possibility that she never told him that she has never loved you, but the opposite?

 

That it is all his made up stories, he sees you as a threat because you are her mythological Ex which she will always have a warm place in her heart? That he is afraid of you, so he is trying to keep you away by lying to you? Have you ever thought about that?

 

Thank you Lolablue17

Yes I have thought of that but when he sent me the picture he said she was there with him and the details that he went into suggest that she was telling him what to write. They even goaded me saying what a good time they were having there without me and called me " honeybee" which she used to call me. I can't understand why you would refer to your ex with a pet name like that and in the previous sentence claim you never loved them.

[RenJen]

I'm sorry you went through that. How are you now? I just do not get how a week before she viewed a flat for us and her son and days before sat writing lists of stuff for our flat we needed and sat with me all night and we even had sex if she was planning to leave. I should have known better really she has an extensive past of leaving people in such a way. I guess I just trusted in her and saying she wanted me for years etc it seemed like it was meant to be. Well I have seen her true colours and that everything she said must have been bull because I soon got replaced and engaged to someone else before the date she said she wanted ys to get married its all so romantic lol.

I'm also sorry for what you are going through. Her new guy sounds so insecure and pathetic that it's cringeworthy.

 

As for me, I have good hours and bad hours. I know what I have to do; work on me, graduate university, pursue grad school, etc. It's just an emotional storm right now. He's all over the place emotionally. And the place we're at in school (reaching the end of undergrad, uncertain futures, other life stresses, etc.) is just not conducive to a long term thing right now. He cracked under pressure. He had also confessed to me how he had been texting my best friend behind my back almost constantly about anything and everything. I put a stop to that.

 

People are cruel sometimes. They're ruthless. The day before he dumped me he said he was ready to go all in on us. The next day he dumped me. I don't think you were wrong to trust her. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. Mutual trust is a foundation for any healthy relationship. I don't see what you did wrong at all. Just take this and learn. My mom gave me this advice: "Never underestimate people and what they can do to you." I know that's cynical, even for my taste. But it has a lot of truth to it.

 

But you're right. She showed her true colors to you. That's all on her. I can't tell you if what she was was bull or not, because I don't know her. All I do know was that I know my ex meant it when he said those things, made those promises to me. I don't know if that fact makes it hurt more or less. On one end, it has more value 'cause he meant it. On the other, he's throwing ALL OF THAT away so easily. We were looking at engagement rings and stuff too at one point and planning a life together.

 

If she has a history of this, I don't know if this relationship with her knew guy will work out. I have my own issues, but at least I kept mine afloat for 3.5 years. Like me, you stuck it out. You were there. That is a testament to your character. Hold onto that.

[lolablue17]

Thank you Lolablue17

Yes I have thought of that but when he sent me the picture he said she was there with him and the details that he went into suggest that she was telling him what to write. They even goaded me saying what a good time they were having there without me and called me " honeybee" which she used to call me. I can't understand why you would refer to your ex with a pet name like that and in the previous sentence claim you never loved them.

 

If you can move on, do it. It's the best.

 

But if you find it hard, i suggest that you call her and ask for a 10 minutes meeting. (If she refuses to meet, talk to her by phone).

 

In the meeting ask her just those questions: "Your fiance had told me that you declared that you have never ever loved me. Is that a correct quote? Did you say that? (Because if so, it means she was lying to you and to herself for the entire relationship).

 

I'm not shocked when people say "you are the one, i will never leave you" and after that they change their mind. Because love declarations count on present and express temporary feelings. What's odd here that she say she has never loved you. I find it hard to believe and the fact that her fiance was the only one who told you that, makes it suspicious to me.

 

You have nothing to lose, because if she admitted saying that, she will feel horrible and probably will try to correct the impression. And if she didn't - Well, now her fiance has a little problem but what do you care.

 

If you'd ask me to guess - I'd say - 80% chances that she told him the opposite, that you are her first real love and she will always have something for you. And it is freaking him out.

[SLee]

Sorry for the confusion, a friend/mutual poster who directed me to this site had their account up and I didn't notice. That correspondence was from me, SLee. Again, Apologies.

[totenkopf]

If you can move on, do it. It's the best.

 

But if you find it hard, i suggest that you call her and ask for a 10 minutes meeting. (If she refuses to meet, talk to her by phone).

 

In the meeting ask her just those questions: "Your fiance had told me that you declared that you have never ever loved me. Is that a correct quote? Did you say that? (Because if so, it means she was lying to you and to herself for the entire relationship).

 

I'm not shocked when people say "you are the one, i will never leave you" and after that they change their mind. Because love declarations count on present and express temporary feelings. What's odd here that she say she has never loved you. I find it hard to believe and the fact that her fiance was the only one who told you that, makes it suspicious to me.

 

You have nothing to lose, because if she admitted saying that, she will feel horrible and probably will try to correct the impression. And if she didn't - Well, now her fiance has a little problem but what do you care.

 

If you'd ask me to guess - I'd say - 80% chances that she told him the opposite, that you are her first real love and she will always have something for you. And it is freaking him out.

 

Lolablue17

Thanks for your advice it is much appreciated. A week after breaking up I messaged her and we spoke and she said she never would have lied about any of the things she said. Things got very heated and nasty and several times I attempted to go and speak to her but she would not give me anything and all contact was broken. The new guy also claims that other than not loving me that she always thought I was an ugly psycho with mental health issues which is strange as I don't see why she would have trusted me with her son.

 

I really did love this woman and although I am not perfect I never lied to her and wanted a future together but now it seems I was a fool to believe anything.