SmartDude Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 So I have been seeing this woman latley. She prefers to be friends with me at the moment. I think im going to take her up on her offer. Today we were at a a cafe, and she started doing some crazy talk. Then she got out a little bottle with some meds/pills? She looked like she was having a panic attack. The look on her face really got to me, she was really strugling. I felt horible for her. Could have been a medical issue though, im not sure yet. She may have a mental disorder of some type...again not sure. The thing is that she is not always like this, she is really sweet sometimes. I suspect Borderline Personality Disorder, because I recognize the "gaslighting", "painting a person black or white" and other things that she has done to me. Its sad because making a guy her friend may be a higher form of respect than someone she would actually be in a romantic relationship with. I feel like I am repeating a pattern. I have been in a relationship with someone who had a mental disorder before. Out of all the people out there, somehow am sitting across from someone who is doing that crazy talk again. Any suggestions or support is aprecciated.
Toodaloo Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Talk to her about it... Sounds as though you felt uncomfortable so just stay as friends. Good luck 1
PegNosePete Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Do you really want to be her friend, or are you only accepting that in the hopes that it will develop into a romantic relationship?
road Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Dump her for men do not need bee-itches for friends. That's what men are for. Girlfriends yes, wives yes. And you do not need head case bee-itches for anything.
Author SmartDude Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Talk to her about it... Sounds as though you felt uncomfortable so just stay as friends. Good luck In reveiwing the events of the day, I am almost certain she suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. I know because that is what one of my ex girlfriends has. I recognize the behavior. As long as I am just a friend, she would treat me normally. If I become the object of her romantic interest, I would basicly have a target painted on my head. I can't go through that kind of pain again.
Toodaloo Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 If I become the object of her romantic interest, I would basicly have a target painted on my head. Then don't do it. To go further would be to set yourself up to fail. Find someone who is happy to just be with you with out using you as target practice! 1
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You might even find friendship hard with the crazy ones. If they are not good enough to date, are they good enough for friends? A relationship is a friendship on fire.
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 So I have been seeing this woman latley. She prefers to be friends with me at the moment. I think im going to take her up on her offer. Today we were at a a cafe, and she started doing some crazy talk. Then she got out a little bottle with some meds/pills? She looked like she was having a panic attack. The look on her face really got to me, she was really strugling. I felt horible for her. Could have been a medical issue though, im not sure yet. She may have a mental disorder of some type...again not sure. The thing is that she is not always like this, she is really sweet sometimes. I suspect Borderline Personality Disorder, because I recognize the "gaslighting", "painting a person black or white" and other things that she has done to me. Its sad because making a guy her friend may be a higher form of respect than someone she would actually be in a romantic relationship with. I feel like I am repeating a pattern. I have been in a relationship with someone who had a mental disorder before. Out of all the people out there, somehow am sitting across from someone who is doing that crazy talk again. Any suggestions or support is aprecciated. You should talk to her about it. It is important for a person with these kinds of disorders to have the people around them understand what goes on with her in order to be able to give proper support. That being said, she said she wanted to be friends likely because she understands that she may not be capable of maintaining a healthy relationship. I'd keep an arm's length relationship with her and observe how/if she is able to manage whatever condition exists. You will, however, likely need a a ton of patience and understanding. It's a tough row to hoe in dealing with these disorders. If she is on medication at least, that demonstrates that she is actively working to manage it. (Assuming the drugs she is taking are legal and appropriate for the condition).
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You should talk to her about it. It is important for a person with these kinds of disorders to have the people around them understand what goes on with her in order to be able to give proper support. - That's a very sweet sentiment, but wouldn't that be a job better suited for a counselor? Maybe it would be better if he tried to get her some help.
elaine567 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Today we were at a a cafe, and she started doing some crazy talk. What sort of crazy talk?
Author SmartDude Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 I think I will try and be her friend. I also think it is important that I NEVER have sex with her (although this is difficult because she is absolutely gorgeous). Or I could get into a relationship with her. But then I would have to practice up on my old skills such as: Avoiding beer bottles thrown at my head, Chasing a woman down the street who is hysterical and making a scene, resisting the feeling of jealousy when she threatens to go have sex with a random guy at 2am because I didn't do the dishes properly...
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 - That's a very sweet sentiment, but wouldn't that be a job better suited for a counselor? Maybe it would be better if he tried to get her some help. I don't mean he should be her counselor. He should just be aware of how to handle things when they come up with her. Grounding techniques. I am assuming she is in some kind of counseling or under a doctor's care since he mentioned that she had to take some meds when he was with her. If she's not in counseling he can suggest and encourage to seek that, but she has to want to do it. If she refuses, I'd tell him to back off altogether. I'm only suggesting any of this because in his original post he had already decided he wanted to be friends with her. Since that's his decision, we can only advise on how to handle it going forward with the caveat that he should consider backing away. He really doesn't need to have another disordered person in his life. He's been there done that, yet still wants to be her friend. I'd also advise him, since he has a history of being with disordered women, that he should look a little more deeply into why that is. Does he feel the need to attempt care-giving/rescue? If so, that's a different issue altogether. If this is just a coincidence, so be it. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Because you said this has happened before, you have to recognize that somehow your pattern is you want to fix women, you want to be the knight in shining armor. While that is a sweet sentiment, it's unrealistic. You can't save these wounded birds. Instead put some distance in this "friendship" because you can't be just friends with someone when you want to date them but they don't want to date you With all your free time, volunteer somewhere like Habitat for Humanity. Re-built homes to feed your desire for fix-er-up projects. Start with a healthy stable person for a good relationship. 1
Author SmartDude Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 What sort of crazy talk? -saying that she didn't like the people that were in the cafe. -not responding to questions. -intimidating the staff at the cafe by gazing in an inappropriate way. -telling my she didn't want to enter my apartment because she hated the carpet. -insisting the drive to her place was 40 minutes away, when it is closer to 15 minutes. -strange choices in vocabulary.
Author SmartDude Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Because you said this has happened before, you have to recognize that somehow your pattern is you want to fix women, you want to be the knight in shining armor. While that is a sweet sentiment, it's unrealistic. You can't save these wounded birds. Instead put some distance in this "friendship" because you can't be just friends with someone when you want to date them but they don't want to date you With all your free time, volunteer somewhere like Habitat for Humanity. Re-built homes to feed your desire for fix-er-up projects. Start with a healthy stable person for a good relationship. Yep I know. Everyone has their negative tendencies when it comes to relationship. I am definitely guilty of having "white knight syndrome".
elaine567 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 -saying that she didn't like the people that were in the cafe. -not responding to questions. -intimidating the staff at the cafe by gazing in an inappropriate way. -telling my she didn't want to enter my apartment because she hated the carpet. -insisting the drive to her place was 40 minutes away, when it is closer to 15 minutes. -strange choices in vocabulary. Is she into drugs? Whatever it is, it doesn't sound right. Do you know her family or any close friends? if you do then a quick call to them may be appreciated.
Author SmartDude Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) Is she into drugs? Whatever it is, it doesn't sound right. Do you know her family or any close friends? if you do then a quick call to them may be appreciated. No she is not. She is super healthy, her place is stocked with only healthy foods. Looks 8-10 years younger than her actual age. She is very high functioning except when she goes into a mode were she kind of looses touch with reality. At other times she is completely normal and a really positive person to be around. Very uplifting and supportive. We kind of just met not too long ago so I don't know any of her family. Oh another thing: She is getting tinder notifications from guys like every 10 minutes. I was near her device and it was going off constantly. Edited April 22, 2015 by SmartDude
Recommended Posts