Peachland Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I've been dating a guy for 7 weeks and we usually meet once a week but talk frequently during the week. He was always very good about initiating phone calls and texts even when he was on vacation. We are exclusive and have been intimate 3 times over the 7 week period. I saw him last Thursday and he spent the night at my house for the 1st time. Everything seemed to go ok although he said he didn't sleep well. Anyway he said he would call later that day but didn't which isn't like him. We had very loose plans to go out Saturday evening but he didn't reach out to me so I contacted him that evening and he said he forgot about any potential plans and he got caught up fixing his house. We ended up talking for 90 minutes and had a good conversation. During the call I mentioned I would like to see him more than once a week now that my travel schedule has calmed down. He sort of laughed it off and said yes let's move in together. Anyway at the end of the call he said maybe we can go to lunch on Sunday. On Sunday I didn't hear from him to discuss our plans so I text him. He replies back that his best friend is staying at his house for the next couple of days because he just separated from his wife. I said ok and that was the last communication that I received from him and I haven't contacted him since. I believe what he is telling about the best friend. He had told me that he wanted to divorce his wife. The new information was that he was moving in with him until he found a place to live. I don't think he is dating anyone else. We agreed to be exclusive since we were having sex. I also checked and his dating profile does not exist. He took it down soon after we started dating. Everytime we talked he was very positive about me and the time we were spending together. I'm trying to stay calm because I know he is dealing with friend's issues plus he is in the process of buying a 2nd home and running his own business. He's got a lot going on. Should I worry with no contact in 2 days and lack of firm plans over the weekend? Should I reach out? My gut is telling me no since I called him on Saturday and Sunday and he usually always calls me practically every day. Why would he go completely silent? Did he lose interest when I said I wanted to see him more often? I feel like a teenager asking these questions.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I'd say give him space for a few days. He may be backing off because he realizes this might be getting more serious. It sounds like he is losing interest if he just "forgets" that he had plans with you and doesn't call. Don't contact him right now. If a week passes and you've heard nothing, I would call and state your concerns. Find out if you're still on the same page.
mammasita Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 It only takes two seconds to send a text, two minutes to make a phone call. When someone is truly into you they contact you no matter what. Sounds like he's doing the "fade" 5
beach Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Have you been to his house? Does it look like he's single? I'd wait for him to call you.and even when he does make him explain why he's been so uninterested. When a man is truly interested - nothing gets in their way. His no contact is completely rude at this point. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Oh wow. The guy I was dating... Ok well, his life is TOTALLY effed up!!!!!! His ex just had a baby that may or may not be his. Not to mention that he has a myriad of absolutely awful personal issues he's dealing with. And yet he still found the time to initiate every day BAR one day in a one month span. Sorry but if THAT guy found the time to text me, and to be the one to initiate texts or calls daily DESPITE the fact his entire life I'd a total train wreck right now.......... Then your guy just ain't that into you. Some men don't need daily contact. But this guy isn't one of them. He did contact you daily and then stopped. His best friend staying with him is no excuse for not finding the time to send a 20 second text. 1
Mjm1014 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I'd say give it one more day then read what I wrote below- I'll tell you this much coming from a guy-and I'm sure most women can relate too...but when I'm into someone, especially 7 weeks in (honeymoon phase), I don't "forget" about dates unless I'm not totally interested...hell, I'm prob thinking about that date all week! I'm not saying he doesn't like you OP, but maybe things are getting too serious and he's feeling it... Honestly, I think he's either losing feelings or is feeling smothered in the relationship and just needs a little space. Back off A LOT...it is his way of telling you without him telling you directly. The more you chase the more he will pull back. I've been there before on his side and yours..Best thing to do is back off and act mysterious. Tell him you're going out for the evening and when he asks you who you're going with or where you're going you don't owe him many details at least not right away-then see him come running back. Games suck, but when dating some it's either that or walking away..Push pull push pull...good luck. 2
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 During the call I mentioned I would like to see him more than once a week now that my travel schedule has calmed down. He sort of laughed it off and said yes let's move in together. I find this bit so shameful. He's laughing at you basically. You just told him you have more time for him and would like to see more and instead of addressing your question he ignores it and laughs it off = He does not wish to see you more. And his little joke 'let's move in together' is insulting. Stop contacting him and have a good conversation with yourself if this relationship is worth it. 5
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Oh, OP, I think whatever his reasons are, you can rest assured that it probably has nothing to do with you. I know it's an awful, sickening feeling, though. I went through something similar last year. I met a guy and we went out five times and had, what I thought, to be a pretty great connection. After that fifth date, he got weird and cagey and stopped reaching out. I freaked, too, and started over functioning, reaching out a lot, etc. Through sheer strength of will, I got him to hang out one more time, and after that he just sort of stopped replying to my texts. I still have no idea what caused all that. It's painful and sucky, but you're just gonna have to get back on that horse. He does sound like a bit of a douche, anyway.
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I've been dating a guy for 7 weeks and we usually meet once a week but talk frequently during the week. He was always very good about initiating phone calls and texts even when he was on vacation. We are exclusive and have been intimate 3 times over the 7 week period. I saw him last Thursday and he spent the night at my house for the 1st time. Everything seemed to go ok although he said he didn't sleep well. Anyway he said he would call later that day but didn't which isn't like him. We had very loose plans to go out Saturday evening but he didn't reach out to me so I contacted him that evening and he said he forgot about any potential plans and he got caught up fixing his house. We ended up talking for 90 minutes and had a good conversation. During the call I mentioned I would like to see him more than once a week now that my travel schedule has calmed down. He sort of laughed it off and said yes let's move in together. Anyway at the end of the call he said maybe we can go to lunch on Sunday. On Sunday I didn't hear from him to discuss our plans so I text him. He replies back that his best friend is staying at his house for the next couple of days because he just separated from his wife. I said ok and that was the last communication that I received from him and I haven't contacted him since. I believe what he is telling about the best friend. He had told me that he wanted to divorce his wife. The new information was that he was moving in with him until he found a place to live. I don't think he is dating anyone else. We agreed to be exclusive since we were having sex. I also checked and his dating profile does not exist. He took it down soon after we started dating. Everytime we talked he was very positive about me and the time we were spending together. I'm trying to stay calm because I know he is dealing with friend's issues plus he is in the process of buying a 2nd home and running his own business. He's got a lot going on. Should I worry with no contact in 2 days and lack of firm plans over the weekend? Should I reach out? My gut is telling me no since I called him on Saturday and Sunday and he usually always calls me practically every day. Why would he go completely silent? Did he lose interest when I said I wanted to see him more often? I feel like a teenager asking these questions. Don't reach out to him anymore. You say you believe he has a lot going on and if that's the cause of all this, pressuring him will push him farther away. Men very often will go into their "cave" when they are stressed or overwhelmed. If he is truly interested, he will realize you've kinda fallen off the map and come looking for you. It's only been a couple of months and you may be seeing the first sign of how he deals with stress . . . if this is going to be a pattern, and you find that you are in love, you have to decide if this is something you can handle for the long run. Let him come to you. You be as busy as you can and focus on your own life. If he doesn't come to you, don't spend any time wondering why. All that matters is that for, whatever reason, it just wasn't mean't to be and that it's best for both of you. I'd rather have a man who wasn't sure drop off than try to string me along. 1
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 If he has a lot going on, all the more reason to contact you and share it with you. But they only do that when they actually care. 4
Jessie1231 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 This may sound completely weird, but you stopped hearing from him right after his first night at your house. Is there anything about your house that may have turned him off? Lots of pets, not clean, etc? I ask because I went through this with a guy. I really liked him and we had so much fun together. So after a few weeks we planned my first overnight at his house, but it was just so dirty. I don't think he owned a vacuum, the counters had random food on them, and I was terrified to use his bathroom. It was too much for me, and I made every excuse there was not to go over there again. Not saying your house is filthy of course. I'm just asking if maybe there could have been something about him staying over that he considered a deal breaker. Because if it was, something like that is REALLY hard to be honest with the other person about. 1
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) If he has a lot going on, all the more reason to contact you and share it with you. But they only do that when they actually care. He did share that fact with her and she needs to realize that this early in the relationship, she shouldn't be expecting him to include her in every detail of his life. They are still two individuals with their own lives. I would certain expect to be more included if it were a more established and longer term relationship. And, she may find herself in a similar position where she's got a ton of things going on and can't and shouldn't make that new person a top priority. Not only that, he's got a house guest now and distracted by other things. He may simply not feel like talking about it at all because he's just dealing with it all the time. Space is a good thing for a new relationship. Not only that, it's only been a couple of days. She's over-worrying right now and I get that. We all do that to some degree sometimes. She can reach out to him after a week or so if he doesn't and just say something supportive and light without mentioning the relationship. He may be doing some relationship evaluation during this time too. It's important not to tread on that process if it's happening. He won't appreciate additional pressure from her on top of everything else. Edited April 22, 2015 by Redhead14
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Actually, after thinking more about this one, I think he dumped her. Sorry. 2
smackie9 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 "He had told me that he wanted to divorce his wife". if some guy I was dating told me this, it would be a "bubbbbye" coming from me. hun you are just a side dish, while he contemplates his marital status. Stop making things complicated for yourself......don't date people who are going through a relationship transition, etc
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I think he's done. Just grieve and move on. Stop trying to contact him. 1
PogoStick Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Gaeta could be right. His reaction is concerning. Regardless let me point out that men do not need daily contact. Sometimes we do it in the beginning of a relationship when we normally wouldn't. It may even feel tedious to message/talk so much even when we are interested in the girl. We do it to please the girl and gain her attraction. Plus there is more to learn about each other in the beginning. However, once the relationship is more settled we want things to relax a bit. For example, I don't need to talk to you today because we just spent TWO HOURS on the phone yesterday. I mean, I went to work, filled out some TPS reports, put new ink in the printer, and had a 6 inch sub for lunch. What the hell is there to talk about today that we didn't cover yesterday?! Yes, I know you and Becky are butting heads at work and I bet she said something snarky to you, but she does that everyday. Seriously, can we just wait to talk until we have something to actually talk about? Get it? 1
PogoStick Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 "He had told me that he wanted to divorce his wife". if some guy I was dating told me this, it would be a "bubbbbye" coming from me. hun you are just a side dish, while he contemplates his marital status. Stop making things complicated for yourself......don't date people who are going through a relationship transition, etc Reading comprehension, try again Smackie. 1
wizer Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I'm sorry, he's no longer interested in you. Time to start looking elsewhere.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 It's anyone guess what's going on with him...but one thing is for sure. When a guy makes plans with you, but doesn't follow up claiming he FORGOT he made plans with you, this is YOUR cue to BACK OFF. And when a guy says "maybe" we can have lunch on Sunday, and *once again* does not follow up, the LAST thing you should do is text *him* asking him about it! Stop texting him! You need to pull back, disappear from his radar...period! If I had to take a wild guess, it would be he is backing off because he lost interest. I don't say this cause he hasn't called in two days. I say it because he blew you off TWICE, and then made a snarky remark after you told him you wanted to spend more time. Frankly he sounds like an arrogant pr*ck! Go no contact and move on. 4
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Gaeta could be right. His reaction is concerning. Regardless let me point out that men do not need daily contact. Sometimes we do it in the beginning of a relationship when we normally wouldn't. It may even feel tedious to message/talk so much even when we are interested in the girl. We do it to please the girl and gain her attraction. Plus there is more to learn about each other in the beginning. However, once the relationship is more settled we want things to relax a bit. For example, I don't need to talk to you today because we just spent TWO HOURS on the phone yesterday. I mean, I went to work, filled out some TPS reports, put new ink in the printer, and had a 6 inch sub for lunch. What the hell is there to talk about today that we didn't cover yesterday?! Yes, I know you and Becky are butting heads at work and I bet she said something snarky to you, but she does that everyday. Seriously, can we just wait to talk until we have something to actually talk about? Get it? TPS reports—love it. I agree that men like to cool it a bit on daily contact once things settle down. As women, I think we expect the opposite, that getting closer means MORE contact. That's a pretty fundamental "miss" so to speak, and the whole Mars/Venus thing. Anyway, I wonder though if that's what's happening here. It's one thing for a man to pull back on communication; it's another thing for a man to forget about plans or flake out entirely, which it sounds like this guy did. Stressed or busy or not, that's not cool.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 TPS reports—love it. I agree that men like to cool it a bit on daily contact once things settle down. As women, I think we expect the opposite, that getting closer means MORE contact. That's a pretty fundamental "miss" so to speak, and the whole Mars/Venus thing. Anyway, I wonder though if that's what's happening here. It's one thing for a man to pull back on communication; it's another thing for a man to forget about plans or flake out entirely, which it sounds like this guy did. Stressed or busy or not, that's not cool. ^^Agree! This is not about him not contacting her in two days. He totally blew her off off twice! Combined with that snarky remark...arghh! The no contact is just the icing in the cake. He's lost interest and she needs to stop analyzing/justifying/strategizing...and just move the hell on. IMO
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 This is not about him not contacting her in two days. He totally blew her off off twice! Combined with that snarky remark...arghh! The no contact is just the icing in the cake. He's lost interest and she needs to stop analyzing/justifying/strategizing...and just move the hell on. IMO Right ... that's basically what I said. I was just agreeing with Pogo and his assessment of men and their communication habits. I then went on to say that the troubling bit was that he forgot and flaked twice. Maybe I didn't say it as vehemently as you did, but the sentiment is there.
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Right ... that's basically what I said. I was just agreeing with Pogo and his assessment of men and their communication habits. I then went on to say that the troubling bit was that he forgot and flaked twice. Maybe I didn't say it as vehemently as you did, but the sentiment is there. Oh I know losangelina, and I was actually agreeing with you... I modified my post in the beginning to reflect just that! Apologies for the confusion! 1
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 "He had told me that he wanted to divorce his wife". if some guy I was dating told me this, it would be a "bubbbbye" coming from me. hun you are just a side dish, while he contemplates his marital status. Stop making things complicated for yourself......don't date people who are going through a relationship transition, etc He told her his friend wanted to divorce his wife and that's the reason the friend is staying with him. You misread that I think 1
Author Peachland Posted April 22, 2015 Author Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks for the replies. As some have stated I am more concerned about the lack of not follow through for getting together on Saturday or Sunday. He basically blew me off and I'm assuming now he's not interested. He seemed like a mature person so I'm not sure why we couldnt have a conversation or at least an email with an explanation. I was trying to justify his behavior in my mind but I can't do it. It strange because things seemed to be going well and he expressed recently that he also wanted to see me more often. Regarding the house visit, my house is pretty clean but I do have a cat. He's a dog person. He didn't sleep well and mentioned the cat woke up during the night. I told him I would close the door so that the cat couldn't come in the room but he told not to. I don't think this is the reason for his behavior but it could be a contributing factor. Anyway I won't contact again. If he contacts I'll see but I'm already annoyed with the behavior.
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