Sus1971 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) I've been dating the most wonderful man in the world for almost 6months now. Our relationship was slow to start. We had an interest in each other for a long time, but because he was in the middle of a messy divorce and I had just come out of a bad relationship, we didn't date for quite a while. Once we finally began to date, it was like a rocket ship taking off. It was fast and furious. We are so compatible and I think that's what fired up our relationship fast. At about the 4 month mark we were talking about our future together and how someday we'd like to get a place together. He's usually the first one to bring up future plans. We have an amazing sex life and can't seem to keep our hands off each other when we're together. He's absolutely amazing in all ways. Very caring, loving, understanding and compassionate. Emotionally and physically my needs are met and he says his are too. So recently I had this overwhelming feeling to tell him I loved him, but I didn't. I don't want to be the first one to say it, but I wanted to feel him out and see where he was with it. We had a very nice and calm discussion about the "L" word. He basically stated that because he's just recently divorced he's not ready yet to say those three words. He says he has those feelings for me, he just can't bring himself to say it yet. Maybe I'm just of a simpler mind, but to me it's a feeling and if you feel it...why not say how you feel? I can't help but to feel maybe it's just a poor excuse and the fact he wont say it makes me insecure sometimes. I get to wondering if he's just in it for the fun and sex, but then again I think about how good he is to me and think, maybe not. Someone please explain to me why some men wont say "I love you", especially when they know their partner loves them. There's no fear of being rejected. So what's the hold up? Why can't we just say it if we feel it? I don't get it. Help me to understand. Please! My heart is confused and I'm afraid this will put a wedge between us in the long run if it takes him a really long time to come around. Edited April 22, 2015 by Sus1971
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I suggest to wait and not bring it up again for a good while. Give him one year or maybe a little over a year to say it. The worst thing you can do with a man is to pressure him for anything. You have to give men lots of space. Especially a recently divorced one. So, don't worry too much about it, it's not been too long. Let him say it when he wants to. If he doesn't say it after a year or more you have to reevaluate your relationship, see if he shows love by then in sufficient other ways and simply decide to stay or just leave. Pressure never ever works.
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 We had a very nice and calm discussion about the "L" word. He basically stated that because he's just recently divorced he's not ready yet to say those three words. He says he has those feelings for me, he just can't bring himself to say it yet. Maybe I'm just of a simpler mind, but to me it's a feeling and if you feel it...why not say how you feel? He may not feel it yet. He cares, he enjoys your company, he likes you a lot, is attracted to you and all that is good. Him saying ILY isn't just words, it's a commitment and he obviously isn't ready for that yet after such a messy divorce, he's in no rush.. Don't dismiss what he's said to you. He was honest. Bolded. You are different than he is, he may digest things differently than you and just because you feel this way doesn't mean he has to. Men and women ARE different, our brains are wired differently, we react differently, it just is what it is.
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