Jimmyjackson Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 As the title suggests, do you think cheating makes you a bad person? I want peoples opinions on this. My ex kissed another guy behind my back and now I view her as this horrible, immoral person who betrayed me. Yet, when I think of friends of mine who have cheated I see it as they've made mistakes and they're not actually bad people deep down. Does anybody else think this way about it? Do we only label those who cheated on us as bad people, and not those when we aren't involved. Is this fair? What do you guys think?
Kitchen Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I don't think its necessarily unfair for you to think worse of your gf cheating on you than your friend cheating on his gf. Obviously in the former, you're very emotionally involved. Having said that, I don't think anyone is bad or good. People do good things and bad things, and it's up to you to decide how you want to react. I am sorry to hear this though. What matters now is what you're going to do about it. Some people forgive and forget. I personally would not continue a relationship if my gf cheated on me. But this wasn't even your question so I will leave it at that. Stay strong brother, you'll get through this, I know it.
losangelena Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I wouldn't say that cheating on your partner makes you inherently "bad." We are all capable of doing good things and doing bad things; that's why I hesitate to say things like, "I would NEVER cheat on my BF," or anything like that, because in reality, I COULD, in a weak moment, as could anyone else here. Your GF, while having horribly betrayed you, is probably still capable of empathy, of showing kindness, and putting others' need and wants before her own. Ergo, not a "bad" person, no more than anyone who's ever stolen something, or lied to a loved one, or misreported their taxes, etc. Why she chose to disregard your feelings by blatantly disrespecting you and cheating, we don't know. Your reaction is quite normal—after all, your feelings were hurt, you were betrayed—and those bad feelings towards her now are almost a self-protective measure against getting hurt again. If you keep your guard up and continue to think of her as this bad, immoral person, you're essentially insulating yourself from further harm, something you don't have to worry about with your friends. I
Raena Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Making a mistake once doesn't make you a bad person overall. My opinion though is that if you make that same mistake over and over and over again without regard for how it will make others feel... then, yeah, you probably aren't the nicest person on the planet. I do agree with the above poster though.... you feel that way about your ex because what she did hurt YOU. What your friends do don't directly hurt you so it's not the same reaction.
minimariah Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 it doesn't make you a bad person, no. it makes you a person who dealt with problems in an unhealthy way, a person who makes mistakes. you either learn from it and grow or you don't. not learning anything from it and not growing as a person? now, THAT makes you "bad". 3
Quiet Storm Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 They aren't bad, but they usually have traits such as immaturity, poor boundaries, poor coping skills, conflict avoidance or family of origin issues, which are reflected in the choices they make. This means that even if a cheater really believes they'll never do it again, there's still a good chance they will unless those underlying issues are addressed. Most cheaters aren't maliciously trying to hurt people, they just don't have the emotional maturity or relationship skills to be a good partner. I would say they are more sad, than bad. 1
preraph Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 A person who cheats doesn't love you enough to not want to hurt you. If you love someone, the very last thing you want to do is hurt them. People are imperfect, of course. There are people who like a lot of attention and ego validation who can't turn down more, more, more. Does it make them a bad person? Maybe not across the board, but it makes them a bad person to try to be in love with and have a stable life with. Now, when people are young, like under 25, they make stupid mistakes and also can't really be counted on to have a deep devoted long-term love. But cheating or not cheating is a reflection of your ethics, what you believe about love and about responsibility, about accountability, and it's a reflection of your control over yourself, your self-will, your vulnerability due to character flaws, etc. It's just not a black and white issue, but one thing is for sure, it's not fun to be in love with a cheater, so that should be avoided.
scatterd Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I think if you hurt people cheating does make you a bad person.Good people do not cheat and hurt others they know its wrong.
Tayla Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Define Bad? As my counselor once said, there is no such thing as a bad person, yet there is "bad" or inappropriate decisions and behavior. Learn the difference before judging the "ENTIRE" person . we are more then our actions, although to the outside world our actions tell a tale. Indiscretions are just that, poor judgement with zero accountability. Not my cup of tea yet to each his own on minimizing its impact on those who are left in its wake. 1
KatZee Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Making a mistake once doesn't make you a bad person overall. My opinion though is that if you make that same mistake over and over and over again without regard for how it will make others feel... then, yeah, you probably aren't the nicest person on the planet. This. Chronic cheaters are the worst of the worst. I don't condone cheating at all, would never again give a cheater a second chance. However, if someone cheated, and realized how awful it was, and never cheated on a person ever again, they're not a bad person. that's why I hesitate to say things like, "I would NEVER cheat on my BF," or anything like that, because in reality, I COULD, in a weak moment, as could anyone else here. I completely disagree with this. I can sit here right now and say: I would never cheat on my boyfriend. People that have been cheated ON, know how horrible it is, and being on that side of the situation, I could never, in my heart, do that to someone I was with who I claimed to love and care about so much. I would end the relationship, NOT cheat. There are no weak moments. There are only weak people. I am not one of them.
gaius Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I can sit here right now and say: I would never cheat on my boyfriend. People that have been cheated ON, know how horrible it is, and being on that side of the situation, I could never, in my heart, do that to someone I was with who I claimed to love and care about so much. I would end the relationship, NOT cheat. There are no weak moments. There are only weak people. I am not one of them. I don't think it's that simple. =/ You've been single for a few years now, and I don't get the vibe that's because you don't have options. Which means you're choosing to be alone on some level. Your drive to be with someone and indulge in what they have to offer is low to the point you've been able to avoid it for years. So at the end of the day why would you cheat when you don't even really need one partner? I'm the same way, I've taken significant breaks inbetween women just because it's not something I really need. And have never cheated on any of the women I've been with. But I don't see it as a strong/weak or moral issue. It's just my needs are different from those who cheat. They're really no better or worse than I am, and I've never looked down on anyone for it. Like everyone else my mind has made up all kinds of fake reasons and judgements to justify getting rid of someone who wasn't meeting my needs anymore though. That seems like pretty standard human behavior.
dichotomy Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Cheaters is like ice cream at Baskin Robbins- there are many flavors. Bad is just one of the flavors. Lots of others.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 No...remember, it's not what other people think or say about you at the end of the day, it's what you can live with and how you feel about yourself that counts. Nobody has to accept you at the end of the day more than you have to accept yourself. Everyone else will always judge you for what you do, especially if you have done something to hurt them or behavior they don't like...but does that make everything that comes out from your mouth right? or everything you say is true? Everybody judges by what they see from the outside, and sometimes they are right but most of the time they are wrong. Because chances are they like most things in life, don't understand everything that is going on, they don't take into account certain aspects that they'd rather refuse exist or are a result of some vile evil or flaw within you as a person. What you're saying is out of emotion not truth...it's out of anger, hurt and resentment. There are no character flaws within a cheater anymore than anyone else, would you like to compare the two people? it's quite easy to say one virtue makes you better than someone else and that's essentially what people are doing. Everyone has their moments of weakness, everybody suffers and struggles in some way, and everybody deals with those things in different ways...you might shove a piece of cake down your throat, the other guy might slam a bottle of whiskey, it doesn't make the cake eater more healthier than the whiskey guy or vice versa, because the cake person resents alcoholics and calls them dangerous and irresponsible because at least she doesn't get drunk, but the whiskey person doesn't understand how food gives anyone comfort and thinks if you don't want to be fat stop shoving food down your throat fatty. It's all a matter of perspective, and people who like to associate certain qualities with people who do not cheat are doing it out of bias rather than truth. Also keep in mind that in youth, you do stupid things at times. You definitely have your moments and experiment in life. I wouldn't classify what someone did in their early 20's necessarily relevant to what they'll do in the future...you grow up. But if it's a pattern, then that's something more telling. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I feel like this question is deeper than most everyone would like to admit, Let's face it, society judges us based on our actions and our resolve to not quit, A cheater may not really be "bad" when compared to a murderer per se, but be terrible when compared to a saint; it's just shades of grey. For instance, judgement is passed when someone finds out their spouse stepped out, However, suddenly it's "understandable" if neglect and love is what it was all about, You can see this idealistic perpetuation with the movies and shows of today, Seems as if they glorify adultery if it was for the "right reasons" and makes it ok.
spanz1 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 unless there are serious mitigating circumstances, like a spouse who denies you for no good medical reason,....then YES, cheating lowers you 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 unless there are serious mitigating circumstances, like a spouse who denies you for no good medical reason,....then YES, cheating lowers you Case in point without people running to trample, I couldn't have asked for a better example. 1
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 You are holding your gf to a higher standard and can't be objective like you can with other friends who cheated. You are invested in your gf so of course you think worse of her than others. With that said, she kissed someone else, was she remorseful afterwards? Is she worthy of a second chance? If yes, then see how it goes, if not, end it and move on. People who cheat are broken inside. Some just continually make bad choices, some are selfish, some are a-holes and some are bad people/narcissistic if they don't care that what they are doing is hurting others. Some feel entitled, some are flawed, some are serial cheaters and can't help themselves, some do it intentionally, some are weak, insecure and get taken advantage of.
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