Bleepx6 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 My ex and I of 8 months (who's counting anyway) met in the summer through mutual friends. We both took the same program. However, I failed a semester and tried again another semester and my grades were not enough to continue. When I got my grades, he was there for me. However, that night he also left momentarily because he was afraid my parents are going to blame him for my failure. Additionally, told me his parents concerns and disapproval of my decision to switch majors that will be a lower social job (engineering to nursing) and that it won't be good in the long run since I won't be able to relate to him. I forgave him for those things he said, but I never forgot and felt even more depressed. Nonetheless, at that end of the semester my boyfriend and I started having mini fights that escalated to bigger ones, which ultimately resulted in me running away whenever I felt panic and resort to saying stuff like: We are done, I can't do this anymore... And storm off. I say these because he won't let me have a "cool off" time, even just 5-10 minutes because in his eyes, "as your boyfriend it was my duty to protect you, fix your problems, comfort you, console you, be with you, etc." However, I never for once second meant any of those words. It's just that whenever I ask for space, he doesn't give it to me because he wants to fix the issue right there and then and felt it was his duty as my boyfriend (now ex) to be there through it all. After minutes of cooling off-- I would apologize and rekindle. I never was like this-- get angry for the smallest things and I hate myself for my actions. I feel stupid for even acting this way. However, a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with severe depression and been going into counselling and therapy. I guess it was the mixture of failing school, as grades were so important to me and then transferring to another school-- leaving my friends behind. I transferred schools and we were both attending different schools 4 months later on our relationship. The distance wasn't so bad (1 hour train ride). However, I felt that he didn't really take the time to hang out and would wait for me to make the plans, etc. I made almost all the efforts to visit him because I blamed myself for failing, and so I thought it was my duty to hang out or make date plans to connect and grow together. Plus I loved spending time with him. Nonetheless, after we took our break (lasted for a week) he texted me to call him to have "the talk". A few days ago I gave him exam pep talks because of his tweets that he's about to cry failing his exams, etc., which he felt like he really did fail those exams and if he does-- will feel weak, and retake those courses in the summer. During our phone conversation, reality hit me. I listened to him vent and tell me the mistakes I've done, such as running away, abandoning him, little fights that turn into big fights, making date plans feel like homework he had to follow, and how we are two people that are completely incompatible. He told me he can't do this [relationship] anymore. However, later in the phone conversation he had the audacity and asked me to see him at a fast food restaurant near his house (1 hour train ride) to talk even more. Yup, I was foolish because at the time, I wanted him back and went to see him. At the fast food restaurant, I couldn't take it. He kept telling me he's madly in love but he can't be with someone who he hurt to the fullest. Our last argument, there was no physical abuse but verbal and mental abuse-- treated me the way my abusive dad does. I told him I forgave him for that, and I am willing to go through this journey with him since he can't get over how he treated me. Essentially he acted like an insensitive *******-- forced me to do something I changed my mind (I was angry and asked that I delete our pictures, but the tablet wouldn't go on and I calmed down.) I couldn't leave the room until I had to do what he said, but later broke down crying telling me he's exhausted and tired of my ****. I felt like going to him for the last time at the restaurant, as I often do make the effort to see him as much as I can-- I degraded myself. There was an issue that he said I slowly changed him because he had a close female friend who he was close to but slowly avoided her because of me. I did not have any idea about this because quite frankly I thought they still hung out. I did not ask him to do this. Frankly, I loved that he spends time with his friends and I spend time with my own friends (he doesn't like this idea.) However, I did express my concerns that I'm jealous of her because I don't know this girl very well. But when I was able to hang out with her, she treated me well and I treated well and enjoyed our time. But that's when he stopped talking to her.. what? I told him I want to make this work, been going to counselling and therapy but I can't be with someone if they don't want to be in a relationship with me. I didn't want to force him. We had our last make out session (great I know / and ultimately, he didn't have any plan for me or the courage to take another risk.) Nonetheless, I asked why he had to do all these steps: talk to me on the phone to tell me all my mistakes and dump me on the phone, ask me to visit a restaurant near his house to talk even more and ultimately break up. His response was to get closure. My heart's broken and this is his way of closure... making me wait a week for his decision, tell me all the mistakes I have made on the phone and in person as his revenge to let me know the feeling of me running away from our fights to cool off, and the only way I could get it was to say "we're done, etc." Anyway, I'm just venting here. It was technically over a week ago (break) so I'm no longer crying every day, etc. I just feel empty, angry and well a bit relieved. I'm currently doing NC so that's a positive thing. But I want to get my own closure and send him a letter telling him how I never asked him to avoid his lady close friend. Certainly, I expressed my concerns but he did not give me the responsibility to trust him. As well as that people change-- and so he assumes I'll stay the same. I believe people grow. Oh well that's all. **tl;dr**: Ex and I of 8 months broke up due to a big fight that escalated me leaving to cool off, which he thought was me leaving the relationship. At the moment, I did because I was overwhelmed being forced into doing something I did not want to do. I wanted to work on our problems but he realized the way he acted, probably as a defence mechanism became controlling and treated me similar to my abusive father. We took a break that lasted a week-- texted me to call him. We talked on the phone mainly listening to him vent of all the mistakes I've made in the relationships and how he can't be with me. Later asked to meet him near his house to "talk" some more. But it was just his closure-- to tell me the mistakes I've made and stuff I had no idea he did. I remained quiet most of the time in that conversation... but I feel like I didn't even get my own closure.
itsdinaah Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 You were a really unhealthy relationship. Be glad it's over because you would have been like this for much longer. He had all of the control in your relationship and you didn't have any. You compared him to your abusive father, why would you want to date someone like that. He is not supportive, doesn't care at all for your feelings and he was manipulating you through your whole relationship. I sincerly hope you find someone better than him. Keep up with the NC. He needs therapy of his own.
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