Can anyone share their experiences of letting go of unrequited love?

[itsdinaah]

I just let go of one of my friends who I liked/loved for a while. I told him the truth and he accepted it. It's still hard not having him in my life.

 

Anyone who had a friend they let go because of unrequited love? How did you deal with the heartbreak? How did you move on? Were you ever able to be friends again?

[mightycpa]

I think when it all boils down to it, you have to remember that there are other things in your life that you love to do. You don't do everything with the one you love and so sometimes, you actually do love doing things without the person you love. That's a good place to start.

 

I was in college the first time. For me, I love to play tennis. So when I was in the throes of despair, I would go play tennis, and even though I didn't feel like it at first, by the time I left the court, I'd had fun, I got some exercise, I didn't think about her, and it was a good break from the misery. So I kept doing that for my two hours of peace every other day.

 

I also liked to play bridge (yes, the old lady card game) with my friends. So I did that too, maybe an hour or two a day. More fun, more distraction. Little by little, I added things where I could, and before you knew it, I was pretty busy and having a good time. But I hadn't really dealt with all the emotions. So I put aside some time to write her letters every day. I never sent any, but I wrote prolifically, and that was an outlet to get to know myself, to work through the emotions, to see my mistakes and to self-assess. At some point, I said everything I had to say in those letters, and I was able to put the pen down and let it go.

 

This forum didn't exist when I did that. I'm not sure if it would have helped me or hindered me, probably both. On the one hand, the feedback you get is usually great. You read things, and I see that people are genuinely surprised that a complete stranger has put their feelings to words better than they could themselves. You definitely should clue into the idea that you're not unique, and that this happens all the time. On the other hand, it is somewhat addicting, and maybe you get stuck in the analysis phase. I'm not sure I'm right about that, because many seem to come and go.

 

Anyway, just remember that before him, life existed and it was good. Somehow, you have to get back to that place, and it is a good opportunity to try new things too. Just don't ignore your feelings completely. Deal with them, feel them, challenge them, understand them, then you can let them go.

[carhill]

I just let go of one of my friends who I liked/loved for a while. I told him the truth and he accepted it. It's still hard not having him in my life.

 

Yep, emotional attachments, by their very nature, can present challenges to resolve. Each of us attaches differently and processes endings differently.

 

Anyone who had a friend they let go because of unrequited love?

Yeah, had this happen decades ago when I found out the person was married after a couple months.

How did you deal with the heartbreak?

Back then I was firmly entrenched in the possibility of being 'just friends', however erroneous, and soldiered on for a couple years.

How did you move on?

Mainly by focusing on other aspects of life. The emotions, and detaching, appeared to be the impetus for other changes in life which, in some cases, benefited me and in others, hindered my progress, mainly socially.

Were you ever able to be friends again?

I think we achieved a modicum of that by the time she became a grandmother, after having no contact for many years. However, I came to feel that, once she knew she didn't 'have me' in the romantic sense, there was no real reason to have me around as a friend. Having had this experience enough in life, it made sense so I let it, and her, go.

[itsdinaah]

It realy helps knowing that I'm not alone. I used to write letters and poems to my ex and that helped me get over him.

 

I guess the hard part of it all was that he led me on. He would always tell me he loved me in like every way but then he would turn around and say I was a great friend.

 

Everything happens for a reason though. And like you said, I was happy before him and I will be happy after him.

 

So keep myself busy and feel my emotions.

 

Thanks for both of your help. I'm glad everything worked out for you.

[erklat]

Yeah, I had that kind of situation two years ago sharp. Triggered the worst

depression episode in me that nearly destroyed me.

 

I don't know. I started working towards some other, greater goals. Focused

on me. Constantly trying to build a better life for myself. Eventually somehow

I lost it all.

 

We heard from each other recently. I don't know what I saw in her.

Her texts can really easily bore me now.