Broke no contact, but it might have worked out for the best.

[Aguardiente83]

Hey whats Up Guys

Just updating on the situation, I had gone 3 days of no contact with my ex who broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. I went out with her for three years. She called me and left a message saying that she had something "important to tell me". I don't think that something about our gym membership is important. Anyways, we decided to hang out the day before her birthday, we had a good time, I took her to eat and to see a play. (at this point she didn't know that I had made the decision that this this would be the last time I would see her for a couple of months and that I wasn't going to talk to her for atleast a month. While we were at the play she told me that those three days that I hadn't contacted her she was going crazy, she said she was crying and had thought she had made the "wrong decision". When she told me what no contact had done in just a matter of 3 days then I was even more sure on not contacting her for atleast a month. The only problem is that she's already dating a guy, she met him less than 2 weeks after we broke up, she already made out with him and she told me that she really like him and that she eventually wants to go out with him.

Anyways, the night was coming to an end and I gave her her presents, It was 2 photography book on her favortie photographer (she's studying to become a photographer). She read what I had written inside one of the books, It said......

 

To My favorite photographer

From the moment we met, you changed my life. The past three years have been filled with the greatest moments and memories that I will ever have. You taught me how to feel, you taught me how to care, you taught me how to love. It's funny what life makes you go through. I planned my whole life with you, and now i feel so lost without you in it. You made me feel like I was home, and now I don't know where home is. Every day i think of you, every night you visit me in my dreams. I miss you so much, I miss your touch, I miss you kissing me, I miss you looking at me, I miss everything. Your the most amazing person I know, and it hurts so much to have to let you go. I wish so many great things for you, i want all your dreams to come true. I hope you like your necklace, i got it at that jewlery store you love down by the seaport, it reminds me so much of you. And I hope these books help to inspire you to become the amazing photographer I know you already are. I have so much faith in you. Please be good, make good choices, and don't believe everything people say, there's a lot of people out there who just want to take advantage of you. I'll always be waiting. Have an amazing birthday, i hope you get everything you want. Never forget me. I love you I love you I love you.

 

She was crying the whole time she was reading it and when she was done she said that I was the only person who ever supported her with her photography and that she loved me and all that. Thats when I decided to tell her that I couldn't see her for a couple of months because I needed to forget about her, I didn't want to want to be with her. She started crying even more and said that she was feeling good about us. I told her that once I was over her then I could be her true friend. She said "you know whats ironic, by the time you get over not wanting to be with anymore, I'm gonna wanna be with you". And she told me that she hopes that the guy she's dating does something messed up or says something she doesn't like so she can not like hi anymore. She said that if she ever realized how important I was to her and that she wanted to be with me she would come back begging. So thats where I am now, all this happened on saturday, and she spent last night with him (her actual birthday), I guess all I can do now is continue with my life and have faith in myself that after a while she will go crazy missing me and that the guy she's dating will show his true colors so she can see the bad decision she made. Whats do you guys think, do you think she'll realize something and want to come back. I don't know, but as of now I'm just trying to forget about her, atleast in a romantic way.

[mixwell]

First of all when you do NC you don't tell the person you are doing it to get over them. You shouldn't have said in your writing that you will Always be waiting. Although it made her sad did it maker her breakup with this new guy and come back to you ? NO ! See basically she is telling you that she is using you as a backup plan to see if things with this new guy work out ! She said it straight up. Why the hell would you want to be her backup plan and sit and wait for something to go wrong with them ?? Thats exactly what I did (which was stupid) but my ex never said she wanted to get back with me or anything !! You need to just move on man ! or at least act like it ! Dont tell her you will always be there for her, if you talk to her again dont tell her how much you love her and miss her!! she already knows this !

 

She said "you know whats ironic, by the time you get over not wanting to be with anymore, I'm gonna wanna be with you".

 

This is her way of keeping you waiting for her which is B/S..

 

Dont buy into it man !! No matter how sincere you think she is its not true ! People are very decieveing when they want something.. Even when my ex was with this new douche bag b/f of hers she denied it like crazy (even though i knew by fact) Don't believe everything your ex tells you man ! I had to learn the hardway ! I know I know you're thinking your ex is different and isn't like that.. Guess again !! I thought that my ex (of 7 years) would never do anything like that or lie to me and deceit me like that.. I was dead wrong !! I honestly believed every word out of my ex's mouth like it was the truth.. Stupid of me !!

 

Im just trying to give you a heads up man ! I'm not saying your stupid or anything but its reality !!

 

So take care and just go to NC.. I really wish you wouldn't have told her why you weren't contact her though.. It sort of ruins the purpose of NC. Anyways take care..

 

peace

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm just trying to forget about her, atleast in a romantic way.

 

Which is your best bet.

 

1. She said "you know whats ironic, by the time you get over not wanting to be with anymore, I'm gonna wanna be with you".

2. And she told me that she hopes that the guy she's dating does something messed up or says something she doesn't like so she can not like hi anymore.

3. She said that if she ever realized how important I was to her and that she wanted to be with me she would come back begging.

 

Brutal Translation:

 

1. I am dangling a carrot of false hope so you'll be sure to stay on my back burner. I have no intention of you downgrading to just a 'friend', so I'll do whatever is necessary to keep you from getting over me. I need to be sure that I have you where I want you emotionally. Otherwise, you might meet someone else and abandon me. I can't bear the thought of losing my backup plan. What would happen if I got dumped by this guy?

 

2. I am lying to you to make you feel better. If I really felt this way about this guy, and was in love with you I'd break up with him and be with you. Right now I want to be with him, but I want to spare your feelings and mislead you so that when I get bored of this guy or he sees my true colors, you'll be sure to be there waiting for me. A 'good guy' like you is always handy to keep around when you need him.

 

3. You are important to me, but only in your usefulness as a backup plan. If I run out of other options, I'm pretty sure you'll be there waiting. All I have to do is give you the impression that I would be willing to beg for you, even when I know I don't really have to. That should keep you around for a good long while.

 

From time to time I'll update you on how unhappy I am and how I wish that I could be with you, but I'll be sure to cover my ass and say how 'confused I am' about how I feel to keep you at a comfortable distance. Should you drift too far away though, I'll be sure to step up my efforts and do and say things to put you into a 'protective mode' so that you'll be compelled to 'be there for me'.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Pretty awful. She gave you up. She needs to know the full repercussions of that. Total and complete 'no contact' for a good long while.

[greenhorn]

You have hit the nail on the head Luc....

 

Excellent comprehension ...

[Donut]

Agree with lucrezia, again!

 

She's stringing you along, don't be the backup guy.

 

If she wants to be with you she'd break it off and come back. Don't contact her.

[Fallen_Angel]

Lucrezia needs to write a book for us.

 

I almost broke no contact several times yesterday. It's now been almost a full week. I keep wondering why he doesn't call me if we're "supposed to help each other through this." I wanted to call him SO badly, but I called a friend instead and discussed something else. I want to stick to my guns. I don't want him to think I'm desperate. Yes, I want him to come back in the WORST way, but not talking to him will help me get past this desperation faster.

 

You have to continue with your life. If she doesn't come back, it's HER loss, not yours.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

You know what? This happens all the time. One of the partners needs some time to be by themself for a while, or with someone else, just to find themself!

 

Let her have her space at least for now. You are waiting for her and trying to forget her at the same time so use this time to find out what it is that you want and make yourself happy.

 

I'm assuming you two are young (ie. 20's). It's not selfish of her to be doing this. It is very generous and kind-hearted of you to wait in the wings. If it's meant to be, you will end up together. I think she wants to be sure that if she doesn't do this now, and spends the rest of her life with you, that she doesn't make any mistakes. (I prob could have worded that differently but hope it makes sense).

 

I truly believe in fate. Do you?

[Aguardiente83]

Yea I agree, i'm gonna wait atleast a month before i contact her, she calls me and writes me e-mails though. But how long should I wait before i call or contact her in some way. this is the e-mail she sent me a while ago, what do you guys think it means???

 

hey... hows everything going...im good..i hope you are too ... school is good too...im trying to find another job but its not so easy....its also not easy not talking to you . i dont know if im allowed to talk like this..let me know if im doing something wrong.... i just wanted to say thanks for the awesome night in the city....i had a great time...i ope you did too...im glad you bought me the books...i cant stop looking thru them....i've learned alot about photography the last couple of days... well anyways..i hope you dont mind me talking to you thru email....

 

OH ****,,...!!!

 

i just remebered you said not to talk to you unless it was important....OOoops....

 

Sorry...if you dont email me back i'll know that...that is true and you dont want to hear from me unless its important..or once a week...

 

sorry again..tty soon

 

love always

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?????

[Aguardiente83]

?

[mixwell]

Sounds like she is just testing you on your NC ! Its not that she forgot.. She is still trying in some form to make sure you are still there.. Just don't reply to the email !! Gosh women are such snakes when it comes to this game !! haha no offense to women im just venting my frustration with my ex as well !! Stay strong !! Don't take a bite of that apple Adam !!!

 

haha take care,

 

Peace

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

It means she is thinking of you, as you are of her but she wants to know this for sure. I don't see anything wrong with a short email saying that you got her email and are I'm thinking of her. Tell her it's probably best that you just think about each other without the contact, email or otherwise.

 

It could be interpreted as a mixed signal, but you don't know what she's up to and this way she won't know what you are up to either. But she will know that you are thinking of her, and I think that's all she wants to know at this point.

[Aguardiente83]

I disagree, i think I shouldn't contact her and let her think whatever she wants. She's already dating another guy and if I start answering her she'll think she has me wrapped around her finger. I think i'd rather not answer her, i did no contact for threee days and she told me that she went crazy and that she cried and started thinking she made the wrong choice. Lets see what a month does to her, what do you guys think?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

If you can handle it then that's great for you. Let her sweat it out then. I was worried you might go overboard with spilling your guts, so a simple reply was what I had suggested.

 

Good luck!