EC Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 So I was having this discussion the other day with some girls and guys and we were discussing moving in with your bf... I wouldn't right now but eventually i of course would want to... But all the guys there had moved in with their gf's and they said it kills your sex life They said all the desire goes away. That they didnt want to pounce on their gf''s anymore because she was always there..That passionate sex was no more and that they were miserable now. They said they loved their gf's but that they were actually contemplating cheating because their sex life plummeted!? Is this true? How sad is that? If you do move in together though, and you love each other, shouldn't you always want to jump each other? And if this is true how do you keep your bf interested in jumping on you?
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 If you know how to preserve your independence, your friends, your nights out with your friend... I think moving in with your bf can have a LOT of advantages. But then.. yeah, it does kinda kill the romance. On the other hand, no matter what your friends are telling ya, you're gonna have sex MUCH, much more! That's one of the best parts!
alphamale Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by EC They said all the desire goes away. That they didnt want to pounce on their gf''s anymore because she was always there.. that's pretty much correct EC. Marriage or living together usually causes this. If something is available at any time then its value plummets. This is human nature. As you get older, EC, you'll discover that many things in life are not the way they should be or are opposite what they should be. Have fun! Alpha
FolderWife Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Well, that explaines why husbands just lay there, while their wives go down on them, desperate for one shred of pleasure, but the men are too dang lazy and selfish to get up and make an effort. Men are just instinctively a**h***s aren't they. They can't 'help' it that they don't want us any more. They can't 'help' it that it's just too much of an effort for them to reciprocate when their wife gets them off. They're just asses, and they can't 'help' it. Suddenly, I want to call my husband and yell at him.
alphamale Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by Monday Suddenly, I want to call my husband and yell at him. Yes MONDAY, that will put him in the mood to bang you all nite!
Moose Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Well, that explaines why husbands just lay there, while their wives go down on them, desperate for one shred of pleasure, but the men are too dang lazy and selfish to get up and make an effort.There's something seriously wrong with your hubby Monday.......have you checked his pulse latley? Is he breathing? Is his skin ghost white? Lips Blue?.........Man, I just want to thump him upside his head!
Illusion24 Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 you'll discover that many things in life are not the way they should be or are opposite what they should be. ALPHA, This may be a miracle but I agree with you
HoldOn Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 In a mature relationship, both partners will continue to work to keep a relationship "new" and healthy. Part of that work might be giving space to your partner. But another part will be not turning lazy.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 When i moved in with my ex our sex life went down. Maybe b/c our relationship was going down the s***ter anyway. He almost had to pay me to have sex with him. I think its more of a comfort level that you come to in the relationship. You realize that sex isn't that important in the relationship.
moimeme Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 If you know how to preserve your independence, your friends, your nights out with your friend... I think moving in with your bf can have a LOT of advantages. But then.. yeah, it does kinda kill the romance. Then it never was a romance. It was infatuation, fuelled by the lack of availability of frequent sex. Read the posts of married folks on LS who are happy - they are still hot for each other and say the sex only gets better. the sex life and relationship are reflections of each other. So if somebody's sex life is bad, you can bet the relationship is, too. And I'm guessing many of your friends moved in together without thinking it through - only to find that they don't actually enjoy living with each other. And unless they're planning to marry or planning to spend their lives together, they lose the incentive to work out the problems.
innerconflict Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Since moving in with my bf, our sex life has basically stayed the same. Except for the one month where he was under alot of stress. But once things got back to normal for him, so did our sex life.
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 I think moi is on to something. You see, moving in together has to serve a higher purpose. I think taht if you move in together and your relationship is mainly sexual, yes, moving in will slow down the rythm, because sexual relationship are intense, but brief. One needs time to rebuild the passion. And... space also. If there's no "soul union", besides the good sex, moving in has the potential of turning the relationship into a diseaster.
Merin Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Moving in together IMO wasn't and isn't the reason people's sex lives may decline... How about the Girls who once they move in with thier Man they go from shaving thier legs and wearing something sexy and cute to bed to some serious leg hair and a pair of stink-a** sweats to greet thier Man at bed time? OR the Guy who used to get in bed with you smelling clean is now rippin off gas, laughing and asking "Babe ever had a dutch oven?" Obviously when a relationship progresses both people become more comfortable with one another and while thats all okay and good to go for normal... it's when you become not only comfortable but also complacent in still going the extra mile to please your partner and be attractive to them... My 2 cents
alphamale Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 actually i have read many times that couples that live together before getting married have a higher rate of divorce than couples that do not live together before marriage.
Merin Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale actually i have read many times that couples that live together before getting married have a higher rate of divorce than couples that do not live together before marriage. I've heard this as well... Solution.. Don't get married.. EVER!
CurlyIam Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale actually i have read many times that couples that live together before getting married have a higher rate of divorce than couples that do not live together before marriage. Eventually, they all live totether after a while, so I don't see the difference, really. As for what Merin was saying... it's true. You get complacent quite fast. So I ask you: what would prevent you from becoming complacent? You need a higher reason. "Him/her having a nice arse" motive isn't gonna hold too long!
Mz. Pixie Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 As far as the relationship and sex heading downhill after moving in or getting married. I think that you can chalk it up to two things, laziness and selfishness. Merin made alot of good points. During my marriage I made a point to keep myself up- including shaving my legs and getting pedicures and manicures and keeping my hair nice. Kept my weight at a decent level unless I was pregnant. My exh just figured though that he had me and he didn't have to keep his weight off or look nice for me. He also felt like he didn't have to keep up the romance on his end and took me for granted. That resulted in me getting resentful and not wanting to make love with him as much. It just takes work and putting your partner above yourself sometimes- most of the times actually. It's like a car- if you don't change the oil and tune up the engine it quits running- so will a relationship or marriage.
alphamale Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie It's like a car- if you don't change the oil and tune up the engine it quits running- so will a relationship or marriage. My ma always used to say that you should look at your relationship or marriage like a job and that you have to produce everyday and if you don't then you'll eventually get fired.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 You know- it's funny that you say that Alpha. My bf and I were talking yesterday and he said, "You know, alot of people think that marriage is not like a job. It's totally like a job just like being a parent is. Those two jobs are like the most important jobs of your life"
Author EC Posted April 18, 2005 Author Posted April 18, 2005 Yeah. I agree with all of you guys. I think to move in you have to have more than just a sexual relationship. And if you don't know if you have one..then you will definitely find out by moving in together, The guys I spoke with are very young..and I believe they moved in wayy to soon. They thought that it would be all peaches and cream and no work and boy were they surprised..and now they have a woman living with them, that they don't want anymore and don't know how to get out of it. Quite sad. actually i have read many times that couples that live together before getting married have a higher rate of divorce than couples that do not live together before marriage I have read this to.but I am torn in what to believe. I have met couples that did not get married and they moved in and they learned a lot about each other and moving in made them realize they were compatible and it assured the marriage. They got married and have been living happily ever after. But then again I know couples that Got married and then started living together, realized they really didn't know anything about each other and got a divorce. So I dunno..I think ideally I would like to at least be engaged before moving in. That way if it doesn't work out..I don't have to go through a divorce, but I would still have some sort of commitment while moving in. I couldn't just move in with a bf.
HoldOn Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Eventually, they all live totether after a while, so I don't see the difference, really. Well, it is a statisical difference, so it must exist. (whether or not you believe it ) I think that perhaps, people who don't live together before marriage have a different attitude toward marriage and don't get divorced as quickly.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 when my current bf an i lived together, and our sex lives only got busier! cause we were there together, took showers together, felt morning woods together.... we still have a great sex life after 2 yrs. i think living with the opposite sex is very benificial....i only had sister, so i did not really know what it was like to live with a guy..... personally, i would rather live with my mate before marriage.
Debster Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 While the quantity of sex changes when you move in and get married, the quality improves, IMO. Yes, things definitely get more comfortable and you let your guard down when you are married or living together, but there is something to be said for knowing that you have someone who will always have your back and who will be there for you through thick and thin. The stresses of life get in the way and because that person will be beside you every night, sometimes sex does take a back burner as you think tomorrow night. However, not one night goes by without our nightime cuddle routine. We are intimate in other ways. TO me, that is way more important than the frequency of sex.
alphamale Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie You know- it's funny that you say that Alpha. My bf and I were talking yesterday and he said, "You know, alot of people think that marriage is not like a job. It's totally like a job just like being a parent is. Those two jobs are like the most important jobs of your life" They are jobs MZ.PIXIE but you don't get paid in the traditional way.
tiki Posted April 18, 2005 Posted April 18, 2005 Sex will decrease if you let it. And when it comes to marriage, there's nothing hotter than having the one you love be a complete sex pistol! But some things change, sure. What turns me on about my husband are things like (in addition to the norms) seeing him be a good father, interacting with the kids, dedicating his whole day to yard work, working overtime, stuff like that. Those begin to be the things that make me be like, wow...this guy is awesome. *Plus* he's a great f*ck. I don't know if that makes sense to ya, but that's how it works for me. Anyway, just don't LET it die. Sure, it can die. But will you let it?
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