Nygal22 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I have been dating a guy for 8 months. He is 10 years older then me and Jewish, which is very important to him. I am not. I also have 2 kids. That is the back story. When we met we decided we didn't want a relationship. We never said we were exclusive. However, we grew over the months and have grown very close. We still have no "label" but he recently told me he loved me. I love him too. There is no doubt about that. The issue is he is moving 5 hours away. I don't know what to do. Should we even attempt a long distance relationship? Or should I walk away. How do you walk away from someone you love. Any advise would help!
CarrieT Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Has he even asked you to be in a long-distance relationship? And - after 8 months - has he discussed marriage at all? Some Jewish men aren't as concerned about propagating their faith with children. That is important discussion that should occur before you consider a long-distance relationship as well.
Author Nygal22 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Marriage has definitely not been discussed, way too early for that. As for a long term relationship he has asked me to visit him and he has said he will come here. So we haven't discussed it but he has implied that is what he wants. 1
jen1447 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Sounds like you've got issues with poor definition of terms. If you love him you most likely see yourself as his GF. But here he is, moving 5 hours away (what for btw?), which distinctly sounds like he thinks of you as the other thing. So your real issue may not be attempting an LDR but figuring out where you stand with each other. Answer that and the LDR answer should come along with it. 2
CC12 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 As for a long term relationship he has asked me to visit him and he has said he will come here. So we haven't discussed it but he has implied that is what he wants. Be careful there. Don't make any assumptions. Talking about visiting each other does not equal "I want a long term relationship." Figure out what you want first. In an ideal situation, what do you want this relationship to be? Would you move yourself and your kids five hours away if he asked you to? Are you willing to have a long-distance relationship? For how long? Would you want it to be exclusive? Ask yourself things like that. Once you've decided what you want, have a conversation with him to see if he's on the same page. You've got to talk to him about this before he moves. See what he says. 2
Buddhist Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 This is the moment of commitment. So yeah, now you get to find out whether he really does love you, or they were just words. One of you will have to commit to preserving this relationship, some way, some how.
Gary S Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 He's moving, he's leaving you. A person who really loved you deeply would not leave. 1
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 He's moving, he's leaving you. A person who really loved you deeply would not leave. Wouldn't that depend on why he is leaving? OP, why is he moving?
Gary S Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) If the person is sane, love changes everything (almost). A person in love with you is not going to want to leave you. People vote with their feet. People make all sorts of life changes and will often do almost anything to stay with their lover - but only when they really care. Love is a necessary ingredient of a relationship and the one thing people often forget when talking about relationships. Love is the motivation. Without love, you simply have friends or roommates. You could have a million dollar race car, but it's not going to go very far without the gas. Edited April 21, 2015 by Gary S
Author Nygal22 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 He's moving for work. He has no choice in the matter.
Gary S Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 That's an excuse. There are always choices. He could stay here or you could go with. I'm just sayin'.
devilish innocent Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 It's pretty clear he's not interested in ever progressing the relationship. You're a friend with benefits to him. He may love you as such. That doesn't mean he wants you as his girlfriend. Jews who feel that their religion is that important usually only want a relationship with other Jews. If he was willing to compromise on the issue for you, things would have had a label by now. You sound like you're hoping for more than he wants to offer you, so you really should let him go.
preraph Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 There's always choices. You are not someone he plans to stay with. He's moving and he's not inviting you along or talking commitment. 1
mortensorchid Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I think he's telling you what he feels by his actions. It's time to move on for both of you.
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