What makes a man date someone?

[ms_incognito]

I'm just curious what makes a man decide that they want to see someone again - say a second, third, fourth date and beyond. What's the process in a man's head?

 

Is the amount of time between a date and the next contact proportionate to how strongly a man feels? Do you men ever get in touch with someone pretty soon after even though you didn't feel a strong connection?

 

What are signs that a man is just having another date to give it a chance vs. they genuinely enjoyed the date and really want to see you again.

 

Also, what are the factors that go into wanting to see a girl again after the third, fourth date etc.

 

Thanks in advance.

[SawtoothMars]

I'm just curious what makes a man decide that they want to see someone again - say a second, third, fourth date and beyond. What's the process in a man's head?

Is the amount of time between a date and the next contact proportionate to how strongly a man feels? Do you men ever get in touch with someone pretty soon after even though you didn't feel a strong connection?

What are signs that a man is just having another date to give it a chance vs. they genuinely enjoyed the date and really want to see you again.

Also, what are the factors that go into wanting to see a girl again after the third, fourth date etc.

Thanks in advance.

 

It isn't that complicated. If I liked her and she liked me... I'm going to set something up soon. If she seemed really cold or didn't flirt much... I bounce.

[DoesntGetIt]

If I enjoyed the first date and have genuine interest, I am going to try to setup a date for the following weekend/week. And I will typically do that before the end of the first date.

 

 

If I'm not interested after the first date, I'll send the customary "Had a great time last night" text the next day, and then won't initiate again. If she initiates after that, I'll go ahead and let her know I'm not interested.

 

 

 

 

As for what makes me want a second/third/fourth date, chemistry. If I connect with the woman, feel a genuine interest, want to spend more time with her, then I will try to make it happen.

 

 

I recently had my first, first date where although the woman was nice, interesting, made good conversation, and was attractive, I simply had no desire for a follow up date. A friend told me I should set one up just to see if a connection did form, but I just wasn't feeling it. It was an odd sensation, since there was nothing wrong with this woman, but sometimes there just isn't a spark.

[neowulf]

I'm just curious what makes a man decide that they want to see someone again - say a second, third, fourth date and beyond. What's the process in a man's head?

 

Is the amount of time between a date and the next contact proportionate to how strongly a man feels? Do you men ever get in touch with someone pretty soon after even though you didn't feel a strong connection?

 

What are signs that a man is just having another date to give it a chance vs. they genuinely enjoyed the date and really want to see you again.

 

Also, what are the factors that go into wanting to see a girl again after the third, fourth date etc.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

"what makes a man decide that they want to see someone again - say a second, third, fourth date and beyond. What's the process in a man's head?"

 

Did we click? Was there good chemistry/conversation/banter?

Did I feel attracted at all? Sometimes, if everything else is coming together, If a woman was a great date, pleasant, fun, with no obvious deal breakers, I'll often consider a second date.

 

 

"Is the amount of time between a date and the next contact proportionate to how strongly a man feels? Do you men ever get in touch with someone pretty soon after even though you didn't feel a strong connection? "

 

If a man is keen, he'll often try and line up a second date a.s.a.p, to try keep the momentum going. That doesn't mean he "felt a connection", it just means there was enough there to want to figure out the relationships potential a.s.a.p.

 

"What are signs that a man is just having another date to give it a chance vs. they genuinely enjoyed the date and really want to see you again.

 

Also, what are the factors that go into wanting to see a girl again after the third, fourth date etc."

 

You can't ever read people's minds. People can appear to be having a wonderful time, then the next minute, just fade away. It's just a part of the dating experience.

 

If you're both having a good time and making an effort to meet up, then it's a positive sign I figure.

[ms_incognito]

Thanks for the reply. I went on a few dates with someone recently and we seemed to connect well on a physical and mental level. He was sure to let me know asap that he had a great time after each date.

 

On our last date, he messaged me 5 min after dropping me off to tell me it was really great to see me again. I was sure that he liked me but then after responding to an initial text, he ignored my last suggesting to do something. It just sucks for someone to act like they're really interested and then not even tell you they've either changed their mind or met someone else. I was sure we had all the elemnts to want to see each other and potential but then that happened and hence the question.

 

Anyways, I was looking around and I saw that he got out of a 5-yr live-in relationship so probably better I'm not with him but it was still confusing. Cause in this case it seemed like we matched well. Oh well.

[Art_Critic]

there is always the possibility of the sure thing.. stay arond long enough to dip the noodle.

[Lokin4AReason]

probably good communication has a factor in it along w/ a click you can say =0)

[Frank2thepoint]

It just sucks for someone to act like they're really interested and then not even tell you they've either changed their mind or met someone else.

 

You summarized the wonderful world of dating. A lot of people are scared sh*tless to speak up, so they cowardly slink away with bad behavior. Just be happy you were able to recognize his cop-out act and decided to move on.

[BluEyeL]

Depends on the stage. In the initial stage, meaning first and second date, in my experience it's sufficient for you to smile, be warm, NOT talk too much, ask him questions about himself. Do not launch in long stories, do not be too loud, do not overshare, don't bring up any controversial topics. Let him talk more than you!! Mirror his body language (i.e. if he leans in, you lean in, if he is sitting back you do the same). If you let him talk more than you and don't convey more interest than him, he'll leave thinking he did have a good time because people like to hear themselves talk.

 

Now beyond the 2-3 dates it's a different story. It depends on the guy, his baggage, the place he's at, what he's looking for etc.

 

Generally, in my experience, good men, boyfriend or husband material, like, again, warmth and kindness in a woman. You have to be soft, happy, easy going, no drama, have your life together. Not overly emotional, never say anything negative, don't nag, don't pressure, give space.

 

Sometimes you are all of that and he's still not interested. It just means he's not the one, he has other priorities, and you'll understand later why it didn't work out.

[TheBathWater]

I'm just curious what makes a man decide that they want to see someone again - say a second, third, fourth date and beyond. What's the process in a man's head?

 

Is the amount of time between a date and the next contact proportionate to how strongly a man feels? Do you men ever get in touch with someone pretty soon after even though you didn't feel a strong connection?

 

What are signs that a man is just having another date to give it a chance vs. they genuinely enjoyed the date and really want to see you again.

 

Also, what are the factors that go into wanting to see a girl again after the third, fourth date etc.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

If she is cute, smart, and can match me in flirting/connection, then it's on.

 

I usually do not ask a woman out a second time if I am unsure about them, because if I'm not feeling it on the first date then I usually won't later. I have made some exceptions though.

 

You also have to think about a man's motives. If we're just looking to get laid, we're more flexible with asking out someone we're on the fence about, but if we're genuinely interested, you will probably be able to tell by how we come across and the way we pursue you.

 

Like anything though, it's not so black and white. The only real way to know for sure what is going on with someone is to ask them straight up.

[carhill]

I'm just curious what makes a man decide that they want to see someone again - say a second, third, fourth date and beyond. What's the process in a man's head?

She's sexually attractive and I enjoy her company and keep showing up.

 

Is the amount of time between a date and the next contact proportionate to how strongly a man feels? Do you men ever get in touch with someone pretty soon after even though you didn't feel a strong connection?

 

IME, it's either on or off; there's no volume control. If I enjoy a particular lady, I stay in consistent contact. If not, bzzt.

 

What are signs that a man is just having another date to give it a chance vs. they genuinely enjoyed the date and really want to see you again.

 

I never played the 'give it a chance' game as I feel that is disrespectful to the other person. I'm either in or out. If I wanted to see the lady again, I'd set the next date up while on the existing one or call her shortly thereafter.

 

Also, what are the factors that go into wanting to see a girl again after the third, fourth date etc.

At that point, it would be a strong sense of mutual attraction/physical affection/sexual interest as well as flow of interaction where I feel we're comfortable together and fit well, and get a sense of same from the lady in question. Whenever I dated, this synergy preceded exclusivity and sexual involvement so could go on for a couple of months of dating.

 

Thanks in advance.

You're welcome. Each person is different, as are general norms for differing age and geographical groups. I'm an old fart rural left coaster. When I used to date, guys still hitched their horses to the rail at the local bar and we had just got our first stop light in town. True!

 

My mantra was, and is, just keep showing up until someone says no.

[ms_incognito]

Depends on the stage. In the initial stage, meaning first and second date, in my experience it's sufficient for you to smile, be warm, NOT talk too much, ask him questions about himself. Do not launch in long stories, do not be too loud, do not overshare, don't bring up any controversial topics. Let him talk more than you!! Mirror his body language (i.e. if he leans in, you lean in, if he is sitting back you do the same). If you let him talk more than you and don't convey more interest than him, he'll leave thinking he did have a good time because people like to hear themselves talk.

 

Now beyond the 2-3 dates it's a different story. It depends on the guy, his baggage, the place he's at, what he's looking for etc.

 

Generally, in my experience, good men, boyfriend or husband material, like, again, warmth and kindness in a woman. You have to be soft, happy, easy going, no drama, have your life together. Not overly emotional, never say anything negative, don't nag, don't pressure, give space.

 

Sometimes you are all of that and he's still not interested. It just means he's not the one, he has other priorities, and you'll understand later why it didn't work out.

 

Thanks BlueEyeL. I think I'm generally a good date except when I'm awkward haha. I'm a naturally shy person and have had to work hard on not being too awkward. I'm not clingy, an oversharer or any of the things you mentioned. I'm a bit guarded romantically though and have no idea how to flirt so I'm working on that. I am also pretty unassuming. I've been asked out, flirted with etc without even realizing it was happening until my friends tell me. Part of that is confidence which I'm working on too.

 

I think I was just disappointed because I'm not easily attracted to a lot of people - to a point it feels like it's a flaw. We seemed to click on a lot of levels but I did feel like he was holding back a bit so I got the sense he was just out of a relationship or hadn't dated much. Maybe he was looking for something casual and knew I was looking for more so I guess I should be thankful in the long run, but an acknowledgement would have been nice. I guess that's dating and life.

[BluEyeL]

Thanks BlueEyeL. I think I'm generally a good date except when I'm awkward haha. I'm a naturally shy person and have had to work hard on not being too awkward. I'm not clingy, an oversharer or any of the things you mentioned. I'm a bit guarded romantically though and have no idea how to flirt so I'm working on that. I am also pretty unassuming. I've been asked out, flirted with etc without even realizing it was happening until my friends tell me. Part of that is confidence which I'm working on too.

 

I think I was just disappointed because I'm not easily attracted to a lot of people - to a point it feels like it's a flaw. We seemed to click on a lot of levels but I did feel like he was holding back a bit so I got the sense he was just out of a relationship or hadn't dated much. Maybe he was looking for something casual and knew I was looking for more so I guess I should be thankful in the long run, but an acknowledgement would have been nice. I guess that's dating and life.

 

Yes, if a man senses you're not looking for casual and that's what his intention is, he will often drop out. Do not worry about that. He was not the man for you. You clicked but you don't actually know him. You don't want HIM, you want a good, satisfying relationship. If he wasn't able to provide that to you, he did you a favor for dropping out.

 

Because you say you're shy, make sure you're making good eye contact with the man, smile warmly and ask him questions. Make sure you exude confidence!! With practice you'll get better. I was really bad at dating when I started in 2013, and once I figured out the "recipe" it was like a miracle happened. It still didn't work out with several men, but that's because they weren't relationship material and that will happen to you too (unless you're very lucky).

 

And remember that if he's not following up, you didn't lose anything. He's just not the one. You'll meet other people and eventually, you'll meet your match and will find love. Be patient and put yourself out there. You didn't lose anything by losing this man, he wasn't for you. Don't worry if they don't acknowledge you. Silence is your cue to move on.

 

Good luck!

[ms_incognito]

Thanks for the advice. I so rarely meet someone I'm interested which is why this has bugged me but you're right, I want a good satisfying relationship. I hope prince charming will come soon

 

Yes, if a man senses you're not looking for casual and that's what his intention is, he will often drop out. Do not worry about that. He was not the man for you. You clicked but you don't actually know him. You don't want HIM, you want a good, satisfying relationship. If he wasn't able to provide that to you, he did you a favor for dropping out.

 

Because you say you're shy, make sure you're making good eye contact with the man, smile warmly and ask him questions. Make sure you exude confidence!! With practice you'll get better. I was really bad at dating when I started in 2013, and once I figured out the "recipe" it was like a miracle happened. It still didn't work out with several men, but that's because they weren't relationship material and that will happen to you too (unless you're very lucky).

 

And remember that if he's not following up, you didn't lose anything. He's just not the one. You'll meet other people and eventually, you'll meet your match and will find love. Be patient and put yourself out there. You didn't lose anything by losing this man, he wasn't for you. Don't worry if they don't acknowledge you. Silence is your cue to move on.

 

Good luck!

[Gary S]

Why does a man date a woman? There can be many agendas, for men, namely sex. But in most cases, it is because he is attracted to her... which means he has some beginning level of love for her.

 

By the way, this is the same for women.

 

Love changes everything.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

The first thing that makes me want to go on a first date with someone is physical attraction, and their demeanor. At that point I gauge whether we seem to like each other, and go from there.

 

I don't think it's really complicated or anything.

[Popsicle]

If you make his heart flutter and his penis tingle and you're not a skank.

 

That is all.