What is the point of messaging more than once or twice on Online Dating?

[Col1]

So, as a guy, I created a profile with several current pictures, two essay paragraphs about me, and all my details filled out (age, status, children, drinking, smoking, drugs, etc). I message other women who have their profiles complete with the same. We have most of the basic information about the other. The next step is to determine if there is mutual interest.

 

So I send the first message of several sentences to show I read her profile. I include a question. She replies to answer the question and asks one question back for me to answer.

 

What point is there in continuing to message about superficial questions (favorite movies, bands, etc)? Shouldn't my second message ask for her phone number and/or a first meet? What more is there to write about in a message?!

 

Yet women seem to want that back-n-forth messaging for at least three or more exchanges before giving out their number. Why? (The messaging can sometimes take a few days due to them waiting until the next day to reply.)

Edited April 20, 2015 by Col1

[BlueIris]

Maybe to see if you are literate, are conversational, are interesting to them and interested in deeper things about them. Maybe to see if you had sent out dozens or hundreds of generic messages to women and had no particular interest in her- fishing with a net, shotgun approach. (That's VERY common.) Many women get many pointless contacts in OLD that fizzle out and aren't worth getting dressed up and going out to meet. Could be any of those things- or others.

[Giggle]

To get more comfortable with the idea of giving you their number? Get more of a sense of what type of person you are? I've had it go both ways. Shrug. A lot of messages I get are so little.. 6 years ago the messages were liger with actual content. Now a lot of them are like a little text message. I got a handful of hi last time. Most of the time there is very little to go on. Let's have a conversation maybe?

[central]

If they live nearby, then several email exchanges should suffice IF their profile is sufficiently detailed. I want to get a sense of compatibility before meeting someone, IF possible, to avoid wasting time on someone I would never date seriously.

 

If they live far away, so that meeting easily and quickly isn't an option, then multiple emails and IM or phone calls become more important to find out enough to decide if making a big effort to meet is justified.

[Pinkdisney]

I've been off OLD for a while now but I tend to agree with your point about moving things off OLD rather quickly. I jumped the gun a few times and ended up with a few creepers when I gave out my phone # too quickly however email worked well too. I noted in my profile that I was not looking for a pen-pal situation and knew fairly quickly if the person was serious about meeting for a drink, coffee, etc.

 

My current bf of 3 years and I met on POF, we first messaged on a Sunday and met the following Saturday afternoon at a local tourist spot.

[MissBee]

So, as a guy, I created a profile with several current pictures, two essay paragraphs about me, and all my details filled out (age, status, children, drinking, smoking, drugs, etc). I message other women who have their profiles complete with the same. We have most of the basic information about the other. The next step is to determine if there is mutual interest.

 

So I send the first message of several sentences to show I read her profile. I include a question. She replies to answer the question and asks one question back for me to answer.

 

What point is there in continuing to message about superficial questions (favorite movies, bands, etc)? Shouldn't my second message ask for her phone number and/or a first meet? What more is there to write about in a message?!

 

Yet women seem to want that back-n-forth messaging for at least three or more exchanges before giving out their number. Why? (The messaging can sometimes take a few days due to them waiting until the next day to reply.)

 

Some people want to build more rapport before taking that step.

 

I have no set number of messages beforehand before I give out my number to a guy but it's usually more than 2 messages of building rapport.

[salparadise]

I agree that from a logical perspective that there's no point in doing a lot of messaging before setting up a meeting if there is mutual interest. However, a lot of this stuff isn't purely logical. Some people (more often women) feel they need to establish connection and gain a sense of security about a person first, and in a sense that's understandable. The fallacy is in thinking that exchanging a bunch of messages ensures sincerity or security. Of course you can get a feeling for whether a person is invested enough to respond consistently and articulate enough to compose a decent message, but I've learned that sometimes strange birds are quite good at messaging. I think women just see it as doing the best they can to vet prospective matches, and it's all based on using the scant social cues you can glean from messages to get a good feeling before meeting, regardless of the fact that it doesn't ensure much of anything.

[wizer]

Whats your rush?

 

Go message some one else while you're waiting.

[mammasita]

I was rather hesitant about exchanging numbers that quickly especially if I didn't get a sense I'd even want to meet the guy. The profile filled out is fine, but I needed to establish some sort of rapport. I didn't need weeks, but a good week of messaging before exchanging numbers.