Can't deal with the fact he's seeing someone else

[Rorymila]

My ex, whom I met online, broke up with me a few months ago and I haven't been able to get over it. We were only together for a month, but it was a very intense and passionate month, and he was my first relationship (and I'm in my late 20s!). I was madly in love with him, and he was crazy about me. But he broke it off abruptly because he said that he wasn't ready for where the relationship was headed and that he wanted to be single for a while (even though he thought I was "beautiful and amazing"). I tried to remain his friend for a month, but after I found out that he had lied to me about not seeking out other women (he had been), I decided to cut all ties. He agreed instantly.

 

It's been about three months, and these three months have been hard. But I've tried to keep myself going by joining a gym and eating healthily (lost 10kgs since Jan), and found a new job. After two months, though, and going through a particularly rough emotional patch, I contacted him. He was polite but blew me off. Believe it or not, I started to do better after that.

 

That is, until, Saturday morning. Saturday morning, I decided that I would block all of his friends on Facebook (I had blocked him months ago). Don't ask me why I thought this was a good idea. Well, I clicked on this one girl's profile, and there it was - a picture of her and my ex together. They're together. And they have been since Valentines Day because they'd even put their anniversary date up! At first, I thought I was okay with it. But as the day went on and I saw not only that picture, but a bunch of them, I started to feel worse. I was shaking, I couldn't eat all day. That night, I couldn't sleep at all. Sunday morning, I cried and cried. I haven't gone back to look at those photos again, but they are in my head. I can't stand it, I really can't. I can hardly think of anything else. I just keep thinking of them together, and the fact that he's giving her everything that he said I could have, and that I never got. I keep thinking of them being together and it's killing me. I got some sleep last night but I was still like a zombie today, and I've had to concentrate extra hard to get things done. And he can't break her heart as easily as he broke mine because they know a lot of the same people, so he has to be more careful with her. If he does what he did to me, he'd lose a LOT of friendships. But there were no other strings with me. This guy, he's a proper lady's man and has a lot of girls-who-are-friends, and I was always threatened by this. Turns out, my intuition may have been trying to tell me something.

 

I don't know where to go from here or how I can get this out of my head. After telling me he wanted to be single, it seems as though he's managed to find another girl very quickly. But this is a guy who has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, and very short gaps between them. What hope did I have that he would stay single for more than a second after breaking up with me? I don't want to let this get to me, but I can't stop my thoughts. I can't get over the fact that he's being intimate with someone else. And they already look very intimate in their pictures, and that also makes me think that he was lying when he said he wasn't ready for where our relationship was headed. Maybe he just didn't want to tell me that his feelings for me had changed. I just don't understand and it's tearing me apart. My heart is broken all over again. And I can't stand to look at any other men, either. I feel like he was my only chance at a relationship because it took so long to find him, and I never thought someone like him would be into a girl like me. And now this other girl has him, and God... I can't take it. How can I cope with this knowledge? How will I sleep tonight when I can't stop imagining them together? I feel like such a mess.

Edited April 20, 2015 by Rorymila

[Zetec]

I can't really say anything that is going to make things better for you, as I know from experience, that seeing an ex move on so quickly after a breakup, is probably the most painful, gut-wrenching feeling in the world.

 

I know this won't help, but he seems like someone that jumps from relationship, to relationship. As you said in your post, he is a guy that has had a lot of girlfriends in the past, with very little gaps in between. No doubt he won't be with this new girl for long, history has proven that he is not willing to commit to a long term relationship. I know at the moment that hurts, but in the long run, you really have dodged a bullet here. What girl wants to be with a guy, however amazing he 'seems', that could do this to a girl, without a thought tor anyone's feelings but his own.

 

You can do better. You will do better Honestly, you will. You have made excellent progress already - eating healthy, gym and getting a new job...ride out this rough patch and you will come through it a better person. Keep yourself busy, see friends and family and use them for support.

 

Well done for blocking him, and his friends on Facebook. Resist any urge to contact him again - do not give into temptation to look at anything related to him on social media. Honestly, I can not stress that enough. When my girlfriend left me for another guy (Yeah, I was crushed just like you are now) I removed her from social media but the temptation was still there to look. I haven't looked now for 3 months and honestly, it helps. The thought of them both getting intimate used to make me cry, and feel sick. Now, I don't even think about it, or I just shrug it off. Don't give in, even when you're feeling weak, to phone or text him. Delete his number and block his if you can. This is your 'shield' you are using to protect yourself, don't let it down!

 

Keep your head up, spend time doing the things you enjoy and keep reminding yourself - "I can do better than him."

 

Good luck, it will get better, I promise

[darkmoon]

you must plan for where you want to be in a years time, be choosy, be anything, plan, i just think you need to focus on the future, not the past, create a direction to head for, my two cents xx see what others say

Edited April 20, 2015 by darkmoon