Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 A week does not a pattern make. Yes, give it some time but set a limit for yourself. My point is that I think you asked the question too soon I know I realized I asked way too soon. I tend to become overly concerned at the slightest hint of change. Time will tell.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Of course it's holding more value but it's not the value you are hoping for. About the sex, ever thought that maybe that time he had sex post-surgery brought him a lot of pain afterward and he's hesitant to do it again? Why can't the guy recover in peace? Because he had sex once after his surgery now he needs to perform twice a week during his recovery? I don't know...he didn't say anything about it hurting afterwards but he is not very communicative eith updating me on his progress. he doesn't need to do anything and I am not forcing anything. I left drama free, no pressure, and then posted here because it freaked me out.
rester Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Lots of people judging Pumpkin's relationship. It is what it is. She seems to be more comfortable with the arrangement now than she was in her last thread and it sounds like the "mirroring" and game playing has stopped. Pumpkin, I don't think a week of less sex indicates loss of interest. It's probably just a natural slow down. I'm sure people are going to say that it's a slow-down from an already slow situation, but not every relationship is the same and not every relationship needs to be daily sex for the first six months, move in after 12 months, married by 24 months. As long as you're happy with the situation, who cares? I don't even think turning down sex a couple times is cause for a discussion. If it's really upsetting you, though, I do think you should bring it up and talk to him about it. It'd probably be a lot more productive than having all these people tell you that your relationship is crap. 3
Els Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Why does it have to be either/or? I'm not quite sure I am capable of compartmentalizing this relationship like that. There is NO WAY the other aspects of this relationship are irrelevant just because it isn't labeled a long-term relationship. I think the problem is this started out in a direction of a FWB, but other facets (in addition to the physical) exist as well and it is hard to separate it all. Then you're not really just FWBs anymore, are you? This is a situation where you are probably wanting (or even imagining) more than just casual sex, and we don't know where he stands on that. I think it's rather selfish to expect or demand someone to 'perform' post-op, but it's also bad for yourself to remain in a 'FWB' situation where you aren't getting ANY of your needs met. Spouses who support each other through illness and old age do it because of all the good times they have had together, because they know they both love and care for one another, because they have something deeper that they have mutually acknowledged for years. You are really not beholden to stay by an old man's side through sickness when he does not even recognize you as a girlfriend yet. IMO you need to spend some time thinking about what you truly want. 1
losangelena Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I tend to become overly concerned at the slightest hint of change. I didn't read the entire thread, so pardon me if someone already has brought this up, but why do you have this impulse? If you're so hypervigilant all the time, how can you relax into a relationship?
Kamille Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Forgive me for stating the obvious but: if he's losing interest, wouldn't it be up to him to say so? Why would you have to monitor this?
losangelena Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Because she just said she monitors everything.
Gaeta Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I didn't read the entire thread, so pardon me if someone already has brought this up, but why do you have this impulse? If you're so hypervigilant all the time, how can you relax into a relationship? And if she monitors everything, why does she pick a relationship like this? and not a fulfilling open honest loving relationship! There would be much less to monitor.
xxoo Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I think this is the reason for monitoring: to be able to end if first and save face. Because it's not very attractive to be dating a man with little/no obligation and HE ends it. I'd want to be the one to end it in that case…being the younger and fairer sex. I know…double standards. But still. 1
Kamille Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 (edited) Edited: Ok, just saw xxoo's post. Obtuse is me tonight apparently: it's not very attractive to whom? Who's going to find out her ended things? And what adult really truly is going to care? This just sounds to me like something that could be easily fixed: expect him to tell him what's going on with him. That way, you don't need to spend time trying to guess at what he's thinking. The chances of you being right when guessing are extremely slim anyway. Edited April 22, 2015 by Kamille
BluEyeL Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 It's only been one week I am questioning the sex. I don't know if this will end up an established pattern or simply a glitch. That's why I posted here. I guess I'll just wait and see. That's all you can do, PL. Within a week or two it'll all become clear. In the meantime, stay zen.
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