Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 To me, mental stimulation and anticipation is just as hot as sex. So I like a bit of time apart to receive a dirty text with a pic from you, or have some suggestive banter/flirtation, etc.. That is the type of interaction that makes me want to rip a woman's clothes off and be aggressive in the bedroom. Agree! But I hate it when there's too much anticipation, then the sex is eh. Like when everyone kept talking about how great Inception was..so much anticipation! Then YAWN.
xxoo Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 1-2x a week is a low frequency for a new relationship. So either he has a lower drive, or maybe he does have other partners. It was always in his power to raise the frequency, correct? Sex is always highest in the beginning. If it starts low (2x a week with a new, hot partner satisfies him), he doesn't have a high sex drive.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) Agree! But I hate it when there's too much anticipation, then the sex is eh. Like when everyone kept talking about how great Inception was..so much anticipation! Then YAWN. But on the other hand, a lot of anticipation in the beginning before the first time is hot. You take the time to learn about what mental triggers turns a woman on, and spend some private dates doing intense foreplay minus full sex. Focusing on getting to know her body, teasing her, developing trust, etc.. Before long, she's fantasizing about me while she masturbates and can't stop thinking about sex. Then when it does happen, I know her body so well and she wants it so badly, that it's just FIREWORKS. The average guy that wants sex by date three, doesn't take the time to do field work, or develop trust to allow her to want to be submissive sexually. I like a woman letting me have control in bed to take care of her needs. It's the trust she has in me to take care of what she wants that turns me on. Granted, it leads to temporary blue balls for 4-5 weeks while I'm laying ground work. But to me, it's worth it to have a great first sexual experience and her constantly wanting sex. As opposed to the first time being rushed, and me knowing nothing about what makes her tick. Edited April 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Why do you think you'd look like a sucker? Because it's not very attractive to be dating a man with little/no obligation and HE ends it. I'd want to be the one to end it in that case…being the younger and fairer sex. I know…double standards. But still.
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I don't know if he bought time, but his profile goes active three to four times a week. Mine is active every day…and until he says something, mine will continue to be active every day. I have no idea if he is talking to people on there. If he's been consistently seeing me for six months, a partial invalid, sexually exclusive, texting close to every day, I find it difficult for him….. I think he might be chatting up or meeting people, but nothing more than that. It used to bother me but not too much anymore…he's in pain, older, not as cute as I am, and probably going to die sooner than I will, so as long as he's not sleeping with them, knock yourself out. We are not gf/bf so who am I to place demands on him? This may have been mentioned already (haven't gotten through the entire thread yet) .....but honestly, this sounds more like a FWB relationship rather than a man you're actually *dating."
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 This may have been mentioned already (haven't gotten through the entire thread yet) .....but honestly, this sounds more like a FWB relationship rather than a man you're actually *dating." FWB don't really care about each other or don't spend time with each other. We care about each other. The dates are well planned in advanced, rarely last minute, and there is daily contact. I would say we are a notch above FWB; maybe lovers. One time back in Feb I told him I was moving on, and he chased hard after that; texting, asking to hang out, asking when is he going to see me. Does a FWB do that? A FWB probably would have said eh, and let go. I'm not sure, though.
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) FWB don't really care about each other or don't spend time with each other. We care about each other. The dates are well planned in advanced, rarely last minute, and there is daily contact. I would say we are a notch above FWB; maybe lovers. One time back in Feb I told him I was moving on, and he chased hard after that; texting, asking to hang out, asking when is he going to see me. Does a FWB do that? A FWB probably would have said eh, and let go. I'm not sure, though. Wha? Sure they do!! What do you think FWB stands for? "Friends" with Benefits. Friends care about each other and spend time with each other. They may even get upset when the other pulls away...just like any other friend would! You are confusing FWB with FB (f**k buddy). Face it, you've got yourself an FWB. Enjoy it while it lasts! Edited April 21, 2015 by katiegrl 2
ascendotum Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Does a FWB do that? A FWB probably would have said eh, and let go. Not necessarily. A fwb with lots of options could likely have a 'easy come easy go' attitude, but for others who don't get them all that easy or who maybe could but are a little lazy or have lower self esteem, then they wont want to give up a good thing. I have not read that many of the posts relating to your situation so I wont comment on this specific guy. FWB relationships likely come in different shades of emotional intensity and there will be crossover with lovers and a relationship were you don't live together. I don't think the label matters as long as you both are happy with how its working. As for your initial post, I think you are worrying unnecessarily too soon. It could very easily be the end of the honeymoon period and its not going to get any worse. 1
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) Does a FWB do that? A FWB probably would have said eh, and let go. Not necessarily. A fwb with lots of options could likely have a 'easy come easy go' attitude, but for others who don't get them all that easy or who maybe could but are a little lazy or have lower self esteem, then they wont want to give up a good thing. I have not read that many of the posts relating to your situation so I wont comment on this specific guy. FWB relationships likely come in different shades of emotional intensity and there will be crossover with lovers and a relationship were you don't live together. I don't think the label matters as long as you both are happy with how its working. As for your initial post, I think you are worrying unnecessarily too soon. It could very easily be the end of the honeymoon period and its not going to get any worse. I believe she said there was no "honeymoon" period. It's been once a week from the get go. No commitment after six months, he doesn't care if she dates (has sex with?) other men, both their dating profiles still active, both still logging on and searching for others.... come on now Pumpkin, wake up already, this is a FWB relationships at best! Edited April 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) I believe she said there was no "honeymoon" period. It's been once a week from the get go. No commitment after six months, he doesn't care if she dates (has sex with?) other men, both their dating profiles still active, both still logging on and searching for others.... come on now Pumpkin, wake up already, this is a FWB relationships at best! I said usually once a week, sometimes twice. In the recent, more often as every four/five days. As soon as the frequency upped, the sex declined. Do FWB invite each other over and wind up not having sex but talking and being tender all night? Do FWB text selfies from the hospital or say goodnight or good morning? Do FWB agree to be seuxally exclusive? Do FWB tell the woman how happy she makes him? From everything I've read, no. FWB, from my understanding, is minimal contact, minimal emotions and mainly sexual. Yes, we have a lot of sex, but it's not all about that…especially in the recent weeks. Anyway my post isn't about defining what this relationship is. It is what it is regardless of the title. I want to know if the decline in sex means a loss of attraction or interest... Edited April 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ascendotum Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) I believe she said there was no "honeymoon" period. It's been once a week from the get go. No commitment after six months, he doesn't care if she dates (has sex with?) other men, both their dating profiles still active, both still logging on and searching for others.... come on now Pumpkin, wake up already, this is a FWB relationships at best! Okay, maybe it is more like fwb then without any mention of a relationship label. I see you say his dating profile is still active but given he has recent health issue, is he actually using it and not just active because his cellphone app connects. Maybe, maybe not, but she'll need to ask him or set some bait with a friend. If she is still active online then he could be unsettled and thinking she is still looking for someone younger/healthier and so just keeping his options open likewise. She might say she is not seriously looking for anyone else, but then so can he. If both have active profiles then its not going to give either any security. Edited April 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I said usually once a week, sometimes twice. In the recent, more often as every four/five days. As soon as the frequency upped, the sex declined. Do FWB invite each other over and wind up not having sex but talking and being tender all night? Do FWB text selfies from the hospital or say goodnight or good morning? Do FWB agree to be seuxally exclusive? Do FWB tell the woman how happy she makes him? From everything I've read, no. FWB, from my understanding, is minimal contact, minimal emotions and mainly sexual. Yes, we have a lot of sex, but it's not all about that…especially in the recent weeks. I'm calling it how I see it and I am actually the one living it. Anyway my post isn't about defining what this relationship is. It is what it is regardless of the title. I want to know if the decline in sex means a loss of attraction or interest... Sorry Pumpkin, it appears I have touched a nerve. Didn't mean to upset you. But seriously, why don't you ask him what he thinks? Not just about whether or not he considers this an FWB arrangement, but about the decline in sex, all of it. What are you so afraid of? It's been six months!
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Okay, maybe it is more like fwb then without any mention of a relationship label. I see you say his dating profile is still active but given he has recent health issue, is he actually using it and not just active because his cellphone app connects. Maybe, maybe not, but she'll need to ask him or set some bait with a friend. If she is still active online then he could be unsettled and thinking she is still looking for someone younger/healthier and so just keeping his options open likewise. She might say she is not seriously looking for anyone else, but then so can he. If both have active profiles then its not going to give either any security. The active profile is the least of my worries. It could be anything. It could be an app that gets triggered every time he accesses the browser. It could be his cell phone. Maybe he sees me active and decides to be active too. Maybe he's lying in bed, because he can't get up, bored to death, and clicking on the women who clicked on him. I have no idea and it really doesn't matter. As long as he is not sleeping with anyone else, it is none of my business until we have declared to be in a long-term committed relationship. Anyway how come everyone keeps focusing this issue of titles instead of what I originally posted for: I'm afraid he's not attracted to me anymore.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 I don't care if we are FWB, FB, lovers or married. I just feel sad he's not wanting sex as often...when before, he was hitting it twice in 30 minutes. I wore my best bra and panties set the other night, starved myself so I would look skinny naked, and all for nothing. Duped.
katiegrl Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I don't care if we are FWB, FB, lovers or married. I just feel sad he's not wanting sex as often...when before, he was hitting it twice in 30 minutes. I wore my best bra and panties set the other night, starved myself so I would look skinny naked, and all for nothing. Duped. Stop trying so hard... act "as if" it's no big deal. I am always amazed how TURNED ON my boyfriend gets when I'm doing my own thing, instead of attempting to get his attention. Even something as simple as me doing the dishes after dinner can get him going sometimes... don't ask me why. I've come to learn my boyfriend appears to want me most when I am essentially ignoring him!
fitnessfan365 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I don't care if we are FWB, FB, lovers or married. I just feel sad he's not wanting sex as often...when before, he was hitting it twice in 30 minutes. I wore my best bra and panties set the other night, starved myself so I would look skinny naked, and all for nothing. Duped. Once again Pumpkin, I'm impressed at all the effort you put in. I almost feel bad that he's not showing more appreciation. Also, I'm surprised at his premature problem to where he's having sex twice within only 30 minutes. You'd think he'd have staying power on the first go around since you've building up his sexual prowice. Stop trying so hard... act "as if" it's no big deal. I am always amazed how TURNED ON my boyfriend gets when I'm doing my own thing, instead of attempting to get his attention. Even something as simple as me doing the dishes after dinner can get him going sometimes... don't ask me why. I've come to learn my boyfriend appears to want me most when I am essentially ignoring him! A woman doing the dishes is f**king hot. Especially if she has a tiny apron on. Haha But think of it this way Katie. When you ignore a cat, that is when it wants attention. But the second you pay too much attention, it scampers away. Just think of your BF as a sexual cat.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Stop trying so hard... act "as if" it's no big deal. I am always amazed how TURNED ON my boyfriend gets when I'm doing my own thing, instead of attempting to get his attention. Even something as simple as me doing the dishes after dinner can get him going sometimes... don't ask me why. I've come to learn my boyfriend appears to want me most when I am essentially ignoring him! This has nothing to do with me doing my own thing. What do you think I do the five days in between when we don't see each other? My own thing. My original post said, "I said, "Okay. I hope you feel better," hugged him goodbye and left. Was I jumping up and down like a miniature poodle to get his attention? No. When I woke up this morning there were a series of texts from him. Thanks, Katie, but it seems like you are missing the point on all levels here. I don't need to define this relationship. I am not needy nor am I trying too hard. Nothing has changed in the way I interact with him except he didn't initiate sex twice in one week. First time, whatever. Second time, red flags.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Also, I'm surprised at his premature problem to where he's having sex twice within only 30 minutes. You'd think he'd have staying power on the first go around since you've building up his sexual prowice. Uh….after the first round, if I want more, he can be to go. That is all. Remember, you are talking about a 56 year old man, in pain, with no viagra.
GildedLily Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 He's a doctor, he doesn't have to be as cute as you. There's no shortage of women who will date him 10, 20 or 30 years older than them. He's giving you crumbs and you are still interested because he's the best you can do. Don't kid yourself , if he was head over heels for you, you would know it by now. He would lock you down with a commitment. I married a doctor 16 years older, who had never been married and never even lived with anyone. When a man wants you, ( for more than just an ego stroke) he doesn't see you once a week or not care if you date others. I'm telling you this because, you should be aware of what's really going on and bide your time, even if you don't want kids. You are putting a lot of emotional energy into this man and not getting much back, when this is over you will be gutted. 2
elaine567 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I find this relationship all very stilted, controlled, rigid, formal and a bit uncomfortable to read. Seems there is no spontaneity here and I would not be surprised if he is getting a bit bored, especially if he is feeling a bit under par and he is expected to do his thing like a performing seal once a week on cue in exchange for you lugging your expensive cookware to his place and cooking him his meals. Surely he can afford to buy some cookware, he is a single doctor after all, I am sure he is not poor. You sound like a meals on wheels lady with benefits. 5
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 I find this relationship all very stilted, controlled, rigid, formal and a bit uncomfortable to read. Seems there is no spontaneity here and I would not be surprised if he is getting a bit bored, especially if he is feeling a bit under par and he is expected to do his thing like a performing seal once a week on cue in exchange for you lugging your expensive cookware to his place and cooking him his meals. Surely he can afford to buy some cookware, he is a single doctor after all, I am sure he is not poor. You sound like a meals on wheels lady with benefits. I like copper. He owns stainless. So I bring my own. I cook for both of us because I want to and he is hungry, not because I'm hoping to get sex out of him. What a bizarre picture you paint. Why not save the trouble, get takeout and use a vibrator and eliminate him altogether?
gaius Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 A guy isn't hot for you if you have to pursue him in the beginning katie. =/ I don't know what to tell you pumpkin. Maybe he's bored, or is having sex with someone else, or just has some other physical or mental thing that's messing with his libido. It's probably a bad sign though.
ascendotum Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I find this relationship all very stilted, controlled, rigid, formal and a bit uncomfortable to read. Seems there is no spontaneity here and I would not be surprised if he is getting a bit bored, especially if he is feeling a bit under par and he is expected to do his thing like a performing seal once a week on cue in exchange for you lugging your expensive cookware to his place and cooking him his meals. Surely he can afford to buy some cookware, he is a single doctor after all, I am sure he is not poor. You sound like a meals on wheels lady with benefits. If this is the weekly routine then I'm sure some sort of monotony might be setting in, but I don't know if going out to dinner will radically perk up his desire. Maybe try it. This guy is in his 50s, IDK but I suspect spontaneity would take a hit when you get older + relationship settles in + also in some pain. As for performing like a seal, when its a younger slim sexy woman prancing in front of you in her new skimpy bra & panties after cooking you a lovely meal, there's a good motivational incentive there to perform that really wont be a burden if you are healthy & have good T levels. Lots of guys wouldn't mind that MOW service. She should go shopping with him and pick out some cookware to buy (his $). I think its too early after the drop off in eagerness to read anything bad into it. Could be typical for all his relationships. I still think he could get amorous a little on their nites together even if he wasn't up for the full on performance 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 He's a doctor, he doesn't have to be as cute as you. There's no shortage of women who will date him 10, 20 or 30 years older than them. He's giving you crumbs and you are still interested because he's the best you can do. Don't kid yourself , if he was head over heels for you, you would know it by now. He would lock you down with a commitment. I married a doctor 16 years older, who had never been married and never even lived with anyone. When a man wants you, ( for more than just an ego stroke) he doesn't see you once a week or not care if you date others. I'm telling you this because, you should be aware of what's really going on and bide your time, even if you don't want kids. You are putting a lot of emotional energy into this man and not getting much back, when this is over you will be gutted. I don't care if he's not locking me down. Why? Because I'm not expecting to be married. I'm not expecting to live with him. I'm not expecting anything other than what he has shown me so far...we enjoy each other mentally and physically. There doesn't have to be some grand master plan of wedding bells. We are sexually exclusive and that's all he can afford right now. And if one day I don't like it, I have the option to leave.
lucy_in_disguise Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Is he affectionate with you? Does he express appreciation/ care in other ways besides words and sex? I will go against the grain here and say that if you feel it is progressing at he rate you are comfortable with, keep at it. Not every person/ relationship fits into the loveshack- prescribed timeline/ handbook of human behaivior, and you know better than us if you are being used.or if there is something more here. You are still free to date others, so I dont see the big deal with continuing to see him as well if you are comfortable with it and are enjoying it. Just keep your options open. My current relationship started on similar terms (tho the dynamics were probably different). We began as a ONS turned FWB. I developed feelings and was ready to commit several months in, but he wasnt ready. Most people had advised me to move on, but I felt that he had been honest with me, which I felt was the most important factor for me. Because I enjoyed being wih him, and it was meeting my needs at the time, i continued to see him, while also dating other people. We contiunued getting to know each other, and 8+ months in, he asked for a relationship on his own initiative. I am glad i stuck around, because he makes me really happy. My point is that not everyone goes at the same pace. It is only a problem if his pace is a problem for you. Some people are not as quick to let others in or to get attached. That may be a sign of emotional baggage/ immaturity, of course, and many women would not find this compatible with their style/ agenda. But if you feel he is making you happy, enjoy! 2
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