Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Here is the really big question: Does he ever stop your advances? Never. Not once has he ever stopped my advances. Does that matter? Should I have thrown myself at him the other night?
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Are you thinking that this will fade out after the honeymoon period, rather than shifting to a more substantial relationship? I'm letting this unfold naturally. If it fades out, it fades out. If it's a more substantial relationship, then it's a nice bonus.
smackie9 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 so I, being the emotionally mature woman that I am, have accepted this is what it is and continue to leave my options open until he steps up to the plate or I meet someone who I want to be with more than he. If this is what you are going to do, don't you think he should know?? Basically you should be discussing this with him, not us. Wouldn't it be fair to express your feelings about what is going on instead of assuming?? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I am very into him and do not want to date others, but he does not have the emotional bandwidth for a relationship right now with his health issues (nor do I think he EVER had the capability to be in a long-term relationship…look at his dating history) so I, being the emotionally mature woman that I am, have accepted this is what it is and continue to leave my options open until he steps up to the plate or I meet someone who I want to be with more than he. Well if you know this about him and that he'll never able to fully commit, why waste your time? I get that you're attached, like his company, enjoy the sex when it happens, etc.. But if he was going to commit he would have done it already. He probably just appreciates that a hot, fit, intelligent woman is keeping him company and is enjoying the ride while it lasts. 1
Gaeta Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 If this is what you are going to do, don't you think he should know?? Basically you should be discussing this with him, not us. Wouldn't it be fair to express your feelings about what is going on instead of assuming?? There is a thread of 26 pages where we tried to convince her to speak to him about their relationship and she refuses. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 [/b]I would not put pressure on this situation. You are likely at the "witching" point with him where he may be considering asking you to be his girlfriend. You could open a casual conversation with him to take the "temperature" of the relationship if you want by saying something like "I've been enjoying the time we've been spending together for the last 6 months (and site somethings about the relationship and him that you enjoy). I am looking for a long term committed relationship for myself out of my dating journey (don't say specifically with him)." And then, let him talk. This is non-pressuring and simply stating what you want for yourself in the long run. In addition, as for the decline in sex, yes, the honeymoon period is waning and on top of that he's got some physical issues. It's hard to say whether he's losing interest. How does he make you feel otherwise? I mean, is he showing you in other ways that his interest is still strong overall? I wouldn't mention this yet to him. Take the temperature of the relationship first and if he's in it for the long haul and wants to be bf/gf, then you can address that concern in terms of compatibility in the bedroom. Oh Redhead, you always give the BEST advice!! xoxox The decline in sex has only been the past ten days, but overall, there is much more connection and communication than raw sex. I didn't cook for him the first four months, and now I cook all the time (he was immobile in the past month and I felt really bad) and we share meals together and talk about family/friends, work, politics, economics, music… it's definitely much deeper than it was a few months ago. And we constantly surprise each other because he had no clue I knew so much about music and politics. And I had no clue how much he hated kids. I also think he is much more appreciative of me as a person instead of seeing me as a piece of younger ass because I stuck by his side after the surgery. He's said several times how happy he was, has made more effort to keep in touch by texting and upping the amount of dates in a week (I still don't initiate In fact I don't initiate at all unless I happen to be in his neighborhood.) I put a LOT of effort in to cooking, lug all of my expensive cookware with artisan ingredients (he is picky) and he is so grateful and happy every single time I do it, and it makes me happy. I leave the leftovers for him and he'll text me the next day how he's a pig and finished every bite. So yeah, I think he is more appreciative, but I also believe that is as deep as it's going to get. I do not believe he is capable of making me a priority, not because he doesn't like me, but because that is his nature and who he is. Selfish old man. My gut is also saying do not speak to him about a long-term commitment, but just enjoy our time together. I know what is going on in his life and he will not be able to give me what I want. We are both the type of people that get irritated when the other person places expectations on another… Yes. It has to come naturally with zero pressure, or it won't happen at all. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 There is a thread of 26 pages where we tried to convince her to speak to him about their relationship and she refuses. :laugh::laugh::laugh::D
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Never. Not once has he ever stopped my advances. Does that matter? Should I have thrown myself at him the other night? Of course, it matters. This whole thread could have been cut down actually if you had told us this part before If you're initiating and he's reciprocating, there isn't an issue at all. However, if he starts to decline advances on a regular basis AND doesn't initiate at all, that may be a signal that something has to be addressed. And, don't throw yourself at him when you know he's tired or not feeling well. Tenderly make it clear that you want to be intimate with him. Throwing yourself at him, may make him feel guilty or pressured if he doesn't feel like it. Doing it tenderly says I'd like this to happen, but I understand if you're not up to it right now. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 There is a thread of 26 pages where we tried to convince her to speak to him about their relationship and she refuses. I believe I have more leverage on this now than I did back then. I can see the bigger picture. Through time and experience and difficulties, we both appreciate each other way more than two months ago…and know each other on a different level. Time is a relationship's best friend. That, and managed expectations. Now I just need to know if he is losing interest and not sexually attracted to me anymore.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Of course, it matters. This whole thread could have been cut down actually if you had told us this part before If you're initiating and he's reciprocating, there isn't an issue at all. However, if he starts to decline advances on a regular basis AND doesn't initiate at all, that may be a signal that something has to be addressed. And, don't throw yourself at him when you know he's tired or not feeling well. Tenderly make it clear that you want to be intimate with him. Throwing yourself at him, may make him feel guilty or pressured if he doesn't feel like it. Doing it tenderly says I'd like this to happen, but I understand if you're not up to it right now. I'm going to have to give it time, since this just happened within the last few weeks. He hasn't had opportunity to turn down my advances recently because I haven't really made any. I've kind of left it in his court since he's the one with limitations, but still the decline worries me, esp. when he wanted it multiple times in one night previously. 1
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Excelent last post by Readhead. Thread over. You better stop making posts like that, or I'll have nothing left to say
Gaeta Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I believe I have more leverage on this now than I did back then. I can see the bigger picture. Through time and experience and difficulties, we both appreciate each other way more than two months ago…and know each other on a different level. Time is a relationship's best friend. That, and managed expectations. Now I just need to know if he is losing interest and not sexually attracted to me anymore. I am still recovering from the energy I've put in your last thread. I am not going there lol, my advice remain the same as last time. Put your cards on the table. 1
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 In terms of the relationship in general: Does he know you multidate? Does he multidate?
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 If this is what you are going to do, don't you think he should know?? Basically you should be discussing this with him, not us. Wouldn't it be fair to express your feelings about what is going on instead of assuming?? He knows. Six weeks into the relationship, he said, "Sweetie, it's none of my business if you want to see other people." It's six months later he has never brought it up again. Personally I think he forgot that whole thing happened, but we both have active profiles and until he takes his down, mine stays up and stays active.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 In terms of the relationship in general: Does he know you multidate? Does he multidate? I'm not sure to either one of those questions. He knew I did back in November but not sure what he forgot or ememberse now. He's been through so much in the last few months. We are sexually exclusive, though.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 I am still recovering from the energy I've put in your last thread. I am not going there lol, my advice remain the same as last time. Put your cards on the table. The cards are joker's wild and can change in a moment's notice.
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 He knows. Six weeks into the relationship, he said, "Sweetie, it's none of my business if you want to see other people." - What???? I'm sorry, but I don't like the sound of that. Personally I think he forgot that whole thing happened, but we both have active profiles and until he takes his down, mine stays up and stays active. - Define "active". Does he talk to people on there? Did he buy more time if it's a pay site? 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 But if he was going to commit he would have done it already. He probably just appreciates that a hot, fit, intelligent woman is keeping him company and is enjoying the ride while it lasts. Do you think he'll ever say, "Sweetie, it's over. We can't be doing this anymore. Good luck"???
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Do you think he'll ever say, "Sweetie, it's over. We can't be doing this anymore. Good luck"??? If he is content with the relationship the way it is, he won't say it's over. Why should he? Pumpkin, you've been revealing a little more about the type of relationship this is which is beyond the scope of your original post. What is it you want for yourself in the long run? Do you want a deeper, committed long-term relationship? And, what does he want. It sounds like it's just time for you to open that conversation and not wait for him to do it. You did say, basically, that you were content with the relationship "the way it is" too, but why is that? Do you just want to have someone/anyone in your life and are afraid to move on? You say you are free to date others and that was based on a comment you got from him earlier in the relationship. But do you know for sure now that he would be ok with that now? Someone else said too that there are 26 pages of posts that indicate that you are maybe avoiding the conversation/communication with him. It's weighing on you. Go ahead and clear the air once and for all. Be clear in your head about what you want and go out and get it if he isn't going to meet your needs. 2
clia Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 The decline in sex has only been the past ten days, but overall, there is much more connection and communication than raw sex. I didn't cook for him the first four months, and now I cook all the time (he was immobile in the past month and I felt really bad) and we share meals together and talk about family/friends, work, politics, economics, music… it's definitely much deeper than it was a few months ago. And we constantly surprise each other because he had no clue I knew so much about music and politics. And I had no clue how much he hated kids. I also think he is much more appreciative of me as a person instead of seeing me as a piece of younger ass because I stuck by his side after the surgery. He's said several times how happy he was, has made more effort to keep in touch by texting and upping the amount of dates in a week (I still don't initiate In fact I don't initiate at all unless I happen to be in his neighborhood.) I put a LOT of effort in to cooking, lug all of my expensive cookware with artisan ingredients (he is picky) and he is so grateful and happy every single time I do it, and it makes me happy. I leave the leftovers for him and he'll text me the next day how he's a pig and finished every bite. So yeah, I think he is more appreciative, but I also believe that is as deep as it's going to get. I do not believe he is capable of making me a priority, not because he doesn't like me, but because that is his nature and who he is. Selfish old man. My gut is also saying do not speak to him about a long-term commitment, but just enjoy our time together. I know what is going on in his life and he will not be able to give me what I want. We are both the type of people that get irritated when the other person places expectations on another… Yes. It has to come naturally with zero pressure, or it won't happen at all. He has no reason to ask you to be his girlfriend. You are already acting like it (lugging all your cookware to his house to cook for him?), and yet he still has the freedom to date other women and do what he wants. With no commitment one way or the other! Why would he give that up? Sounds like a great deal for him. As far as the decrease in sex, I think you are likely just seeing his true libido as the "honeymoon" period is wearing off. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Do you think he'll ever say, "Sweetie, it's over. We can't be doing this anymore. Good luck"??? Nope. He is waiting on you to either end it, or meet someone else. You always look at a person's actions. A guy that keeps it at once a week (twice a week every so often) for six months isn't thinking commitment. It's a shame too because you're putting in the effort. You keep yourself fit, you like wearing sexy outfits, you cook for him, etc.. If a woman was being such a good girl for me, I'd show my appreciation, Just saying.. 2
clia Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Do you think he'll ever say, "Sweetie, it's over. We can't be doing this anymore. Good luck"??? I think it is more likely that he will do a slow fade after he meets a woman who he wants to make his girlfriend. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 - What???? I'm sorry, but I don't like the sound of that. - Define "active". Does he talk to people on there? Did he buy more time if it's a pay site? I don't know if he bought time, but his profile goes active three to four times a week. Mine is active every day…and until he says something, mine will continue to be active every day. I have no idea if he is talking to people on there. If he's been consistently seeing me for six months, a partial invalid, sexually exclusive, texting close to every day, I find it difficult for him….. I think he might be chatting up or meeting people, but nothing more than that. It used to bother me but not too much anymore…he's in pain, older, not as cute as I am, and probably going to die sooner than I will, so as long as he's not sleeping with them, knock yourself out. We are not gf/bf so who am I to place demands on him?
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 It sounds like it's just time for you to open that conversation and not wait for him to do it. - I'm surprised she did not do this months ago. Based on what Pumpkin has said, I think this relationship is lack luster. I think she is doing exactly what she should at this point, multidating. Honestly, it's not as good as one would hope at this point. 2
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 I think it is more likely that he will do a slow fade after he meets a woman who he wants to make his girlfriend. Look at his history. Never been married. Longest relationship is three years, and that was over 20 years ago! All of his gfs last under one year. This is how he operates…but I wonder if it was the women who ended it with him or if he was the one who ended it. I'm just scared one day he'll say "Sweetie, we can't do this," and then I'll look like a sucker.
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