PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Dating a man for six months. See each other once a week, sometimes twice a week. We have sex every. single. time. Sometimes twice in one setting. The last few weeks we have been seeing other more frequently….every four to five days, and for the very first time, we didn't have sex. He said he was tired. Then we had sweaty crazy sex a few days later. Then the last time I saw him, he was feeling on my booty and smoothing my hair for about 1/2 hour. I was expecting him to go in for the kill, but then out of the blue he said, "Sweetie, I'm tired. Going to take painkiller and go to bed." I said, "Okay. Hope you feel better," hugged him and I left very hot and bothered and shocked and sad. Is he losing interest? What is happening? Also he is 15 years older and has some physical problems. I believe him when he says he's not feeling well, but it has never stopped him before, hence my concern. Thoughts?
Gaeta Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I was wondering about you ! ;-) I had a feeling you were not gonna stop dating the good doctor. So did he get his surgery? 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 He did!! (the first one in a series.)
elaine567 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Then the last time I saw him, he was feeling on my booty and smoothing my hair for about 1/2 hour. I was expecting him to go in for the kill, but then out of the blue he said, "Sweetie, I'm tired. Going to take painkiller and go to bed." I guess he was in pain.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 I guess he was in pain. We had sex seven days post-op where his pain was 50x more intense! I can't help but think he is losing interest. I guess I will just have to accept his explanation tho it doesn't really correlate with past experience.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Dating a man for six months. See each other once a week, sometimes twice a week. We have sex every. single. time. Sometimes twice in one setting. The last few weeks we have been seeing other more frequently….every four to five days, and for the very first time, we didn't have sex. He said he was tired. Then we had sweaty crazy sex a few days later. Then the last time I saw him, he was feeling on my booty and smoothing my hair for about 1/2 hour. I was expecting him to go in for the kill, but then out of the blue he said, "Sweetie, I'm tired. Going to take painkiller and go to bed." I said, "Okay. Hope you feel better," hugged him and I left very hot and bothered and shocked and sad. Is he losing interest? What is happening? Also he is 15 years older and has some physical problems. I believe him when he says he's not feeling well, but it has never stopped him before, hence my concern. Thoughts? Pumpkin, I must admit. I find it ironic that you'd date a man with physical/health problems. Health and fitness is such an important part of your life. Also, the 15 year age difference probably doesn't help either. At his age, it will only exasperate the issue. So even though you like his company, wouldn't you be better suited for a guy around your age that's healthy and has the same passion for fitness and clean living that you do? You could find a guy to be active with, do workouts with, have a regular and full sex life with, etc.. Just seems like a bit of a mismatch to be honest.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Do you ever initiate? Yes, I do, probably about 30 percent of the time. With him, it doesn't matter who initiates. If he wants something, he goes after it without keeping account of whose turn it is to initiate and when… (like I do. I keep track of every little thing on an Excel spreadsheet, like I'm a relationship accountant or something.)
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Is he on pain killers? Occasionally. Does that have an effect?
road Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Is he losing interest? What is happening? Also he is 15 years older and has some physical problems. I believe him when he says he's not feeling well, but it has never stopped him before, hence my concern. Thoughts? How old is he? What problems?
road Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 We had sex seven days post-op where his pain was 50x more intense! I can't help but think he is losing interest. I guess I will just have to accept his explanation tho it doesn't really correlate with past experience. Before he started dating you was he in a dry spell?
Minnie09 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Pumpkin, I must admit. I find it ironic that you'd date a man with physical/health problems. Health and fitness is such an important part of your life. Also, the 15 year age difference probably doesn't help either. At his age, it will only exasperate the issue. So even though you like his company, wouldn't you be better suited for a guy around your age that's healthy and has the same passion for fitness and clean living that you do? You could find a guy to be active with, do workouts with, have a regular and full sex life with, etc.. Just seems like a bit of a mismatch to be honest. I don't think the age difference matters at all. He's very active in his professional life and I think very successful. I think his lifestyle is okay and healthy enough. So what's the problem? Guys have sex and are horny until they are +80. As long as he can keep up with her and her lifestyle I don't see a problem with the age difference at all. And if she'd have a problem with it and if she weren't attracted to him, she wouldn't be involved with him in the first place. But OP: that would piss me off, if his sexual interest in me declined. Or if he got lazy in that department. I think it can be complacency on his part. He's never been M, right, and/or in an LTR......so maybe that's his pattern. Losing interest after getting involved more closely, and not being able to maintain the positive tension/interest.
Gaeta Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Occasionally. Does that have an effect? Absolutely, some antihistamines and anti-inflammatory drugs, muscles relaxants too
xxoo Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 (like I do. I keep track of every little thing on an Excel spreadsheet, like I'm a relationship accountant or something.) Seriously? I hope you're exaggerating! A slow down in sex from always to almost always is normal, and doesn't indicate losing interest. It indicates that the honeymoon period is beginning to wear down and the post-honeymoon period is beginning. Intimacy should be on the rise as passion dips. Passion needn't ever disappear, but it doesn't stay at honeymoon period levels forever. 4
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Pumpkin, I must admit. I find it ironic that you'd date a man with physical/health problems. Health and fitness is such an important part of your life. Also, the 15 year age difference probably doesn't help either. At his age, it will only exasperate the issue. So even though you like his company, wouldn't you be better suited for a guy around your age that's healthy and has the same passion for fitness and clean living that you do? You could find a guy to be active with, do workouts with, have a regular and full sex life with, etc.. Just seems like a bit of a mismatch to be honest. He eats healthier than I do..and fitness used to be a great part of his life before his accident. He's still in great shape, lean and no man boobs, but has pain/limitations. I know what I am getting into; that he is older and finicky, but he is smart and engaging, and I love spending time with him. We are sexually exclusive, but have not talked about being gf/bf, so I am free to date other men. I will go out on a date maybe once a month with others, but no one has captured my fancy as much as he has (yet). Until then, I am enjoying my time with him. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 I don't think the age difference matters at all. He's very active in his professional life and I think very successful. I think his lifestyle is okay and healthy enough. So what's the problem? Guys have sex and are horny until they are +80. As long as he can keep up with her and her lifestyle I don't see a problem with the age difference at all. And if she'd have a problem with it and if she weren't attracted to him, she wouldn't be involved with him in the first place. But OP: that would piss me off, if his sexual interest in me declined. Or if he got lazy in that department. I think it can be complacency on his part. He's never been M, right, and/or in an LTR......so maybe that's his pattern. Losing interest after getting involved more closely, and not being able to maintain the positive tension/interest. He is extremely successful but not active in his professional life at all anymore. Work has declined to about 70 percent as he's recovering and trying to decide what to do with this next phase of his life. And you are right…never been M and longest relationship was three years in his 30s. He has always been horny since I've known him. We have very compatible sex drives, until recently.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Before he started dating you was he in a dry spell? what is "dry spell"? I think he was seeing someone a few months prior to me. Is that what you mean?
fitnessfan365 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 He eats healthier than I do..and fitness used to be a great part of his life before his accident. He's still in great shape, lean and no man boobs, but has pain/limitations. I know what I am getting into; that he is older and finicky, but he is smart and engaging, and I love spending time with him. We are sexually exclusive, but have not talked about being gf/bf, so I am free to date other men. I will go out on a date maybe once a month with others, but no one has captured my fancy as much as he has (yet). Until then, I am enjoying my time with him. I don't doubt that you enjoy his company and like spending time with him. Also, the fact that you're so bothered you didn't have sex, means that he is rocking your body right. But let's be realistic for a second. If you're still in the frame of mind where you could date others after six months, how truly into him could you be? I mean if you actually wanted to be his GF, it would have happened by now. So the fact that you're still going out with other people makes it sound like he's keeping you busy until you meet someone else. 1
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Seriously? I hope you're exaggerating! A slow down in sex from always to almost always is normal, and doesn't indicate losing interest. It indicates that the honeymoon period is beginning to wear down and the post-honeymoon period is beginning. Intimacy should be on the rise as passion dips. Passion needn't ever disappear, but it doesn't stay at honeymoon period levels forever. Yes, I was exaggerating. I don't even know how to use Excel. Honestly, dating ONCE A WEEK, there never was a "honeymoon" period, so I feel gypped.
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Medications can shut someone down sexually. Have a discussion with him and let him talk to his doctor if you think that's the case. I don't take any medication normally, but did for a short time - it shut me down, I lost all desire. And I normally always have desire. It may also be, at least in part, because your frequency of seeing him has increased.... if he he thinks he will see you soon or tomorrow, he may not be as eager every night. Here is the really big question: Does he ever stop your advances? 3
central Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 If at 6 months he's not interested in sex all the time, and this can't be attributed to other factors such as the recent surgery you mention, then you may be seeing his baseline libido. It was masked by only seeing each other once or twice a week. Even low libido people can manage that in a NEW relationship, but can't sustain even that - and certainly have trouble increasing the frequency - as time goes on and the new relationship hormones wear off. If you're not happy with sex now, it's unlikely to get better unless there really are external confounding factors that will end soon. 1
xxoo Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 We are sexually exclusive, but have not talked about being gf/bf, so I am free to date other men. I will go out on a date maybe once a month with others, but no one has captured my fancy as much as he has (yet). Until then, I am enjoying my time with him. Are you thinking that this will fade out after the honeymoon period, rather than shifting to a more substantial relationship?
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 We are sexually exclusive, but have not talked about being gf/bf, so I am free to date other men. I will go out on a date maybe once a month with others, but no one has captured my fancy as much as he has (yet). Until then, I am enjoying my time with him. I would not put pressure on this situation. You are likely at the "witching" point with him where he may be considering asking you to be his girlfriend. You could open a casual conversation with him to take the "temperature" of the relationship if you want by saying something like "I've been enjoying the time we've been spending together for the last 6 months (and site somethings about the relationship and him that you enjoy). I am looking for a long term committed relationship for myself out of my dating journey (don't say specifically with him)." And then, let him talk. This is non-pressuring and simply stating what you want for yourself in the long run. In addition, as for the decline in sex, yes, the honeymoon period is waning and on top of that he's got some physical issues. It's hard to say whether he's losing interest. How does he make you feel otherwise? I mean, is he showing you in other ways that his interest is still strong overall? I wouldn't mention this yet to him. Take the temperature of the relationship first and if he's in it for the long haul and wants to be bf/gf, then you can address that concern in terms of compatibility in the bedroom.
Author PumpkinLumpkin Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 If you're still in the frame of mind where you could date others after six months, how truly into him could you be? I mean if you actually wanted to be his GF, it would have happened by now. So the fact that you're still going out with other people makes it sound like he's keeping you busy until you meet someone else. I am very into him and do not want to date others, but he does not have the emotional bandwidth for a relationship right now with his health issues (nor do I think he EVER had the capability to be in a long-term relationship…look at his dating history) so I, being the emotionally mature woman that I am, have accepted this is what it is and continue to leave my options open until he steps up to the plate or I meet someone who I want to be with more than he.
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