redwing7 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I'm almost positive my girlfriend of one week has reactive attachment disorder. This last week has been such a great week with her, we've hung out every day then Saturday comes along. She went four wheeling all day with an old guy friend.That night she texts me that she wants to be alone and is very depressed but is still texting me and is being extremely rude through text although I was there for her trying to help. The next day she acts as though nothing happened. We hangout and every time I tried to touch her she'd pull away, say "don't touch me," and sit somewhere else. She goes home and attacks me with these nasty messages based off rumors she heard that weren't even true. I go over to her house and we fight for a bit. She starts saying how she was angry that I showed someone our texts from the other night. I told her I only did that because I was worried for her life and didn't know what to do. She then said she almost took a whole bottle of pills the previous night and said "just in case you cared to know." She acts as though I don't care even though I've been there for her all last week. Then she kept going on about irrelevant stuff so I kissed her to shut her up. I told her I'd be there for her through whatever she's going through. Then she was happy and all touchy feely that night. She's done this thing where she play fights with me and bites, hits, slaps, and kicks me. I do it back (at a much gentler level than her) and she goes and tells people how mean I am and how I hit her. She then goes on to call me rude names and says all this is just fun and games. I don't know what happened. She seemed like my perfect girl for about 4 days. She acts like she's so sweet and caring but then she goes crazy. We were getting closer each day then it was as if she's pulling away. Should I run? What should I do? Thanks!
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I'm almost positive my girlfriend of one week has reactive attachment disorder. This last week has been such a great week with her, we've hung out every day then Saturday comes along. She went four wheeling all day with an old guy friend.That night she texts me that she wants to be alone and is very depressed but is still texting me and is being extremely rude through text although I was there for her trying to help. The next day she acts as though nothing happened. We hangout and every time I tried to touch her she'd pull away, say "don't touch me," and sit somewhere else. She goes home and attacks me with these nasty messages based off rumors she heard that weren't even true. I go over to her house and we fight for a bit. She starts saying how she was angry that I showed someone our texts from the other night. I told her I only did that because I was worried for her life and didn't know what to do. She then said she almost took a whole bottle of pills the previous night and said "just in case you cared to know." She acts as though I don't care even though I've been there for her all last week. Then she kept going on about irrelevant stuff so I kissed her to shut her up. I told her I'd be there for her through whatever she's going through. Then she was happy and all touchy feely that night. She's done this thing where she play fights with me and bites, hits, slaps, and kicks me. I do it back (at a much gentler level than her) and she goes and tells people how mean I am and how I hit her. She then goes on to call me rude names and says all this is just fun and games. I don't know what happened. She seemed like my perfect girl for about 4 days. She acts like she's so sweet and caring but then she goes crazy. We were getting closer each day then it was as if she's pulling away. Should I run? What should I do? Thanks! This is not reactive attachment disorder. RAD is a diagnosed in infancy and/or childhood. It is a childhood disorder first and morphs into something else at some point depending on circumstances. Did she have a dysfunctional mother/father or caregiver? What is her relationship with them now? Was she in the foster care system? This sounds more like Borderline Personality behavior or rapid cycling Bi-Polar disorder. It's hard to say though for sure. It's a difficult thing to try to have a stable relationship with someone who has either of these conditions especially if they aren't in counseling or on medication. Tread lightly here.
GemmaUK Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 It's been a week. Just run! Don't try to analyse her, just get away from her. 1
Author redwing7 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 This is not reactive attachment disorder. RAD is a diagnosed in infancy and/or childhood. It is a childhood disorder first and morphs into something else at some point depending on circumstances. Did she have a dysfunctional mother/father or caregiver? What is her relationship with them now? Was she in the foster care system? This sounds more like Borderline Personality behavior or rapid cycling Bi-Polar disorder. It's hard to say though for sure. It's a difficult thing to try to have a stable relationship with someone who has either of these conditions especially if they aren't in counseling or on medication. Tread lightly here. Whoops, I should have added more details. She was adopted as a baby and never quite got along with her adopted parents. She was kicked out at the age of 15 and told me her parents used to beat her and make her sleep on a cold garage floor. She is trying to make things right with her parents now and is trying to forgive them but having a hard time with that. She wasn't in foster care, she was adopted following a teen giving birth to her. Someone she's close to says he doesn't want her on medication so she's listening to his advice despite others recommending her to get on them. She hasn't done counseling either and won't because she says she doesn't like going to, or talking with anyone about her problems. It's frustrating because not too long ago she was the sweetest girl, now I'm not sure what to do. She has everything I look for in a girl but with this going on I'm thinking of ending our relationship and giving her time to work on herself and her problems and trying again in a year or so depending on where we are in life by then. I also need to mention that she hasn't been in a relationship for more than two weeks and she pushed her best friend away and dropped her insanely fast, like she didn't care/
casey.lives Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 you're spending too much time together, too soon. maybe she realizes this and becomes daunted.
clia Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 She has everything I look for in a girl but with this going on I'm thinking of ending our relationship and giving her time to work on herself and her problems and trying again in a year or so depending on where we are in life by then. I also need to mention that she hasn't been in a relationship for more than two weeks and she pushed her best friend away and dropped her insanely fast, like she didn't care/ So you are looking for a girl who: Is rude to you for no reason. Tells you not to touch her. Won't sit by you. Sends you nasty text messages. Threatens to commit suicide. Hits, slaps, and kicks you. Tells people you are mean to her and hit her. Calls you rude names. This is what you look for in a girl? I mean...dude....it's been a week and you've already seen her true colors. RUN as fast as you can away from this.
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Let's just say she has issues that make her not a good catch. You don't have to be a counselor, and diagnose the exact issue. All that's import is the issue makes her an undesirable partner. Mental problems can be a dealbreaker. For a happy and healthy relationship that can go the distance, she needs to be reasonably sane.
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Whoops, I should have added more details. She was adopted as a baby and never quite got along with her adopted parents. She was kicked out at the age of 15 and told me her parents used to beat her and make her sleep on a cold garage floor. She is trying to make things right with her parents now and is trying to forgive them but having a hard time with that. She wasn't in foster care, she was adopted following a teen giving birth to her. Someone she's close to says he doesn't want her on medication so she's listening to his advice despite others recommending her to get on them. She hasn't done counseling either and won't because she says she doesn't like going to, or talking with anyone about her problems. It's frustrating because not too long ago she was the sweetest girl, now I'm not sure what to do. She has everything I look for in a girl but with this going on I'm thinking of ending our relationship and giving her time to work on herself and her problems and trying again in a year or so depending on where we are in life by then. I also need to mention that she hasn't been in a relationship for more than two weeks and she pushed her best friend away and dropped her insanely fast, like she didn't care/ Yep, don't get involved with her. I asked the foster system question because as I said RAD starts in infancy/childhood and evolves over time. She does have an attachment disorder (not RAD now) and likely co-morbid conditions. If she can't or won't go to counseling because she doesn't like talking about her problems, the communication and conflict resolution skills will not support a health relationship. It's only been a week, cut your romantic ties with her now. If you try to help her, she will drop you as fast as she dropped her friend. She won't be able to develop healthy relationship with you.
Author redwing7 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 So you are looking for a girl who: Is rude to you for no reason. Tells you not to touch her. Won't sit by you. Sends you nasty text messages. Threatens to commit suicide. Hits, slaps, and kicks you. Tells people you are mean to her and hit her. Calls you rude names. This is what you look for in a girl? I mean...dude....it's been a week and you've already seen her true colors. RUN as fast as you can away from this. Lol. I meant from what I saw before all this started happening. She's got a tender heart, loves kids, is playful (until the violence became an annoyance), knows how to have fun, is very outgoing, very beautiful, etc. Do you think someone with problems such as hers can change if she's given time? Or will she just continue to get worse?
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Lol. I meant from what I saw before all this started happening. She's got a tender heart, loves kids, is playful (until the violence became an annoyance), knows how to have fun, is very outgoing, very beautiful, etc. Do you think someone with problems such as hers can change if she's given time? Or will she just continue to get worse? Without counseling and/or medication, both conditions do escalate as a person ages. The violence will be the crux of any issues later. The tender heart, playfulness, etc. and switching back and forth between that and a volatile nature will take it's toll. You would need a ton of patience.
clia Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Lol. I meant from what I saw before all this started happening. She's got a tender heart, loves kids, is playful (until the violence became an annoyance), knows how to have fun, is very outgoing, very beautiful, etc. Do you think someone with problems such as hers can change if she's given time? Or will she just continue to get worse? It's been a week and she's already shown you a very ugly side of herself. It won't get better.
Gary S Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Redhead, while we are on the subject of disorders... what is codependency? I met a lady who said she went to classes or a group for that? What's that all about?
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Redhead, while we are on the subject of disorders... what is codependency? I met a lady who said she went to classes or a group for that? What's that all about? Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior. It isn't always learned from examples in their lives though. Sometimes it just happens as a result of the fact that they have esteem issues as well and have skewed boundaries. Oftentimes, they will support an alcoholic husband/partner or drug user because they like them better when they are drunk or high and are more fun or easier to talk to, what have you and simply can't make the leap to leave. They often feel trapped in a relationship.
Mrin Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Lol. I meant from what I saw before all this started happening. She's got a tender heart, loves kids, is playful (until the violence became an annoyance), knows how to have fun, is very outgoing, very beautiful, etc. Do you think someone with problems such as hers can change if she's given time? Or will she just continue to get worse? Run. Do not look back. Do not try to save her. Those aren't just red flags, they're blaring red flags that are manifesting themselves due to an undiagnosed and untreated mental condition. Her road to recovery is long, steep, perilous, unpaved and fraught with danger. And she's not even on the road yet. There is nothing here for you except heartache and potentially much worse. This is coming from a guy who was in a relationship with a woman like this a long time ago. I had White Knight syndrome big time and the good times were great. But they grew increasingly few and far between and I found myself in a prison of my own making. Run.
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Redhead, while we are on the subject of disorders... what is codependency? I met a lady who said she went to classes or a group for that? What's that all about? Gary, I got bumped off the site but here's the rest of my explanation: They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior. The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 One week? Not worth it. It's not your job to fix her, counsel her, enable her. Get away from her. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Border line personality disorder maybe? 2
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