Nuno2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Hi When my girlfriend was married to another guy, she was unhappy, she didn't love him. So she fell in love by another guy. They used to meet each other secretly from time to time. Thenn tey broke up, and she had like 3 or 4 guys that she didn't love. She tells me that, since she was raped by her own father when she was a baby (accordind to a hipnose induced state conducted by a professional) she was like permissive and attracting that kind of men that"feel on her". So she says that she was not looking for sex, but she felt "pitty" for those guys, maybe also she was needing attention that her husband wasn't giving, he never said she was pretty, or being sweet to her. So she went to bed with this guys she didn't love, she says she didn't like the sex, she was not looking for sex, she says she was like caught and didn't react. All that background was making her "easy", maybe. She said she even didn't reach orgasm with them, and she also cried after one time, she felt dirty. After that period, she had another man she felt in love with, and again she was meeting him secretly. They broke up too. Later the marriage ended, and she went living with another men she loved a lot. So officially, this was her second men. They broke up after 4 4, 5 years, and 6 years later (she was 6 years without sex, she had a cancer and she was living a very spiritual life, with a lot of meditation and prayers) I showed up. We are now togheter for almost 5 years and we are going to ger married. The point is, I understand ans do I'm not jealous of the guys she loved, but sometimes, when she is not in the mood for sex, I have this thoughts: When she went to bed with those guys she didn't love, she knew what was going to happen, did they arrang a meeting? That makes me jealous because she never arranges "meetings" with me. In the morning she is never in the mood for sex. By lunch time it would be great to have sex, but she is allways more preocupied in having lunch, and after eating she doesn't want. In the night, many times she is too sleepy. So, most of the time, when we have sex it's by her own movbe, we have it when she want's it, not when I take the step. It's rare that she let's herself go with my mood. I mean, she doesn't go with my mood, but only when she is in the mood. Before it was more spontaneaus, we even had sex at the counter, with our store opened, just close to the door and the showcase. She said more than once that she is more relaxed with me, that she never had any men like me, and that she has more pleasure with me. She said she didn't play sexually with other's the way she plays with me. So I have this stupid jealous mind that thinks: with the others she felt pitty, she allow them. - that's ok, I understand, I don't want her to feel sorry for me. But, if she arranged a meeting with them, if it didn't just happened, she was knowing what was going to happen, so I supose she might be turned on when going to meet them. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore, she says that it brings pain to her, she dosen't want to remember. Why did she arranged a time for them, and with me we never arrange time. It just happens, we never arrange like,"this afternoon we close the shop and go downstairs", like in the beggining (we also camed at night and had sex on the florr, on tables... I think it would be better for me to get rid of those thoughts, but thinking that she knew what was going to happen, even without loving them, that she met them only for sex, thinking that she met them just for ****ing makes me frustrated, but she said that it just happened. Do you think I should try again to know if it just happened (Because she was beeing permissive), or it happened after an arrangement? This should be not important to me, the last one happened like 16 years ago. Thank you, and tell me how to make her bacame again that woman that had more sexual drive than me, we were quitte active and now we do it like one in 12 days or so.
preraph Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 What's wrong with a woman having sex because she wants to have sex? Nothing as long as she's careful not to get pregnant. What she did prior to you is none of your business. People have sex and young women often think they're going to find love each guy they have sex with and then it turns out they were just after sex. Young women are naive about that stuff. But even if she just didn't want to spend her youth abstaining from sex, what is wrong with that? I assume you have religious beliefs making you believe this is wrong, so maybe you need to find someone with those same beliefs instead.
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 This should be not important to me, the last one happened like 16 years ago. Exactly. This was 16 years ago, time to let it go. You spend more time thinking of it all than she probably does. Everybody has a past and I'm sure you do as well. It isn't fair to you nor to her for you to hang onto her sexual past partners and obsess about it. Maybe she shouldn't have gone into such detail about it with you but either way what counts is how she is now with you. Not her past.
Author Nuno2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Thank's, I need to ear something like that.
Author Nuno2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 This is kind of an obsession. It doesn't came everyday to my mind, only when we are having less physical contact. I'm not jealous of the 3 guys she loved, nor of her ex-husband. I'm jealous of the guys she didn't love. It's strange, even more when she says it was not for sex. It's an obsession: I want to know if it just happened (like you are feeling confort with a friend and then he makes the move, and she allows 'cause of her past, of her affective needs and of her permissiveness that might came from her past) - - that's what she told me - OR they where thightning the circle around her (she also told me that) and then she said "ok" and so they arranged to meet. That's the part where I feel unconfortable: she going to met them knowing they where going to have sex. I don't know if it was like this. And if it happened like this, she didn't told me with was like this. So, more than knowing stuff from the past, I want to know the she is telling me the truth. But I hurt her if I ask her again, she says "Why have I told you? What a mistake, I should not have told you". And I'm the only one who knows this, I could be a great guy, sayin' "it's ok, I have nothing to do with it, it's past", but I want the truth: "Were you turned on when going to met them?" "or you just let yourself go when they advanced?" - it happened to me once: I went to a friend's room, and we were talking and I started to kiss her, she said it was too soon, I said a couple of nice words, and she left herself go. She wasnt in love with me. Maybe the same happened to my future wife (we still haven't married). Or maybe she said "ok, let's meet", wich is diferent. I'm sorry for taking your time, but this "obsession" needs to be put out. It cames because now we only have sex when she is in the mood - when she is excited by herself, not when I make my moves, when I show her that I want. I have to wait for the time when she want's, I can't make her wanting. So the jealousy comes: "to the other guys she said ok", "with them she arranged time", "with them she let herself go", "with me, she makes me wait for a moment when she is needing". Truth is, he had a great, awesome sexual past, and still, when it happens, it's hot, very good, and she loves it.
understand50 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) My wife was secretive about her sexual past. She has a habit of letting me know that she was more worldly then me. This would happen when she met up with old friends, and such. Due to other issues, one of the things I insisted on was, honesty, and I asked her who she had slept with in HS. (we had know each other in HS, but were not a item) I was more curious then anything and it seemed everyone else was in on it. After much talking, she told me that she had one BF, and 2 ONS. The way she talked, I had always thought there was more. She asked me if I was Mad, I said no, this was before we were BF/GF, but I was not happy. My issue was honesty, every 2 or 3 years, she would talk about and hint about here wild time in HS, but she did not want to let me know what had really gone on. Be glad she shared this with you, some women will never be open. I think that is what maybe bothering you. It is one thing to know, but another to have it brought up from time to time. Does she bring it up? or do you? Your wife likes sex. Had sex with guys she did not love. What you should care about is, will she, is she, faithful in your marriage. That all I care about with my wife. Edited May 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Nuno2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 Thank you understand50. She doesn't bring it up. And she doesn't want me to bring it up. Maybe your wife is just refering to drinks, party, music, 2 ONS. Relax. Thanks once again.
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