NewfieEd Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Hi, just looking for some advice. I have been talking to this girl for a while, we finally hooked up last night and we both got chatting about things we have done in the past. She's 30 had a bf from 18-25 and was totally in love with him but he cheated on her and left. Sounds like since this happened she has never been able to get over it fully, she never cheated to this point. She told me she has had short relationships since, and has cheated in some of those and has hooked up with 2 married men. I'm 28, never been in any long term relationships over 6 months, I've been with a lot of girls but I never cheated on any of these short term girlfriends. She tells me she wants to settle down, find a guy and be happy. She seems really into me but I don't know if I should make the move to trying to start a relationship, I really like her but I don't want to start something and find out she is out messing around. What are your opinions ??
PegNosePete Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Ask her why she cheated, and what she has learned from that experience.
mammasita Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 When you say you've been talking and then "hooked up" you really mean you've been texting and then slept together? If you haven't been going out on dates and truly getting to know her I would consider her admissions during pillow talk red flags...especially if you haven't been truly dating. I mean in that case, you just literally wham bammed and thank you ma'am. IMO I can almost see cheating and hooking up with married men in the distant past forgivable because people mature and learn from their mistakes....This woman is 30 and choosing to do this now. Its as if she's regressing and re-living her youth and the time she lost being in a relationship with her ex.
Author NewfieEd Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Ok, so I met the girl through my cousin. It was a friend of his and he thought me and her would be good for each other. We have been talking, texting and sending pictures back and forth steadily for 6 months. She lives 1000 miles from me, so my brother lives close so I came to see my brother and to meet her. We were supposed to go for dinner yesterday but she has been sick all week. So she said she was feeling good enough for company. So I went to visit and after a little while we ended up sleeping together. I have been considering the move to here because my brother and his family are here but she doesn't really know that, I didn't want too come on too strong, so she just believes I am here for a week long vacation, which it will be for now. The cheating she kind of explained was mostly on her last bf of about a year, it seems like it was not a good relationship with him, they didn't get along and always fought, she said he still wants to be with her but she believes it's for convenience because she is a doctor. She also commented one with "people see my job and career as an easier life for them" so I think she is afraid she will get used for her money. She told me the last married guy was a year ago and that she was drunk, she said she did IT because she knew there would be no feelings from him.
PegNosePete Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 The cheating she kind of explained was mostly on her last bf of about a year, it seems like it was not a good relationship with him, they didn't get along and always fought, she said he still wants to be with her but she believes it's for convenience because she is a doctor. She also commented one with "people see my job and career as an easier life for them" so I think she is afraid she will get used for her money. She told me the last married guy was a year ago and that she was drunk, she said she did IT because she knew there would be no feelings from him. That is no explanation at all. By asking why she did it, what I mean is, why did she choose to cheat rather than ending her existing relationship first, like someone with good moral values would do. "Because I could get away with it" is the worst reason. And what she has learned from that experience. Has she grown as a person? Does she now have better communication skills? Would she now choose to discuss relationship problems rather than jumping into bed with another man? (Of course one would hope she tells you these things without prompting rather than you asking all those leading questions!!)
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