Boyfriend and I planning for school/moving?

[lilmiscassie92]

I am applying for my master's starting this July. The cycles for most schools open up in July/August; interview invitations for the program (occupational therapy) are sent out in December; interviews and acceptance letters are in December/January. My bf wants to pursue a career in industrial design, right now he has an associate's, but he had a decent job out here in Vegas that pays well.

 

We got into a huge fight yesterday because I wanted to talk about what were his plans for next year, which he doesn't "want to worry about" until I receive my acceptance letters. Well, he is interested in going to a school in Arizona. The thing is, he at first would need to quit his job and move to AZ to take a semester of classes next spring (Jan - May 2016) to "audition" for this program. This career is super competitive and isn't as in demand as many other professions; I'm not trying to knock it, but I was trying to suggest other alternatives than uprooting the stability we have here (apartment, we both have jobs that allow us to live comfortably etc). I told him it would be much less stressful if we just waited until I finished my master's then I would have a job paying 80-90k a year after graduation, and if we wanted to move I would be able to find a position that paid well. However, he doesn't want to wait because his step-mom offered to pay for his college tuition and he doesn't want to be 30 "with only a bachelor's" (he's 25 now). I'm not even sure if she would be willing to pay any of his other bills while he was in AZ.

 

I understand that he doesn't want to wait, but our lease goes up in November. I could afford the other half of the rent with my sub job now, and resign the lease while he moves for spring. I don't necessarily think long-distance relationships work out well, and I probably will be insecure about it. He has his insecure moments too, but he is being unrealistically positive (i.e. he believes he will be able to find a job in AZ that pays just as well and will live just as comfortably as he is here; btw, he has slightly more bills than I have). My apartment complex doesn't allow month-to-month from my understanding, and I wouldn't even know where I would be accepted to until January, so I would need to resign anyway.

 

I am going to be completely honest. I am having serious doubts about going into this profession. I'm not sure if it's because I'm done with school and just not sure if this is really what I want to do, but I'm burnt out with school, really want to go into healthcare, and this is a rewarding job in the healthcare industry that I did enjoy shadowing in. Everyone keeps telling me my doubts are normal; however, I'm not even sure I am passionate about moving to another state aside from Arizona or Nevada to pursue this career. I think I would rather reapply the following year to see if I get in. Which brings me to my next option. I could just move with him next spring, and see if I get accepted into one of the schools out there. However, there's a good chance HE may not get into the only program that offers his degree out there, in which case we would be struggling trying to find jobs along with the move. I don't like this idea; I think it's illogical, but he is betting on us moving and both getting in, which I know is not realistic considering how competitive these programs are.

 

My parents live out here in Las Vegas, but I had to move out last fall because I had enough of their mental and physical abuse. So I really don't want to move back home and deal with all of that even if I would have bills. I still have some internal issues from all of their **** that caused me to seek therapy. I could move in with a roommate, but I don't want to take the chance of losing our apartment here because it's less than 10 minutes from the occupational therapy program here in town! Plus, I have never lived with a roommate (before him I had a 1 bedroom on my own), and I don't have any friends I trust enough to live with. I am extremely introverted and spend a lot of studying and stuff alone, which no one I know is like that.

 

Any advice would be really appreciate, and I'm sorry this turned out to be so long! lol

[Els]

Honestly... in your mid 20s with no kids, I think both of you should not be sacrificing your career pathways in order to continue to live together. If you both end up getting offers in the same state, great, otherwise take your respective offers and make the living and LDR arrangements work. I mean, we're talking about a one-hour domestic flight costing ~$200 return (according to Google) and a Masters is only 1 year (unless you plan on going directly into a PhD). Surely you can make it work seeing each other every month or so for a year... and if you can't, I would question if the relationship is even worth sacrificing your or his career/education for at this stage in life.

 

That being said... Why does he ONLY want to apply to Arizona? Is his step-mom's offer of tuition only valid if he studies there? In situations like this usually both parties cast a wide net, with LDR being the fallback if and only if you can't get an overlap. One person insisting on one place with zero compromise while only the other person tries to accommodate is not a good sign in general.

 

Also... how long have the two of you been together?

[lilmiscassie92]

Honestly... in your mid 20s with no kids, I think both of you should not be sacrificing your career pathways in order to continue to live together. If you both end up getting offers in the same state, great, otherwise take your respective offers and make the living and LDR arrangements work. I mean, we're talking about a short domestic flight costing ~$200 return (according to Google) and a Masters is only 1 year (unless you plan on going directly into a PhD). Surely you can make it work seeing each other every month or so for a year... and if you can't, I would question if the relationship is even worth sacrificing your or his career/education for at this stage in life.

 

That being said... Why does he ONLY want to apply to Arizona? Is his step-mom's offer of tuition only valid if he studies there? In situations like this usually both parties cast a wide net, with LDR being the fallback if and only if you can't get an overlap. One person insisting on one place with zero compromise while only the other person tries to accommodate is not a good sign in general.

 

Also... how long have the two of you been together?

 

He's only looked at schools in neighboring states. There is only one program in Az, but there are a few in California which are much more expensive. Az would be the cheapest option. We have been living together for a little under a year and weren't dating long before that. We moved in early due to the abuse I was receiving at home. Everything worked out well though, and we have been very happy.

 

However, I am in a place with this path where if I was single and I didn't get into the program here in Vegas, I wouldn't be thrilled having to move to a neighboring state for this program. I have only been considering this career path for the last year (I was originally going to apply to med school), and sometimes I wonder if I'm pursuing it for the wrong reasons. I guess this is why I'm being more accommodating with the relationship. I have bad experiences in the past with long-distance only one state away, so I do have a negative attitude about LDRs.

[lilmiscassie92]

Honestly... in your mid 20s with no kids, I think both of you should not be sacrificing your career pathways in order to continue to live together. If you both end up getting offers in the same state, great, otherwise take your respective offers and make the living and LDR arrangements work. I mean, we're talking about a one-hour domestic flight costing ~$200 return (according to Google) and a Masters is only 1 year (unless you plan on going directly into a PhD). Surely you can make it work seeing each other every month or so for a year... and if you can't, I would question if the relationship is even worth sacrificing your or his career/education for at this stage in life.

 

That being said... Why does he ONLY want to apply to Arizona? Is his step-mom's offer of tuition only valid if he studies there? In situations like this usually both parties cast a wide net, with LDR being the fallback if and only if you can't get an overlap. One person insisting on one place with zero compromise while only the other person tries to accommodate is not a good sign in general.

 

Also... how long have the two of you been together?

 

Also, my master's is a 28-month program at most schools, but some are 3 years for occupational therapy.

[Els]

He's only looked at schools in neighboring states. There is only one program in Az, but there are a few in California which are much more expensive. Az would be the cheapest option. We have been living together for a little under a year and weren't dating long before that. We moved in early due to the abuse I was receiving at home. Everything worked out well though, and we have been very happy.

 

However, I am in a place with this path where if I was single and I didn't get into the program here in Vegas, I wouldn't be thrilled having to move to a neighboring state for this program. I have only been considering this career path for the last year (I was originally going to apply to med school), and sometimes I wonder if I'm pursuing it for the wrong reasons. I guess this is why I'm being more accommodating with the relationship.

 

Well... <1 year is a really short R to be putting your career on hold for. On the other hand, if you aren't sure what you want in your career, then it's certainly a good idea to put more thought into it before going into a Masters program. You might end up saddled with a lot of debt and a qualification that you don't even want to work with.

 

I suggest you take the R out of the equation and consider the options YOU would have thought best if you had been single. If one of those options coincides with not applying for the program, then don't apply.

 

I have bad experiences in the past with long-distance only one state away, so I do have a negative attitude about LDRs.

Do you think the problem lay only with the distance in that case?

 

Also, my master's is a 28-month program at most schools, but some are 3 years for occupational therapy.

 

Sorry about that - I'm unfamiliar with occupational therapy and things might be different in the US (I don't live there).

[lilmiscassie92]

Well... <1 year is a really short R to be putting your career on hold for. On the other hand, if you aren't sure what you want in your career, then it's certainly a good idea to put more thought into it before going into a Masters program. You might end up saddled with a lot of debt and a qualification that you don't even want to work with.

 

I suggest you take the R out of the equation and consider the options YOU would have thought best if you had been single. If one of those options coincides with not applying for the program, then don't apply.

 

 

 

Do you think the problem lay only with the distance in that case?

 

I think the problem is the fact that I'm unsure about this career path. I was so set on medical school, but I couldn't handle all the stress on top of the stuff at home I was dealing with. Plus, I didn't feel comfortable with getting into that much debt; I already stress about my loans from undergrad. I feel like that med school ship has already sailed and sunk for me; I am really burnt out and don't have the drive or passion to want to go back and finish my second bachelor's and then apply to med school. However, I sometimes feel like I'm "settling" because this is a career in healthcare that I would be a good candidate for, but I'm not sure if this is the right position for me. Healthcare is a big field with lots of options. We do talk about getting married, and I wouldn't want to throw all that out for a career I may not be happy with. Like you mentioned, I would be getting into about 120-130k of debt once it's all said and done, which would take me about 5 years to pay back, maybe less. I guess this is why I'm considering getting my teaching license out there in AZ for the time being and staying together while I pay off a bit of my undergrad loan and truly decide if occupational therapy is the right choice for me. Even before all of this talk came up, I was considering postponing applying this cycle and reflecting on everything.

[Els]

I think the problem is the fact that I'm unsure about this career path. I was so set on medical school, but I couldn't handle all the stress on top of the stuff at home I was dealing with. Plus, I didn't feel comfortable with getting into that much debt; I already stress about my loans from undergrad. I feel like that med school ship has already sailed and sunk for me; I am really burnt out and don't have the drive or passion to want to go back and finish my second bachelor's and then apply to med school. However, I sometimes feel like I'm "settling" because this is a career in healthcare that I would be a good candidate for, but I'm not sure if this is the right position for me. Healthcare is a big field with lots of options. We do talk about getting married, and I wouldn't want to throw all that out for a career I may not be happy with. Like you mentioned, I would be getting into about 120-130k of debt once it's all said and done, which would take me about 5 years to pay back, maybe less. I guess this is why I'm considering getting my teaching license out there in AZ for the time being and staying together while I pay off a bit of my undergrad loan and truly decide if occupational therapy is the right choice for me. Even before all of this talk came up, I was considering postponing applying this cycle and reflecting on everything.

 

I guess the final question you have to ask yourself is - if you two broke up after a year or two, would you regret your decision?

 

If you wouldn't, then it's likely a decision that is good for yourself regardless of the relationship. It sounds to me like it would be a good plan to pay off your undergrad loans first anyway, especially if you aren't sure what you want to do.

[preraph]

My advice is for you to be selfish here and do what is best for you. And as far as your career, you follow the one you have passion for. And I will just add that graduates get pumped up thinking they'll fall right into a high-paying job, but the three I know are still waitressing, unfortunately, and no one starts you out at that kind of money. But that's not important, because you'll make a living one way or the other. But choose the path that is your path that you believe you'll love, number one. And at your age, as others have said, with no kids, do what YOU need to do. If your bond is strong with him, you two will make it happen someday. Let him do what he needs to do so there's no future resentment that one of you held the other back. It's likely that once you find your niche in the career you love, that that is where you'll find your future husband, someone on a similar path. Good luck.