Meeting with ex's mom

[Sanosuke]

Hi,

 

I made a thread here already about me breaking up with my ex GF 1 month ago. I'm doing okay for the moment, some days better than other. But I convinced myself that she isn't really the one for me, since I was giving 100%, whereas it felt that she wasn't trying at all for some time, cheated on me etc...

 

 

Anyway, I kept NC during this month and intend to do so for the rest of my life..

 

The thing is now, me and her mom had a very strong bond. I could talk to her and it felt like she was one of the few persons in my life that was truely interested in me. Always asking questions about my work, my life and just a lot of general questions about me.

 

She gave me the feeling of a second mom, but kind of combined with a true friend, because she would never judge me on anything. Just gave me tips on how to do certain stuff. When I had certain problems, I always came to her first..

 

Last week was my birthday, and she said she still had a present she wanted to give to me. I think I'm going to meet with her. I don't consider this breaking NC, or should i :/? Because I am really not planning to ever contact my ex again, but I would just like to keep meeting with her mom for maybe once in 2 months just to talk.. because I had really grown very fond of this woman. (not in a sexual way to be clear ).

 

Is this wrong? Or should I just see her?

 

Thanks for reading.

[PegNosePete]

Whose side do you think her mother is going to be on? Do you think she'll be able to go for the whole meeting without mentioning her own daughter?

 

Yes it is wrong and it is breaking NC. When you split up with someone, you split up with their family too.

[Satu]

You can do what you like, but meeting with her mother will result in you breaking NC.

 

*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

[Sanosuke]

Guess you guys are right. Still doubting though what to do..

Maybe I can just meet with her one last time, even though it's breaking NC. I think I owe it to her,she would also like it very much.

 

If she starts about my ex I'll just say that it's too painful to talk about that.. I think she will respect that..

[diamondgirl]

it depends on your relationship with her mom. my ex and i split 7 months ago after 7 years and i still keep in contact with his mom. i keep my distance and never discuss the relationship with her but we've called each other on birthdays and she called when she heard about a new job offer i got.

 

i don't keep in touch with my ex anymore but i still talk to his mom and his sister. his sister was in 10 when we started dating and now 18 so she always thought of me as a big sister. we never discuss my ex but she reaches out to ask me advice and im always happy to hear from her. in my opinion it hasn't hindered my healing at all. i started dating my ex at 15 so i grew up in his house and always felt like part of his family. even though things didnt work out with us, i still love his parents and sister. if they spoke to me about the relationship im sure i would feel uncomfortable but neither of them have ever brought it up to me. i also always had a separate relationship with them and would shop, go to lunch, etc. without my ex there.

 

i haven't seen them in person though. i live about a half hour away now so wouldnt run into them and wouldnt make the trip to see them but im happy we've (respectful) kept in touch. he does not talk to my family but he was the dumper and probably thinks my parents hate him now (they don't). its all what you can handle emotionally. i waited about 3 months after the breakup until i felt i could talk to his mom.

[Sanosuke]

it depends on your relationship with her mom. my ex and i split 7 months ago after 7 years and i still keep in contact with his mom. i keep my distance and never discuss the relationship with her but we've called each other on birthdays and she called when she heard about a new job offer i got.

 

i don't keep in touch with my ex anymore but i still talk to his mom and his sister. his sister was in 10 when we started dating and now 18 so she always thought of me as a big sister. we never discuss my ex but she reaches out to ask me advice and im always happy to hear from her. in my opinion it hasn't hindered my healing at all. i started dating my ex at 15 so i grew up in his house and always felt like part of his family. even though things didnt work out with us, i still love his parents and sister. if they spoke to me about the relationship im sure i would feel uncomfortable but neither of them have ever brought it up to me. i also always had a separate relationship with them and would shop, go to lunch, etc. without my ex there.

 

i haven't seen them in person though. i live about a half hour away now so wouldnt run into them and wouldnt make the trip to see them but im happy we've (respectful) kept in touch. he does not talk to my family but he was the dumper and probably thinks my parents hate him now (they don't). its all what you can handle emotionally. i waited about 3 months after the breakup until i felt i could talk to his mom.

 

Thanks for that . I guess I'm going to wait until it's 2 months BU. I'll be ok then talking to her I think..

 

I also don't have the feeling that I can win my ex over by talking to her mom or something. I realize it's over forever this time. Because we already broke up in the past once. Then her mother convinced me it wasn't over yet, which was the case, because we got back together then..

 

But now she (mother) texted me already that she hopes that I'll be happy and that she knows I will find some girl out there that's right for me. This also made pretty clear to me that this time there's no getting back to my ex.

 

And it's all for the best really, because I don't think we would've lasted in the end, just hard because it's my first real love..

Somehow I also have this very frustrated feeling about it all, because she really loved me to death once, and it all seemed to slip away in a month..

[mightycpa]

Between this:

me and her mom had a very strong bond. Last week was my birthday, and she said she still had a present she wanted to give to me.

 

and this:

 

now she (mother) texted me already that she hopes that I'll be happy and that she knows I will find some girl out there that's right for me. This also made pretty clear to me that this time there's no getting back to my ex.

I think maybe the mom is ready to bang you, now that the daughter is out of the way. Stranger things have happened.

[Bohonia]

I think it's a bad idea. If she wants to give you something for your birthday she can mail it to you. Her daughter comes first not you. You cut ties from your ex you don't have a kid together there is no valid reason to keep a relationship with the mom.