THIS IS A LONG POST. It's been 4 months...

[NC123]

I'm going to try and write this the best I can because I have so many thoughts going through my head and I have a hard time clearly typing every thing out. Thank you for reading in advance to those who do! People that respond to this thread please reply back to my quotes!!

 

So 4 months ago, a girl I genuinely liked and I planned to smoke and go ice skating one night. It was the end of our college semester so it was a perfect time. I'm going to refer to her as A. So I was getting to know A alot and it was really cool because I felt like she was also trying to get to know me. I've never been in a relationship before so this was special to me and I thought we were headed that way. We went on a few dates before the day we planned to go ice skating but I wasn't sure if they were exactly dates. We confirmed this on the third date when everything happened. So the day came and we were supposed to smoke and go ice skating. Instead we ended up smoking and making out. It was a bit rushed but I didn't notice it as first. And it wasn't just a one night thing. The music and everything about that night was love and I know she felt it too. But let me keep typing. So we made out, and had a great night as we had dinner and just had a great time overall. It was my first kiss too. During dinner she asked me if I wanted to go to an arcade place the next day. I was beating around the bush I guess with my answer so I didn't respond properly as I was still high and usually the next day after smoking I get tired. I dropped her off home, kissed her goodnight and left. AND SHE LET ME. But this next day was different. I wasn't as tired as I thought I would be and I ended up texting and asking her if she still wanted to go to that place. She ended up responding back hours later with a yes and when I asked her if a specific time was ok she stopped responding to me. I gave it a day or two I can't remember and I texted her again asking her to hang out. Still no response. I waited a week texted her again. Still no response. I had no idea what was up. So I ended up not texting her for a really long time and just tried to forget about her but I couldn't! I've never felt the connection we had and it was hard for me to forget about her just like that. It had been 6 weeks since the night everything happened and I finally decided to text her. But wow were those 6 weeks the worst 6 weeks I had ever been through. And I wrote her an extremely long text talking about the things that happened that night and how I maybe went wrong at some points. I also told her how I felt. She finally responded and told me that when she got home that night she thought so much about what happened and she also thought that what we were getting ourselves into was wrong and that she was the idiot for not communicating with me. Lastly she also said how she's still like to see me and hang out with me. So the next day we met up and talked about what happened. At least that's what were supposed to do. Instead when we both saw each other we both forgot so much about what we were going to say. IF THAT"S NOT SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS. From what we did talk about, she told me that she has an anxiety and depression problem so that contributed to her not communicating with me but I'm still wondering how that does. She told me she liked me and if I wanted to go through with being bf and gf. (This is one part where I may have messed up) To this I MEANT to say "Yes I'd like that but let's take it slow" but instead I said "Let's take it slow" just that and I guess that comes off as a no somehow? But we ended up going to lunch. (Another part I might've messed up on) I didn't pay for her lunch thinking that since it was the first time after seeing each other in a while, I thought she'd want to pay for herself. I didn't know what I was thinking! But anyhow after lunch I dropped her back at her car in the parking garage where she parked. I tried to kiss her goodbye and she moved away and I asked her do you want to take it slower or something along the lines of that and she said yes. I thought this was normal at the time. We also talked about whether we were going to call or skype. AND she also told me to make her a playlist as the music we both listened to was a big thing between us, and so I started to make her the playlist. The same day she texted me first saying how she realized how much she actually missed me. We both texted back and forth for about 5 texts and she cut it off for some reason. The next day she did the exact same thing and I thought it was maybe something I said. So I texted her again to apologize. No response. I texted her the next day to hang out. No response. I had no idea what was up. Maybe she was overthinking everything or I have no idea. So the same night I texted her a long text saying how I wanted us to work out and that she shouldn't be ignoring me like this and other things. No response. Then lastly I sent one last long text (to which I regret) saying that if she doesn't want to respond to me or doesn't feel like it I'll stop talking to her and if there's anything she needs to tell me she should tell me now. Lastly I said I hope she has fun at her sister's wedding as it was coming up. No response.

I haven't communicated with her in 3 months and I have not been the same. I just don't know what to do with myself at times. It's a bit better than last month but it's still bad. I'm up till 2 am even 4 am thinking about what went wrong other than everything being rushed and why she said she liked me and left. Hell it's 2 am as I write this. Just like that she left. It's stupid. You don't tell someone you like them and stop talking to them unless you were playing with their feelings or something. I really wished we went ice skating instead of making out. I could've waited for that now that I'm thinking about it but I was so caught up with having my first kiss and having sex that I messed everything up even though we didn't have sex. And the music we listened to on that night my god. If you want to get a gisp of what music it was type in The Weeknd on youtube and listen to anything by him. He's my favorite artist. And now when I listen to anything by him even if it's new I just think of her. Hell anything I do I just think of her. I just think about all the thing's we could've been and things we could've done and we just would've had the time of our lives with each other. During these few weeks she had still been following me on instagram which I found the weirdest thing. But I kept going onto her profile to see if she was posting anything and I'd go on instagram so much. I got tired of it and I finally built up the courage to finally unfollow her. I did this because once I unfollow her I wouldn't be able to follow her back being that her profiles was on private and that she'd have to accept it first before anything happened and I wouldn't have to worry about seeing her posts. But the weirdest thing happened. Once I unfollowed her she immediately notice that I did and she unfollowed me too. She could've done this ages ago but she finally did it when I did. You can't really tell who unfollowed you unless you manually look at your followers and scroll through and I guess she noticed that I did and immediately unfollowed me too which is the weirdest thing. And on top of that she set her profile from private to public so everyone can see. Kinda weird idk. And I still sometimes go on her profile to see what she's posting but It's hard to refrain. I'm just not the same I can't explain it. I started writing a song about her that I have yet to finish if you can get a gisp of what I'm going through. I just need some advice on how to move on from all of this. I'm just so confused. So lost. I've never felt a connection with someone as I did and then just have that person leave. I don't know how to explain it. I cried so much during these past months it's unbelievable even to me. I feel so numb at times too now. When I talk to other women I just talk now. I don't pursue a love interest or anything like that. I cried twice again last week because I drove past the city where she lived and a hill where we made out. And I just miss her. I don't know how else to explain it. I still feel like texting her and saying things to her but I have to refrain from it. It's so hard again I can't explain this feeling of heartbreak. It's the worst heartbreak I've ever been through. While doing homework sometimes I doze off and stare at my wall for a few minutes just thinking about what happened and reliving the night over and over and over again. We weren't even in a relationship but I don't know why it's affected me as much as it has. i just can't move on and just thinking about her living her life and just forgetting about me makes me so sad and so so angry. Her being with someone else makes me want to punch my wall. She was just so ideal. I haven't come across her since but I feel like I see her everywhere at school. i want to pursue a career in music so I started taking up singing lessons and it's partly cause of her. I'm up at 2 am singing these Weeknd songs to myself even now. Please help and thank you for reading this to anyone that did.

[Twigyy]

Maybe she got a boyfriend. Maybe she just doesn't want to be with you. Maybe she doesn't want to be in a relationship. No one really knows what's happening. But if it has been 4 months and she didn't give you a single reply you should know that you need to move on. No one will make someone wait for 4 months. She probably didn't reply because she doesn't want to be in contact with you anymore. So give her the space that she wants, and also give yourself the respect that you deserve by moving on and stop waiting.

[Zetec]

Maybe she got a boyfriend. Maybe she just doesn't want to be with you. Maybe she doesn't want to be in a relationship. No one really knows what's happening. But if it has been 4 months and she didn't give you a single reply you should know that you need to move on. No one will make someone wait for 4 months. She probably didn't reply because she doesn't want to be in contact with you anymore. So give her the space that she wants, and also give yourself the respect that you deserve by moving on and stop waiting.

 

I think that Twiggy has answered your question there - 4 months with no reply is a sign that she really doesn't want to contact you. I know that sounds harsh, and is probably hard to accept, but for your sake you have to accept it, and now start to move on. Let go of her.

 

Good luck man, I know it's hard.

 

(A little tip for the future, please try and use paragraphs when writing really long posts. It is really hard to read a large block of text like that as it is.)