Krieger Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 All I can say is I am in the same boat still working a dead end job but can't afford to get a new job now. All the medical job I could get do not pay much and going from $19.85 an hour back to $12.00 is a big jump . I live by myself and pay for school out of pocket. That being said I know the feeling I use to work night crew it sucked but working days now. Most woman that have careers will not give a guy the time of day IMO .Why should she date a guy that has no goals or aspiration in life. I would not date a female that happy at a dead end job and tell me how much it sucks. I know going to college does not always land you a job but you have to take risk in life or it will pass you by and you wake up one day 40 years old and be like what the heck happened.
melissacus Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I would love to change certain aspects of myself. I would love to be charming, have an outgoing personality, be great at small talk and make people feel comfortable. I'm not saying I don't need to change. If I felt I didn't need to change I wouldn't be writing this rant. I just don't know where to start. How does a socially awkward person become not socially awkward? I agree that I don't have much direction, but again, how do you find direction? I would love to quit my job, travel the world, and take pictures. That would make me very happy but I can't afford to do that. As it stands now, my best option is to stay where I work so I can afford to live. There are tons of people who hate their jobs who have girlfriends and friends. I would guess most people don't like their jobs. You're right. I don't have much to offer aside from my "male parts" (and even they're pretty crappy) but I'm sure there are people with no jobs and no passion who find someone to date them. I may not have all my stuff together but I'm employed, pay my bills, and save which is more than I can say for a lot of guys out there who have little trouble dating. Why do women need a leader? Well, women don't need a leader, we desire them and find that mentality attractive. And there are tons of programs, certificates, degrees, you can get that will pretty much guarantee you a job IF you're willing to work hard to find one and get the best grade you can get. The only thing holding you back from a woman is your perspective and lack of life. I don't want to sound mean or harsh, but just from your posts you sound entirely apathetic and bored with yourself. That's your one and only problem, I promise. There are tons of guys with.terrible jobs. Even no job. No ambition, but they have a girlfriend. Swallow some passion, loosen up, and allow yourself to get out of your shell.
mortensorchid Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I know how you feel. I am 40, I have tried just about anything and everything possible to meet people, get out there and change things, put my face around, internet dating, etc. And what happens? Not much. I've had obnoxious men tell me what to do or find excuses as to why or why not. And they go out and find some other trashy woman to be with. Some say it's the type of man I go for, but that's not true. I've dated a variety of people, to be sure : white collar, college educated yuppies to blue collar, working class guys. And they don't want me because I have more than they do in terms of charisma, personality, sense of adventure, etc. They would rather have trash women because they want them to be able to boss around, take care of them, and provide them with damage control. Prospects grow dimmer as you get older, but honestly, that's life. Life is complicated. It's a very delicate balance between you and others out there in any kind of relationship. But you have to keep trying without getting bitter. And that's hard, no question. Keep trying.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 why is it more important for a man to have ambition than it is for a woman?
Krieger Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 why is it more important for a man to have ambition than it is for a woman? Men have allowed this to happen buy dating woman that work dead end jobs and lack ambition. I also said if your a man do not date a woman that has nothing to lose. Next do not date a woman that OK with working a dead end job when you have a career. I just wish woman will stop dating men that are not worth a dam and guys we all need to stop dating woman that are not worth a dam.
Dallers Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Keeps coming up about your job and they are dead right. You're misery at work also shows in every aspect of your life. From the working nights which limits interaction to the people you interact with and then your general mood about the job itself. You need to change it ASAP. I worked for a patronising pr*ck in a job which involved listening to people with serious mental health issues for 5 years and it nearly destroyed me. I was given a chance by my current manager and he literally saved me. I am now doing exactly what I want to be doing and it has completely changed me, my motivation and confidence are through the roof and it shows in other areas of my life. You must change your job and then watch everything else begin to change with it. Fix you first.
johndoe2 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) Edit: wrong thread, oops. Edited May 13, 2015 by johndoe2
johndoe2 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Try drinking. Seriously. Perhaps it sounds like the advice Charlie Sheen would give, but it may well help you. When you're in a bar, drink. You will likely find you are less socially inhibited while somewhat intoxicated, making it perhaps easier to socialize and approach women. I think alcohol solves more problems than people give it credit for.
losangelena Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 OP, I think you'd do wise to dissuade yourself from the notion that everyone who's in a relationship is the opposite of you—outgoing, social, has an exciting and ambitious life—because that's not true, necessarily. Everyone exists on a continuum, and even those who reside on the more, shall we say, diminished end, can still find partners and get on with life. Even for more outgoing folks, meeting people and making friends can be hard. I don't know where you live, but I live in L.A., which can be incredibly isolating. Over the years, I've met some of my closest friends through the Internet. Specifically through the sites Flickr and Yelp. I used to be really into photography, so I'd post my photos, and through clicking on nearby tags, I began to notice several photographers who were local and took cool pictures. Eventually, we took our online interactions into real life, and our weekend photo shoots would turn into more regular meets, and over the years, I've become very good friends with some of them. Same with Yelp. I'm a foodie, and I met one of my very best friends on there because I noticed that a lot of our reviews were for places in the same area, and I asked him out for coffee one time. He's introduced me to a lot of his friends, and they're all now my friends. I didn't necessarily join those sites expecting to meet all these people, but it happened, and it's a great way to combine hobbies and social interactions. My brother is in a similar work situations, and it took him years to get a coworker he actually wanted to talk to, but he does now. Anyway, just some food for thought. Good luck!
Breezee Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Ever heard the saying, "Don't complain about things you're not willing to work hard to change"? You have to change to make change in your life. Thinking about it won't make it better, do something different to GET something different.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Keeps coming up about your job and they are dead right. You're misery at work also shows in every aspect of your life. From the working nights which limits interaction to the people you interact with and then your general mood about the job itself. You need to change it ASAP. I worked for a patronising pr*ck in a job which involved listening to people with serious mental health issues for 5 years and it nearly destroyed me. I was given a chance by my current manager and he literally saved me. I am now doing exactly what I want to be doing and it has completely changed me, my motivation and confidence are through the roof and it shows in other areas of my life. You must change your job and then watch everything else begin to change with it. Fix you first. sounds like the man has to be in a better position in life than the woman does in order for a relationship to happen
ZA Dater Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Try drinking. Seriously. Perhaps it sounds like the advice Charlie Sheen would give, but it may well help you. When you're in a bar, drink. You will likely find you are less socially inhibited while somewhat intoxicated, making it perhaps easier to socialize and approach women. I think alcohol solves more problems than people give it credit for. I wouldn't do this, I always marvel at societies need to drink in order to be social and equally I marvel at the way society shuns those who don't drink.
SheleftmeforMichael Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Take steps and practice at being social with people. Go and join something like meet up.com and find a social group or club that you find interest in and attend and practice meeting people and interacting with them. Join something like volunteermatch.org and find a cause or group that you feel is worthy of your attention and meet the and talk with those participating in the volunteering and those that you'll be serving. Practice being social, but first commit and want it just as much so you won't be stuck in the same rut you are in.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 So in general, in relationships, is the man expected to be in a better position in life than the woman is? Whether it is career and finances, self-esteem wise, lifestyle, etc.
Mjm1014 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 (edited) OP I was recently in the same boat..28, work with all men, tons of moving around so basically have no friends/no current pics for even dating sites. Don't lose hope. Keep at Tinder... I met a great girl about two weeks ago on there. Here's my suggestion and I'm just throwing this out there. The girl I'm seeing is really into hot yoga..she convinced me to go with her this morning for my first time, and all I can say is WOW! All the women there were in their late 20's, early/mid 30's, and it was a killer workout (hot yoga/sculpting). Out of 30 of us in the class there were even a few guys...Before today, there is no way you would find me in a class like that but I must say there would be tons of opportunity to meet women there. Dude. Try it. You won't have a clue what you're doing the first time, which actually is to your advantage because you can get them to help you. I'm telling you as stupid as it sounds, that workout will get you in great shape while you meet some really sexy women. Btw I did the yoga with free weights (95 degrees in there, no breaks, 60 min...I thought I was going to die) Hopefully it's a different suggestion for you! Edited May 14, 2015 by Mjm1014
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 OP I was recently in the same boat..28, work with all men, tons of moving around so basically have no friends/no current pics for even dating sites. Don't lose hope. Keep at Tinder... I met a great girl about two weeks ago on there. Here's my suggestion and I'm just throwing this out there. The girl I'm seeing is really into hot yoga..she convinced me to go with her this morning for my first time, and all I can say is WOW! All the women there were in their late 20's, early/mid 30's, and it was a killer workout (hot yoga/sculpting). Out of 30 of us in the class there were even a few guys...Before today, there is no way you would find me in a class like that but I must say there would be tons of opportunity to meet women there. Dude. Try it. You won't have a clue what you're doing the first time, which actually is to your advantage because you can get them to help you. I'm telling you as stupid as it sounds, that workout will get you in great shape while you meet some really sexy women. Btw I did the yoga with free weights (95 degrees in there, no breaks, 60 min...I thought I was going to die) Hopefully it's a different suggestion for you! I think the OP is implying he has never officially been in a relationship before, while you have before age 28
Breezee Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 So in general, in relationships, is the man expected to be in a better position in life than the woman is? Whether it is career and finances, self-esteem wise, lifestyle, etc. No. OP states that he hates his job, it's a night shift position and he works with older men. His roommates all have girlfriends so has no one to hang out with. The best way to resolve this is to make a change. Do something different to GET something different. Getting a "better position" doesn't necessarily have to mean more money, but rather something he will enjoy better. Something which will allow him to work with more varied types of people, some being closer to his age and some being female. As far as self-esteem, YES it does help that he has it! I wouldn't want to date someone who is not confident.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 No. OP states that he hates his job, it's a night shift position and he works with older men. His roommates all have girlfriends so has no one to hang out with. The best way to resolve this is to make a change. Do something different to GET something different. Getting a "better position" doesn't necessarily have to mean more money, but rather something he will enjoy better. Something which will allow him to work with more varied types of people, some being closer to his age and some being female. As far as self-esteem, YES it does help that he has it! I wouldn't want to date someone who is not confident. Ya that's the annoying part, us guys are expected to have high self-esteem and confidence if a girl wants to date us
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Its like its okay for women to seek validation from men but not the other way around, I don't like it because guys have feelings, emotions too, we are not robots or androids, its basically I don't like how guys are expected to be more mentally independent, and since we have to do the pursuing, it makes it feel like damned if you do, damned if you don't
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I would love to change certain aspects of myself. I would love to be charming, have an outgoing personality, be great at small talk and make people feel comfortable. I'm not saying I don't need to change. If I felt I didn't need to change I wouldn't be writing this rant. I just don't know where to start. How does a socially awkward person become not socially awkward? I agree that I don't have much direction, but again, how do you find direction? I would love to quit my job, travel the world, and take pictures. That would make me very happy but I can't afford to do that. As it stands now, my best option is to stay where I work so I can afford to live. There are tons of people who hate their jobs who have girlfriends and friends. I would guess most people don't like their jobs. You're right. I don't have much to offer aside from my "male parts" (and even they're pretty crappy) but I'm sure there are people with no jobs and no passion who find someone to date them. I may not have all my stuff together but I'm employed, pay my bills, and save which is more than I can say for a lot of guys out there who have little trouble dating. Why do women need a leader? not so sure about being unemployed, but I would imagine there are some guys out there that were able to get a girlfriend despite not being well-established yet.
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