My latest approach to OLD

[ZA Dater]

One of the things, (there are many) that I find frustrating about online dating is the fact people msg you and then never reply again.

 

Hence I decided to do this, yes its wrong, yes it wont win me a date but sometimes you just feel compelled to. Laugh at your own leisure.

 

Hello Miss ABC.

 

Hope you had a great weekend, mine was partially spent indulging in supercars, freezing half to death in cold sea water and having breakfast admiring some of the picturesque mountain range oh and I cycled around 45 km's.

 

Around about this time I am assuming (we know all about assumptions) you aren't too inclined to continue communicating with me.

 

No offense taken at all, I realised a long time ago these sites are like shops, you browse, perhaps pick up an item, decide its not as nice as you thought and then return it to the shelf.

 

I don't conform to what the supposed "dating" norm is, perhaps that is why at 30 I haven't dated and why any date is rare commodity.

 

In short I am candid and forthright/thoughtful. This monologue us unlikely to impress so and its not supposed to, just thought I would send it because...well I can.

 

Very Best wishes

[PogoStick]

Glad it makes you feel better. Not sure why it would though.

 

And "no offense taken"...but obviously you're offended or you wouldn't be writing that drivel in the first place.

 

Anyway, carry on.

[SawtoothMars]

One of the things, (there are many) that I find frustrating about online dating is the fact people msg you and then never reply again.

Hence I decided to do this, yes its wrong, yes it wont win me a date but sometimes you just feel compelled to. Laugh at your own leisure.

Hello Miss ABC.

Hope you had a great weekend, mine was partially spent indulging in supercars, freezing half to death in cold sea water and having breakfast admiring some of the picturesque mountain range oh and I cycled around 45 km's.

Around about this time I am assuming (we know all about assumptions) you aren't too inclined to continue communicating with me.

No offense taken at all, I realised a long time ago these sites are like shops, you browse, perhaps pick up an item, decide its not as nice as you thought and then return it to the shelf.

I don't conform to what the supposed "dating" norm is, perhaps that is why at 30 I haven't dated and why any date is rare commodity.

In short I am candid and forthright/thoughtful. This monologue us unlikely to impress so and its not supposed to, just thought I would send it because...well I can.

Very Best wishes

 

Take the bold portion out and rewrite your ending.

 

Listen... coming back to people hit you up at one point isn't a bad strategy. You already know they were interested at some point.

 

What you cannot do if you are in any way serious about being successful is put yourself down or proclaiming yourself to be a loser.

[ZA Dater]

Take the bold portion out and rewrite your ending.

 

Listen... coming back to people hit you up at one point isn't a bad strategy. You already know they were interested at some point.

 

What you cannot do if you are in any way serious about being successful is put yourself down or proclaiming yourself to be a loser.

 

I rather take the honest approach then swing some story which isn't true and ultimately the person will soon figure out I have not dating experience. Hence me being up front about it.

[fitnessfan365]

I get that you're trying to be sarcastic and call attention to the ironies of online dating. But all you're really doing is coming off like a bitter whiner. Why not just send her a quick 2-3 sentence email talking to her like a person?

 

What works for me usually is being direct respectfully about what attracted me physically, teasing her playfully about something from her profile, and asking her a follow up question. You don't have to over complicate it by using a gimmick. Just act like you're approaching her in real life.

[SawtoothMars]

I rather take the honest approach then swing some story which isn't true and ultimately the person will soon figure out I have not dating experience. Hence me being up front about it.

 

Look, if you want to create your own problems... then don't bitch about it later!

 

Every single person has positives and negatives. Only an idiot leads with all their negatives... pretending that it's in the interest of honesty.

[ZA Dater]

I get that you're trying to be sarcastic and call attention to the ironies of online dating. But all you're really doing is coming off like a bitter whiner. Why not just send her a quick 2-3 sentence email talking to her like a person?

 

What works for me usually is being direct respectfully about what attracted me physically, teasing her playfully about something from her profile, and asking her a follow up question. You don't have to over complicate it by using a gimmick. Just act like you're approaching her in real life.

 

All of that was the mail before which wasn't replied to, hence me sending this one.

 

At the end of the day this person is 34yo, no picture, apparently attractive but if she is so attractive why resort to OLD in the first place.

 

Hence my cynicism.

[Country_Girl]

Looks like a cut and paste message.

 

To be honest, I wouldn't reply. I only reply to inquiries in things I said in my profile.

[ZA Dater]

Looks like a cut and paste message.

 

To be honest, I wouldn't reply. I only reply to inquiries in things I said in my profile.

 

I did in the prior msg, she initiated conversation with me which was unusual and I replied based on her msg and her profile but got no reply in a week, saw the msg had been read and yip decided to send this reply.

[fitnessfan365]

All of that was the mail before which wasn't replied to, hence me sending this one.

 

At the end of the day this person is 34yo, no picture, apparently attractive but if she is so attractive why resort to OLD in the first place.

 

Hence my cynicism.

 

1) You're doing OLD. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

2) If you don't like the fact that she has no picture, why write to her?

 

3) Do you know how many HOT women don't get approached in real life? Guys assume she is taken, or that she's stuck up and too hard to talk to. The reality is that the amount of men who actually have the balls to approach women in real life is extremely small. I mean a guy that can actually hold eye contact with a woman, smile, and walk up and say "Hi" is ahead of the game these days. So with that said, all those hot women men are too afraid to talk to, have to get dates from somewhere.

 

The ironic thing though is that the majority of the guys they meet online, are the same socially awkward ones that won't approach them in the first place..LOL I used to hate the idea of online dating. But now, it's like a hot woman buffet and I'm able to use my real life skills to outshine all the online weirdos they're meeting. Haha

[ZA Dater]

1) You're doing OLD. Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

2) If you don't like the fact that she has no picture, why write to her?

 

3) Do you know how many HOT women don't get approached in real life? Guys assume she is taken, or that she's stuck up and too hard to talk to. The reality is that the amount of men who actually have the balls to approach women in real life is extremely small. I mean a guy that can actually hold eye contact with a woman, smile, and walk up and say "Hi" is ahead of the game these days. So with that said, all those hot women men are too afraid to talk to, have to get dates from somewhere.

 

The ironic thing though is that the majority of the guys they meet online, are the same socially awkward ones that won't approach them in the first place..LOL I used to hate the idea of online dating. But now, it's like a hot woman buffet and I'm able to use my real life skills to outshine all the online weirdos they're meeting. Haha

 

You may or may not get what I am saying here but the standard of people on OLD platforms in SA is very low, its seen as being HIGHLY taboo here, hence the very small relatively speaking pool of people.

 

Here if you resort to OLD there is very clearly something wrong with you and I put myself into that category too.

 

As for the cold approach, simply cant do it or found a place where I can even attempt it. After my last experience personality trumps looks to an extent, so long as she is relatively slim then I am ok, but its personality which matters.

[PegNosePete]

it wont win me a date but sometimes you just feel compelled to.

You're right, it would probably get you an immediate "next" from anyone you send it to. I'm not sure why you would feel compelled to do that.

[ZA Dater]

You're right, it would probably get you an immediate "next" from anyone you send it to. I'm not sure why you would feel compelled to do that.

 

I have got the "next" anyway so may as well have the last word.

[Gary S]

As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that stalker thing working for ya?!"

[elaine567]

The equivalent in real life is, you just walked up to the girl and did this to her.

I am not sure of your point.

Make you feel better, I doubt it.

I see huge resentment here, you hate the fact that girls who you consider "desperate" on OLD are still rejecting you.

[Kamille]

 

 

 

In short I am candid and forthright/thoughtful. This monologue us unlikely to impress so and its not supposed to, just thought I would send it because...well I can.

 

 

*The monologue is ...

 

As far as "why won't you reply" messages go, this one is pretty mild.

I automatically block anyone who sends me one, but if it makes you feel better, at least you will be grammatically correct!

[Vintage79]

This is just weird - I don't get the point of sending that message. You claim it gives you the opportunity to get in the last word - which is likely true, as I don't think anyone would respond to that message with genuine interest - it just makes you come across as bitter and petty.

 

I don't subscribe to getting the last word in, but if you do, is the goal really to make people think you're a whiny, petty, bitter loser?

[ZA Dater]

This is just weird - I don't get the point of sending that message. You claim it gives you the opportunity to get in the last word - which is likely true, as I don't think anyone would respond to that message with genuine interest - it just makes you come across as bitter and petty.

 

I don't subscribe to getting the last word in, but if you do, is the goal really to make people think you're a whiny, petty, bitter loser?

 

I don't really give a .... what people think of me. If one has to worry about what people think of one then life will be a very worrisome experience indeed.

 

 

My point here is why bother sending me a witty message then not bother to reply when I reply.

 

 

Why not simply say "hi sorry I am not interested/found someone else" that would be more palatable than being ignored.

[normal person]

"If one has to worry about what people think of one then life will be a very worrisome experience indeed."

 

"Around about this time I am assuming (we know all about assumptions) you aren't too inclined to continue communicating with me."

 

I'm not sure if it's a South African dialect or something, but you type really formally. It sounds like you're a robot. It doesn't really exude much sex appeal. If I was a girl I wouldn't go out with you based on that alone. You sound mechanical. That could be your problem.

 

My point here is why bother sending me a witty message then not bother to reply when I reply.

 

Maybe they didn't like the content of your message, or maybe they were just being polite.

 

Why not simply say "hi sorry I am not interested/found someone else" that would be more palatable than being ignored.

 

Because they're under no obligation to do what's most palatable for you. People serve their own interests first, and if they don't want to take the effort to write you a polite rejection, they have that right. They probably assume you (like most people) can just take the hint and assume they aren't interested when they stop responding. It's a complete stranger, why do you care so much if they respond or not?

 

Sending some snarky message afterwards is a surefire way to make yourself look even worse after the fact and reaffirm her decision not to go out with you. The only way you can save face is to act unaffected by it, otherwise it makes you look desperate and pitiful. Your implied (I say "implied" because you should not message this to her) attitude should be "You don't want to talk? Ok, I'm not bothered. On to the next one." Instead you want to bleed it dry and ask "Why oh why won't you answer me?" It sounds pathetic and desperate. The idea of you that you want her to have is that you can go out with anyone else at the drop of that. You just sabotaged it.

 

Ex: I got talking to this girl online in November but we couldn't meet up because of conflicting schedules and whatnot. At one point we just stopped texting. Yesterday (5 months later!) she messages me and says she's sorry about the mix up and she's still down to go out. I guarantee she would not have reached out again had one of us sent some snide passive aggressive comment after we fell out of touch.

[Mrin]

Nothing wrong with taking a second swing. But you could just put:

 

Hello Miss ABC.

 

Hope you had a great weekend, mine was partially spent indulging in supercars, freezing half to death in cold sea water, having breakfast admiring some of the picturesque mountain range, cycling around 45 km's and saving orphans from a burning building.

 

Ping me back if you want to learn the one that I didn't do.

[ZA Dater]

I'm not sure if it's a South African dialect or something, but you type really formally. It sounds like you're a robot. It doesn't really exude much sex appeal. If I was a girl I wouldn't go out with you based on that alone. You sound mechanical. That could be your problem.

 

 

 

Maybe they didn't like the content of your message, or maybe they were just being polite.

 

 

 

Because they're under no obligation to do what's most palatable for you. People serve their own interests first, and if they don't want to take the effort to write you a polite rejection, they have that right. They probably assume you (like most people) can just take the hint and assume they aren't interested when they stop responding. It's a complete stranger, why do you care so much if they respond or not?

 

Sending some snarky message afterwards is a surefire way to make yourself look even worse after the fact and reaffirm her decision not to go out with you. The only way you can save face is to act unaffected by it, otherwise it makes you look desperate and pitiful. Your implied (I say "implied" because you should not message this to her) attitude should be "You don't want to talk? Ok, I'm not bothered. On to the next one." Instead you want to bleed it dry and ask "Why oh why won't you answer me?" It sounds pathetic and desperate. The idea of you that you want her to have is that you can go out with anyone else at the drop of that. You just sabotaged it.

 

Ex: I got talking to this girl online in November but we couldn't meet up because of conflicting schedules and whatnot. At one point we just stopped texting. Yesterday (5 months later!) she messages me and says she's sorry about the mix up and she's still down to go out. I guarantee she would not have reached out again had one of us sent some snide passive aggressive comment after we fell out of touch.

 

Some interesting points, thank you.

 

As for my formality, its just how I am. I appreciate good English and people who can speak and type good English, they are however quite rare, well in my experience anyway (at least in SA).

 

In all honesty I wasn't all the keen on this person to begin with but when someone does show some interest and people very seldom do show interest I thought "oh well why not lets see", 34 is too old for me.

 

Another fact worth stating is I am really tired of chasing, really I am, for me I liken OLD to the following scenario.

 

25 guys stand in a line, 3 females walk past, look at the entire line and then pick based on who can give me the best "sell". Yes, I recognize one needs to do some selling but it just becomes tiresome, especially when the 3 females (3 being a hypothetical number) are fairly unexceptional to begin with.

 

My issue is really that the last person I met (through mutual friend) was truly exceptional in every way, especially intellectually. I then go to OLD and find for the most part these people aren't attractive intellectually at all, never mind physically.

 

I will admit I sent that msg mostly through irritation because for me not replying is akin to leaving a date and no saying goodbye.

[joseb]

Maybe it's time for you to try something other than OLD.

[ZA Dater]

Maybe it's time for you to try something other than OLD.

 

Good point but the question really is what?

 

Tried speed dating once, didn't really enjoy it because for the most part the females there were nothing exceptional intellectually and all were just variations of the next in terms of interests.

 

Which sounds pretty damming but the reality is my particular taste has become more about seeking out the truly different, not the type who spends every weekend clubbing, a type with some class, unusual interests, outgoing, speaks well. A person who has a poor command of English is an instant turn off for me.

[Rko28]

a simple "I presume youve passed out with excitement at my last message" always works a treat for me.

 

Theres no point at all imo in coming across bitter, if they dont reply to the second one then no biggy, move on.

[Gaeta]

If you want to send a message to someone that has dropped communication why don't you try humor instead of bad taste sarcasm?

 

I get a lot of messages and sometimes it takes me a while to get back to a guy, not that I am not interested but because I got a life outside of POF. Sometimes I go in, read my messages, and reply later at night. It might give the impression I am not interested, it's not the case. If these men sent me a message like yours they would be discarded instantly, if they chose to send me funny reminder I would get back to them.