lostsoul6486 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 My ex has been on my mind quite a bit even though we broke up well over a year ago. I still think about her a lot even though I feel a lot better, but even just talking about her brings up a mixture of pain, anger, love, and hate. I've been NC with her for almost a year and I guess I just thought I would feel nothing by now, but I don't. I went out with a few of my friends and some other acquaintances tonight and she came up in conversation. One of the girls I don't know very well brought her up because she is apparently dating one of the girl's best friends and she doesn't like her for some reason. The conversation basically devolved into 10 minutes of everyone at the table trashing my ex and saying she's a bitch among other things. I felt so awkward. Some of these guys are my best friends and I had no idea they hated her that much. I just sat there and pulled out my phone to try to eject myself from the conversation. Thank God none of them mentioned she was my ex or idk what I would have done. Part of me was like, "Yeah, she sucks. She treated me like **** and I'm 90% sure she cheated on me." But the other part of me just felt sad. I know there is no excuse for cheating, but I know my ex better than anyone sitting at that table and I could say that she had a troubled past to say the least. I know she's a person who seems to be happy and together on the outside but she's broken on the inside. Even though I sometimes still get pissed off when I think about how it all went down, I don't fully blame her because she was not exactly brought up in the most stable of environments which messed her up a bit. She is the way that she is for a reason. I know that she wasn't good to me at all towards the end of our relationship, but I hate people trashing her like that because they know nothing. I don't want anything to do with her, yet things like this still bother me. Is that weird? I'm not the type of guy to talk **** about my exes so I'm not saying I should join in on the bashing, but why do I even care about it?
SheleftmeforMichael Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 My ex has been on my mind quite a bit even though we broke up well over a year ago. I still think about her a lot even though I feel a lot better, but even just talking about her brings up a mixture of pain, anger, love, and hate. I've been NC with her for almost a year and I guess I just thought I would feel nothing by now, but I don't. I went out with a few of my friends and some other acquaintances tonight and she came up in conversation. One of the girls I don't know very well brought her up because she is apparently dating one of the girl's best friends and she doesn't like her for some reason. The conversation basically devolved into 10 minutes of everyone at the table trashing my ex and saying she's a bitch among other things. I felt so awkward. Some of these guys are my best friends and I had no idea they hated her that much. I just sat there and pulled out my phone to try to eject myself from the conversation. Thank God none of them mentioned she was my ex or idk what I would have done. Part of me was like, "Yeah, she sucks. She treated me like **** and I'm 90% sure she cheated on me." But the other part of me just felt sad. I know there is no excuse for cheating, but I know my ex better than anyone sitting at that table and I could say that she had a troubled past to say the least. I know she's a person who seems to be happy and together on the outside but she's broken on the inside. Even though I sometimes still get pissed off when I think about how it all went down, I don't fully blame her because she was not exactly brought up in the most stable of environments which messed her up a bit. She is the way that she is for a reason. I know that she wasn't good to me at all towards the end of our relationship, but I hate people trashing her like that because they know nothing. I don't want anything to do with her, yet things like this still bother me. Is that weird? I'm not the type of guy to talk **** about my exes so I'm not saying I should join in on the bashing, but why do I even care about it? I don't think it's weird. It's normal. Despite the bad times of our past relationship and depending on how the relationship ended, we still remember/cherish the good times we had with our prior partner. We'll defend those times we shared with that person and even the person themselves (depending on how the relationship ended and how much we still care about them as a person and not a lover) because it brought us happiness/joy/bliss during that time of our life. It's residual emotional attachment left behind from the past relationship and it's fine to have just that. The way I look at my ex is different now compared to when we broke up. I don't hate her for what she did to me nor do I hate myself for what I did to her. I'll remember those moments we shared which brought me allot of happiness/joy and I try to put those memories first. But I will not forgot the bad times either, but instead I seek to learn from them now (lack of trust, lack of communication, lack of honesty, lack of openness) in preparation for my next serious relationship. So what I think you did was the right thing. No need to bash on her or join in it now as she's a different person from when you were with her. Keep the memories of the person she was...not the person she became at the end of the relationship/post breakup. How long was your relationship? Mine was 3 years.
Ruby65 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 You care because you do. In time, you'll care less. Looking at your past posts, it looks like she just sent you a breadcrumb text a few months ago and it sounded like this got your hopes up. So it's not surprising you're still feeling so emotional about her. You might try going complete NC -- which means, blocking her on your phone so she can't keep sending you manipulative texts. It also means blocking any other means she has of contacting you -- emails, online, everywhere. It might seem like a small detail, but this will do great things for your healing. And the next time her name comes up among your friends, there's nothing wrong with politely asking them to change the subject.
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