zoozle Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I recently got some new roommates whom i didnt know previously. One of them is well reserved and only concerned with business and the other is a more social/outgoing guy. So this all started when the tenant downstairs came to our door one afternoon to complain about the amount of noise she heard the previous night. The floors are very thin and she said that she could hear everything from walking to talking to the sex she heard the previous night. The tenant was very upset and mentioned that she heard people having sex and kept her up till 4 am. This was immediately concerning because my girlfriend was the only female over that night and i went to bed early and knocked out pretty hard. I later confirmed with her that was what she heard as i had to be certain i heard her correctly before saying anything to both my roommate and girlfriend. She said that she distinctly heard two people Man + Woman and the headboard knocking and moaning, but that they were also trying to keep it quiet. That morning (before the tenant came to complain) my girlfriend was very sad and no matter how much i tried to cheer her up she continued to want to start a fight about previous issues. We've had intimacy issues where she is unsatisfied in bed and constantly emasculates me by telling me so. In a previous fight i told her to literally find someone else because i was tired of hearing how i cant please her, i just didn't think that she would go ahead and do something like this. Ive had previous experiences where this has happened to me and have trust issues, and i try to set those aside and look at the facts. I didnt have any real proof like a condom or walking in on them so when i confronted both of them they both denied it. I tried to sit my girlfriend down and ask her calmly if that what i thought happened was indeed true and she flipped and stormed out and told my roommates what i was thinking before i could even confront them myself. I am torn between my gut/heart-head. I truely dont know what to believe!
mightycpa Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 You talked to the wrong person first. I don't know the living situation you're in. Is it possible the noises came from another unit? I would have talked to the roommates first, and asked them which one of them had the girl the night before. That said, it's certainly possible. You'll know soon enough if she did, because if you can't please her and he can, she'll be back for more. They have a common foe now... you. 2
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) Sorry because I know this has to gut wrenching for you. If there were no other females in your place that night, then by process of elimination you already know the truth. What's almost as bad as her cheating, is the emasculation you have suffered at the hands of your GF that you have previously been dealing with. You now have a couple of decision to make. 1. Pretend that she did not cheat and go on letting her emasculate you for "not satisfying" her. OR 2. Dump her and the douche roommate that screwed her, and move on with your life. Trust your gut, I believe you have your answers already. Edited April 20, 2015 by I_Give_Up67 1
Author zoozle Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 Please help! im really torn between my emotions because i broke up with my girlfriend because i thought she slept with my roommate while i was asleep. I live in fear that i may be wrong and what i may have done was a crazy irrational assumption that caused irreparable damage to our relationship. it would be down right emotional abuse and impossible to come back from. I say this because I ended up calling the cops and having my girlfriend removed from my house when she refused to leave and blocked the door and hit me. So this all started when the tenant downstairs came to our door one afternoon to complain about the amount of noise she heard the previous night. She was disgruntled and told us she was running on 4 hours of sleep because we kept her up all night. The floors are very thin and she said that she could hear everything from walking to talking to the sex she heard from the previous night. when she said this i was immediately concerned because my girlfriend was the only female over that night and i went to bed early and knocked out pretty hard while she stayed up to do homework. My roommates room is directly above the downstairs tennant and a short distance from mine, just across the kitchen. We didn't have sex that night but prior to this we would have sex often. I confronted the downstairs tenant and she told me that one of her roommates to the left of her was having sex that night and that she wanted to apologize for being rude the day before. i became relieved for a second thinking that she mustve just heard wrong. I put her on the spot and asked her if she was sure she heard sex from above and not just her roommate next to her. she confirmed that she distinctly heard two people a Man + Woman above her with the headboard knocking and moaning but that they were trying to be quiet.. The morning before this fiasco started my girlfriend was very sad and as much i tried to cheer her up she continued to want to start a fight about previous issues. We've had intimacy issues where she is unsatisfied in bed and constantly emasculates me by telling me so. In a previous fight i told her to literally find someone else because i was tired of hearing how i cant please her, i just didn't think that she would go ahead and do something like this. Ive had previous experiences where i have been cheated on and have trust issues due to those experiences. Im really trying to set those aside and look at the facts here but they dont look good for my girl. Shes lied to my face before about doing cocaine after a night of partying and coming to my house at 5 am. These roommates are new and i didnt know them previously. One of them is well reserved and only concerned with business and the other is a more social/outgoing guy. I didnt have any real proof like a condom or walking in on them so when i confronted both of them they both denied it. I tried to sit my girlfriend down and ask her calmly if that what i thought happened was indeed true and she flipped and stormed out and told my roommates what i was thinking before i could even confront them myself. I am torn between my gut/heart-head. I truely dont know what to believe or how to deal with this. Any advice would help at this point
Diezel Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 If you two were having intimacy issues to the point where you told her to go bang someone else, this relationship should have ended before any of this could have possibly happened. You two need to break up. 1
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) Please help! im really torn between my emotions because i broke up with my girlfriend because i thought she slept with my roommate while i was asleep. I live in fear that i may be wrong and what i may have done was a crazy irrational assumption that caused irreparable damage to our relationship. it would be down right emotional abuse and impossible to come back from. I say this because I ended up calling the cops and having my girlfriend removed from my house when she refused to leave and blocked the door and hit me. So this all started when the tenant downstairs came to our door one afternoon to complain about the amount of noise she heard the previous night. She was disgruntled and told us she was running on 4 hours of sleep because we kept her up all night. The floors are very thin and she said that she could hear everything from walking to talking to the sex she heard from the previous night. when she said this i was immediately concerned because my girlfriend was the only female over that night and i went to bed early and knocked out pretty hard while she stayed up to do homework. My roommates room is directly above the downstairs tennant and a short distance from mine, just across the kitchen. We didn't have sex that night but prior to this we would have sex often. I confronted the downstairs tenant and she told me that one of her roommates to the left of her was having sex that night and that she wanted to apologize for being rude the day before. i became relieved for a second thinking that she mustve just heard wrong. I put her on the spot and asked her if she was sure she heard sex from above and not just her roommate next to her. she confirmed that she distinctly heard two people a Man + Woman above her with the headboard knocking and moaning but that they were trying to be quiet.. The morning before this fiasco started my girlfriend was very sad and as much i tried to cheer her up she continued to want to start a fight about previous issues. We've had intimacy issues where she is unsatisfied in bed and constantly emasculates me by telling me so. In a previous fight i told her to literally find someone else because i was tired of hearing how i cant please her, i just didn't think that she would go ahead and do something like this. Ive had previous experiences where i have been cheated on and have trust issues due to those experiences. Im really trying to set those aside and look at the facts here but they dont look good for my girl. Shes lied to my face before about doing cocaine after a night of partying and coming to my house at 5 am. These roommates are new and i didnt know them previously. One of them is well reserved and only concerned with business and the other is a more social/outgoing guy. I didnt have any real proof like a condom or walking in on them so when i confronted both of them they both denied it. I tried to sit my girlfriend down and ask her calmly if that what i thought happened was indeed true and she flipped and stormed out and told my roommates what i was thinking before i could even confront them myself. I am torn between my gut/heart-head. I truely dont know what to believe or how to deal with this. Any advice would help at this point This newly added detail makes this even more confusing. First of all, where did your GF sleep that night after she stayed up working on her homework? Did she ever come get in bed with you at any point during the night or wee hours of the morning? How did this roommate behave around your GF before that night and vise versa? Was there ever any flirting or inappropriate behavior between the two? In your first post you never mentioned calling the police to have her removed from your apartment, you said she stormed out. Regardless, I'd say whether she cheated with the roommate or not, by calling the cops on her, I don't think she will ever forgive you for that. It may be best to just move on and let her go at this point. It truly does not sound like you had a healthy relationship even before the possible cheating and subsequent removal from the apartment. My recommendation is to learn from this and move on with your life. Never tell a woman to go "find someone else", then leave her up alone with your male roommates in the house. Edited April 20, 2015 by I_Give_Up67
Friskyone4u Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 You did the right thing by breaking up with her . Her reaction to your questions is very typical of what they do when confronted or caught . They get mad , accuse you of being crazy , and try to intimidate you into just letting it go. The fact is in most cases your gut is correct . If she was so innocent she would not have maintained the outraged demeanor. Now while I do suggest you cut her out of your life , if you have intimacy issues with another oartner get some help. The argument could be made that she did exactly what you told her to do and found someone else to have sex with , but I don't think you really meant it. In her mind she is probably justified because of what you said in anger to her but that is just crap. If you stay with her and she is not satisfied with you it will certainly happen again. 1
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