Annie767 Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 (edited) 6 months after the love of my life horrifically left me, I started to date a wonderful man. I had known him platonically for a few years. We've been together for well over a year now. He has children and I have always got on well with them. He's a wonderful father. I am the first partner whom he has introduced to his children to. Now there is a 15 year age gap between us but we are on the same wavelength in many ways. The only issue I saw was the fact that I also would like a family of my own one day. He had a vasectomy in the past but he explicitly said he would get it reversed if we were going somewhere. So I relaxed and we enjoyed our time together. He frequently tells me he wants me in his life forever and everything that will come with that. I love spending time with him and his children. And I'd hope we would live together soon. However I'm now feeling as if I've been mislead in some ways. Unfortunately recently I've been told due to a medical condition I'm better childbearing earlier in life. I just asked him if he'd consider getting the procedure reversed. Now he's not so sure. He's asked me if I'd consider adoption but I don't think that's fair at all. And to be honest I'm pretty devastated that he has to think about it after all he's said. He has children he created in love with his ex wife and I want the same. But now I feel like I'm going to drag him into it. Which is not fair on anyone. It will only lead to resentment won't it? I really don't know what to do. If he refuses and asks me to use a donor or adopt (he did mention) I don't think I can stay. It probably sounds selfish, I love his children but I want my own experience of it aswell. I don't think I can go through life without at least trying. I don't want to lose them, but I'm really hurting right now. I know people have the right to change their mind but I do feel misled. I have been 100 percent honest from the start. Have I been used? What is going on? People think that it's harder for the single parent dating but please spare a thought for us who get to know your children, care for them, laugh with them and then lose them. I really don't want to go through this again. Please help. Edited April 19, 2015 by Annie767
spiderowl Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 It's hard to know whether he did mislead you or if he has just changed his mind and it seems much harder for him to consider now, but either way he has broken the 'deal'. You would be entitled to leave on that basis. I do think it's very unfair on you because you have become emotionally involved with him and his children on a false premise really. If he was an honourable guy, he would stick to what he said without quibbling. Having said that, he is probably oblivious to the pain he is causing you, especially if he'd be OK about you using a donor. I can imagine you are not happy about being 'put out to tender' when that wasn't the original plan. I feel for you. I think you need some time to process this before deciding what to do, maybe talk it out with a counsellor. I am sorry you are going through this pain.
Recommended Posts