kismetkismet Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 This is kind of just a rant.. but looking for other people's experiences and perspectives My ex and I broke up 5 weeks ago.. he has deep rooted emotional/commitment issues, and I have anxiety issues and the two didn't go very well together. We had an amazing time together, had fantastic sex, and really loved each other. However after 1.5 yrs I couldn't deal with his flakiness and inability to make plans and goals for himself and/or for us... i walked out during a conversation that I felt was a breakup, and he felt was a conversation. Which i wasn't totally clear about until last night.. I had to get some things from his house and we'd finally both gotten around to doing that.. he had my things all throughout his house the whole time which he admitted was probably not very healthy for him and that he was avoiding dealing with it. At first we just started randomly chatting, and he eventually offered me a beer.. We sat there and talked about random stuff, laughing hysterically and joking, for about 2 hours. We measured our heights because he didn't believe that i'm the height i said... etc.. It was so comfortable, but also awkward and strange.. We finally got down to talking about things after that because we realized we were running out of time. we both ended up crying our eyes out.. him more than me.. I explained my line of thinking and he told me he still loved me but couldn't change.. the breakup has been harder on him it seems.. his friends are sick of hearing about me, he doesn't know how to explain why i left to everyone, he didn't leave his house or do his work for ages... He said he wished I didn't leave and.. all sorts of things. Which went on for another 2 hours.. Then he hugged me and we couldn't let go.. it was the saddest thing.. we were just like sobbing and hugging. We agreed we couldn't get back together, and I went to leave.. but when we were hugging at the car again we decided he should come with me. Soooo smart. 2 hours of sex and crying ensued.. In the morning. we lay in bed and chatted some more.. we just get along so goddamn well!! It's so HARD. And we both still love each other.. ughhg. He wanted to go to brunch, but i didn't think i could handle it (we actually joked around googling if brunch was the appropriate ex sex etiquette) so I dropped him off. We cried more, hugged more, and agreed it couldn't happen again. Over the course of the night i'd implied things had been going better for me since the breakup (we were in a lifestyle rut, which he is still in) and such and we decided we couldn't hang out. So what now.. I worry that I may have set myself back in the healing process, but at the same time i realize at least the conversation had to happen because I'd never explained to him thoroughly why I was leaving and he wasn't ready... I feel so drained.
ZiggyZoo Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 It sounded like this whole time he just wasn't getting it. Yeah, having sex with him wasn't the best idea, but if the conversation helped him to finally get it, and confirmed to you that you made the right decision. So maybe it wasn't all bad. I'd say just go NC from here. At least now you know you did your best to explain it to him, and you finally have your stuff back. His recovery is his thing, yours is yours.
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