Otter2569 Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 How would you feel if you were seriously dating someone and you occasionally found things the belonged to other women (shower products, lip stick and tampons) in your BF's place? This happened to me twice now and its a serious buzz kill. GF found things from other women and it resulted in serious and somewhat uncomfortable conversation. I've got nothing to hide and am not cheating on her. I honestly don't even know the stuff is here. I kept our house after my divorce so it could be several years old. I do know that I have some porn and sex toys in a box in the closet and I have to chuck that out ASAP...especially given my recent track record!
CarrieT Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Meh. When I started dating my now-husband, I knew when he got divorced he moved to an entirely new house and I *still* stumbled on things from his marriage. It is part of life and if someone gets their panties in a twist about it, they are thin-skinned. 4
Mrlonelyone Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Well that is just a sign of their history. They accept you and yours can you accept them and theirs?
preraph Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Well, I can be a b*tch, but I'd throw those things out and not say a word. If its not on his mind, her stuff, he'll never notice. If she is still in his life, then let those two do the fighting about what happened to her stuff. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted April 19, 2015 Author Posted April 19, 2015 Yeah, I don't really get it but apparently it creates some "trust / security issues". I got kind of pissy when she found a tampon while getting something out from under the sink and acted weird about it. I was like, WTF I've lived here for 18 years, 15 of them married...I dont know whats under the sink or on every shelf in every closet! Apparently I was supposed to recognize her feelings...who knew:o
Pinkdisney Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Yeah, I don't really get it but apparently it creates some "trust / security issues". I got kind of pissy when she found a tampon while getting something out from under the sink and acted weird about it. I was like, WTF I've lived here for 18 years, 15 of them married...I dont know whats under the sink or on every shelf in every closet! Apparently I was supposed to recognize her feelings...who knew:o I tend to overreact at times however even I don't think i'd overreact to this - it had to be fairly obvious this was not a newly placed item under the sink nor was it KY Jelly or sex toys. If she found bras and underwear of your EX-spouse or your former girlfriend I could see getting a tad bit upset....My BF's ex left a few boxes of crap and clothing/coats at my BF's house and he had boxed all of it up last year. I have to admit to you I knew it was all jammed in this one closet and nicely asked for it to be gone after the 2 yr dating mark and she came and they loaded it up and that was that.
MissBee Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 (edited) How would you feel if you were seriously dating someone and you occasionally found things the belonged to other women (shower products, lip stick and tampons) in your BF's place? This happened to me twice now and its a serious buzz kill. GF found things from other women and it resulted in serious and somewhat uncomfortable conversation. I've got nothing to hide and am not cheating on her. I honestly don't even know the stuff is here. I kept our house after my divorce so it could be several years old. I do know that I have some porn and sex toys in a box in the closet and I have to chuck that out ASAP...especially given my recent track record! It would be admittedly a little off putting but not the hugest of deals. However, why can't you just clean up your place and remove all items? That to me seems like the easy solution. I know I'm not the first woman a man has been with and I understand he might have stuff of his ex's at his house, but I'd prefer them to be out of sight and not like I go into his bathroom and there are tampons, makeup or in his room her underwear is still in his drawer and I find things belonging to her all over. I'm not a crazy jealous person but it is an awkward feeling to see traces of another in your man's space. My ex boyfriend left his razor, body wash, some bicycle parts and some socks at my place, I put them away. Well it was a good razor so I kept using it . But in any case, if a new guy found something of an old guy at my place I'd just kind of go through my stuff to make sure anything else is removed so it isn't awkward for him. Edited April 20, 2015 by MissBee 2
Author Otter2569 Posted April 20, 2015 Author Posted April 20, 2015 That was really the gist of the conversation - that it was an awkward reminder that someone else had been here before. Believe me, I am in sanitization mode now!
Toodaloo Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I keep finding stuff that my ex left behind all the time. I just chuck it out or if its useful put it where I can use it but it keeps cropping up. Don't worry about it just get rid as you find it. Nothing else you can do really.
PegNosePete Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Your issues can easily be solved with a good spring clean. 1
kjohn Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 This is not a big deal, given that a woman used to live in your home and your GF should know that. Just throw away whatever she finds and maybe consider doing a spring cleaning like somebody else suggested. There is no reason for your GF to get upset about this. I went through the same thing with my BF. He even had decor around his home that his ex had purchased when they were married. He's a guy....he doesn't think anything of these things. I didn't necessarily like them, but they were not worth getting upset over. That being said....when we both left our respective condos and moved into a house together last year you better believe that every single one of those items was donated to charity! Also, when I got divorced my ex took many things that were sentimental to our relationship, like a framed print of the hotel we stayed in for our honeymoon and other items we had purchased on vacations we took together. I didn't want any of it. He took it all and I wondered how he could look at that stuff and not think of me. I guess it's a guy/girl thing. I will admit though, I have wondered how his mistress-turned-wife would feel if he ever shared with her where all of those decor items around her home came from. I sure wouldn't want that stuff hanging on my walls if I were her.
mammasita Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 That was really the gist of the conversation - that it was an awkward reminder that someone else had been here before. Believe me, I am in sanitization mode now! I don't think you should have to....AT ALL! If she can't accept that fact that you had a life before her.....a married life in a home that she visits....then (not saying she is for sure because I don't know her) I would assume that someone is a crazy B.
leavesonautumn Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 My ex and I broke up in January of 2014, my current boyfriend and I have been together now for a few months. Now, I'm currently moving in to a new place and recently went through my drawers and stuff stored in my bathroom. I found my exes deodorant, some clothes, random things. I actually had no idea that any of that was there and threw it out as I found it. Sometimes our lives just continue on and the last thought we have is "I need to find everything and anything of my exes and get rid of it". I don't even think this is a guy thing, some people just don't think of every material item in their home as a connection to something or someone. If I had kept his deodorant next to mine, had his clothes hung up, then I'd understand why someone would be upset. My boyfriend pretty much left his ex-wife with all of their things and has nothing of theirs or hers but I'm sure if I found/saw something I wouldn't really care. They were together for 9 years, that's a long time to accumulate "stuff". However, if there was still lip stick on the counter or body wash in the shower I'd for sure have a WTF moment.
Davey L Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Ah i told her it must have been my former housemate's girlfriend.
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